This will be my E3 journal. Finally, I decided to stop running away from myself, and do the inner work as a catalyst to my life from now on.
Congratulations.
That takes some serious grit.
I will be updating this journal not on a daily basis (as i've done with ASC), but on a weekly basis. Once a week, I will reflect back on the changes noticed and summarize it in a post I think this is much better. Obsessing over little changes (oh, today I felt like this and that) is counterproductive and it's not a powerful mindset to be coming from. I will be living my life and let the sub do its magic.
Week 1 summary- made the most courageous decision I have done this year. Handed in my notice from the job I worked for 4 years, but have been stagnating in the last 2 years. I did without (yet) having another offer on the table. I feared doing this for such a long time, now I've just done it.
- had 1-2 heroic dreams
- Felt the same otherwise
- very tired throught the days.
- I listen to 3 loops at night, hybrid flac track. One night I accidentaly did 5 loops.
What did you notice when you did 5 loops?
(05-04-2020, 06:46 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]What did you notice when you did 5 loops?
Not sure. Maybe more tired the next day.
I was wondering why on my phone (Android OS), the downloaded flac track is marked as SD (Standard quality) and the mp3 is marked as HQ (Hiqh quality).
Was wondering if I should try the Masked track or mp3 vs flac. I have been listening to hybrid flac only until now. Don't feel much different, no state shifting. though i have noticed a few things that I will summarize in my next post.
Week 2 summary
- Overall feeling of being emotionally stable.
- Less judgemental on myself
- don't dream very often these times
- whenever reading or finding out other about other people's emotional / mental blocks, I get bothered by it, "just be strong and get over it" would be my advice.
- I seem to no longer identify with self-pity and victim playing, which I did a lot in the past. I would say I am progressing towards emotional maturity. I see more solutions and less excuses brought up by my mind
- I have not been triggered or bothered by much this week. Generally in a feeling of content
- Thinking highly of myself.
(05-09-2020, 12:52 AM)GreekGod22 Wrote: [ -> ]Week 2 summary
- Overall feeling of being emotionally stable.
- Less judgemental on myself
- don't dream very often these times
- whenever reading or finding out other about other people's emotional / mental blocks, I get bothered by it, "just be strong and get over it" would be my advice.
- I seem to no longer identify with self-pity and victim playing, which I did a lot in the past. I would say I am progressing towards emotional maturity. I see more solutions and less excuses brought up by my mind
- I have not been triggered or bothered by much this week. Generally in a feeling of content
- Thinking highly of myself.
Those are excellent results considering you just started running the program not too long ago
Week 3 summary
- similar feelings to those I've had in week 2
- overall progressing towards a better and healthier management of my emotions. That is, if I get triggered, I no longer fall into the negative thinking spiral, I don't let it ruin my day, I don't let it cloud my judgement and my decisions.
- I am more present and future-oriented.
- If I have feelings that challenge my self worth, I don't let them define me. Like I did many times before
- I am more gentle with myself, I am seeing less and less harsh criticism towards myself.
- I have had a few dreams related to my recent past. One was a sexual dream, I was having sex with my ex (and I don't care about her at all anymore)
Week 4 Summary
Completed 1 month of E3.
Life going about its course in a peaceful way. It's been another quiet week (and month overall).
The frequency of dreams has decreased, only dreamed twice this week.
- baseline levels of anxiety continue to fall
- realized my anxiety and negative thoughts were partially psysiological (hypoglicemia), and ensuring that I am well fed throught the day makes me more emotionally stable.
- I have gone on a date this week, I wasn't at my best, I was somewhat stifled, shy, tensed, not fully relaxed. But that's ok, I did not beat myself over it
- I've also talked to several other women, I realized I want to meet them, but I have a fear of being in a sexual scenario with them, like it would expose some vulnerability / insecurity of mine. And because of this, I tend to sabotage myself and act uninterested.
- overall tendency this week to be assertive
- having an epiphany about how my depression came to be (I wasn't meeting my needs, my desires, my soul's wishes) and how damaging social isolation is, how it skews your perception of the world and shapes your beliefs and outlook on the world
Week 5 Summary
On to my 2nd month of E3. I am really glad I choosed this sub. My life is taking a turnaround for the best. I have had some important breakthrough and realizations lately (and this spring in generally) with regard to my physical and social life, the values that I care about and how I want to live my life (financial freedom, physical & spiritual harmony).
- went on another date this week. I still felt like my former shy, timid self, but to a lesser degree. The girl offered me a cigar at some point. I instantly relaxed and was able to vibe and connect with her.
- I am taking care of my physical appearance more and more (which I've neglected in the last few years due to depression). Paying more attention to grooming, got a slick haircut at the barber
- I am slowly and surely getting rid of chronic & learned helplessnes.
- I am supportive of myself, I care deeply for myself. Self-criticism has reduced big time.
- starting to feel more entitled and deserving of high quality girls
Awesome man! Good for you.