06-12-2021, 01:15 PM
Eh, been a while and quite frankly I haven't been interested at all in writing a journal. However I realize that feed back is needed. So I'm mainly doing this for Shannon as I feel I owe him one for making this sub and the future subs he's going to make.
Quite frankly I feel like I'm nearly there. Speaking honestly I feel like 90 to 95% of all fears are gone. Its been one major transformation every week I think. Some more bigger than others but its transformation none the less. I see that all realities are possible and therefore I can choose whichever reality I want. All possibilities are open to me and I will not limit myself out of fear any longer.
I'm noticing more women are popping into my life out of student places and I'm talking to more women than I every had in my life. The funny thing is I'm the most unneedy I have ever been in my life as well. I might be interested in a women but I don't need her. If she's going to be more problems than she is worth then its bye bye. I actually got back in contact with that really hot, curvy Asian women I had talked about in one of my other threads (one that got deleted). Things are actually going really well this time due to be being a lot more developed and her not being in a very stressful situation like she was last time. We've been talking a lot and our connection is very deep. Probably going to end up marrying this one honestly as she is a keeper. She's fine with me being with other women but she isn't down for threesomes or anything like that. Kind of a shame but oh well she brings another value in other ways that make up for that in my opinion. I would say she is an 9 or 9.5 on the looks scale.
With more on that looks thing I might add that Shannon was right what he said a long time ago the more hot a women is the more crazy and/or more character flaws she has. Contrasting the chick I talked about with another chick I've been talking to long term who I would say is also a solid 9 oh man can she have this bad attitude when she doesn't get what she want or can have a bratty attitude. It only stopped recently (surprised I even had the patience to deal with it honestly but I feel like I've become a lot, lot more patient due to the subs) because I literally told her one more bad outburst for bad reasons and I will just wish her luck then block her. On top of that I literally showed her the other girls I was talking to pretty much say "See, you might think your this special snowflake in the world. You aren't, there's billions of other good looking women on the planet who I can choose from who not only look good but will treat me better than you. If you think your my only option and I should be worshipping you just for giving me the time of day you are dead wrong". After that her behavior basically did a 180 and she apologize for her behavior the last few weeks. I think this is what one might call "dread game" I guess though in my opinion I was just being honest lol. I think she's so used to dealing with "beta guys" who will just kiss her ass that she was just shocked and intrigued that she might have a guy who will tell her screw you and would leave lol.
Now what was the only difference between these women even though they were both essentially 9s? Lets call the first women Kath and the second one Jane. The main difference was Kath was born to a poor family that mostly farms, her family home was in the middle of no where (takes like an hour I think to get to the nearest mall), and she didn't even have any boyfriends until she was in community college in a major city much later on. Her parents were strict as well because her older sister had gotten pregnant all of a sudden at age 17, so her parents were strict about her being around boys pretty much (what few men there were in the hundreds of miles of farmland she lived around). She only had 3 boyfriends her whole life. She also was cooking since she was very young and is a INFP from her personality test results. Jane however was born and lived in a highly populated major city so had plenty of cucks willing to give her stuff for free and attention. Though she's only ever had one boyfriend before though that might also be because she's only 19 years old.
Moral of the story as a "general rule of thumb" the more hot she is the more crazy and/or character flaws she has "unless" she developed in circumstances that forced her to have to develop good character traits, etc.
Now on to other things I noticed for quite a while ,though I think I have it still to a degree now, that I had some kind of mental "training wheels" in regards to fear. I noticed majorly that there was some kind of "filter" for fear when it came do make decisions. Like if something made me afraid I would feel a certain part screaming out in my mind and/or feel my body respond with fear but I noticed the fear was being filtered out from even affecting the part of my mind when it came to making decisions. It felt like I would still feel the fear but the decision making part of my mind was unaffected by the fear and I was moving in a rational, logical way when it came decision making. It felt like autopilot really.
Very recently I also had this very interesting comprehension. Its hard to explain but its like a major part of my mind analyzed logically and came to understood the very "essence" of fear as it were. Its hard to say consciously but its like I just focused on that feeling and was able "feel" the essence of that emotion. After I realized that its like my mind just realized "This is the essence of it and after analyzing this I really don't need to particular emotion in my life. It seems to offer me nothing". That's when an extremely huge amount of the fear I had just dropped off the face of a cliff. Hence why I said at the beginning of this I would say 90 to 95% of the fears are gone. With that I now notice all the possibilities open to me and with that a lot more freedom. Its kind of hard to keep track of my thoughts now because with realizing all these possibilities are open to me, that everything is a probability point or line (i think that was a phrase Shannon used) I kind of have that "Kid in an Candy store" affect going on. Like I will be thinking of one subject then all of a sudden I start thinking or talking about something else just because its a new thought or something interesting that caught my attention rofl.
