mat422 alpha journal

[mat422]

Well I feel like my brain is fried right about now and I'm extremely exhausted. Between work, these subliminals, and my college classes I'm having a really rough time. Good news is summer is right around the corner, got about 2 weeks left of college.

Sometimes this subliminal uses up a lot of my energy so when things get stressful it hits me hard. So right about now I'm not feeling too great. But from what little glimpses I've seen of the subliminal working is my lack of caring about what others think. I'm able to just do my own thing without worrying or caring, which has been a huge relief off my shoulders. I'm just a little too indifferent sometimes which I think is due to the stress. When I don't have much energy, socializing is the last thing on my mind.

Still a little anxiety here and there, but I've been able to let go of it more and more. I'm definitely more in control of it compared to where I started out. I remember walking on college campus was enough to give me anxiety. I feel a lot more calm than I have in the past which used to lead to a lot of anxiety which then lead to depression because I felt out of control. I think having that irrational level of fear caused me to criticize myself a lot and made me feel really weak and helpless.

Just kind of realized I was repressing a lot of my emotions. This is something I go on and off with. I've learned to kind of stuff my emotions down instead of feeling them fully. To me I don't like feeling that vulnerability because I've been there too often but I think it's important that I address these feelings instead of hiding from them. It's easy enough to do during meditation, but I need to work on it through my day to day life because I think the repression builds up to a lot of stress and then I unload it all during meditation. This also has to do with showing my interest for some girls. On a certain level I'm afraid to become interested in a girl for fear of becoming needy, but I think that I repress some natural urges because of this irrational belief. It's time I accept the worst that can happen instead of trying to live with perfection.

[mat422]

So I don't know how many guys on here practice the sedona method whether currently or in the past, but I've found that "letting go" sometimes had the opposite effect on me. Sometimes I thought I let go of emotions when in reality I buried or suppressed them. I've found nothing more powerful than accepting emotions and letting them be. I've had all sorts of painful emotions pop up today, but I've been accepting them and acknowledging them instead of turning away. After an intense session of doing this I gained clarity in what it means to let go and wrote it down. Forgive the format, for some reason that is how I type when I have a breakthrough and jot it down in notepad on my computer.

What does letting go mean? Is it really letting go? No,

there is no conscious letting go, you can't force letting

go, or do it. Letting go is letting go, surrendering,

realizing that the only struggle and problems you have

is only your resistance to them and supressing them. By

letting go you allow, become friends with the emotions

inside you, become one with them. Then they will be let

go of, but not by your conscious will. So long as you want

to let go, they will not be let go, only when you accept

these emotions, experiences, thoughts, will you be free to

be an observer and realize that allowing them to flow

through you is a process that is easy enough. Again, any

notion of "letting go" in the mechanical conscious sense

of effort is wrong, it is merely suppression or ignoring the

emotions which is not letting go, it is denial. You can't

let emotions go that fast, you must experience them first and

become one with them, then you will understand why you don't

need to hold onto them.

So long as you have disdain or an aversion to those emotions

they will always have control over you. Acceptance is not

a technique, you have to fully accept these emotions and

understand that they do not control you, you merely observe

them.


I believe these subliminals bring up a lot of emotions and in the past I used to do work or watch tv to avoid them. The problem was that once I was alone I was forced to confront them and even then I did not accept them. The result of repressing emotions is very unpleasant, I have dealt with depersonalization quite a few times because of it.

If you feel like you are in a haze or out of it, like that feeling when you are sick and everything is fuzzy or unclear, you might be repressing emotions. This has been my experience. When you start accepting the emotions it will be painful, but you also feel like the world becomes more vivid.

[Spiral]

Only once you accept them you can really let go. I think that's what happened to me this past weekend. Awesome post, mat!

[mat422]

Sometimes I really have to take a step back and stop trying to understand things so much. Right now it's my last week of stage 4 and I think the biggest thing I need to realize is I still haven't finished the set. What I mean by this is that my expectancy kind of minimizes my awareness of results.

Right now it would do me some good to just enjoy the journey instead of focusing on the destination. Something that helped me do this was a little meditation on feelings I had. I asked myself "What would I be doing if I didn't have the subliminal right now?" As great as the subliminal is, at times I feel like I'm waiting.

