mat422 alpha journal

[Patti]

I look at these sub programs as a way to accentuate the positives in ourselves more than change who we are all together. I’m not trying to become a whole new me…I’m just trying to be me with a more positive approach.

Great post!

[mat422]

Just having another one of my think out loud moments lol. Anyway as I'm progressing through alpha male I'm feeling way more dominant and in control. It's weird because I'm moving between two extremes, one where I was pretty much afraid of everyone and now where I pretty much project an aura of dominance. It's one of those things I feel, I don't consciously think about it, and it seems strangely normal to me.

But I think I have some resistance to this because I've lived in fear and people pleasing behavior for so long. There is no shame walking through life with authority and demanding respect from people. I guess I never really internalized that growing up. It's one thing to consciously be aware of it, but it's a whole different story when you actually feel it.

Also my indifference is through the roof lol. Unless I really want to talk to someone, I'm usually pretty quiet most the time. I'm comfortable with it too. In the past I'd always be like crap I should be more outgoing or I feel like a loser because I'm so alone. I just don't care much for anyones opinion of me lol because I'm just comfortable doing my own thing.

I'm working on being more present and just letting this subliminal do it's thing. Right now I feel like I'm still clinging on to my old self and my mind is telling me I'm not being authentic. But my old self was more of a product of negative beliefs and not my true self. It's one of those things where I tell myself to just relax and enjoy what happens, but my OCD mind keeps bombarding me with thoughts of this being "wrong". Inner turmoil you could say. I think this is just further proof that the beliefs are solidifying and kicking out the old ones.

[mat422]

Last night was my last day of stage 2 so I'm going to sum up what stage 2 brought to the table.

-walk is really smooth, body language is very alpha, but the most important part is I don't try I just do it naturally

-Speaking my mind a lot more, even more than stage 1

-Overall feeling of peace and wellbeing. Things seem less chaotic and I can handle stressful situations a lot better

-Neediness is pretty low, but still there. The difference is I can recognize when it happens and just let it go

-very dominant, but not in a bossy way. More like respect. People tend to move out of the way or look at me a lot.

-In general I'm a lot less self-conscious. Prior to this I really had to work at feeling at ease being myself. But now I just do what I want to do and don't really care what others think.

Overall I feel like stage 2 gave kind of the same effects as stage 1, except much more powerful. I'd say the most noticeable thing was how I feel a lot more confident.

Starting stage 3 tonight. Can't wait to see what happens with this stage.

[Patti]

Nice table!

[mat422]

I don't know if it's too soon to be seeing results from stage 3 but I felt the need to write this down before I forgot. I think it's pulling up a lot and making me really think about my past. I had really low self esteem during my high school days and combined with anxiety I was just a mess. It wasn't uncommon for me to think about death, I never contemplated actually commuting suicide but it would be a lie to say that the thought of death never crossed my mind at some point.

Anyway I never felt deserving of anything, I didn't think I was good enough to hang out with some of my friends, I had false perceptions that really clouded my judgement. It wasn't true, but it was one of those things where someone could shove the evidence right in front of my face for why I was wrong and I still wouldn't feel any better.

Now I'm realizing I did live a really tough life during those times, mentally at least. But it's also making me realize how much work I still have to do with regards to my negative beliefs. I still in some ways don't feel deserving of friends and its one of those things that aren't conscious. It's just a feeling that trumps all logic and it sucks.

I guess over the years I internalized a lot of stuff that made me believe nobody liked me, so when they did it felt wrong and I just couldn't accept it. It's easy to say to yourself that you deserve something, but it just feels like a lie if you don't feel it and I guess that's what I'm struggling with a little now.

The difference is it's not causing me depression, but it just feels more like a block that prevents me from experiencing life as much as I should. Since starting this subliminal it has really made me aware of how much stuff I've had to endure in my life from a psychological standpoint. I thought I got over it, but I think I just buried it to a subconscious level to protect myself. I never dreamed in a million years that a subliminal could actually do anything beyond placebo. But lately I've been a lot happier for no reason, and for me that's a huge relief because being happy wasn't something that came naturally to me.

