Subliminal Talk

I think I start to know what my mother has done during all these years. Whenever I said or expressed something that would be from my own personal interests, she got offended. And still get. Showing and expressing your own needs is offensive. That’s what I’ve been etched during repetition after repetition. Because expressing your needs make her upset. She gets upset about Amal things and even if people try to joke with her, she always find a way to find it offensive. Life becomes a dread with that type of person.

And the worst thing isn’t the victim hood the worst part is that you eventually can become fearful of offending that person and then they got you in their grip to satisfy their egoistical emotional needs. Because they know what you fear upsetting them they play that card whenever something become uncomfortable for them or just doesn’t go as they please.

Shitstorm coming. I feel it. I’m prepared for it.

The key is to understand that it's just a psychological manipulation based on generating fear, guilt and shame of offending them. They seek out ways and reasons to "be offended" and then they loudly proclaim their "offendedness", and the more people who can hear and see it the better.

The way to break the cycle is to stop giving them what they want in response to their "being offended". What they want is control. They want to manipulate you into doing/giving them whatever it is they want. When you become immune to the guilt/shame/fear, and simply stop caring if you offend them or not (because really, they're not offended, they're just claiming to be in order to achieve their goals; being offended is one of many ways a person can respond to that situation, and it's a choice), it no longer gets them what they want.

When you do this for the first time, the sky will fall. There will be an explosion of offendedness and guilt/shame and fear tactics. You have to explain calmly, that being offended in response to XYZ is a choice, and it is not a reasonable one. It's a choice they made to gain control, and you are no longer playing their game. Tell them to be as offended as they like, but you choose to be unaffected by their choice to be offended. And then go about your life as you would if they were not even there when they start pulling their BS.

"Oh, that old crap again? *Yawn*"

As long as you're consistent and they can see that their tactics are genuinely ineffective and no longer work, they will eventually stop choosing to be offended at everything, and switch to something else. You may want to reinforce positive responses, and ignore or again remain unaffected by negative ones in how they choose to respond.

I found this tactic made a HUGE positive difference for me.

(10-07-2019, 01:52 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]The key is to understand that it's just a psychological manipulation based on generating fear, guilt and shame of offending them. They seek out ways and reasons to "be offended" and then they loudly proclaim their "offendedness", and the more people who can hear and see it the better.

The way to break the cycle is to stop giving them what they want in response to their "being offended". What they want is control. They want to manipulate you into doing/giving them whatever it is they want. When you become immune to the guilt/shame/fear, and simply stop caring if you offend them or not (because really, they're not offended, they're just claiming to be in order to achieve their goals; being offended is one of many ways a person can respond to that situation, and it's a choice), it no longer gets them what they want.

When you do this for the first time, the sky will fall. There will be an explosion of offendedness and guilt/shame and fear tactics. You have to explain calmly, that being offended in response to XYZ is a choice, and it is not a reasonable one. It's a choice they made to gain control, and you are no longer playing their game. Tell them to be as offended as they like, but you choose to be unaffected by their choice to be offended. And then go about your life as you would if they were not even there when they start pulling their BS.

"Oh, that old crap again? *Yawn*"

As long as you're consistent and they can see that their tactics are genuinely ineffective and no longer work, they will eventually stop choosing to be offended at everything, and switch to something else. You may want to reinforce positive responses, and ignore or again remain unaffected by negative ones in how they choose to respond.

I found this tactic made a HUGE positive difference for me.

Thank you, great reply. Will keep this in mins.

Hi.


Do you think you're remarkably better now than when you started with LTU?

(03-30-2019, 11:40 PM)Greenduck Wrote: [ -> ]5 days with LTU5
So I have run LTU5 for five days now. I felt like running it more after the recommended 4 days, so I did. Have listened a total of 27 loops. And I have to tell you that the improvements that I have felt to my mood in just 5 days is astonishing. I'm so much more calmer and grounded, I'm still not there yet, but it's have just been 5 days (!). In regards on helping me become calmer and more at ease, which is the things I have struggled with the most, I actually think that LTU5 have helped me more in 5 days than E2 did in 9 months. It really have went right towards the problem inside of me and did it's magic.

The week have been fairly OK in regards of how the healing have felt. I have had 1 really bad day, 1 semi-bad day and the others pretty OK. Some fearful dreams but otherwise I haven't really noticed the healing going on.

