So I should mention a few things before I start this post (1) I'm only really doing this because Shannon asked me to journal about this experience (i've quite lost my interest in journaling), (2) This is going to be a long first post as I need to go over a lot of things that has happened over the last few weeks since E4 came out, and this might require some philosophical things to be pointed out as these things helped me to move on, and (3) I would highly recommend anyone who has benefited from running OF to run E4 as it seems even more powerful and it seems to hit all the emotional issues along with guilt and shame which I feel have been significantly dealt with with this sub. I've had lots of breakthroughs since being on this sub. Not so much of the nature of the OF Breakthrough but no less powerful.
My confidence is through the roof at this point. Its like I feel myself radiate this feeling of power that is "almost" intoxicating in a way and motivates me to become even stronger. This seemed to have happened once I made a decision regarding the origin and basis for my identity. I realized something funny when you think about it. That out of all the things in the universe our own existence and being is the only thing we can be 100% certain about due to our unique conscious and awareness yet despite that we have no confidence or belief in ourselves. Instead we will base our identities on things external from us (Politics, ideologies, nationality, etc) things that we can not directly experience like we do with ourselves yet we will trust and base our identities on those things more. Its funny how this logic made sense not only to my conscious mind but levels of the subconscious as well.
I then had to ask (even though I've been going down this road for a while) do adding all these external things to base my identity off of make me anymore alive than I already am? The answer is of course no. Why then can I not just get my identity from myself based on my own being and existence instead of relying on these things that are not of me? Being careful not to base my identity internal in the sense of my emotions. Are my emotions real? are they something I can directly experience? Yes, but as of now they aren't me. I am not my emotions. My emotions are more an reaction to something. If my emotions are the "effect" part of me then thought itself seems to be the cause. Also before anyone thinks this is all simply "mental masturbation" it isn't because this is the way I change. I get epiphanies about myself and due to that I change myself. If this is too philosophical for some it might be better for them to read elsewhere. Not that that's wrong on their part but because some people grow through different means.
Either way, once I came to all these realizations the internal conflict ceased. Having a person put against themselves does nothing and achieves nothing but confusion. It serves no real purpose and serves no one least of all the person in question. So I'm glad to say that the conflict within me is gone. It would seem that all parts of me have come to agreement. All parts have "given up" something in order for this to take place. Internal conflict seems meaningless to me. External conflict however might have a meaning to it but certainly internal does not. With that in mind I am executing E4 wholeheartedly as I see no purpose in resisting it. The only thing I seem to notice at times is that a certain part of me feels "uncomfortable". Not resisting but feel uncomfortable with executing. I put this down to that part of myself not feeling totally familiar with some aspects of executing but that will come with time.
I should point out as well it has taken me like 3 days to even write this post. This is because every time I would stop and lose interesting in typing this out any further. Other times I would just have a realization about something else then stop typing this out. Either way take whatever benefit you can from this if any. As of now I know where I want to go and just refining the ways on how to get there. The Foundation thanks to E4 has been cleared and made. Nothing stands in my way anymore. I do want to make a special thanks to Shannon for not only making this sub but also making it available to people for free to people from the military and first responders who "had" PTSD. Thanks for caring about such people even when said governments that put people in such situations don't.
Anyway, I will write more in the future if anything comes up but I doubt its going to get more better than just fully executing with no real issues. For those still trying to get to execution just keep on pushing on. You will get there eventually and if not soon I'm sure once FRM is fully upgraded it will.
One interesting side note, I don't even care if I'm in a relationship now or not. Women aren't even really on my radar at the moment. Reason being that it feels like I have cleared so much shit that I am no longer "needy" about anything in that area and also I've grown so much , especially confidence wise, that I'm pretty certain most women aren't even worthy of me. Sounds arrogant but I'm not. Why should some one who has spent so much time dealing with his baggage, improving himself internally (externally as well), and knows who he is lower himself by being with someone who doesn't? I mean do women lower their standards for guys? They are notoriously known not to so why should I? I mean "perhaps" if I weren't serious, it was made clear it isn't serious, and I just so happened to be in the mood. "Maybe"?