Along a similar subject I have come to the honest conclusion that as far as Archtypes I do believe my natural Archtype is that of the Mad scientist. eh, I don't see anything wrong in that either. I'm just the eccentric, curious person who doesn't believe in a lot of Societies BS really. I see most of it for the joke it is. Why should I obey such a mass of people who don't even care about what the truth is? A lot of times they don't even want to say or do things just because it will hurt someone's "fee fees" or someone will get "offend". Meh, they can fuck off with that nonsense. Psh the species that survives and thrives in the end is the one that moves and adapts with is really going on. The Species that dies and remains stagnate is the one too scared to deal with reality as is and is too concerned with how they "feel" about reality.
Another thing that has happened and I hope to not get too closely to rule 4 so I will just make this general. I do feel like I had an spiritual awakening to a degree. The first thing that unlocked this was finding myself really. Finding my true self among all the garbage this toxic society tried to tell me and becoming my own man. I feel like this is the most in connection I have been with masculine energy in my life. The second thing that started this was that deep understanding, which Shannon has touched upon before, that Change is the only real objective truth their is. With in realizing this I felt like I didn't want to fight change anymore. No I wanted to see it as my ally. I wanted to Not fight against it but fight with it. To move along side it, adapt to it, and change with it so that I might become even greater. There have been real life results because of this. I don't like just sitting in the house so I'm going to be going hiking on the weekends. I'm talking to more people more often. If I come across someone who isn't talkative or doesn't want to be social that's ok, that's their problem. Been getting more and more people wanting to talk to me or compliment me for some reason. There is no social anxiety whatsoever. Still working hard at times with my second bachelors degree in Computer science and just recently got a job for the summer that will help me out majorly after I finish the degree in the summer. I work for an official transportation company now but the funder and client for the project is one of Google's child companies. So with this job I will be able to get a lot of tech companies interest in me with that experience.
Lastly I guess I will mention one other thing. So generally scary movies or media reenactments of real life stories surrounding people's experience with paranormal stuff (ya know like a family moving into an actual haunted house). So generally depending on how scary the thing or situation is it might run ramp it in my mind for a few hours to a few days. Not really anymore. Now jump scares just annoy me and recently I was watching some stuff of real life people who moved into such houses and were terrorized. Its funny the idea of being in that situation used to scary me. Now? I just would get pissed in such a situation. Like what the hell is some ghost doing in my house trying to scare me? Funny I usually respond in my mind with "Yeah, try to do that and I will kick your ass", never mind how I would be able to physically kick the ass of a ghost but that is besides the point. It would just really annoy me and get me angry having to deal with that nonsense.
Anyway, I'm sure there's plenty of other stuff I missed but this is already a long post and I don't feel like thinking further to find more shit to write. If I remember something I will put it another post at a later date. Anyway, keep on trucking along people. Once you overcome fear life gets a lot better.
Quite frankly I feel like I'm nearly there. Speaking honestly I feel like 90 to 95% of all fears are gone. Its been one major transformation every week I think. Some more bigger than others but its transformation none the less. I see that all realities are possible and therefore I can choose whichever reality I want. All possibilities are open to me and I will not limit myself out of fear any longer.
I'm noticing more women are popping into my life out of student places and I'm talking to more women than I every had in my life. The funny thing is I'm the most unneedy I have ever been in my life as well. I might be interested in a women but I don't need her. If she's going to be more problems than she is worth then its bye bye. I actually got back in contact with that really hot, curvy Asian women I had talked about in one of my other threads (one that got deleted). Things are actually going really well this time due to be being a lot more developed and her not being in a very stressful situation like she was last time. We've been talking a lot and our connection is very deep. Probably going to end up marrying this one honestly as she is a keeper. She's fine with me being with other women but she isn't down for threesomes or anything like that. Kind of a shame but oh well she brings another value in other ways that make up for that in my opinion. I would say she is an 9 or 9.5 on the looks scale.
With more on that looks thing I might add that Shannon was right what he said a long time ago the more hot a women is the more crazy and/or more character flaws she has. Contrasting the chick I talked about with another chick I've been talking to long term who I would say is also a solid 9 oh man can she have this bad attitude when she doesn't get what she want or can have a bratty attitude. It only stopped recently (surprised I even had the patience to deal with it honestly but I feel like I've become a lot, lot more patient due to the subs) because I literally told her one more bad outburst for bad reasons and I will just wish her luck then block her. On top of that I literally showed her the other girls I was talking to pretty much say "See, you might think your this special snowflake in the world. You aren't, there's billions of other good looking women on the planet who I can choose from who not only look good but will treat me better than you. If you think your my only option and I should be worshipping you just for giving me the time of day you are dead wrong". After that her behavior basically did a 180 and she apologize for her behavior the last few weeks. I think this is what one might call "dread game" I guess though in my opinion I was just being honest lol. I think she's so used to dealing with "beta guys" who will just kiss her ass that she was just shocked and intrigued that she might have a guy who will tell her screw you and would leave lol.
