Start Date: 7 Feb 2026
Instructions:
“Normal” PTSD, 1loop lasting 30min, US track listened on my iPhone at 11/16 volume.
Before this, I did a partial re-run of OGSF v3 6G, Hydrid track, but stopped at the 1 month mark, as I felt stuck. I know I should have taken a week break between subs, but I just had a strong impulse that I need to do PRA after a moment of frustration.
Note:
I do not consider myself to have PTSD, however I have a lot of traumas and fears, related to abandonment, self-worth, fear of speaking up. Also grew in a family where sometimes I was beaten, and my mother struggled with alcoholism.
Spent my last couple of years chasing validation from women through the form of sex, admiration, affection.
I have run several healing subs in the past, EPRHA, OGSF, some helped to a degree, but they didn’t lead to massive healing.
Day 1:
I listened to the track after I masturbated out of frustration and felt bad after.
My day after that became better. I was more at ease, became more proactive, went to the gym, socialised in the evening.
Day 2
I went to bed at 3am, so I listened to my 2nd loop just before going to bed. I had a very revealing and tense dream last night, almost nightmare-like.
The AI classified it as a trauma processing dream.
I will share below a snippet of the conversation I’ve had with Gemini.
My prompts:
Really weird dream last night. Occult like and with hidden forces maybe.
Many people I felt I could not trust, I would ask them questions but get vague answers.
I always had my guard up.
I was looking for things of mine, I could not find them. Then my car disappeared and people were avoiding in telling me, like there was some occult explanation
At the end of it my mother appeared we were in our home where I grew up. And asked her about where is my car, my stuff. In an angry way. I almost wanted to hit her, but held myself.
My sister appeared at some point too. And the rest of people were strangers.
My mother had problems with alcoholism when I was a child, it caused deep issues in lie family back then.
And my father sometimes would lay a hand on me, like hitting with s belt or giving me a palm hit. It was not often, overall he was a loving father but still.
How do you think it would shape my personality and what trauma? Would it be the cause I am more shy?
I felt a lot of shame due to my alcoholism mother.
Yes, I grew up always on guard to hide her drinks, her bottles or to hide it away if I found it.
One time I remember I was scared of danger like leaving the stove on all night and the gas was leaking.
I definitely felt this I blamed myself and was sad.
I remember where I had my birthday and other kids would come over, my mother started drinking too much and o was so ashamed that the other kids would see her..
And sometime my father would blame me or my sister on letting her drink
You understand now that her drinking was her choice, correct? The popular thing these days is to label alcoholism a "disease" and say that alcoholics are "helpless", but that's not the case. It is just as much a choice to drink as it is to stop drinking. The question is whether you make the choice with your emotional subconscious, or your logical conscious awareness. It is completely illogical to drink alcohol in an alcoholic manner.
It was her choice. But as I became an adult myself, I learned to understand that there was probably an underlying emotional component into her addiction. Though, I'm not aware what caused her to become like that, I've never asked her. As far as I know, we were a happy family until the point she has fallen into heavy drinking.
Day 3 (Monday)
Once again, I went to bed at 1am, and listened to the track before going to sleep. I had another dream in which indicates trauma processing.
Quote:Occult like dream again this night.
Saw a mystic and dangerous character who was known for horrible things like having a dark hole in chest, possible organ harvesting.
I felt I had to protect myself. And took a journey somewhere. To run from him? Not sure.
Can’t recall more.
Vague scenes about having my car fixed and hearing the mechanics talk about how he will proceed with it.
At the end, a guy friend appeared and invited me into a building, he mentioned the floor is partially destructed (or not finished), and my alarm and danger senses went up, but went along with him into the apartment and it was fine.
The AI interpreted it as progress from last night, because the first dream was about being stuck and helpless. This second dream was about movement, action, repair. It interpreted the mystic figure as being the addiction that haunted our family happiness. It also interpreted the machanics fixing my car as reclaiming agency and power
Be careful about relying too much on AI. It's very variable how good AI is at different things, across different AIs and what they were trained on, what tech they use, how many parameters they use and whatthe prompt is.
Today was a good day. I’ve felt an important shift in my behaviour, and it’s most likely coming from PRA. But let’s see if the shift remains consistent.
