Slept in this morning because I had a bit of a rough night sleep despite taking a sleeping pill. Went to this art exhibit in a national park, I didn't really talk to anyone people were focused on the artwork and didn't seem interested in socialising but still it was nice to get outside in nature rather than sit around at home and be stuck in my head. I haven't noticed any aura firing or any more looks from attractive women (I've been getting random looks by older unattractive women which is kind of annoying me.) I am still not feeling super confident and sexy in public but I am not expecting radical changes yet. I am working through some internal stuff. A bit of a self identity crisis I suppose. I am also trying not to focus on negative things which go through my head.
It dawned on me yesterday that I focus far too much on what I am not getting in life rather than focusing on what I want. I've had a scarcity way of looking at life and that needs to change. I tend to compare myself to other people alot 'at my age people have a friends circle, socialise alot, have a place of their own, a good car, a good job' etc. This is totally irrational because there are also alot of people my age who have terrible health, bad habits, no money or job and no car. It is time to start being grateful for what I have and to stop comparing my situation to other people. It's pointless and it doesn't help me get what I want it just makes me feel inferior and insecure.
I did notice today in the supermarket that the checkout girl was especially smiley and friendly towards me. Too young for me but it was kind of sweet to get a pleasant interaction. I also saw a woman wearing what appeared to be blue pajamas in one of the aisles looking at some stuff on the shelf. I walked past and said in a not so confident almost bumbly way 'too many to choose from' she turned around and she was absolutely gorgeous and very receptive. I was actually a bit shocked and I got pretty nervous and was smiling nervously, not really sure how I should act etc. I had a brief conversation with her and left. It dawned on me afterwards, as it usually does, the amount of things I could have said to her in a fun and playful way. If only I had that knowledge and initiative in the moment. I could have offered to help her pick a dye and held it next to her head in a playful way or I could have grabbed the blue one and said that if she used this she would look like a pretty smurf in those pajamas. She was very friendly and it would have worked great but long story short I didn't and its not like I can rewind time and do things differently.
Anyway, things seem okay at the moment. I don't feel like i'm regressing in any way like I did with 3.2B but I feel like I am coming to terms with things and it feels like some of my inner values and beliefs about my self and life are shifting, I cant put my finger on what they are but it is happening.
It dawned on me yesterday that I focus far too much on what I am not getting in life rather than focusing on what I want. I've had a scarcity way of looking at life and that needs to change. I tend to compare myself to other people alot 'at my age people have a friends circle, socialise alot, have a place of their own, a good car, a good job' etc. This is totally irrational because there are also alot of people my age who have terrible health, bad habits, no money or job and no car. It is time to start being grateful for what I have and to stop comparing my situation to other people. It's pointless and it doesn't help me get what I want it just makes me feel inferior and insecure.
I did notice today in the supermarket that the checkout girl was especially smiley and friendly towards me. Too young for me but it was kind of sweet to get a pleasant interaction. I also saw a woman wearing what appeared to be blue pajamas in one of the aisles looking at some stuff on the shelf. I walked past and said in a not so confident almost bumbly way 'too many to choose from' she turned around and she was absolutely gorgeous and very receptive. I was actually a bit shocked and I got pretty nervous and was smiling nervously, not really sure how I should act etc. I had a brief conversation with her and left. It dawned on me afterwards, as it usually does, the amount of things I could have said to her in a fun and playful way. If only I had that knowledge and initiative in the moment. I could have offered to help her pick a dye and held it next to her head in a playful way or I could have grabbed the blue one and said that if she used this she would look like a pretty smurf in those pajamas. She was very friendly and it would have worked great but long story short I didn't and its not like I can rewind time and do things differently.
Anyway, things seem okay at the moment. I don't feel like i'm regressing in any way like I did with 3.2B but I feel like I am coming to terms with things and it feels like some of my inner values and beliefs about my self and life are shifting, I cant put my finger on what they are but it is happening.