I've also started to realize 2 things that Shannon has said in the past which are being played out in the people around me. People really do live on different wave lengths and if they aren't similar in that regards they don't even really interact or one submits to the other usually (starts acting Needy in my experience). Case in point my mother since this transformation hasn't even really said anything to me and in my mind she practically doesn't exist until I just so happen to run into her in the same apartment or here a noise she made, etc. Usually if I was trying to claw myself up to a better place internally as she saw this happen she would quickly try to "tear me down" so i couldn't really make any progress. Now she doesn't even bother because i am at such a high level of development that she probably sees it as pointless to try. Instead when she does interact with me she tries to just act "nice" and understanding.
Secondly It is quite amazing how after you reach such a level everyone wants to try to be your buddy to a degree or act super nice to you. (Really suspicious realization voice) Its almost as "if" your external reality is a mirror of what is going on internally.... hmmmmmmmmm...... its as if its your beliefs that determine your reality.... but that can't be true (heavy sarcasm)......
Anyway, I just realized I wrote even more without meaning to so I will just end it here. Good luck to everyone else and stop being afraid.
P.S. I'm too lazy to rewrite the original ending for this post and rather be authentic. So... Meh....
Hey, thats awesome that you had great execution already!
how long have you been on OF before e4? and do you think if you'd start e4 without OF the results would be different?
(10-18-2020, 12:36 AM)Rusty Wrote: [ -> ]Hey, thats awesome that you had great execution already!
how long have you been on OF before e4? and do you think if you'd start e4 without OF the results would be different?
I had been on OF since it released though there was a time where I took like a week or 2 off. I'm pretty confidant in saying had I not had OF clear some stuff out before I ran E4 I doubt I would have gotten as good results.
Ah, where to begin.
I will say I was wrong about one thing I thought things couldn't get any better but they do. Don't know why but every time I listen to the sub then go to sleep as soon as I wake up I tend to get a bloom effect right away which makes me feel even better. I recently last night did my first break in a while and still feeling very good today and no downward spiral at all.
I have noticed recently as well on this journey on E4 that the whole experiencing different realities thing has gone up noticeably. To the point that I feel quite immersed in them at times. This mainly happens when thinking of what I will be doing once I'm on DMSI or UMS, though mainly UMS. DMSI seems to be just a "fun" thing I would run while waiting for UMS and interestingly enough I know for a fact I am feeling TID from DMSI which is quite amazing when combined with the whole experiencing different realities thing. Its quite interesting as I've been thinking of 2 women in my past in particular that I have this idea that I might be running into them while I'm running it. Also this kind of confidence that I am deserving and should have relations with any women I want. This TID seems to have mainly played out yesterday and today. Just noticed a boost in sexual feelings out of no where.
Anyway, other than that things are just going really smooth. Already doing research online and working out plans of what I will do with the money I get after running UMS. Mainly looking at countries that offer citizenship by investment, etc. I do plan on mainly spending most of my time in Asia and the EU after all is said and done. Might try to get a residence in an Oceana country as well. Will have to see but I have a lot of things I need to work out and plan for once that money starts coming in. Interesting too how its not an "if" the money comes in but when. Major difference from before where I had all this internal conflict. Glad that was dealt with.
Have practically no interest in Movies or games. I might still play the occasional game with friends here and there but other than that not much. Just have no interest in being in some make believe world like most people seem to enjoy. Rather move my actual real world circumstances forward instead of trying to escape from them. In my case I have a new perspective on reality so I rather deal with the "real world" as it were because I find it way more enjoyable now. It really makes me think that most of the societies we live in are obsessed with entertainment now to the point of addiction.
