Nappy time brought about FRM dreams related to the resistance point we discussed above.
What's happening right now, I think - the program's attempting to execute in full, fear comes up at this resistance point (at sometimes other points as well, but this one feels the most subborn), I experience some fear and physical pain in my right foot for a period of time and am a bit antsy and a wee bit angry, the pain subsides and the FRM kicks in - the negative emotions stop and I feel like a Golden God of Sex and Song - repeat the cycle several times per day.
Definitely the set of goals #2, as per the description, is kicking in because my morale is high and my self-confidence is gradually skyrocketing.
This is going to be easy compared to previous versions of DMSI, methinks. And I got some great results on them, but usually *just shy* of design goal. Let's make it happen!
Worst case scenario, I'm going to make progress during this run, then do AM7 Stage 0 healing and goodness, boot-camp style, and then revisit DMSI 5.1.
Had a great singing practice. What I've been looking to achieve consciously - more chest voice resonance, especially in really low and really high notes - came out naturally (a little bit like back on OSC). Now I gotta practice this in and make it a habit so that this occurs 100% of the time, so to do that I gotta analyze what is it exactly I'm doing on a physical/anatomiacal level.
Same with my speaking voice. I have a low basso voice no matter what, but this deep resonance kicks in and it becomes a literal head turner (whenever I open my mouth people are like WHAT?I?!?! :O
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There's a funky thing going on, which is probably a mix of DMSI 5.1 and the winding down of PTRA. It's like the damaged parts of me that have been made to feel dependent on my psycho family are against my developing MSI because, simply put, being a part of my psycho family *is not sexy*, haha. We'll get over it soon enough, no worries.
This is going to be a good issue to work on for AM7 Stage 0, though, but I've commited to a relaxing 3-month run of DMSI, so a relaxing 3-month run of DMSI 5.1 it shall be!
Had a very productive therapy session today.
I'm noticing that DMSI's FRM is working on fears related to what I call the Core Traumas, which are somehow related. Now, the internal conflict I'm getting on DMSI is that a part of me is ready to totally embody being a God of Sex and Song, without it being playacting, just what I am.
Then there's a damaged, wounded part that still feels like an abused little sonny and it gets incessantly triggered by familial interactions and mobbing, which brings back memories of school bullying.
I'm thinking it's a job for AM7 Stage 0. I'm really tempted to switch to it right now (as well as to give blow by blow feedback early on), but I did promise myself a leeeetle break from healing, heh.
I got some proper sleep in and I'm feeling much better. I think I've still got PTRA going on in my head (will probably continue for a week more, that's why I'm treating the first two weeks of this run as foreplay) and it's compunded a bit with DMSI's FRM.
I am getting DMSI-related dreams, but they're all also mixed with what I'd call "healing dreams".
I got a bit triggered yesterday in therapy and had to sleep it off, I guess. It can happen in psychonalaytic psychotherapy.
Back to my weight-losing ways. I ballooned up to 97,5 kgs during my last hospital stay, and now I'm down to 96 kgs according to the scales.
Having some fun doing Rule 4 stuff - I'm also using it to gear up for a four month Stage 0 run without DRS v2, so I'd like to set up some energetic defenses up in a similar vein, just using different methods, so I'll be working on that. I'm going into more details on it on a different forum that's devoted to such practices. I also start a blog as part of the practice (it's becoming part of my method, heheh. It's fun!)
Now I'm feeling pissed off. I think it's a "resistance" "I won't be able to resist executing the program" response. Up to now, the fear reactions had been short-lived and passed after a day or two each. So hopefully this one shall too.
Now, I feel physically tired due to all the working out and singing practice I've been doing, which is not helping me in being *not* grumpy.
Anyway, the way people are describing AM7 Stage 0 it's going to be a great program for me, so it's definitely next.
I am wondering whether Money Magnet 6G would be good for getting more singing gigs/voice work. I am comfortable financially right now, so it's not really about the money, but about stuff I'd enjoy doing professionally. So until we get USLM 6G, wondering whether MM would be a good stand-in.
You know what? I've decided to take a break from subs and then go for AM7 Stage 0 for at least one full run.
Gonna use my own tricks in lieu of DRS v2, hopefully they shall be sufficient enough.
Okay, gonna start a new journal come march.