The biggest problem is I'm waiting for the results that I THINK are going to happen. While I'm thinking about what could be happening I'm not actually observing how I have changed. Within the past few days something clicked in my head and I felt alpha. Walk was smooth as hell, my posture improved dramatically, I had a no nonsense attitude. The only thing that still bothered me was the anxiety. At times I feel the anxiety operates independently of my thoughts, I'm confident, I feel confident, but I still have anxiety. The difference is I no longer beat myself up for it and I don't feel like less of a person for having it.

I'll see if by the end of this set the anxiety is resolved. If not I might go on to one of the subs for anxiety or see a psychiatrist or something. I don't like taking medication, but if it is a biological problem then I better just swallow my pride. My mom's side of the family has issues with anxiety and depression. Which you could say my mom learned these behaviors and passed them on to me, the whole nature vs nurture debate.

I wish they didn't push medication like candy so much and actually knew the hows and whys of medication that treats a condition such as anxiety. To me SSRIs don't seem like a likely solution to an anxiety problem. I was actually on them a while back, made my life very foggy, sure I didn't have anxiety but I also had no color to life, no spectrum of emotion. Being a human guinea pig isn't my idea of a good time and I feel like a lot of those SSRIs are trial and error with little scientific basis behind them.

[Ryan]

Sometimes I really have to take a step back and stop trying to understand things so much. Right now it's my last week of stage 4 and I think the biggest thing I need to realize is I still haven't finished the set. What I mean by this is that my expectancy kind of minimizes my awareness of results.

Right now it would do me some good to just enjoy the journey instead of focusing on the destination. Something that helped me do this was a little meditation on feelings I had. I asked myself "What would I be doing if I didn't have the subliminal right now?" As great as the subliminal is, at times I feel like I'm waiting.

The biggest problem is I'm waiting for the results that I THINK are going to happen. While I'm thinking about what could be happening I'm not actually observing how I have changed. Within the past few days something clicked in my head and I felt alpha. Walk was smooth as hell, my posture improved dramatically, I had a no nonsense attitude. The only thing that still bothered me was the anxiety. At times I feel the anxiety operates independently of my thoughts, I'm confident, I feel confident, but I still have anxiety. The difference is I no longer beat myself up for it and I don't feel like less of a person for having it.

I'll see if by the end of this set the anxiety is resolved. If not I might go on to one of the subs for anxiety or see a psychiatrist or something. I don't like taking medication, but if it is a biological problem then I better just swallow my pride. My mom's side of the family has issues with anxiety and depression. Which you could say my mom learned these behaviors and passed them on to me, the whole nature vs nurture debate.

I wish they didn't push medication like candy so much and actually knew the hows and whys of medication that treats a condition such as anxiety. To me SSRIs don't seem like a likely solution to an anxiety problem. I was actually on them a while back, made my life very foggy, sure I didn't have anxiety but I also had no color to life, no spectrum of emotion. Being a human guinea pig isn't my idea of a good time and I feel like a lot of those SSRIs are trial and error with little scientific basis behind them.

Hey man,

By anxiety do you mean your social anxiety or just general anxiety? Social anxiety is probably going to be overcome in the next 2 stages, I've had my moments of social anxiety not that it's very high anymore though, but stage 4 really brought it out. Anyways, I totally understand not wanting to go on pills, being on them now, I hate it but I'm just now coming off. I totally feel foggy and no color to life, no emotion so I understand what that was like. If you have to take them, try asking about Lexapro which isn't such a horrible one to take, I'm on it now and the side effects are very minimal. Also ask them about Buspar. It's an anti-anxiety med that you take several times a day to take the edge off. It's like Xanax but the only difference is that you do not get addicted to it and there are no side effects that I've noticed, just makes you a little tired/out of it for about 30 minutes after taking. It's not as quick acting, but it's pretty effective. There are some other things to look into to, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is definitely one, which a good therapist will help you with. Also check out the program Overcome Anxiety & Depression, I see an infomercial for it all the time! But for gods sake, stay away from any Benzo: Xanax, Ativan AND Paxil! Evil evil drugs! There are also herbal remedies like St. John's Worts, Bach Remedy Spray, and a few others that you can buy at any Pharmacy or Walmart.

[Spiral]

Mat, the anxiety should be dealt will pretty well in the coming stages. And If it's biological even you can change your destiny with your mind.. that's what these subliminals do. Don't buy in to what your parents tell you is part of you. It happened to those that were part of your family and maybe those conditions are present in the dna but they don't have to be present in the body and the mind. Like when people say their family has a history of disease such as heart problems or cancer... all that means is people have died from them or have them. Doesn't mean you are going to get them or that you have a very good chance of getting them.. unless you believe in that whole family bloodline thing. Just surround yourself with good positive energy and you begin to heal yourself. That's my main focus now.

