Been a tough day. I know this would't be all easy. Already on a sort of intense Up - Down pattern from Therapy, but the sub intensified that. The sub also seems to be getting me through it more quickly, because I'm identifying the real fears holding me back, which are like the glue holding my grief/anger/shame in place.
I cried about my ex today in session, and felt a strong "fear of never being loved again" that I haven't had access to in a long time. My relationship with my neck, face, and shoulders is shifting, and while not always totally relaxed I'm learning to release them in new ways.
Also I played the sub more than recommended, I definitely learned why Shannon says 3 loops.. dialing back to 3 loops and let's see how smooth it can be.
I also haven't had any urge to look at porn (unusual for me lately). Thus I have more energy and am getting more done, despite feeling a bit fried.
day 4:
made it through round 1 resistance, and dialed back the loops
-Very zen
-possibilities are opening up in my mind re: dating
-not hesitating to say hello to people
-people are responding to a sort of idgaf energy I'm giving off
-even though I can feel when my body gets tense, it doesn't seem to be interpreted as much as "fear" -- which seems to give me more freedom to do what I want/proceed forward with my tasks etc. Coming from daily panic this is life changing.
Edit: I should also add, it seems much easier to deal with my other feelings (which are still intense at times), as fear seems to be a kind of glue that holds them all in place.
Today was a very hard day, as far a resistance. I had a date, and there wasn't as much sexual chemistry as I would like, and it brought up a lot of self hatred etc.
Fear is way down, but all other emotions were way up. I think I was able to release a lot.
I appreciate fear being way down, my life is definitely different. But in the absence of major fear, it seems I'm faced with every other emotion in a very confronting way.
At least you won't fear confronting those emotions, right?
If you find them (your unpleasant emotions) still mightily present at the end of your OF run, consider running LTU6 or E4.
Very good point
Yeah, I mean before I think I was running away entirely. It feels different. but It's hard. I do notice a real willingness to confront it. The biggest change is my job. We are in the hardest time of the year, and I am not afraid at all. But I am having other emotions
. Anger is a real issue right now.
Maybe Ephra was actually more my sub, but I'm going to stick with this for a few more weeks and see where I'm at. It's amazing to be in a place where I'm not sabotaging myself out of fear... Even if it's difficult.
(03-25-2021, 07:02 AM)djl4 Wrote: [ -> ]Day 3
Woke up in a lot of resistance, did some breath work and reached a place where I felt relatively free from fear, and so I went outside to enjoy a coffee.
Like many of us, I've been mostly inside this year, so I'm trying to make a new effort to go outside at least once a day just to enjoy the spring weather. I had a nice time. I drank coffee, people watched, and worked on some music in my head.
I definitely felt significantly less fear in a totally general sense. A zen like freedom, enjoying my own company. The only thing in my way is a kind of strong expectation that women should be checking me out, or that I should be approaching, talking to them. This is really making me suffer at the moment. Some girls sat down next to me, and were looking over at me but I just didn't want to engage. It didn't seem to be a matter of fear for me in that moment. Another woman walked by that I was actually really interested in, but she didn't really give me any signals so I decided not to engage. So in the second instance it was perhaps fear of making a fool of myself. But I think since it's only Day 3 (lol) I need to be gentle around the topic of women and dating and perhaps just let the program do it's thing. My brain may be a bit confused from me switching from Woman Magnet Affirmations to the Fear Sub.
I don't like feeling so needy for attention from women, and I want to be able to live my life to the full and enjoy my own company. I still have a lot of fear that "I'm never going to figure out the secret to women" and that I need to DO something or I'll never get it. At some point this may be true, massive action may be required to achieve certain changes, but I think that mindset is actually getting in my way at this point in time.
In the absence of fear (or much less), I am noticing my other emotions more, most notably that I am lonely and a bit depressed. I don't think I could even feel it before because my panic was so strong. So I feel this burning need to rectify my situation, which is good, but patience is key.
I have to regulate my expectations, be honest with myself, and be patient. These are things that are difficult for me, but I have learned from therapy to some extent. The nature of the mind seems to be to lack appreciation for the major changes already happening, and moving on to suffering about what I don't have.
I have been thinking about how I can best allow the program to do it's work, and this is what I came up with. (My 5 commandments?).
1. Continue Reichian Breathwork
2. Go outside and explore, or socialize each day
3. Keep pushing for progress in both the little things (cleaning my house, organizing, working out, etc.) and the big things (my music, my job, my well being, etc.)