I worked one full day which is a huge improvement from not being able to go to work due to my PTSD which caused problems concentrating and engaging in things with a clear head.

Yesteday I watched a movie (green book) and I could really enjoy it and laugh, which I haven't really been able to do for a really long time.

Today when I woke up I just felt at ease. I usually fibble with my phone (to ease my anxiety I guess) but today I could just lay in bed and chill and relax, which felt really good.

LTU5 is really a godsend. I'm so glad I bought it and I really feel that good things are ahead of me.

What about this? Was just in the begining?

Yes I would say that. I’m in a totally different place now. LTU have helped me but by bit to get better.

(10-07-2019, 01:52 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]The key is to understand that it's just a psychological manipulation based on generating fear, guilt and shame of offending them.  They seek out ways and reasons to "be offended" and then they loudly proclaim their "offendedness", and the more people who can hear and see it the better.  

The way to break the cycle is to stop giving them what they want in response to their "being offended".  What they want is control.  They want to manipulate you into doing/giving them whatever it is they want.  When you become immune to the guilt/shame/fear, and simply stop caring if you offend them or not (because really, they're not offended, they're just claiming to be in order to achieve their goals; being offended is one of many ways a person can respond to that situation, and it's a choice), it no longer gets them what they want.  

When you do this for the first time, the sky will fall.  There will be an explosion of offendedness and guilt/shame and fear tactics.  You have to explain calmly, that being offended in response to XYZ is a choice, and it is not a reasonable one.  It's a choice they made to gain control, and you are no longer playing their game.  Tell them to be as offended as they like, but you choose to be unaffected by their choice to be offended.  And then go about your life as you would if they were not even there when they start pulling their BS.

"Oh, that old crap again? *Yawn*"

As long as you're consistent and they can see that their tactics are genuinely ineffective and no longer work, they will eventually stop choosing to be offended at everything, and switch to something else.  You may want to reinforce positive responses, and ignore or again remain unaffected by negative ones in how they choose to respond.

I found this tactic made a HUGE positive difference for me.

Spot on. My Mum would always find a way to try and manipulate me by being upset. On USLM3 I found I became non-reactive - or IDGAF and I trained her to enjoy my company when I visited her. I also came to really appreciate being alive and recognised my indebtedness to her for bringing me into this world etc. Now on UMS our relationship has got better and better to the point where we both have heartfelt joy when meeting. Thanks Shannon.

Yeah seriously...literally like he's talking about my Mother there...creeped me out for a bit. Good relationship normally, but she uses me as an emotional punching bag, and all the bad crap in her life gets vented at me and if I don't totally bend to her will, even if it's contradictory, I get all the attacks listed thrown at me. DRS sounds like it'd be great for that alone...

I always called it manipulation, it's exactly what it is. Have always hated and resented it.

(10-07-2019, 01:52 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]The key is to understand that it's just a psychological manipulation based on generating fear, guilt and shame of offending them.  They seek out ways and reasons to "be offended" and then they loudly proclaim their "offendedness", and the more people who can hear and see it the better.  

The way to break the cycle is to stop giving them what they want in response to their "being offended".  What they want is control.  They want to manipulate you into doing/giving them whatever it is they want.  When you become immune to the guilt/shame/fear, and simply stop caring if you offend them or not (because really, they're not offended, they're just claiming to be in order to achieve their goals; being offended is one of many ways a person can respond to that situation, and it's a choice), it no longer gets them what they want.  

When you do this for the first time, the sky will fall.  There will be an explosion of offendedness and guilt/shame and fear tactics.  You have to explain calmly, that being offended in response to XYZ is a choice, and it is not a reasonable one.  It's a choice they made to gain control, and you are no longer playing their game.  Tell them to be as offended as they like, but you choose to be unaffected by their choice to be offended.  And then go about your life as you would if they were not even there when they start pulling their BS.

"Oh, that old crap again? *Yawn*"

As long as you're consistent and they can see that their tactics are genuinely ineffective and no longer work, they will eventually stop choosing to be offended at everything, and switch to something else.  You may want to reinforce positive responses, and ignore or again remain unaffected by negative ones in how they choose to respond.

I found this tactic made a HUGE positive difference for me.

This hits home in description to people I know and with whom I used to hang out frequently. Running UMS has made it very easy to tune out, but still, reading this after waking up gave me a reality check. 