[mat422]

Hey man,

By anxiety do you mean your social anxiety or just general anxiety? Social anxiety is probably going to be overcome in the next 2 stages, I've had my moments of social anxiety not that it's very high anymore though, but stage 4 really brought it out. Anyways, I totally understand not wanting to go on pills, being on them now, I hate it but I'm just now coming off. I totally feel foggy and no color to life, no emotion so I understand what that was like. If you have to take them, try asking about Lexapro which isn't such a horrible one to take, I'm on it now and the side effects are very minimal. Also ask them about Buspar. It's an anti-anxiety med that you take several times a day to take the edge off. It's like Xanax but the only difference is that you do not get addicted to it and there are no side effects that I've noticed, just makes you a little tired/out of it for about 30 minutes after taking. It's not as quick acting, but it's pretty effective. There are some other things to look into to, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is definitely one, which a good therapist will help you with. Also check out the program Overcome Anxiety & Depression, I see an infomercial for it all the time! But for gods sake, stay away from any Benzo: Xanax, Ativan AND Paxil! Evil evil drugs! There are also herbal remedies like St. John's Worts, Bach Remedy Spray, and a few others that you can buy at any Pharmacy or Walmart.

Funny you should mention Lexapro, that's the one I was on for a while. It's definitely social anxiety, it's just weird sometimes how it's there but there aren't really negative thoughts attached to it. Maybe they have just become habitual and I can't consciously catch those thoughts. Since I've dealt with social anxiety for a while now most people don't actually see me as an anxious person. I've gotten really good at hiding it, but it's very draining and sometimes I worry about it for health reasons. Anxiety is like a really high degree of stress and when you are stressed you produce cortisol which isn't very good for you in large amounts. Obviously you know how it feels from experience, it can really weigh you down and make life a lot more difficult than it should be.

Probably deep down there's some subconscious beliefs that are causing me to feel this way. It's the whole fear of evaluation from other people, but I really think it's me taking those possible negative situations and criticizing myself more for them. It's not really people, but more my reaction to them. When you think about it people don't really cause you to react, it's just how you interpret the situation. It's like if someone called you an idiot in a language you didn't know, it wouldn't bother you because you wouldn't know what the hell they said.

Mat, the anxiety should be dealt will pretty well in the coming stages. And If it's biological even you can change your destiny with your mind.. that's what these subliminals do. Don't buy in to what your parents tell you is part of you. It happened to those that were part of your family and maybe those conditions are present in the dna but they don't have to be present in the body and the mind. Like when people say their family has a history of disease such as heart problems or cancer... all that means is people have died from them or have them. Doesn't mean you are going to get them or that you have a very good chance of getting them.. unless you believe in that whole family bloodline thing. Just surround yourself with good positive energy and you begin to heal yourself. That's my main focus now.

Yeah I believe our minds definitely have a lot of power over our bodies, but at the same time I can't rule out the fact that it may be hereditary. Positive thinking has it's advantages, but I think the new age movement kind of brought false delusions to some individuals. I used to think the subconscious mind was capable of anything, but it does have it's limits, for now at least. But I do have a positive outlook for this subliminal because I believe the anxiety is mostly due to beliefs and then the chemistry of my body changed because of that. Now it's just a matter of internalizing new beliefs that aid me instead of hinder me.

[Jay]

I don't believe that anxiety itself could be something hereditary, although personal temperament could make one more susceptible to it.

From what I’ve gathered is that anxiety is only meant as a survival instinct that links / pattern matches certain environments, people or circumstances with the amygdale (fight or flight response) to prevent possible death. The cortisol that is been triggered in the brain is simply shutting down certain functions in the body so that it can make quick decisions (higher brain functions shut down) and put more energy towards parts in the body that would involve excessive running (from wild animals) or fighting.

When you’re experiencing anxiety from a certain situation it doesn’t have to involve immediate danger, but your body still thinks it is because there is a certain pattern match stored that involved a past traumatic event (real danger, feeling of rejection, hurt and/or loss etc.) or where you were advised by a authoritarian person to be more cautious, where normally you would not.