4. Avoid conflicting mind programming
5. Play the program as per instructions.
How is your social anxiety?
I am running E4 and have two two months left on my run. After that I will switch to OF V2. I have issue with social anxiety and fear in general. I feel like fear has held me back from a lot of opportunities earlier in my life.
(03-28-2021, 09:02 AM)THolt Wrote: [ -> ] (03-25-2021, 07:02 AM)djl4 Wrote: [ -> ]Day 3
Woke up in a lot of resistance, did some breath work and reached a place where I felt relatively free from fear, and so I went outside to enjoy a coffee.
Like many of us, I've been mostly inside this year, so I'm trying to make a new effort to go outside at least once a day just to enjoy the spring weather. I had a nice time. I drank coffee, people watched, and worked on some music in my head.
I definitely felt significantly less fear in a totally general sense. A zen like freedom, enjoying my own company. The only thing in my way is a kind of strong expectation that women should be checking me out, or that I should be approaching, talking to them. This is really making me suffer at the moment. Some girls sat down next to me, and were looking over at me but I just didn't want to engage. It didn't seem to be a matter of fear for me in that moment. Another woman walked by that I was actually really interested in, but she didn't really give me any signals so I decided not to engage. So in the second instance it was perhaps fear of making a fool of myself. But I think since it's only Day 3 (lol) I need to be gentle around the topic of women and dating and perhaps just let the program do it's thing. My brain may be a bit confused from me switching from Woman Magnet Affirmations to the Fear Sub.
I don't like feeling so needy for attention from women, and I want to be able to live my life to the full and enjoy my own company. I still have a lot of fear that "I'm never going to figure out the secret to women" and that I need to DO something or I'll never get it. At some point this may be true, massive action may be required to achieve certain changes, but I think that mindset is actually getting in my way at this point in time.
In the absence of fear (or much less), I am noticing my other emotions more, most notably that I am lonely and a bit depressed. I don't think I could even feel it before because my panic was so strong. So I feel this burning need to rectify my situation, which is good, but patience is key.
I have to regulate my expectations, be honest with myself, and be patient. These are things that are difficult for me, but I have learned from therapy to some extent. The nature of the mind seems to be to lack appreciation for the major changes already happening, and moving on to suffering about what I don't have.
I have been thinking about how I can best allow the program to do it's work, and this is what I came up with. (My 5 commandments?).
1. Continue Reichian Breathwork
2. Go outside and explore, or socialize each day
3. Keep pushing for progress in both the little things (cleaning my house, organizing, working out, etc.) and the big things (my music, my job, my well being, etc.)
4. Avoid conflicting mind programming
5. Play the program as per instructions.
How is your social anxiety?
I am running E4 and have two two months left on my run. After that I will switch to OF V2. I have issue with social anxiety and fear in general. I feel like fear has held me back from a lot of opportunities earlier in my life.
Its early and there's so many factors, but I will say I noticed a difference the first few days and that difference is still there. I feel like i'ms second guessing myself a lot less socially.
So, if my social anxiety was a 4 before, it's maybe a 2 now. But this doesn't include anxiety around approaching and escalating with women, etc. that is different, and is still present for me.. Maybe went from an 8 to a 6 so far.
But this is all just kind of going on my gut, and speculation. Life is complicated and anxiety levels can vary from day to day regardless.
I am Loving this sub
I was a little unsure what it was doing the last few days until I "forgot" to play it last night --- My dreams became chaotic, fearful, etc
Where every other night the dreams have had a theme of fear, but also courage and overcoming.
So I woke up this morning in a bad state (there was other stuff going on yesterday eve as well, anger, and I used porn, etc.) --- Turned on the Sub and an hour later I'm back to that Zen state.
It doesn't solve all of my problems, but it puts me in a state where I can solve them. And how it changes my feeling about my job is amazing. This is cool.
Also walked by a woman who was a 9/10 for me yesterday and she gave me an "I would fuck you look" --- I probably would've said something but I was on my phone and missed the moment. I was pretty horny/upset after that which is why I ended up looking at porn. But it's OK. It's a sign in the right direction and I have to pick it up and continue what I've been doing, including ditching the porn. I have to get comfortable with accepting the female attention I want and deserve and not letting it trigger so many emotions.