As the day went by, I’ve been feeling kind of low for no reason, and started caving into my coping mechanism (which is porn & masturbation). But eventually, I snapped out of it, didn’t go all the way to completion. And I stopped the shameful activity and started doing something else.
Also, in the evening I got tired as I got less sleep last night. Normally, this would cause me to just give up on my day, procrastinate, masturbate or just waste the evening/ night under the pretext that I am tired.
This time, I did something different. I got dressed, went out at the mall to meet up with a friend for some socialising and some tea. After that I hit the gym, had a killer workout. And at the end of the day, I feel much better emotionally.
Same pattern happened today. As yesterday. Was so close of “caving into the deep abyss”, but I snapped out of it again. This is clearly PRA magic.
No sub until then has been able to get rid of this coping mechanism for me and the associated emotions involved.
I might be turning a corner here.
I'm seeing some important changes. PRA feels like the most fast-acting and powerful sub/ experience that I've used.
interest in engaging in any form of coping mechanisms, to suppress my emotional wounds, is at a low. I've had very low desire to watch porn and such.
Also, this weekend I've been going out. And I've felt a shift in my inner state. I am much more centered, balanced emotionally. Confident. I experience less emotional suffering.
I feel lighter. Also have had more physical energy.
It's hard to articulate everything into words. But I guess this is what dissolving trauma feels like.
Was having conversations with a friend these past few days about the value of viewing dating/ relationships through the frame of attachment styles: secure, avoidant, anxious. And it explains a lot why avoidant types attract anxious types, and vice versa. Why there is a high level of attraction between them, but it's a toxic type of connection.
I've also reflected with my most significant ex-relationship. I am an avoidant type; she is anxious type. Viewing it through this lens explained almost everything between us, why it happened the way it happened. She was the first women that made me feel loved. She was very attached to me, but suffered a lot during our relationship.
Instead of offering her reassurance, safety and certainty over my emotions, I offered her the opposite.
Ultimately, both anxious and avoidant types are a result of trauma. Dissolving trauma should lean one closer towards becoming a secure type.
You might also find the fearful-avoidant (disorganized) attachment style interesting. Its less talked about because its less common, but its the most complex and severe insecure style
Its basically anxious + avoidant at the same time, wanting closeness but also feeling unsafe with it, which creates a push pull dynamic in relationships. It often develops when caregivers were experienced as both a source of comfort and fear
Some people with developmental trauma who think they are just avoidant or anxious end up relating to this once they learn about it
@
callie Yeah, that’s exactly how I would, or would have identified myself. Fearful avoidant.
I’m liking PRA a lot so far. I can’t put everything into words, but I can recognise that it's a sub like no other and it’s doing deep level healing.
I am becoming more centred, more balanced in my day to day life. I am better able to focus and concentrate at work.
Interest in porn/ masturbation continues to be low. I still peak from time to time, but I get bored more easily from it.
Also, I can tell that PRA has made me able to process aspects of my past relationship with the anxious woman. I get random moments of crying, memories flashing through my mind. It’s like I am in the state of processing and reaching a state of acceptance to what was. And it’s been more than 2 years since we formally broke up (but kept seeing each other infrequently in the period since then).
I am having a pleasant time on PTSD Rec. Aid 6G, I feel more balanced and healed than I have been in the last four years. This past week, I've been more outgoing. Also, I'm learning to enjoy the presence of a woman without always needing for sex to happen.
The night before I had another dream, which indicates possible trauma healing/ processing. I was seducing a woman in my room; she was very turned on and wanted me badly, we were engaging in foreplay. But I feared that my familiy and relatives in other other room would hear me, so I hesitated in getting straight to action. Which in turn, caused her to lose her mood/ desire.
Encountering some signs of resistance last couple of days. Falling into old habits or thought patterns.
Also, I've been having some sort of anxiety about the advancements of AI and LLMs and the consequences for software engineers. I am far from having enough financial security, and it's making me fear for my future.
I didn't grow up poor, on the contrary, we lived as a middle-income or upper-middle income family during my childhood years. But I have this survival fear inside me: what if I run out of money, what if I won't have money to buy food and survive?
I was a reckless spender until the age of 34, I would always end up spending all my money and didn't care about saving. It's only more recently that I started thinking more rationally and realistically about money, and started tracking my expenses.