I just hope in the future more research is invested in the subconscious mind and methods to help people.

[Patti]

Kiddo, you are so wise beyond your years, it just baffles me. You're right, you are very much like my son. If he were able to put into words (something he struggles much with, hence the screaming matches) I think it would come out exactly like you've stated. I don't know what your major is in college but you really should think about going into this type of field where you can help others. Sometimes the best people to help others are the ones that have gone through experience's themselves, even if those experience's or thoughts are made up in our own minds. Awesome self analyzing and even better descipting.

[mat422]

wise beyond your years

It's funny you should say this, I've heard that from a few other people in my life.

So Patti this is kind of going to be long, but your comment sparked an intense desire for me to write about this lol.

I started off as a liberal arts major in college and I was taking psychology because thats what I thought I would want to pursue. But as I continued on I realized a lot of psychology is about analyzing people and coming up with definitions and categorizing abnormal behavior. I'm very good at understanding people for some reason and I try to help when I can. But I couldn't enter a profession knowing that I wouldn't be capable of helping others who deal with the same problems as me. There are a lot of psychologists out there that run their businesses with money as the main focus and make clients dependent on them so they always have a source of income. But there are also very good ones, the problem is you have to go through a lot of bad ones first and it is just mentally exhausting. Most people like me don't have the energy to do that and I believe that is part of the reason why a lot of people don't seek help.

In my opinion psychology is outdated. It needs to adapt better. Our world is changing fast, people are bombarded with stimulus every single day and I believe we live in more stressful times. Talking about our problems shouldn't cost money and a psychologist needs to understand how to solve a problem, not discuss the theory behind it. Positive thinking is another danger that goes overlooked. Positive thinking can pull a person into a deep depression by the assumption that it is their fault they are depressed and they just need to "stop being so negative".

The hot topic in psychology today is cognitive behavioral therapy, where an individual changes their thinking. This is close, but this only skims the surface of people's problems. The new theory is thoughts cause emotions, while this is true it neglects the fact that habits have been formed inside the brain. Cognitive behavioral therapy takes a conscious approach to solve a subconscious problem, it might work for people with minor problems but for deeper ingrained problems it's not going to work. I went to a cognitive behavioral therapist and they are good at making you aware RATIONALLY how ridiculous your problem might be, but depression and anxiety are sometimes IRRATIONAL behaviors, thus the logic used in cognitive behavioral therapy will have minimal effect.

Well thats my rant about psychology anyway lol. So far the subliminal has achieved more for me than I have been able to do in probably 3 years of positive thinking, self-help, affirmations, and professional help. It is making a change at a deep subconscious level and changing habits, which is much more powerful than consciously doing something.

It's a shame that many professionals dismiss subliminals as useless or placebo and continue to use their outdated methods. The brain often gets compared to a supercomputer. I see subliminals as a way to install new behaviors into your brain and overwrite old ones. Subliminals are just the beginning. I believe in the future they will have a way to map out your brain on a computer and using electrical impulses to change neural pathways instantly while presenting new positive behaviors to you.

It is interesting to note that electro convulsive therapy can be used to cure depression sometimes by "rebooting" the brain. There is a lot about the human mind modern research still hasn't discovered.

I hope I didn't sound too pretentious in this post.

[Spiral]

mat, you are one smart mofo!

And I agree. The subliminals are such a gift. I'm so grateful I decided to give these a shot because they are the best thing I've ever invest my money and time in. At first it takes awhile to get used to because when I started the set I was like 6 months?? But that's alot better than conciously trying to accept my new beliefs and continue writing affirmations. That's just bad on the hands.

[mat422]

Haha, I just appear smart because this is an area of my life I am very familiar with, so I've had years of trial and error. Thanks for the compliment though!

Yeah, these subliminals are definitely beyond affirmations. I tried affirmations for a while but telling myself something over and over again made me feel worse and like I was lying to myself. It's still hard to believe that the subliminals work so well. I wake up every day and still can't believe how much of a difference they have made me feel. It's like a dream sometimes, it's so weird.

[Patti]

I don’t find you pretentious at all. I think your knowledge comes from experience which makes you not only believable but also interesting. When someone lives it, they understand it and can portray it in a much more authentic way.