I also get this feeling that I need to find new people on my level to talk to eventually. The people I used to talk to just aren't cutting it mind you not that I "need" other people but it would be nice to talk on occasion with people with higher ambitions and actually making it. I don't know there just seems to be something wrong with people who have potential but they just settle on some meager existence because they are too "afraid" to realize it. Its quite boring honestly. So many people who are trapped in prisons of their own making and have the keep to their escape yet don't even realize it or like their prison. I admit I was one of those people but it feels so good to be out of that self imposed jail cell as it were.
Anyway, I will leave it there for now and wish you guys good luck on your journeys.
Well, had to literally drag myself to post something here. After getting better and better mentally I just haven't felt the desire to post here much. Life has been really good. I feel myself being filled with Happiness, light, power, love and joy. This is literally the best time of my life so far emotionally. Even when its not like this its more like a Zen type attitude. I don't know how I would explain it but its like this state of knowing more than feeling. There is a certain phrase that comes to my mind when I'm in this state and I try to analyze myself: "I just am". Don't know how to explain it more than that. Barely even try to remember anything from the past because it doesn't interest me, something blocks me and even when I do remember something I usually just end up forgiving the person who did something wrong to me and in my mind send love in their direction to hope they change. This is very different from how I used to be though how I used to be feels like that was years and years ago for some reason.
As it is now I have this hunch that I just need to stay on this sub a bit longer then I will have everything that I need to move forward with my plans and life in general. Fear, guilt and shame are practically nonexistent in my life now. I've been so thoroughly cleaned out as it were I'm pretty certain I could run any sub at the moment (at any generation) and get the results I want mainly but as I said I will be sticking with this a bit longer as I feel like I need just a little bit more to fully get what I want out of this sub.
As far as negativity that is pretty much nonexistent. If I had to use percentages of how much a negative thought tries to come to mind during the time of the week I would say it would be at 5% or lower. Mainly it feels as if as soon as something negative comes up something just blocks it and I soon forget about it. There is a funny story related to this actually. Last week because of a misunderstanding I actually thought my boss in China was about to let me go and my contract was going to be cancelled. When this happened I actually didn't think negatively like I would normally would. I felt a part of me trying to go to that place but couldn't fully get there. My reaction was basically: "Oh well, I will simply get an even better job than that one" which would be unheard for me before. I was even thinking about the positive things that would come out of potentially maybe even going to another country instead of staying in China for work. Luckily, this wasn't the case but I was going to be fine either way.
The last major thing I can think of is that I took fully responsibility for my life. My life as it was before was my doing. If you are fully of anger, rage, hatred and depression your just going to attract more of the same. If you want to have something different your going to have to "be" something different. You only experience what you are really. I have noticed since then I feel like I have a lot more control over my life and funny once your filled with light, love, happiness, joy and power you don't seem to attract negative things in your life as much instead you seem to attract more of the same. Either way that's about all I can think of right now. In the end your the one that is choosing to keep on experiencing what you are current experiencing. Want to experience something different? Then you need to choose to become something different. The only thing stand in the way of that is your fears, shame, and guilt around becoming that new person. Its funny how what Shannon has been saying for years now finally actually makes perfect sense.
Hi DarthXedonias,
Way to go..Great results. It seems like this sub is putting you in pure vibration and alignment.
Lots of love and light to you and the universe
Hey DartXedonias
Brilliant result and excellent realisations. Its amazing how the part that wanted to go down into the crap is thwarted and cannot go there. Instead you remain in a great feeling place.
Beautiful.. so what you looking at for your next sub?
Cheers
(11-17-2020, 11:24 AM)Z-Man Wrote: [ -> ]Hi DarthXedonias,
Way to go..Great results. It seems like this sub is putting you in pure vibration and alignment.
Lots of love and light to you and the universe
Thanks a lot. Seems like things will be permanent at this rate.