Say for example you were hit by a red Peugeot and lived to tell about it, the next time you would see the same model and color car (or even the emblem) after your recovery you would have a bout of anxiety because your body is simply reminding/warning you that you could possibly die from any interaction with that object. The same thing is going on with person sporting a fetish, they’ve simply linked sexual energy with an object or a certain body part for sexual stimulation.

In my position social anxiety is triggered mainly situations concerning eye contact, where my appearance is put in the spotlight (simply walking on the street, or buying something in a store) and people being able to judge it, or finding fault with it, along with encountering groups on the street, having conversations with women, speaking up for myself, speaking in public etc. If I was the last person on earth, there wouldn't be a problem

When I look at my anxiety I can trace it back to certain traumatic events in the past where I was shamed and/or rejected, and as a consequence of that my body is now simply warning me so that it can avoid such situations because I couldn’t handle them when I was a child. Luckily these subliminals, plenty of motivation and getting myself out there to get over the avoiding part are enough, I see that avoiding such things isn’t particularly adult-like, and the problem will still persist, and avoiding it won’t solve a thing.

I can notice that I’m more prone on dealing with such situations and being more in control over myself, and it’s getting easier with each experience I gather from putting myself more in the open, and noticing that I have no reason to be scared, although my body is still working on old information. What I've also discovered is that before I started the subliminals I always had an underlying sense of anxiety, even when I was at home. I was always stressing about something, and it's great to have some contrast going on instead of just having a dial of anxiety going from low to high.. I do notice that I'm a lot less anxious around women, but still feeling a bit more anxious when guys are in the vicinity...

While you’re feeling anxious, the trick really is to keep breathing (long breaths out) and acknowledge what is happening to your body (what the amygdala and cortisol is doing) and being able to calm yourself, or simply get out of the situation to regain composure and go over it again (yeah, too bad this can't be applied to all things) and be kind to yourself in case you do screw up or say the wrong thing.

Oh, and screw ssri's! xD

[Ryan]

Well why is consciously bothering you so much atm? Perhaps, that is a sign that the program is trying to work on your Social Anxiety...? I would just let it go and let the program do it's thing because it was meant to get over Social Anxiety and in stage 4 I also had more social anxiety even though I am on SSRI's, it's manageable though. And the program itself could be making you a little more anxious just because it is pushing you into a new direction that you haven't quite become comfortable with... Just give it time and then try out the Social Anxiety sub. Another thing that was recommended to me that I want to try soon is Toastmasters... It's all about public speaking, look it up in your area!

Ryan

[mat422]

Ok so tonight's the last night of stage 4 so once again I'll sum up the effects of this stage. Stage 4 was pretty brutal for me, like stage 2 only times 10. But it's hard to tell because I've also got a lot of stress due to finals week. Which I honestly can't help, I think the stress drives me to do better but at the same time cripples me in terms of enjoying life. Anyway....

-Body language is really smooth. I look really relaxed all the time but there's really no conscious effort involved there

-stage 4 I think brought back that edginess. Which is a good thing, but at the same time gave me a really harsh vibe. Sometimes I could mellow out, but other times I just couldn't stand being around people and I just wanted to be alone.

-I definitely feel like people respect me a lot more. They are friendly around me and really respectful.

-I pretty much don't tolerate crap from anyone. When I do experience anger it's much more refined. Almost an attitude of whatever, I let them play out their little game and pretty much make them see how foolish they are when I don't react. It's almost like they aren't even worthy of my attention, I just really don't care.

-I'm getting better at setting my priorities. I'm able to do what needs to be done, even if I'm feeling really lazy or unmotivated.

-My voice is a lot deeper and projects easily.

-This one I've noticed a lot more lately. I find my self image increasingly sexy every day lol.

Overall I can see how the roughness of stage 4 helped solidify the alpha mindset even more. Looking forward to stage 5 and the changes that will bring.

[mat422]

Found this video on youtube. It's called the Shen Technique. I gave the technique a try just for the hell of it. It's a strange thing at first and I don't know how much is placebo effect from expecting something from it, but it really did something for me. I usually have horrible test anxiety, so I did this technique and it pretty much went away. It's like the emotion dissolved on it's own, I didn't have to do anything. The other strange thing was I woke up this morning with an awful head cold, feeling really spaced out, sneezing, stuffy nose, and headache. After I did the technique I felt a surge in my head almost and my sinuses cleared up and I got a lot of energy.



