mat422 alpha journal

[Cortez]

1/7/11

Just had a theory that popped into my head today with regards to interacting with women and how some guys just aren't too good with it. They always say children absorb everything like a sponge at a young age and it's the best time for them to learn. Well if some guys growing up had minimal interaction with girls then maybe they haven't learned to read the social cues and don't understand exactly how to interact. I think the key to being good with women with some guys is an early cultivation of it at a young age. It's like riding a bike for them, they never forget because it has all been internalized. It's automatic for them. I think thats why a guy who is a natural with women can't really describe why girls are so into him, its just his beliefs and patterns that were formed at such a young age that makes it effortless for him. Again just a theory but something to think about. Especially on the whole nature vs nurture discussion.

On a side note I have been having violent and terrifying nightmares. I'll just be going through my day and then all of a sudden I remember what I dreamed about last night. Like my most recent nightmare was having my hands chopped off with a large pair of scissors. Also I'm very aggressive in my dreams, almost always beating someone up. Crazy stuff.

I still have the occasional doubt pop into my head about the sub, but I know for sure its doing something. Very subtly however, and I think that this is the way the mind deals with change. I think if you just went from point a to point b too fast your mind might go into shock or something.

I had the nightmares too from the subs. Mine were usually your standard zombie apocalypse dreams, they gradually changed from running from the zombies to solo-ing the big guy with the axe from Resident Evil afterlife in a hand to hand fight. So they should defnitely change with time.

[Ryan]

I had the nightmares too from the subs. Mine were usually your standard zombie apocalypse dreams, they gradually changed from running from the zombies to solo-ing the big guy with the axe from Resident Evil afterlife in a hand to hand fight. So they should defnitely change with time.

Wow, I had that same dream during my last trial of Alpha Male. Zombie Apocalypse...

[mat422]

Zombies eh? I'm probably gonna end up dreaming about that now because I've read about it lol. It's crazy how some dreams can feel so real, I guess thats whats so terrifying about them.

On a side note, how much exposure do you guys get from these subliminals? I used to leave it running 24/7, but I might just switch to just listening at night. I think I'm working my mind way too much and I'm actually hindering myself. It's like if you work out really heavy 2 days in a row and you get burned out, you need time to let your muscles repair themselves.

Does anybody else wake up in the morning incredibly dehydrated? I've been having serious cotton mouth waking up in the morning.

[woceyes]

Zombie dreams are supposed to be about you vs the world or social pressures if i remember correctly. I have had a lot of zombie dreams as well being on Alpha. (the dreams i could remember anyways)

I listen from anywhere between 8 hours and 12 hours then let my brain cool off for a bit. Sometimes i would wake up dehydrated or really tired and dragging most of the day especially when i started Alpha Male

[Spiral]

Never had a zombie dream.

just make sure you drink lots of water

[mat422]

Thanks for the input guys. I think listening to the sub only at night is the way to go for me. As much as I want results, I'd rather take it easy and just enjoy life for now instead of drilling my mind everyday.

[Solont]

How interesting.

I, too, had almost constant dreams about zombie apocalypses while going through Alpha Male.

I wonder what components of the subliminal may be causing that.

Were any of you in a leadership role during those dreams? That was a common element in mine, and I'm curious if that's also a shared experience.

[Ryan]

How interesting.

I, too, had almost constant dreams about zombie apocalypses while going through Alpha Male.

I wonder what components of the subliminal may be causing that.

Were any of you in a leadership role during those dreams? That was a common element in mine, and I'm curious if that's also a shared experience.

Actually, I did. I led a large tribe of humans to fight off the zombie invasion and create a safe haven. I eventually decided it was up to me to go find other survivors and ventured off on my own.

[woceyes]

How interesting.

I, too, had almost constant dreams about zombie apocalypses while going through Alpha Male.

I wonder what components of the subliminal may be causing that.

Were any of you in a leadership role during those dreams? That was a common element in mine, and I'm curious if that's also a shared experience.

i was always the leader in all of mine. In the first few dreams i would lose a few people. then when i started getting farther along in alpha, my group slowly stayed alive. Then the last dream of zombies i had i stopped and said wait there are no zombies this is ridiculous they all disappeared and everything went back to normal and haven't had one since.

[mat422]

1/11/11

So I've just been listening to alpha only at night. My dreams have gotten progressively weirder and I seem to be waking up in the middle of the night after each one of them. I'm thinking about maybe writing them down or something because I usually forget them after a couple of hours. Then again I really don't care too much for the dreams or what they mean.

I worked out today for the first time in like 2 months. I did 12 2 minute rounds on the heavy bag, felt pretty good. I was pretty energized after, but now I'm feeling the crash coming on and I'm very tired.