@
Omni3 For now after I'm done making all these changes permanent I'm planning on running the new DMSI when it comes out. Hope what Shannon mentioned about a new idea for the FRM aura works and we get it hopefully within a few weeks (as i'm having this feeling within a few weeks the clearing out with E4 will basically be done). Honestly, I want to run not so much for the sex itself but for other reasons: (1) i want to actually have some fun while I'm waiting for to go back to China and (2) I want to test out how much better other subs are going to run after I have cleared out things. Achieving the goals of DMSI will be a very good testing grounds for that. I have thought about running the older DMSI if the new one still take a lot longer to figure out but part of me still rather wait till the new one comes out even though I'm pretty sure given my results so far if I did run the old version I would probably get the results I want.
That did remind me of something I forgot to mention as well that porn has been nonexistent in my life as well. I feel so good in everyday life now and have so much self worth that I have no real need to make myself to "feel better" by looking at porn. Matter of fact I felt one of those rare times I feel sexual earlier today and instead of immediately going to watch porn to release it I just felt really good sitting there and basking in the sexual energy I was feeling. Like I could feel it radiating off of me and it felt good just enjoying the feeling.
After I'm done having my short fun on DMSI I plan on running the UMS as that is very pertinent to my long term plans. I need money to fulfill certain long term goals I have. Pretty certain that the new DMSI will work so have no doubt that the UMS will work. I will probably be running that until MLS 6G comes out (which will be quite a while from now is what I gather) and then aiming at continuing my education in the sciences at the top universities like Stanford or Harvard possibly (along with re-learning Mandarin). MLS will be crucial for that so will be a must for me. That's the plan for the next 2-3 years anyway unless I meet some of my goals early and therefore play around with some more short term subs in between.
Excellent. I'm thinking along similar lines. Probably go for UMS first, but then DMSI sounds so appealing, decisions decisions. Once I get my relationship life sorted I'll happily run UMS long term.
Well, I'm back and think i need to explain where I'm choosing to go from here. I should mention real quick I have been off the sub for about 2 weeks because I did want to see if the results are permanent. I'm glad to say they are.
So unfortunately my current job in China decided they won't offer me even an reduced paycheck per month anymore. They will only start paying me when I'm in China. So, basically I have two options now: talk to the embassy and if they say based on the documents I have at the moment I can go to China then I will just borrow money from relatives and then try to go there (have to pay for expensive flights at the moment and a 14 day quarantine when I arrive). The second option is I first get a job here for 1-4 months then head back when its easier to do so while saving up money.
I have made one choice for certain though despite which I pick I will be going back to the online university I graduated from in order to study Computer Science (probably study some other programming languages as well on the side). I decided this recently because my confidence is pretty high and I've gotten to the point where I feel like I deserve a better standard of living in life and I deserve to have a very high end style of living. I think because E4 has gotten rid of a major fear that I'm able to do this now. My major fear that kept me from pursuing educating myself in something that would pay even more is because a fear of failing. I feared doing something that would be difficult or hard because it would increase the chance of failing and I hate failure. I think now though with the change in perspective I realize that failure is just part of the process now. Failure isn't final unless you make it final.
I realized too that i value growing stronger, learning to adapt my thinking to situations, and growing more powerful as more valuable than about anything else. Actually continually improving myself is more important than say chasing sex or putting some external ideology above myself (which I had done in the past). So I'm ready to improve myself now so that I can have a better lifestyle that I feel I deserve. Even though I do enjoy my teaching gig (and I will return to it as soon as China opens up and finish up this contract) and the money is decent I believe now I deserve more. I think funny enough this is why I might have drawn that friend back into my life. If you guys remember I said a few weeks ago there was a friend from a long time ago who had a dream about me then scoured the internet trying to find out how he could contact me again. Turns out he is in the IT/programming field himself. He works in the devsops field making good money. He also is working on his master's degree and having an house built for himself at the same time.
