09-09-2020, 09:03 AM
After 5 months on AM6 (second attempt) and facing huge resistance every step of the way, i had to accept that i am not ready for it yet.
I won't shit on the program as i can see it gave me a lot of benefits and huge insights that i am sure will be crucial to level up my life from now on.
The last days on AM6 i was feeling shitty all the time, my days were spent on survival mode, "just do the best you can". One day, it hit me, all my problems stem from Fear and ALL fear is fear of FEELINGS. Think about it, we do not fear anything else, only feelings themselves. This was HUGE for me, like a missing piece in a puzzle i was trying to build for a long time. I realized that i was resisting feelings, i feared them and this led me to stagnate in life, hide in my bedroom, lost in endless distractions all the time in order to not feel what i had to.
I think it was Alexander Lowen who said: Fear of life is fear of feelings.
So i lived most of my life in apathy, numb, unmotivated, depressed, suppressing the shit out of my feelings, good or bad. During the AM6, i was being instructed to take risks, to go out there and conquer, but this was too scary for me. I tried to commit, believing that one day, i would have a breakthrough that would change everything, but, in the end, this breakthrough is going to come from OF. I even made a topic asking for opinions, most people suggested that i finished AM6 but i had to go with my intuition, swallow my pride, and take a leap with OF 5.75G.
I took no breaks between the two and the morning after my first night listening to OF i felt great. Woke up with a nice muscle relaxation in my body that isn't common, it was very pleasant. My mood was better and i noticed a lot of small positive changes in my day, more social, calm, and productive. My mind has been busy thinking about possibilities instead of problems, i had a few ideas on how to make some money that before i wouldn't dare.
Usually, i don't have much patience to write journals but after those initial benefits, i had to create one.
Especially after the dream i had today!
I dreamed that i was in my home town (i lived there my whole life and moved out 6 months ago), things were chaotic, i remember there was a huge line of cars parked and all of them had this weird tear-shaped mark like someone had carved it on every single one of them. After some time (i don't remember much else), i was walking and an atomic bomb exploded (the explosion looked like the one in Beirut a few months ago), people were screaming and running but because of the distance i was from it, i knew that death was certain. All i did was curl up and wait for the shock wave, when it hit i woke up with my heart beating fast. 5 minutes after that, the last loop ended
The first thing i did was to google the meaning of it. Apparently, some big change is coming. One site said that it was a sign that a huge repressed emotion was unlocked to be let go of.
To me, this was a sign that the death of my "old self" is near, especially because it all happened in my home town.
Anyway, this is exactly what i need. I plan to run OF for the whole 8 months period recommended, as long as it keeps working. After that, i plan to use BASE or UMSv2 as my primary goal in life right now is to take care of my career and finances.
I won't shit on the program as i can see it gave me a lot of benefits and huge insights that i am sure will be crucial to level up my life from now on.
The last days on AM6 i was feeling shitty all the time, my days were spent on survival mode, "just do the best you can". One day, it hit me, all my problems stem from Fear and ALL fear is fear of FEELINGS. Think about it, we do not fear anything else, only feelings themselves. This was HUGE for me, like a missing piece in a puzzle i was trying to build for a long time. I realized that i was resisting feelings, i feared them and this led me to stagnate in life, hide in my bedroom, lost in endless distractions all the time in order to not feel what i had to.
I think it was Alexander Lowen who said: Fear of life is fear of feelings.
So i lived most of my life in apathy, numb, unmotivated, depressed, suppressing the shit out of my feelings, good or bad. During the AM6, i was being instructed to take risks, to go out there and conquer, but this was too scary for me. I tried to commit, believing that one day, i would have a breakthrough that would change everything, but, in the end, this breakthrough is going to come from OF. I even made a topic asking for opinions, most people suggested that i finished AM6 but i had to go with my intuition, swallow my pride, and take a leap with OF 5.75G.
I took no breaks between the two and the morning after my first night listening to OF i felt great. Woke up with a nice muscle relaxation in my body that isn't common, it was very pleasant. My mood was better and i noticed a lot of small positive changes in my day, more social, calm, and productive. My mind has been busy thinking about possibilities instead of problems, i had a few ideas on how to make some money that before i wouldn't dare.
Usually, i don't have much patience to write journals but after those initial benefits, i had to create one.
Especially after the dream i had today!
I dreamed that i was in my home town (i lived there my whole life and moved out 6 months ago), things were chaotic, i remember there was a huge line of cars parked and all of them had this weird tear-shaped mark like someone had carved it on every single one of them. After some time (i don't remember much else), i was walking and an atomic bomb exploded (the explosion looked like the one in Beirut a few months ago), people were screaming and running but because of the distance i was from it, i knew that death was certain. All i did was curl up and wait for the shock wave, when it hit i woke up with my heart beating fast. 5 minutes after that, the last loop ended
The first thing i did was to google the meaning of it. Apparently, some big change is coming. One site said that it was a sign that a huge repressed emotion was unlocked to be let go of.
To me, this was a sign that the death of my "old self" is near, especially because it all happened in my home town.
Anyway, this is exactly what i need. I plan to run OF for the whole 8 months period recommended, as long as it keeps working. After that, i plan to use BASE or UMSv2 as my primary goal in life right now is to take care of my career and finances.