Overall I think I might be going through a rough patch with alpha male, either that or it's just winter has me seriously bummed out. Or it could be a combination of both. I just can't shake a feeling of not knowing where my life is going and I'm starting my next semester soon but most the classes I'm taking are just lame. I'm trying to get certified in computer forensics, but I have to take a whole bunch of prerequisites that just suck. I'm going to a community college so I'm mostly at home just chilling out. I'm only 19 so I've still got a lot of time to decide what I want to do for a living, but I've still got this sense of impending doom about my whole life.

Girls are the last thing on my mind right now, I'm just so lethargic I can't be bothered to even think about it. I usually skateboard to take my mind off things, but the weather isn't letting me do that. I'm trying not to get ahead of myself but days like this really twist my perception around and make me think the worst.

But I'll give myself a pat on the back for working out today, it's a step in the right direction.

[ronatello]

I've got used to the unusual dreams and I find them entertaining at times. Rough patches will come and go. Just keep going! And the lethargic feeling will subside somewhat once you get into level 2.
Since you're 19, you got a lot to look forward to, actually and it's very good to get the alpha stuff internalized at such a young age.
I just wished at age 19 I would have took the steps you're taking now. But I'm taking steps to be the best I can be (as we all are here) so that's all good.

[mat422]

1/13/11

The best way I can describe how I feel right now is upside down. I feel like all my beliefs and thoughts about myself were just turned upside down and I can't make sense of any of it. I'm demanding more respect from people and not tolerating any lack of respect because I've come to realize that I deserve respect.

I feel edgier, thats the best way to describe it. I've read a lot of books about the ego and spiritual enlightenment. During that phase I always was a good natured person, except I felt that people would walk all over me and I would just tolerate it. I really don't know how practical spiritual teachings are to fix all your problems. I have received tremendous value from it, but I don't believe meditating alone can fix problems.

If anything I became too humble. I thought being more confident or dominant was just being arrogant so I never really thought highly of myself.

It's a weird transition because I feel like I'm at a crossroads between who I was and who I am becoming. The fact is that who I was tended to be a nervous wreck of a guy who was generally afraid of people. I feel like that old me is dying, and being replaced with a new one. I still have the same personality, interests, hobbies, etc. but I don't feel like "me". It's hard to describe but it feels like I've stepped into a parallel universe and all of a sudden things just shifted, I feel out of place.

I'm having a lot of fear of change right now and my mind has attempted to convince me many times to stop the subliminal, but I know better. I want this change, but in the back of my head I feel like someone is yelling that this isn't right and I need to stop. More than anything else I want freedom and I'm willing to keep pushing until I shatter my resistance.

[Roy]

That's similar to what I was going through in stage 1.The out of place feeling and the different you is normal.You will get used to it.

Stage 1 and 2 were the hardest part for me where tons of negativity were pulled out and replaced with something else.

I had the same thoughts about the spiritual stuff where it didn't seemed practical.

There is no spiritual thing in being humble and letting people walk all over you and being afraid.It's an excuse you tell yourself to the reason you act like this.When you are afraid and act submissive it's not humility,it's fear.
And that's passiveness,not spirituality.

Your mind will shout,scream,resist and protest and will throw at you every little piece of negativity it has to convince you are not really like that.
It's probably going to hurt a lot.You just have to keep playing the subliminal.

I haven't totally gotten used to the new me too.It still seems a bit weird to me sometimes.

And make sure to get lots of exercise it helps a lot.

[Jay]

I’m glad to see that you’re starting to realize things can go differently, I think the depersonalization process you’re currently experiencing is because you’ve identified with that nervous wreck persona as you call it for so long, that you’ve started to believe that that was the real you. The issues that kept those nervous wreck beliefs intact are starting to deteriorate and with that your (fake/identified) sense of self. Your new beliefs and corresponding perspectives and actions are conflicting to your former, so it has to figure out which one to keep, in the meantime your mind is in limbo.

A realization I had a couple of weeks ago was that a large part of who I thought my identity was, was nothing more than the symptoms from social anxiety, nice guy persona, no/low self esteem and depression. It’s pretty unnerving when you think about it, because you realize that you don’t a real clue to who you really are. A part is now suddenly missing… But still, it are only roles you act and play out, it are only reactions to certain situations, it doesn’t make you who you are. But then again, what really does?

Based on what I’ve read in your journal(s) so far, and how much I can identify with the things you write about. I think you can benefit greatly from the book No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert A. Glover. I listen to the audio-book from time to time, and it’s a real helpful guide in taking control over my own life, putting myself first instead of others, and not having the need to feel guilt and compromise my own happiness when someone close to me has a bad day. It’s a nice turn than from being externally dependent.