I talked to him and another guy I know for info since they have gone further in those fields than I. He told me to go for the CS degree (out of the IT related degrees my university offers) and possibly if I wanted to still do cloud computing, etc just get the cert afterwards. Seems like if you have the experience, skills, etc the field is good to be in. He's only been in for a few years and he just recently got offered an remote job (he lives in rural North Virginia) offering 160K USD per year. Also this would still allow me to branch out into Artificial intelligence and Genetic engineering later if I want (Certain masters programs in Genetics will still allow you in if your bachelors is in CS, etc).
So, after I'm done with this contract at the school possibly I might do 1 of two things: (1) work remotely if I can while living in Asia for a while or (2) immigrate to another English speaking country with good CS prospects (New Zealand, Canada, UK, or Australia). Will probably work in high paying jobs like this for a few years until I switch over to Artificial intelligence or Genetic engineering in the future.
I'm very interesting in pursuing this as well because E4 has shown me (or more like following the "instructions" has shown me) that you can only improve, grow stronger and learn to adapt by facing challenges and facing difficult situations not by fearing to face those things. Not by just staying in your comfort zone the whole time. What came to my mind recently was something Shannon said a long time ago when he was explaining about the transcendent Alpha. He used the example of an well made Katana. The ingredients that make the Katana aren't very nice or good to look at themselves but in the process of making it (which takes hard work and delicate handling) they can be made into a very beautiful looking and refined Katana. Unfortunately most people rather just be the piece of ore that makes the Katana because being made into the Katana takes a process that is difficult, hard and sometimes means being placed in uncomfortable situations.
I think E4 has brought me past that point. My un-satisfaction with being a piece of ore now outweighs my fear of the process of becoming a Katana. Metaphorically speaking I believe I deserve to be the refined Katana now. I feel like internally I am the katana and my external environment should reflect that.
So with all that said and given my circumstances I will have to move on to another sub as I need to find a job (most likely) in the mean time while I wait to go back to China then use some money to also work on getting an degree and certs in the field (which I do have some experience with so that is good I think). I would wait until at least UMS is out but I don't think I can afford to wait that long any longer. Already applied for local jobs so just waiting on getting called back which good luck in this economy. I think I might go back to running old UMS and then once I start my new degree I will switch to old MLS as I feel like I might be able to get the best out of those subs now that I cleared a bunch of junk.
Either way I'm really glad that I ran both OF and then E4 as the improvement in tech really helped me out and got me to this point to now I feel I can run something else and get the most benefit out of it. I'm a totally different person than I was a few months ago which is totally different from previous tech which took maybe a year where I would notice change. Anyway I would highly recommend E4 if people are looking to clear out junk beliefs and lay the ground work for subs they might run afterwards.
Congrats bro, your growth and your drive are an inspiration to me. And credit to Shannon of course, but that’s a given in this forum. Mostly.
(11-28-2020, 07:05 PM)fab10 Wrote: [ -> ]Congrats bro, your growth and your drive are an inspiration to me. And credit to Shannon of course, but that’s a given in this forum. Mostly.
I just make the tools. You guys are the ones making the changes by using and executing them. Credit goes to you. Mostly.
(11-28-2020, 10:18 AM)DarthXedonias Wrote: [ -> ]Well, I'm back and think i need to explain where I'm choosing to go from here. I should mention real quick I have been off the sub for about 2 weeks because I did want to see if the results are permanent. I'm glad to say they are.
So unfortunately my current job in China decided they won't offer me even an reduced paycheck per month anymore. They will only start paying me when I'm in China. So, basically I have two options now: talk to the embassy and if they say based on the documents I have at the moment I can go to China then I will just borrow money from relatives and then try to go there (have to pay for expensive flights at the moment and a 14 day quarantine when I arrive). The second option is I first get a job here for 1-4 months then head back when its easier to do so while saving up money.
