Another partial cycle. MacroDroid's bug hit each of the first two nights and I only got one loop each night. Made another simplification to the macro and got both loops the third night.
Finally got a good ASRB2 cycle in. Three nights, two loops per night, no errors of any kind.
And my wife and I both slept extremely well the last two of those nights.
Nice
Last rest night, my wife didn't sleep very well. And the first listen night of the new cycle, I didn't rest well. Thinking about cutting rest days from 3 to 2.
Another successful cycle. Both my wife and I slept much better the last two nights. I'll see how things go during the rest days. If either of us has trouble sleeping the third rest night, I'll drop a rest night after the next cycle.
As to the work of E5... I have realized that I have been experiencing a lot of resentment and frustration about some key events in my life. And al of that was aimed at myself. I have been angry and resentful toward myself for failing in those key life goals. I especially resent the time I spent pursuing those goals - close to half my adult life - with little to nothing to show for the time spent.
Having realized it, I see how much smaller it is now than it sued to be. Enough left to recognize, and enough that I've still been struggling with it. But it is weaker than in years past.
This run of E5 is gonna be amazing.
It's been a while.
Macro is running fine, according to the logs. Got a few good cycles in. Not noticing anything significant, other than an urge to either drop a rest day or add a a listening day. Adding a listening day would put me on a 7 day cycle, simplifying management.
I also have an urge to move from my tablet to my phone. I have my phone in my bedroom now to monitor my blood sugar overnight and wake me up if it goes dangerously low.
I am going to follow that last urge and change to using my phone. If the other urges continue, I'll see which one is strongest and adjust.
Been a couple of cycles. Finally changed from using my tablet to using my phone. MacroDroid is behaving itself, and the loops are running as scheduled.
Had an interesting experience yesterday. My best description of it is "waking dream". Nothing visual or auditory, just a sequence of thoughts so compelling that I had to follow them through - a daydream that drew me in. The overall situation was that of someone "haunting" or "stalking" me my whole life, across all of my interstate moves, and that they are still around. In this sequence of thoughts, I finally confronted them - violently, beating them almost to death, but leaving them to suffer as, it turned out, they had been making me suffer all that time.
Note that I was awake and interacting with "now" around me at the same time I was following this line of thought. It ended, and the rest of my day continued normally.
In thinking about it later, I have to wonder if that "stalker" is me. Or some part of me, that has self-sabotaged my whole life. I obviously cannot use physical violence against myself. But I don't need to allow any kind of self-sabotage to continue.
Damn. That's deep. Deeper than I thought I had anything at all.
Do not underestimate EHPRA. If you want to heal, EHPRA is your tool.
So I followed my instincts and added a listen day, so 4:3 now. Conscious motivation is that I don't have to edit the macro trigger to change listen days, as MacroDroid works on a Mo-Su week for scheduling. Let's see how it goes from here.
There's been nothing to comment on until yesterday.
Overnight the night before last, I had a moderate acid reflux attack. I suffer from chronic acid reflux, but OTC meds take care of it. That night, just before loops were scheduled to start, the acid surge hit. My sinuses began to drain to protectively coat my esophagus, which left me coughing on and off for the next several hours - until the loops had finished their scheduled run. I spent the next day extremely fatigued and feeling almost sick. Plenty of rest and food later and I'm fine.
That was listening day 4 of the cycle. The timing of the acid surge, etc. is highly suspect. But I've never had - noticed - subconscious resistance of that strength before. And I haven't noticed anything coming up from EHPRA working that would be of concern.
And sometimes, stuff just happens. I dunno.
OTOH, I can see changes in my wife. Not of the "overnight perfect" kind, of course; that's outside the scope of this or any other IML product. But she's both moving forward on some good things she's long delayed, and showing some outward resistance/regression on other things, as if she's rebelling against something.
It's been a while...
Loops are running consistently. The reflux has settled down, but I have been dealing with some upper respiratory congestion for over a week now.
I've had some quiet realizations over the last few weeks. One is that I have found firmer ground to forgive myself for the errors I made in my early adulthood. I see that I was trying to do what is right, especially after I had made some mistakes, but that I wasn't equipped for it. Family of origin, community of origin, culture of origin; all failed to equip me for adulthood. I'm still responsible for the choices I made, but I was fighting with one foot in a bucket of cement.
The other is a deep thankfulness for the family that I have now. I'll leave out details for the sake of privacy, but I was struck with an even deeper thankfulness for them than normal.
Yeah. EHPRA gets it done.
I've realized this week just how much I have come to be a peace with my past, even the most painful parts. The wrongs that were done were wrong, whether I did them or they were done to me. But because I can't change any of them, and I can't make up for them, I can move forward with those lessons learned. I have been, actually. And that's another new realization.
Been a while...
This second run has been a lot more subtle in effects. Gaining more peace with a lot of my past, seeing my confidence growing, having more spontaneous positive interactions with people, growing into my new role at work and feeling more comfortable in it... And I still have two months left to go.
EHPRA is definitely an "unsung hero" in the IML product line. I can't imagine what EHPRA vNext in new generation tech is going to be like.
No you can't.
Glad you're getting good results still. Generally with this title, the more you use it, the more refined and subtle the effects will get as you work through things and it becomes more polishing than grinding, if you will.
(09-05-2023, 01:59 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]No you can't.
I'd be up for beta testing, though!
(09-05-2023, 01:59 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Glad you're getting good results still. Generally with this title, the more you use it, the more refined and subtle the effects will get as you work through things and it becomes more polishing than grinding, if you will.
"...more polishing than grinding.." Very good description. My only lament is how many people overlook this title. I suspect that a lot of other titles would be more effective after at least one run of EHPRA.