In fact, I should add re: my job, it may literally save my job. I've been so much more efficient, IDGAF, just say what I think, and the pain of doing something I don't like so much isn't lingering with me. I'm in a leadership position and the people I'm working with definitely have noticed
(03-30-2021, 04:07 AM)djl4 Wrote: [ -> ]I am Loving this sub
I was a little unsure what it was doing the last few days until I "forgot" to play it last night --- My dreams became chaotic, fearful, etc
Where every other night the dreams have had a theme of fear, but also courage and overcoming.
So I woke up this morning in a bad state (there was other stuff going on yesterday eve as well, anger, and I used porn, etc.) --- Turned on the Sub and an hour later I'm back to that Zen state.
It doesn't solve all of my problems, but it puts me in a state where I can solve them. And how it changes my feeling about my job is amazing. This is cool.
Also walked by a woman who was a 9/10 for me yesterday and she gave me an "I would fuck you look" --- I probably would've said something but I was on my phone and missed the moment. I was pretty horny/upset after that which is why I ended up looking at porn. But it's OK. It's a sign in the right direction and I have to pick it up and continue what I've been doing, including ditching the porn. I have to get comfortable with accepting the female attention I want and deserve and not letting it trigger so many emotions.
OF won't solve your problems. It will give you the instructions on how to solve them for yourself. It's not just putting you into an appropriate state, it is working you through dealing with and overcoming your fears and their causes without having to consciously experience the challenging parts of the process. But that "protection" requires proper use, as you have seen.
The process is also a slow one. It's like trying to walk forward into a firehose blast that is only barely less strong that your ability to walk forward. Progress is made, but it's slow, and if you stop trying it isn't stable until you've advanced far enough in using the program.
That's why it's supposed to be used for so long per run in v1 and v2.
Life is still just good
Everything improving, it just feels like this invisible wall is gone, so I can actually take action. Basic stuff but for me that's big
Went to the supermarket just now after a good Therapy sesh and felt like a Jedi. No notable interactions, but I Just felt like IDGAF, and that feels sexy. Feeling energetic, upbeat, and focused, also like I'm not letting other people get to me as much.
At some point I noticed my body tense up, which I would normally call fear, but it's like the word "fear" has been removed from my vocabulary. Instead I just dealt with those sensations and continued on my way.
The next four days are the most stressful of work all year, and I'm just cool. I feel a mild stress but that's it. I know I can handle it, moment by moment, and I know I'll have some fun along the way.
"Forgot to play it" again last night. The resistance is very obvious. Making up for it now.
Edit: Within a few minutes of turning on the subliminal I am absolutely astounded at how it eliminated all my fear. This program is extremely powerful
Okay, so, I've been doing Natural Grounding with this the last few days, which I know is probably not recommended
But I learned for myself --
A. It seems too much for my subconscious to process at once (too much shame, etc, other deep emotions coming up, while this program is already pushing me in other directions)
B. It puts me in a state where I'm assigning value myself based on women's reactions to me (so I'm less likely to step into my fear) -- Which also has brought up a lot of anger when I don't get the reactions I want... which gets in the way of me stepping into my fear.
C. I've already tried this (NG), and similar problems are arising as before. whereas OF seems to be a really good fit for me. So I'm going to stick to that.
This could very well all be a form of resistance already.
I think it (NG) might be an excellent technique for someone that already has the fear part handled, then they can deal simply with the attraction aspect and become like a magnet. One of the most notable things from Geodude's success thread on this very forum is that he said he had "most of his emotional issues handled" before doing NG and getting the massive success. It makes a lot of sense.
So I'm going to can it for now--- I'm missing that fearless zen state, I've become overly emotional. I do want to practice no PMO though, which TBH may be harder without the natural grounding. But I can do regular meditation freely correct? I'll do that instead of the Natural grounding. I need to sublimate the energy somehow.
Curious of Shannon's thoughts/reactions on this though I can imagine based on reading past forum posts etc.
Also, I'm going to reset my 8 months today. Not that there haven't been immense benefits, but I want a pure experience of the program, and I think I may have muddied the waters.
Last night was my off day w the sub, when I got home today (after the 4 most stressful work days of the year) I put it on for an hour and then went to go get my covid vaccine
I told a dude off in the line for being a pain in the ass ( which is unlike me) and the military guy working there gave me a thumbs up. Then all the girls started looking at me. And after my anger (and fear of being angry) settled down.. I felt really at peace, less needy, women were looking at me and being friendly to me. It was a very zen - social state, definitely what I'm looking for.