10-17-2019, 07:25 AM
Hi all!
I wanted to give the sub awhile to marinate, before I posted again. Today is day 19, so here I am.
Updates:
-Feel much more relaxed and present when talking to girls, not so nervous or up in my head. Almost zero fear or nervousness at all, very noticeable shift. Very big change in that department. I know this because certain girls who I'm very attracted to, I would feel on edge, or up in my head when interacting with them, up to the time before this version came out. So it's easy to compare between the "before" and the "after" if you get me.
-Interactions seem to "flow" better with girls. They're more fun and more enjoyable for me, not the usual tension or anxiety or "objective" focus. But, despite that, I haven't seen any direct sexual attraction or
escalation or general "chasing" from them. So, either the sub has removed my fear/tension etc. and that coupled with my natural personality is allowing this "flow" to occur, and the aura stuff will only happen down the road for some reason. Or, the sub isn't making them take the action required and will require more work. I don't know. It feels with them like something is missing for them to really push to the design goal level. I admit, I'll need to see that in action to truly believe the design goal thing, lmao.
-When on social media recently, I didn't get the same sad depressed feeling like a failure feeling when seeing stuff from girls from the past I got rejected by or didn't attract then. Just kind of took it as is, and moved on from lingering in any negativity. Maybe the failures are being dealt with, or the pedestalising is being dealt with, so they can be more accessible (less painful to lose in some cases as a result) which would facilitate real life interactions in theory if I made contact again if I wanted to. I appreciate the lack of lingering sadness and feelings of inadequacy, even if that's all that happens and nothing ever happens with those girls.
-Some binge eating of junk food has intermittently happened. but lately, I've been able to resist that, however that's often been replaced with just eating more "normal" food...this is an annoying problem. The growling and grumbling from my stomach throughout the day is insane. Especially given the calories ingested. My weight keeps slightly increasing over time, or at least plateauing quite a bit above where I was when I lost my weight. The intake is WAY above needed, I know this because I know my routine, diet, and calorie needs wells for my routine. That's what has allowed me to lose the 65 pounds previously. I don't know why so many calories are being sourced, its ridiculous.
-Some pretty substantial back pain that lasted like a week. I get bad back pain here and there that lasts awhile. However, I know others have commented on it, and you've said it can be something that can be sub-related. So, just to be safe, I decided to post.
-I get a lot of tingling/butterfly in the stomach feelings in my chest/torso while listening, and sometimes without listening. Must be fear/anxiety etc. also, I've had that pain I talked about before, looking down at
my torso, it's between my rib cage and stomach on the left side, just under the bottom of the rib cage, that area there. Pain lasts for a good while, has happened like 3 times or so total so far on this run. Strange.
-Have noticed some of the girls around me that i have/had a "thing" for, aren't quite as amazingly hot as I thought before this version, lol. They're still hot and all in a sense, but not so "WOW...OMG". So that seems like the pedestalisation dismantling theory I wrote about earlier. Very good to see that, I always hated how much I idolised certain girls, which always just ruined my ability to talk to them, make me so nervous, and wreck have any chance of them liking me. Annoying. But I could never stop it, it was always such a sudden, overpowered, visceral feeling of attraction that would just dominate me.
-Still getting the sudden exhaustion bouts while listening where I cant even keep my eyes open properly out of nowhere, then minutes later my energy coming back fully. With this potentially dangerous phenomenon, I only listen in my bed, or in my chair in my bedroom. never anywhere else to be safe.
-One girl I know, white girl so her complexion would show it easier, her face kept going red around me when we were talking, I noticed it, obviously that stood out. Another, west indian so she obviously wouldn't show the same effect, I recalled an earlier talk and something she told me, and then she said the same thing over and over back to me like 2-3 times within a minute or two of each other lol. As if she didn't even hear that I told her about it, meaning, I know already, lol. Never mind how she kept repeating it weirdly, haha. She seemed a bit awkward/shy too overall I'd say. Weird, usually I'm the one that way towards her if anything. And i was up until last weekend, she was the one I wrote about earlier I in the journal when she seemed cold and distant with me and it was only a short interaction and I was disappointed. They're both very hot and have lots of options, for what its worth. Neither are initiating much, but when "opened", they are enjoyable to interact with. Just wanted to mention that too, felt important as the goal is for them to do the "heavy lifting".
-Had at least one bit of depression about my life and how I've fared with girls etc. no doubt resistance or whatever, but enough to mention it.
-There's possibly a degree of lethargy setting in I don't like. I "know" I have certain things to do, but I delay and just vegetate when it comes to them. It feels like a struggle to get going on them. I don't know if it's fear for some reason, or a feeling I have that the sub is "taking up all the cpu of my mind", so you just tend to veg out a lot as a result due to lack of remaining "power" to spend on anything else. To be honest, I'm looking forward to my 4 day break as a result, which for me is starting now until the 21st. Hopefully now I can get motivated and rested up enough to tackle some stuff. I've had a lingering feeling of tiredness mentally as the loops and days have piled up. Looking forward to the break if it's the best course of action.
Okay friends, that's all for now. Shannon, if you want me to add more loops, or sidestep this break and push on for awhile to breakthrough something (both of which I'm considering), let me know.