I’ve done all that cognitive blah blah too with my son. I think I’ve tried everything from soup to nuts with him, except perhaps the electro convulsive therapy, although he probably could use a brain reboot. lol But who couldn’t? So right now I’m relying heavily on these subs. We will see.

I've used affirmations, both my own and premade programs also. I think they have their place and were a stepping stone to get to subliminals. So what will subliminals be a stepping stone to? I think that the power that we hold, the research to be done and the triumphs to be had from the usage of our subconscious is endless.

I do agree that searching for a good psychiatrist/psychologists can be exhausting. This is why I suggested you go into this type of work because people like yourself are so hard to find. This might not be where you want to go, but I just don’t want you work towards a job where you’re stuck behind some desk 9 to 5, because you have so much more to offer this world. I have no doubt that many people will benefit from what you already have and continue to learn.

As always, I look forward to reading more of your posts!

[mat422]

I've just been chilling out over these past few days because it's my spring break. Skateboarding, hanging out with friends, just taking some of the stress away from college. Anyway I was just relaxing on my front porch one day and I just had a weird feeling. The world is huge and just thinking about that makes me realize most people think of their country as their reality, when we are actually all on the same planet. We as humans are all fundamentally the same, but we are very isolated from each other.

I've always been really insightful, connected, spiritual, whatever you want to call it. I don't know if stage 3 is affecting me in some way, but lately I've had more of a sense of not belonging. It's strange because the other day I just thought of that in my head. I was sitting down and I just felt out of place. It's just a feeling you have to experience to understand. Anybody else ever feel this way? I guess it could be depression, and I'm just giving special meaning to it to make myself feel better. Maybe it's just when I look up at the sky and think about Earth collectively, I'm upset about some humans that take that for granted and pollute, litter, and disrespect our home we live on. Or others that disrespect people.

I guess I'm just overwhelmed sometimes. I get caught up in all the negative instead of seeing the positive.

[Spiral]

well, I know where you are coming from. before I even started the alpha set I've become more compassionate for this world we live on. but now I actually have anger towards those people that don't take care of the things they have whether it be relationships, personal items, themselves, or the world. I def. felt very out of place in the later stages of 3 and all of 4.

[Jeff]

Sounds like positive change to me. I've felt something similar. I am one of the most known and liked person in my youth group at church. Everybody seems to really enjoy my company. But, I feel to the core that I do not belong. The worst part is, that is my only social life right now. I don't know it is weird. I guess I was just oblivious to it at first.

[Shannon]

I've just been chilling out over these past few days because it's my spring break. Skateboarding, hanging out with friends, just taking some of the stress away from college. Anyway I was just relaxing on my front porch one day and I just had a weird feeling. The world is huge and just thinking about that makes me realize most people think of their country as their reality, when we are actually all on the same planet. We as humans are all fundamentally the same, but we are very isolated from each other.

I've always been really insightful, connected, spiritual, whatever you want to call it. I don't know if stage 3 is affecting me in some way, but lately I've had more of a sense of not belonging. It's strange because the other day I just thought of that in my head. I was sitting down and I just felt out of place. It's just a feeling you have to experience to understand. Anybody else ever feel this way? I guess it could be depression, and I'm just giving special meaning to it to make myself feel better. Maybe it's just when I look up at the sky and think about Earth collectively, I'm upset about some humans that take that for granted and pollute, litter, and disrespect our home we live on. Or others that disrespect people.

I guess I'm just overwhelmed sometimes. I get caught up in all the negative instead of seeing the positive.

I have felt "out of place" almost my entire life. I think it's a matter of growing as a person, and being in the right location to resonate with the people around you. In my case, most of the people in my area are not in the same level of awareness I am. I have unfortunately been stuck living here ("here" being a part of the country that does not really resonate with me) all my life. The only times I ever felt like I was really "alive" were the times I was in Canada, Maine, Michigan and Washington State. In other words... a heck of a lot further North than where I lived all my life.

Sounds like you are growing and perhaps outgrowing the average awareness of the people where you live.