12-27-2019, 09:59 AM
Day 91 (day 4 on)
I continue with 4 loops ultrasonic overnight, 12/16.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
Yesterday I slept very lightly (and thus pretty well), and had a dream that involved a woman, with no sex but with sexy things happening. That’s still very rare and I was thinking all of yesterday to myself, “good job, let’s have more dreams like that!” but this morning I woke exhausted and with nothing like that.
Oh well.
I was talking with my shrink yesterday, and we got to an interesting idea that my existential terror attacks are different from the excruciating pain of self-hating worthlessness. People keep telling me that lots of people experience the existential terror feelings, which is not something that ever helps, but I simply cannot believe that my experience is that common. I wonder if it’s the combination of existential terror and the pain of worthlessness that makes my experience different.
In any case, I’m still not sure how that changes anything. In theory either LTU or DMSI would be good for the worthlessness feeling (DMSI perhaps limited to the extent for which it interferes with getting women into my life) but neither of them seem to be making it past resistance. Sigh.
I continue with 4 loops ultrasonic overnight, 12/16.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
Yesterday I slept very lightly (and thus pretty well), and had a dream that involved a woman, with no sex but with sexy things happening. That’s still very rare and I was thinking all of yesterday to myself, “good job, let’s have more dreams like that!” but this morning I woke exhausted and with nothing like that.
Oh well.
I was talking with my shrink yesterday, and we got to an interesting idea that my existential terror attacks are different from the excruciating pain of self-hating worthlessness. People keep telling me that lots of people experience the existential terror feelings, which is not something that ever helps, but I simply cannot believe that my experience is that common. I wonder if it’s the combination of existential terror and the pain of worthlessness that makes my experience different.
In any case, I’m still not sure how that changes anything. In theory either LTU or DMSI would be good for the worthlessness feeling (DMSI perhaps limited to the extent for which it interferes with getting women into my life) but neither of them seem to be making it past resistance. Sigh.
I share the details of my life in my posts to help in the understanding of the effects of the subliminals I use. I am only open to advice that relates to the use of the subliminals.