I have made one choice for certain though despite which I pick I will be going back to the online university I graduated from in order to study Computer Science (probably study some other programming languages as well on the side). I decided this recently because my confidence is pretty high and I've gotten to the point where I feel like I deserve a better standard of living in life and I deserve to have a very high end style of living. I think because E4 has gotten rid of a major fear that I'm able to do this now. My major fear that kept me from pursuing educating myself in something that would pay even more is because a fear of failing. I feared doing something that would be difficult or hard because it would increase the chance of failing and I hate failure. I think now though with the change in perspective I realize that failure is just part of the process now. Failure isn't final unless you make it final.
I realized too that i value growing stronger, learning to adapt my thinking to situations, and growing more powerful as more valuable than about anything else. Actually continually improving myself is more important than say chasing sex or putting some external ideology above myself (which I had done in the past). So I'm ready to improve myself now so that I can have a better lifestyle that I feel I deserve. Even though I do enjoy my teaching gig (and I will return to it as soon as China opens up and finish up this contract) and the money is decent I believe now I deserve more. I think funny enough this is why I might have drawn that friend back into my life. If you guys remember I said a few weeks ago there was a friend from a long time ago who had a dream about me then scoured the internet trying to find out how he could contact me again. Turns out he is in the IT/programming field himself. He works in the devsops field making good money. He also is working on his master's degree and having an house built for himself at the same time.
I talked to him and another guy I know for info since they have gone further in those fields than I. He told me to go for the CS degree (out of the IT related degrees my university offers) and possibly if I wanted to still do cloud computing, etc just get the cert afterwards. Seems like if you have the experience, skills, etc the field is good to be in. He's only been in for a few years and he just recently got offered an remote job (he lives in rural North Virginia) offering 160K USD per year. Also this would still allow me to branch out into Artificial intelligence and Genetic engineering later if I want (Certain masters programs in Genetics will still allow you in if your bachelors is in CS, etc).
So, after I'm done with this contract at the school possibly I might do 1 of two things: (1) work remotely if I can while living in Asia for a while or (2) immigrate to another English speaking country with good CS prospects (New Zealand, Canada, UK, or Australia). Will probably work in high paying jobs like this for a few years until I switch over to Artificial intelligence or Genetic engineering in the future.
I'm very interesting in pursuing this as well because E4 has shown me (or more like following the "instructions" has shown me) that you can only improve, grow stronger and learn to adapt by facing challenges and facing difficult situations not by fearing to face those things. Not by just staying in your comfort zone the whole time. What came to my mind recently was something Shannon said a long time ago when he was explaining about the transcendent Alpha. He used the example of an well made Katana. The ingredients that make the Katana aren't very nice or good to look at themselves but in the process of making it (which takes hard work and delicate handling) they can be made into a very beautiful looking and refined Katana. Unfortunately most people rather just be the piece of ore that makes the Katana because being made into the Katana takes a process that is difficult, hard and sometimes means being placed in uncomfortable situations.
I think E4 has brought me past that point. My un-satisfaction with being a piece of ore now outweighs my fear of the process of becoming a Katana. Metaphorically speaking I believe I deserve to be the refined Katana now. I feel like internally I am the katana and my external environment should reflect that.
So with all that said and given my circumstances I will have to move on to another sub as I need to find a job (most likely) in the mean time while I wait to go back to China then use some money to also work on getting an degree and certs in the field (which I do have some experience with so that is good I think). I would wait until at least UMS is out but I don't think I can afford to wait that long any longer. Already applied for local jobs so just waiting on getting called back which good luck in this economy. I think I might go back to running old UMS and then once I start my new degree I will switch to old MLS as I feel like I might be able to get the best out of those subs now that I cleared a bunch of junk.
Either way I'm really glad that I ran both OF and then E4 as the improvement in tech really helped me out and got me to this point to now I feel I can run something else and get the most benefit out of it. I'm a totally different person than I was a few months ago which is totally different from previous tech which took maybe a year where I would notice change. Anyway I would highly recommend E4 if people are looking to clear out junk beliefs and lay the ground work for subs they might run afterwards.
Which format have you been using?
Excellent journal!
Congratulations on your progress.