Give it a shot for yourselves, I'd be interested to know how it makes you guys feel. I'm pretty skeptical of stuff like this, so I'm going to continue experimenting with it. I'm thinking it might be the power of suggestion and the ritual that's performed is to trick you conscious mind to trust in an imaginary outside force so your subconscious mind can access it's own healing powers. Then again it could be energy, though like I said I'm skeptical of the whole energy therapy thing.

[Spiral]

This is very interesting. I watched his videos on exorcism and I think that's something I could use. However I do not know the difference between a squishy finger and a firm finger. You'll know what I mean if you've seen them. In the mean time I'll just do this exercise.

[mat422]

Yeah the whole squishy vs firm finger is a little difficult. Muscle testing is probably really hard to do on yourself. I don't know how much I believe in the exorcisms though, or spirits and entities for that matter being a constant cause of psychological or physical problems.

I do believe that this technique is mostly placebo. Having only done it on emotional issues I believe it gets you to accept the emotion without being attached to it. Letting it run through your body without judgement and without urging it to leave. Essentially very very old buddhist teachings, but it's implemented in a manner that gives people faith in a power which removes their attachment to the emotion. I believe my cold cleared up because it was caused by stress and once the stress left my body was able to recover to some degree.

I checked out his other videos called yes system of healing. He had some ridiculous stories which I find pretty suspicious. Bones healing in seconds, brain stem regenerating, etc. All supposedly an act of God and the healing energy of God. Plus he's associated with Ashida Kim and if you know anything about that guy he pretty much claims he's a modern day ninja. So I'm going to say I'm skeptical of this guy a bit.

You know that phrase "There's a sucker born every minute"? There's a legitimate reasoning behind that and marketers know how to get inside the human psyche and twist around their emotions and push all the right buttons. I used to be desperate, so I encountered this a lot in self-help products. There's always that 1% chance of hope and feeling that even if you know it sounds ridiculous you want it to work. That's where they get you, because even though all logic says it's not going to work the emotion ends up overriding that logic.

I know nothing of the human mind or it's capabilities. I don't know the laws of the universe, I've never experienced miracles, I honestly don't know what us humans are capable of. I wish that problems could be solved as simply as prayer to God or magically healing through some energy therapy, but it's still a subject that I am skeptical of. 1 out of 10 people may be healed by the act of God or through energy, but what about the other 9? Why were they ignored? It's just not consistent enough and I feel like I have to have blind faith in these techniques sometimes.

I think the fact remains that the world is tough as hell to walk through if you don't have the right attitude. Every little belief you have helps you make it through the day. Humans are brutal, that's all I can say. While I greatly enjoy the company of those with a higher consciousness and respect for other people, I cannot tolerate for one second those that seek to harm or be cruel to others whether intentionally or not.

[Spiral]

I totally get you, man. If you've watched the secret you might believe in miracles. Miracles are the same thing as a manifestation. It just depends on what the meaning is to the person to be considered a miracle. But whether we like it or not our minds are all interconnected to a higher being or god consciousness that affects the whole universe. That's why it is important how you feel through out your life. If you have the wrong attitude about things you tend to experience the wrong kinds of emotions throughout the day such as envy jealousy and anger which in turns makes your life suck day after day. Until you change your attitude and have some faith.

There is very much so a thing such as bad and good energy and we all call these energies vibes. In a quantum physics documentary I saw this energy master or what have you (similar to this Grandmaster David guy) put out bad energies on some water particles and then good energies on others. They viewed the drops under microscopes to see the molecules. The bad energy water looked like complete chaos with the molecules all of places with strings of liquified looking straight lines moving out from each other and going in all sorts of directions. The good energy water molecules created an almost perfect looking snow flake shape.

I can see why you would be skeptical of these practices and I am too. I don't know which person has the right or wrong techniques. How about this.. when in doubt.. just turn to yoga meditation. Focus on your breathing and let everything else go. This in turn heals you of everything. Stress, tension, disease.. whatever (over time). The other week I was going through a tough time because I had let the stress get to me and it screwed me all up. I hadn't been doing my breathing exercises either for I don't know how long. I started feeling like shit and having bad thoughts because I didn't let them totally go. All the frustration just bottled up inside and I released it all it did take some time for them to go away. I'm going to sit down when I get home from work and just close my eyes and breath. See if I can let everything go. I'll let you know it works out for me. My goal is to still my mind for 5-10 minutes. I'm going to just say whats up to my "demons" and let them go.

Sry for the rant and if you don't really understand this post