The effect does appear to have fluctuated down a little bit, but it also does seem to be making a reappearance whenever I see an attractive woman, lol.
There's some stuff the program's digging through in order to achieve its goals most definitely as well, could be related to that.
Oh the effect made a comeback while I was actively listening to the sub.
I did sleep for about 16 hours after, though. :O See, I did quite a bit of physical exercise yesterday + proper bardic practice, and I kinda forgot how energy-intensive proper bardic practice is.
Oh well. At least I've had my beauty sleep, lol.
BTW., my vocal coach appears to have made a return to her "old self", or at least to the way she used to act while we were working together before she started going ego-bonkers. I did make a point of running a full loop of DRS on my earbuds while I was commuting to her place, though, lol.
Dancer-chick with *dat ass* decided to give me a freebie for her online classes this month, heh. I did have to promise I'll find her another customer though, so I did. Can't wait until the classes get back to in-person work, lol.
The SDM seems to be dragging out stuff that's shame-related, and dealing with it. A lot of shaming comes from the outside, though, but that's why I've been somewhat going bonkers with that DRS there. It's like this:
Someone: *doesn't like what HaveAtYe is doing, grrrwrrworowaioenjgoaijpofkapslkda;lkgprijgapoksda" etc.
HaveAtYe: *runs the DRS* "Oh you keep it"
Okay, now we're talking.
Had a very... weird evening yestrnight, but the conclusion of it (internally speaking) is kinda awesome in a wonky way. The gist of it (I might write a longer post on this, but I've yet to ponder this): I'm absolutely filled with self-hate and self-loathing on many different levels and for multiple reasons, but that's fucking awesome and I'm awesome and I love myself because of it as well, hahahaha. In short: I believe that my carpet-bombing of the DRS (and having gotten in-person experiential proof that it's working the way I had hoped it would, re: my vocal coach) has given me space to *acknowledge this* [EDIT: and *own it*] without having to worry about "getting kicked while I'm down" or even simply giving satisfaction to lovely people who enjoy seeing others indulge in self-loathing for *reasons*, lol. Okay, so, you made me hate myself, lol. Good job, you win, have a cookie. Who gives a shit, really? Not this boi.
(I believe this is related to that annoying "break" around my heart chakra and around my heart that's been *notoriously* difficult for me to fix, despite using my highly scientific tactic of "throw everything including the kitchen sink at it, see what sticks", lol)
As to SDM: I decided to increase the volume a touch today, it seems to have been a good idea. The first two loops and a half of the third made me feel energized and swanky, as I've come to expect, the fourth one made me pretty tired.
Now, apparently, my "Rasputin glare" has decided to make a spontaneous comeback when I see a lovely lady, and lovely ladies are responding to it. Too bad about the masks that everyone's obligated to wear now, though - in my experience, it's best to follow up the "Rasputin glare" with a comforting smile, y'know. Kinda tricky when I'm in my Darth Vader getup.
Also, as I was working with my vocal coach at her place today, her highly attractive 20y/o daughter decided to sashay down to the salon where we were practicing the bardic and prance about it multiple times wearing *indecently* tiny shorts. Now that's just mean to a horny boi who's trying to focus.
Just did my chakra-based clearing/balancing regimen. That dark, physically painful shite appears to be gone now. Also I'm blissing outta my arse right now.
I know it's ungentlemanly to gloat, but, ahh, screw it! "Hahaha, fuck you, guys, I win."
I dunno why, but even though the quarantine is far from over, I'm running into metric tons of *lovely* women whenever I'm out and about. Sometimes the same ones repeatedly. What the heck?
Also, funnily enough, I'm on the subway, I see a pair of *legs* walk in, so I decided to come a bit closer to get a better look (don't worry, at a proper social distancing distance). And I'm like, "wait, I know those legs, isn't that that S(butPsycho)LA chick?" I'm not 100% certain because her face was fully covered by a mask, but otherwise - it was either her or someone with an uncanny physical resemblance. For some reason, I find this most amusing.