Have a great day all!
I wanted to give the sub awhile to marinate, before I posted again. Today is day 19, so here I am.
Updates:
-Feel much more relaxed and present when talking to girls, not so nervous or up in my head. Almost zero fear or nervousness at all, very noticeable shift. Very big change in that department. I know this because certain girls who I'm very attracted to, I would feel on edge, or up in my head when interacting with them, up to the time before this version came out. So it's easy to compare between the "before" and the "after" if you get me.
-Interactions seem to "flow" better with girls. They're more fun and more enjoyable for me, not the usual tension or anxiety or "objective" focus. But, despite that, I haven't seen any direct sexual attraction or
escalation or general "chasing" from them. So, either the sub has removed my fear/tension etc. and that coupled with my natural personality is allowing this "flow" to occur, and the aura stuff will only happen down the road for some reason. Or, the sub isn't making them take the action required and will require more work. I don't know. It feels with them like something is missing for them to really push to the design goal level. I admit, I'll need to see that in action to truly believe the design goal thing, lmao.
-When on social media recently, I didn't get the same sad depressed feeling like a failure feeling when seeing stuff from girls from the past I got rejected by or didn't attract then. Just kind of took it as is, and moved on from lingering in any negativity. Maybe the failures are being dealt with, or the pedestalising is being dealt with, so they can be more accessible (less painful to lose in some cases as a result) which would facilitate real life interactions in theory if I made contact again if I wanted to. I appreciate the lack of lingering sadness and feelings of inadequacy, even if that's all that happens and nothing ever happens with those girls.
-Some binge eating of junk food has intermittently happened. but lately, I've been able to resist that, however that's often been replaced with just eating more "normal" food...this is an annoying problem. The growling and grumbling from my stomach throughout the day is insane. Especially given the calories ingested. My weight keeps slightly increasing over time, or at least plateauing quite a bit above where I was when I lost my weight. The intake is WAY above needed, I know this because I know my routine, diet, and calorie needs wells for my routine. That's what has allowed me to lose the 65 pounds previously. I don't know why so many calories are being sourced, its ridiculous.
-Some pretty substantial back pain that lasted like a week. I get bad back pain here and there that lasts awhile. However, I know others have commented on it, and you've said it can be something that can be sub-related. So, just to be safe, I decided to post.
-I get a lot of tingling/butterfly in the stomach feelings in my chest/torso while listening, and sometimes without listening. Must be fear/anxiety etc. also, I've had that pain I talked about before, looking down at
my torso, it's between my rib cage and stomach on the left side, just under the bottom of the rib cage, that area there. Pain lasts for a good while, has happened like 3 times or so total so far on this run. Strange.
-Have noticed some of the girls around me that i have/had a "thing" for, aren't quite as amazingly hot as I thought before this version, lol. They're still hot and all in a sense, but not so "WOW...OMG". So that seems like the pedestalisation dismantling theory I wrote about earlier. Very good to see that, I always hated how much I idolised certain girls, which always just ruined my ability to talk to them, make me so nervous, and wreck have any chance of them liking me. Annoying. But I could never stop it, it was always such a sudden, overpowered, visceral feeling of attraction that would just dominate me.
-Still getting the sudden exhaustion bouts while listening where I cant even keep my eyes open properly out of nowhere, then minutes later my energy coming back fully. With this potentially dangerous phenomenon, I only listen in my bed, or in my chair in my bedroom. never anywhere else to be safe.
-One girl I know, white girl so her complexion would show it easier, her face kept going red around me when we were talking, I noticed it, obviously that stood out. Another, west indian so she obviously wouldn't show the same effect, I recalled an earlier talk and something she told me, and then she said the same thing over and over back to me like 2-3 times within a minute or two of each other lol. As if she didn't even hear that I told her about it, meaning, I know already, lol. Never mind how she kept repeating it weirdly, haha. She seemed a bit awkward/shy too overall I'd say. Weird, usually I'm the one that way towards her if anything. And i was up until last weekend, she was the one I wrote about earlier I in the journal when she seemed cold and distant with me and it was only a short interaction and I was disappointed. They're both very hot and have lots of options, for what its worth. Neither are initiating much, but when "opened", they are enjoyable to interact with. Just wanted to mention that too, felt important as the goal is for them to do the "heavy lifting".
-Had at least one bit of depression about my life and how I've fared with girls etc. no doubt resistance or whatever, but enough to mention it.
-There's possibly a degree of lethargy setting in I don't like. I "know" I have certain things to do, but I delay and just vegetate when it comes to them. It feels like a struggle to get going on them. I don't know if it's fear for some reason, or a feeling I have that the sub is "taking up all the cpu of my mind", so you just tend to veg out a lot as a result due to lack of remaining "power" to spend on anything else. To be honest, I'm looking forward to my 4 day break as a result, which for me is starting now until the 21st. Hopefully now I can get motivated and rested up enough to tackle some stuff. I've had a lingering feeling of tiredness mentally as the loops and days have piled up. Looking forward to the break if it's the best course of action.
Okay friends, that's all for now. Shannon, if you want me to add more loops, or sidestep this break and push on for awhile to breakthrough something (both of which I'm considering), let me know.
Have a great day all!