Haven't noticed much in terms of more looks or attention lately but I haven't been getting out much either. Feel like im a bit of a reculse at the moment and that needs to change if I want to start getting more out of life. Somewhere deep inside I have always felt ashamed of myself or something, like I wasn't as good as other people, i've always been afraid to show myself to the world in fear of their judgement. I don't know where this all comes from, it used to be worse and I have grown much but there is still some deep seated insecurities there which are holding me back in life.
In the past I always shyed away from challenges and putting myself in the limelight. I have cared far too much about what others think of me and I have let it rule my life. As much as I tell myself that I am confident and can outwardly display a degree of confidence in public I have still felt lacking deep inside. I feel somewhere that if I don't push my comfort zone and allow myself to feel this fear and break through it with courage that it will keep controlling me. And I cannot have that. I have been seeing fear as a bad thing, something to avoid. But that has never worked for me and it time for a paradigm shift.
I feel some of these things coming to the surface, like I am trying to come to terms and be honest about what has held me back for so long. It's hard sometimes to admit to these things and to pretend that they are not there but that is just a way to prolong the pain and fear.
Anyway that aside I went to the shops today with my mum to get some HDMI cables and look at some curtains and I noticed a very warm reception from the female staff in the department store and lots of smiles from the staff.
Went to the gym and there was this pretty hot girl down there with earphones on. Didn't notice any looks from her at all and I kept thinking to myself that I should approach her and tap her on the shoulder and say hi. Not because I wanted to hit on her but because I wanted to face my fears. I didn't end up talking to her, I know that sometimes people with their headphones on in the gym just want to be left alone to workout and don't want to be bothered by some random dude. I guess I am too attached to the fear that an interaction may have a bad outcome. It's so irrational, I mean who cares if the outcome is bad. Are they going to post it on social media? Most fears are so irrational and pathetic. Still not sure if it was a good or bad thing that I didn't approach her but then again I got no initial eye contact, and some good initial eye contact is usually a green light that you can talk to someone.
Thinking about changing to the hybrid version of the sub, been listening only to the masked version so far but thinking of ramping up the intensity with hybrid.
In the past I always shyed away from challenges and putting myself in the limelight. I have cared far too much about what others think of me and I have let it rule my life. As much as I tell myself that I am confident and can outwardly display a degree of confidence in public I have still felt lacking deep inside. I feel somewhere that if I don't push my comfort zone and allow myself to feel this fear and break through it with courage that it will keep controlling me. And I cannot have that. I have been seeing fear as a bad thing, something to avoid. But that has never worked for me and it time for a paradigm shift.
I feel some of these things coming to the surface, like I am trying to come to terms and be honest about what has held me back for so long. It's hard sometimes to admit to these things and to pretend that they are not there but that is just a way to prolong the pain and fear.
Anyway that aside I went to the shops today with my mum to get some HDMI cables and look at some curtains and I noticed a very warm reception from the female staff in the department store and lots of smiles from the staff.
Went to the gym and there was this pretty hot girl down there with earphones on. Didn't notice any looks from her at all and I kept thinking to myself that I should approach her and tap her on the shoulder and say hi. Not because I wanted to hit on her but because I wanted to face my fears. I didn't end up talking to her, I know that sometimes people with their headphones on in the gym just want to be left alone to workout and don't want to be bothered by some random dude. I guess I am too attached to the fear that an interaction may have a bad outcome. It's so irrational, I mean who cares if the outcome is bad. Are they going to post it on social media? Most fears are so irrational and pathetic. Still not sure if it was a good or bad thing that I didn't approach her but then again I got no initial eye contact, and some good initial eye contact is usually a green light that you can talk to someone.
Thinking about changing to the hybrid version of the sub, been listening only to the masked version so far but thinking of ramping up the intensity with hybrid.