Anyhow, we looked at each other for a moment and I had to get off the train.
When DRS kicks into full gear, it kinda feels like I'm standing in "the eye of the tornado" and looking at the surrounding trainwrecks with slight bemusement, I'm such a prick.
I'm also kinda wandering whether SDM has a "sexual energy reclamation" component, because it sure as hell feels like it.
Hey, what's with the "autocorrect"
Good one.
Ran into another S(butPsycho)LA physical clone.
Now to find one (or several) who aren't psycho.
Oh, hahahaha, this could be TID from USLMaxx, because I have a naughty goal in mind.
Oooph. Remember when I had that zany "Her Ghost in the Fog" song on loop, accompanied by tons of fear? I think I now know what that was about in particular. And now this appears to have cleared out and I'm experiencing tons of relief (but am also extremely tired out). I think I may have just about saved a certain sweet little idiot's life here, by way of "hardcore ego spanking" (last time I saw her, she looked a bit broken, but didn't try to push it onto me yet again at least, heh, because DRS) and then copious amounts of DRSing. Because as things were going, she was headed down the "raped and killed by sexually frustrated sonnies" path (seeing as she's not the type of chick to use physical sex to get her way, but more the promise of it; my youtube step-mommies would call that "cerebral histrionic narcissist" in contrast to "somatic histrionic narcissist", which is the proverbial "slut" type, if you're into labels of this sort).
Good to have this out of the way finally. Now let's move onto something fun for once, mmmkay?
Okay, on this point:
(05-07-2020, 08:41 AM)Have at ye Wrote: [ -> ]Had a very... weird evening yestrnight, but the conclusion of it (internally speaking) is kinda awesome in a wonky way. The gist of it (I might write a longer post on this, but I've yet to ponder this): I'm absolutely filled with self-hate and self-loathing on many different levels and for multiple reasons, but that's ***** awesome and I'm awesome and I love myself because of it as well, hahahaha. In short: I believe that my carpet-bombing of the DRS (and having gotten in-person experiential proof that it's working the way I had hoped it would, re: my vocal coach) has given me space to *acknowledge this* [EDIT: and *own it*] without having to worry about "getting kicked while I'm down" or even simply giving satisfaction to lovely people who enjoy seeing others indulge in self-loathing for *reasons*, lol. Okay, so, you made me hate myself, lol. Good job, you win, have a cookie. Who gives a shit, really? Not this boi.
In lieu of a pretentious Freudo-Lacanian-HaveAtYean explanation, which I'm not really inclined to divulge at this moment, I'll you do one better and give you a sexy youtube step-mommy who explains this in plain English and high production values:
Enjoy!
Met with that lovely ex of mine for the first time in a long while. The DRS-spanking seems to have done her a world of good.
She actually came around to the conclusion that "you know, I think it's a really bad idea to do shitty stuff to people because sooner or later it *will* come back to bite you in the ass".
And we're talking here about a chick who was of the, erm, Teal Swanian school of "follow your bliss" (so: "be a psycho! it's fun AND profitable! Fuck everyone else!"
Good job, DRS!
Been noticing a significant increase in "attacks", so to speak, in the recent days, after a relatively short period of blissful relaxation in that regard. DRSing *hard*.
But it's probably also related to some very promising occurrences and results I've been getting as well. F. in. the SDM effect appears to have stabilized at a fairly high level, and feels more constant (less up-and-down variation). Gonna keep using it for some time yet; we're nearing the 1-month-mark.
Also it would appear that "smarmy little girl" and her crew of "moron squad" przydupasy have decided to set up a "touring" business of their own, using said girl's daddy-connections (and apparently they included that composer-dude "friend" of mine as well
I knew it). I wish them all the best in this endeavor as, should they succeed, they'll probably remove themselves from my regularly scheduled tours next season!
(Dude I had constant trouble with got the boot for being a con-artist already, and he's "smarmy little girl's" ****boi, incidentally
). Fingers crossed they make it! I love helping people!