(09-04-2023, 12:20 PM)ncbeareatingman Wrote: [ -> ] (09-03-2023, 11:05 PM)Chris P. Bacon Wrote: [ -> ]Some definite and large OGSF things have happened
3 nights ago I realized that a lot of my unwillingness to execute subs in general was due to a fear of bad leadership. I have had quite a few bad leaders growing up, as many have, and this really made me jaded toward leadership in general. Subliminals could be classified as a type of leader/ship as it is instructing me to do/execute something. I think part of me was very unwilling to fully execute subs due to this fear of leadership. That seems to be partially or fully resolved.
2 mornings ago I woke up to the fear of death and it was very paralyzing as I lay there in bed. My response to this is was bewildering, I began to think! The results of my processing of this fear led me to a conclusion that was very profound. I don't think I fear death anymore, or at least I am in the process of becoming okay with it because the conclusion of my thoughts was this "Death as we know it is just the cessation of the localization known as the physical body. Whenever the death happens we will cease to be local but we will continue on to whatever end and I know that after my physical body dies, I will live on and I will be okay.".
I'm more comfortable with death now.
today is my first day off. I'm curious to what will unfold.
Dang , Profound and you're right ! Love is FORVER therefore LIFE is too... Warrior of the Heart ,
Awesome progess man, facing "Da Dragons" !! - "Chris-poe" !!
Thanks Keith. You're still always quick to encourage. I can appreciate that.
I once unintentionally went out of my body while meditating so this concept should not be foreign to me, but fear has a way of narrowing your thoughts from seeing the bigger picture. To live as if death is ever-present would be a good antidote to fear, but the dose of reality is a big pill to swallow for some reason even with the knowledge that I am more than a physical body. I can thank OGSFv2 for reminding me.
I decided to let the off days unfold as they are and not comment on them until the end.
In my opinion, the off days are just as important as the on days. While on OGSFv2 it was hard to see what was going on. Almost like all of me was taken up with just absorbing the script, or the shield guarding the conscious mind from the subconscious mind is really strong in this sub. Either way, I just couldn't get a good read on what OGSFv2 was doing. On the off days, the work done is more apparent.
The first 2 days of were really hard. Once the subconscious mind was more available, some very VERY deep emotions rose up. I still don't have words for those emotions nor do I fully understand what was being processed. No amount of consolation to the subconscious helped. However, despite not having the ability to console the nonverbal parts of myself I did not feel powerless. This is where years of experiencing subs came in handy. If you're going through hell, keep going. While this form of erratic and depressing emotions swirled around, even to the point of robbing my body of some of its physical strength, I knew that it would break eventually. True to form, the emotions were a prelude to the breakthrough right behind them.
After falling asleep on the second day, the hardest day of the break, I woke up on the third day like the last 2 days were nothing but a dream. I woke up happy and a little relaxed, like I was on vacation and I finally got enough sleep to enjoy myself. The inertia from the days on pushed through whatever resistance to change my subconscious had and I STRONGLY suspect resolution, if not full resolution, of whatever guilt, shame, or fear was being worked on.
The resistance was difficult, but some of the old DMSI versions were worse for me in that regard.
For me the next part is the most exciting part.
The change feels natural and complete. Whatever was being worked on seems to be resolved and change feels like me. Not like some foreign body attempting to brute force change. No, change feels natural and acceptable. I cannot emphasize that enough so I won't even bother trying, but it's a big deal for me.
What does this look like in my everyday life?
I feel more relaxed. The low-grade anxiety following me around that touched every part of my life doesn't seem to be there anymore, or it's short-lived. I'm much less inclined to second guess myself and if I do, it is a short event that is quickly resolved as constant doubt is a wheel I don't want to spin anymore. It robs me of peace and energy that can be better spent elsewhere. I am much less likely to be affected by others or scenarios outside of myself. I used to gauge my sense of self-safety from the events surrounding me. This was done mostly in an unconscious manner and proved very hard to deal with. No amount of mindfulness or explaining was able to reach the part of me that deeply feared the events around me. That is a powerless way to live life and not very ideal.
I feel more like me again. Like when I was younger before all the cares of the past piled up until I became more something other than myself; afraid. Fear, guilt, and shame sap the life out of life and make you miserable and unable to bring the best out of yourself.
It hasn't been the easiest first cycle of a sub, but I think it's been the most productive.
Today is my first day on the 2nd cycle.
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