I knew it all along and reading this confirms it.
I also toyed with the idea of running DRS and watching what happens. Would be very interesting in theory.

Had a really tough day yesterday IIRC (it seems so far away already), I just felt dread and that life wasn't worth living, really tough depressive symptoms. But when waking up I felt different and so far the day feels brighter. I even made a joke on a meeting with a client, I usually just sit quiet and are fearful to say something that would upset anyone or make them embarrassed. Lets see how it develops.

Sometimes it feels like I drag some people down. Like I suck the energy out of them because I can’t really mirror their moods. I can’t distance myself from them and things just become to “serious”. I have a hard time keeping a sound distance but are going around living with my emotions and myself constantly. Like I can’t have a break and just relax, something is holding me back and holding me down. A feeling of uncertainty, fear I guess, emotions pushed down and not let out to ventilate. I’m going around holding so much inside and that is creating a negative loop instead of being able to shake it off. I have a problem being close to others but instead isolate myself. And I miss the connection with others, the connection of feeling a part of something, instead there is a disconnected feeling, feeling astray and unable to connect and trust. I feel different. I don’t want to. But I do. And even if I try not to it just feel awkward. I have some people that can see trough my state more or less and know who I am underneath, who I was before I got dragged down into myself and the darkness and separation that stands in between myself and others. Some do it more, some less. Music is my friend, but even there I don’t feel the connection to it that I can remember once was there. Something I took for granted, that was ripped out of my hands and what I have been fighting to get back to With every measure that I could have thought about.

I have played the sub so my parents can hear it for some weeks. My dad won the tipping game in soccer last night, 15 minutes before the games ended poland scored unfortuanly (he still won all the games he played on) but them winning made more people win and thus reducing the pot from 4000 dollars to 400 dollars so that was a bummer, but he haven't still won all the games before. He also went and sold some old pictures he have saved and made around 500 dollars on it.

I feel more productive and rich of initiative at work, less anxious to be critizied at my initiatives and more eager to try my best and seek feedback from my bosses. More eager to take up contacts with friends and do stuff. Got up earler to get more time to do my morning meditation and have less stress in the morning.

Slowly I'm breaking free from the chains my mother have held me in. I can now sit at the dinner table not being so sucked into her victimhood and ability to make me feel less than when talking to me, and keeping my center and my opinions and not succumbing to her opinions or emotional drama. Had a good talk with my dad, and as soon as my dad and I start to talk about something, she get all "oh you are closing my out" and throwing victim-tantrums, leaving the table, picking everything up "because she has to as she is the house slave" and slamming things in the kitchen and murmuring negative things about my dad - you get the picture? Anyway my dad and I had a good talk and I didn't care as much about her behavior.

(03-26-2019, 01:45 AM)Greenduck Wrote: [ -> ]Yup I did it too! Just bought LTU5 and it's downloading as we speak. I feel a bit of a pit in my stomach because of how much money I just spent, but I am hoping that it will be a good investment in myself.

Right now I am working about one time a week, due to that I am still recovering from a burn-out around 2 years ago. It's slowly becoming better, and I am hoping to be able to work half-time in about 3 months and full-time in 6 months. I am staying at my parents. I still have some depression and have a bit of problem focusing throughout the day. I have some problems to relax. I have a bit problem with self-esteem and socializing and relaxing in social situations. I have some problems with self confidence. I feel fearful from time to time and have problems setting boundaries with others.

I am not really back to who I was before I was hit with my depression and got messed up with a bad drug experience which caused PTSD-like symtoms for me, but I am hoping that LTU will help and assist me to get back up on the horse. I want to get back to work, feeling in control of what I am doing and trusting in myself. I want to socialize with other more and have a better connection with them. I want to feel better about myself. I want to have a stable income and financial plan for myself. I want to be better at enjoying life. I want to be more relaxed.

So that's about it! I have been running E2 for 9 months and you can find my journal here https://subliminal-talk.com/showthread.php?tid=8527

I do a meditation 2 times daily, to become more grounded, which is this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTqktSAmG30

I do trauma releasing exercises 1-2 times daily, which is a exercise to release stress from the body.

I do cold-showers in the morning.

I feel the same way, buy it on 10/14 as a birthday present to myself. I hope it does a complete healing for me. I need from head to toes healing... Did it work for you??