Now what was the only difference between these women even though they were both essentially 9s? Lets call the first women Kath and the second one Jane. The main difference was Kath was born to a poor family that mostly farms, her family home was in the middle of no where (takes like an hour I think to get to the nearest mall), and she didn't even have any boyfriends until she was in community college in a major city much later on. Her parents were strict as well because her older sister had gotten pregnant all of a sudden at age 17, so her parents were strict about her being around boys pretty much (what few men there were in the hundreds of miles of farmland she lived around). She only had 3 boyfriends her whole life. She also was cooking since she was very young and is a INFP from her personality test results. Jane however was born and lived in a highly populated major city so had plenty of cucks willing to give her stuff for free and attention. Though she's only ever had one boyfriend before though that might also be because she's only 19 years old.
Moral of the story as a "general rule of thumb" the more hot she is the more crazy and/or character flaws she has "unless" she developed in circumstances that forced her to have to develop good character traits, etc.
Now on to other things I noticed for quite a while ,though I think I have it still to a degree now, that I had some kind of mental "training wheels" in regards to fear. I noticed majorly that there was some kind of "filter" for fear when it came do make decisions. Like if something made me afraid I would feel a certain part screaming out in my mind and/or feel my body respond with fear but I noticed the fear was being filtered out from even affecting the part of my mind when it came to making decisions. It felt like I would still feel the fear but the decision making part of my mind was unaffected by the fear and I was moving in a rational, logical way when it came decision making. It felt like autopilot really.
Very recently I also had this very interesting comprehension. Its hard to explain but its like a major part of my mind analyzed logically and came to understood the very "essence" of fear as it were. Its hard to say consciously but its like I just focused on that feeling and was able "feel" the essence of that emotion. After I realized that its like my mind just realized "This is the essence of it and after analyzing this I really don't need to particular emotion in my life. It seems to offer me nothing". That's when an extremely huge amount of the fear I had just dropped off the face of a cliff. Hence why I said at the beginning of this I would say 90 to 95% of the fears are gone. With that I now notice all the possibilities open to me and with that a lot more freedom. Its kind of hard to keep track of my thoughts now because with realizing all these possibilities are open to me, that everything is a probability point or line (i think that was a phrase Shannon used) I kind of have that "Kid in an Candy store" affect going on. Like I will be thinking of one subject then all of a sudden I start thinking or talking about something else just because its a new thought or something interesting that caught my attention rofl.
Along a similar subject I have come to the honest conclusion that as far as Archtypes I do believe my natural Archtype is that of the Mad scientist. eh, I don't see anything wrong in that either. I'm just the eccentric, curious person who doesn't believe in a lot of Societies BS really. I see most of it for the joke it is. Why should I obey such a mass of people who don't even care about what the truth is? A lot of times they don't even want to say or do things just because it will hurt someone's "fee fees" or someone will get "offend". Meh, they can fuck off with that nonsense. Psh the species that survives and thrives in the end is the one that moves and adapts with is really going on. The Species that dies and remains stagnate is the one too scared to deal with reality as is and is too concerned with how they "feel" about reality.
Another thing that has happened and I hope to not get too closely to rule 4 so I will just make this general. I do feel like I had an spiritual awakening to a degree. The first thing that unlocked this was finding myself really. Finding my true self among all the garbage this toxic society tried to tell me and becoming my own man. I feel like this is the most in connection I have been with masculine energy in my life. The second thing that started this was that deep understanding, which Shannon has touched upon before, that Change is the only real objective truth their is. With in realizing this I felt like I didn't want to fight change anymore. No I wanted to see it as my ally. I wanted to Not fight against it but fight with it. To move along side it, adapt to it, and change with it so that I might become even greater. There have been real life results because of this. I don't like just sitting in the house so I'm going to be going hiking on the weekends. I'm talking to more people more often. If I come across someone who isn't talkative or doesn't want to be social that's ok, that's their problem. Been getting more and more people wanting to talk to me or compliment me for some reason. There is no social anxiety whatsoever. Still working hard at times with my second bachelors degree in Computer science and just recently got a job for the summer that will help me out majorly after I finish the degree in the summer. I work for an official transportation company now but the funder and client for the project is one of Google's child companies. So with this job I will be able to get a lot of tech companies interest in me with that experience.
Lastly I guess I will mention one other thing. So generally scary movies or media reenactments of real life stories surrounding people's experience with paranormal stuff (ya know like a family moving into an actual haunted house). So generally depending on how scary the thing or situation is it might run ramp it in my mind for a few hours to a few days. Not really anymore. Now jump scares just annoy me and recently I was watching some stuff of real life people who moved into such houses and were terrorized. Its funny the idea of being in that situation used to scary me. Now? I just would get pissed in such a situation. Like what the hell is some ghost doing in my house trying to scare me? Funny I usually respond in my mind with "Yeah, try to do that and I will kick your ass", never mind how I would be able to physically kick the ass of a ghost but that is besides the point. It would just really annoy me and get me angry having to deal with that nonsense.
Anyway, I'm sure there's plenty of other stuff I missed but this is already a long post and I don't feel like thinking further to find more shit to write. If I remember something I will put it another post at a later date. Anyway, keep on trucking along people. Once you overcome fear life gets a lot better.