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USLM3 Journal
01-04-2019, 10:03 AM
Post: #21
RE: USLM3 Journal
Day 49

Another day of sub. I could not give time to my business work due to domestic commitment all day long.

Normally i walk or jog as a form of exercise. I went to gym with a friend of mine. I had this fear popping up all the time that some guy might try to rape me. I feel this is associated with my childhood abuse. I have kind of a normal physique. Most of the guys in the gym were quite muscular. When I was lifting lying down I felt quite vulnerable and afraid. I used few machines for about 15-20 minutes and came back. My friend had left earlier than me.

E1 182 days: E2 127 days: USLM3 90 days ...
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01-06-2019, 03:36 AM
Post: #22
RE: USLM3 Journal
Day 51

I feel pretty scared and its like i have put all my anchors in the ground to keep me moving forward. I feel like paralyzed. In the start i was making good progress on business work and now I am just holding myself. Some external factors have helped in stalling the work. Motivation is gone. I am now trying to remind myself of the reasons why I need to do this business. Why I need to earn more? I was in the mall today and I was looking at the nice things and saying to myself why I need to be successful in my business. The fear has stopped me and I am just finding ways and seeing how I can enjoy life without working and wasting time on business. I am just trying to slowly and slowly cease progress on the work. In the start I felt like a free run, now its like I am tied to a chain and I have to exert huge effort to make a small step and this is forcing me to just stop.

I have observed the above pattern in many aspects of my life. As I am listening to the sub, I not was expecting to face this issue.

E1 182 days: E2 127 days: USLM3 90 days ...
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01-09-2019, 10:35 PM
Post: #23
RE: USLM3 Journal
Day 55

Today is my break day no 1. Overall I find that the turbulence on the break days / rest days is almost gone. It was very high in the start but quite normal now.

On the business side I am still struggling. I have to finalize a product and kept going back and forth without any definitive result. Several times I felt I have succeeded but on review I ditched the idea. I have shortlisted few items and will be meeting my consultant tommorrow.

On the training side, there is slight positive news. I have been invited to an overseas meeting. The meeting is for 3 days but I have been invited for 1 day only. I see it as a positive step towards the training scene.

On the sex side, there are some differences / changes but not affecting the final result.

My fear of road accident while driving has changed in its form. The fear has changed from being emotional to physical / monetary.

E1 182 days: E2 127 days: USLM3 90 days ...
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01-13-2019, 09:48 PM
Post: #24
RE: USLM3 Journal
Day 59

Made some progress in the business side. Finalized a step with the consultant. Thats a big relief for me. On to the next step. I have started to observe new problems. / challenges now. I am starting to feel that every step is a challenge. But at least I am moving.

Last night I had a dream. There is a river / stream flowing quite vertically. I am inside it. The water is muddy / brown and sometimes engulfs / covers me, sometimes its is very low. I am standing and the water is vertical so there is no chance of drowning, but due to height of water sometimes it covers me. I do not know what I am doing inside it. There are 2 other people, one normal height and one short height. They are also inside the water, then they leave the water and stand besides it watching me. The water is flowing backwards meaning instead of flowing down, the water is going up. The terrain is brown like a muddy, dirty and we are on a mountain. There is no vegetation or greenery.

I woke up once in the middle of the night to find one of my nostril is completely blocked and I am breathing only through one side. After lying awake for a few minutes I go back to sleep. When I woke up in the morning, I have this severe headache, sore throat and overall feverish type feeling.

E1 182 days: E2 127 days: USLM3 90 days ...
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01-15-2019, 10:20 PM
Post: #25
RE: USLM3 Journal
Day 61

Overall going fine. Nothing much to report. Throat is much better although not perfectly ok. Headache and feverish feeling was gone in one day.

Making snail progress on the business. My mood has overall changed a bit. I am starting to feel more positive. I am starting to believe my business will be a success. There are moments when I feel very depressed and negative, but I feel these moments are affecting me less now.

E1 182 days: E2 127 days: USLM3 90 days ...
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Shannon
01-17-2019, 10:11 PM
Post: #26
RE: USLM3 Journal
Day 63

Today is rest day. My business progress is continuing taking tiny steps. I think USLM3 is working. I am moving forward although very slowly. I also feel at times I am sabotaging my work. On several instances, I got distracted and delayed the task to later time like after few hours or tommorrow. This might be procrastination or fear of success.

Last night I had a dream. I walked into a bank with a junior colleague who is getting training. In reality I do not have any trainee with me. On the bank desks I saw 3-4 old colleagues of mine sitting there / working there. All these old colleagues were with my in my training work / period and except for one, all are working in better jobs and better designation than me. I am not in contact with them, but know this from facebook and linkedin. They all recognize me and greet me. It seemed in the dream, that I was better than them financially & overall in the dream or maybe it was because I was a customer and they were working there. I do not know, I felt better than them in the dream.

I could not sleep last night properly. My wife and daughter both had flu and cough. My daughter kept waking up throughout the night.

E1 182 days: E2 127 days: USLM3 90 days ...
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01-24-2019, 10:54 PM
Post: #27
RE: USLM3 Journal
Day 70

My progress on business is going very slow. I am progressing but every time it seems I am stuck. Its like you are driving in 1st or 2nd gear. Sometimes I feel my attitude is slowing things, sometimes I feel I am deliberating braking now and then and slowing things, sometimes I feel it is new for me so thats why I am going so slow.

On training side now much to report. I will be attending the meeting next month and will see any results.

On sexual performance side, no change. I am thinking once I am done with USLM3, I will run MHS. Hopefully by that time 6g will be out. I will try radionics for this goal also. @Shannon does not believe it works, but there is no harm in trying.

There is a positive change I have noticed. I have grown less fearful generally. If I am doing something I feel more confident and less afraid of what I am doing. e.g I parked my car on the side of a narrow road and went to buy something. On my return I sat in the car for 5 minutes and read the labels & instructions of what I bought. In the past, if this happened I would be scared that maybe I am blocking the way, people are looking for a parking space, people would peep inside the car and see what i am doing, unknown fear of ridicule, feelings of low self worth, unknown pressure to move on etc. I would not have the courage to do something with peace of mind.

E1 182 days: E2 127 days: USLM3 90 days ...
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Hatman
01-29-2019, 02:42 AM
Post: #28
RE: USLM3 Journal
Day 74

I had a break of 2 days on Saturday and Sunday. By Monday when I started the sub, I was irritated, emotional, sensitive. I was going with my family somewhere and things got irritating for me. I spent the rest of the day talking minimally. Although I listened to the sub during the day, it just made me relaxed but I was disturbed inside.

Business goal - I am hardly moving. I am stuckup in some issues which I am unable to find a solution. Then I made a facebook account and page for my business. 2 days later facebook disabled my account. I submitted ID and picture, but so far no response. I am feeling very depressed and demotivated.

Training goal - I got invited to an overseas meeting which was shorter than what I wanted. Now it seems that is also in trouble. The travel agent messed up and I am still waiting for my visa and hoping to get it in time. I have got another overseas meeting invitation for a nice location but there is not enough time to get visa. Sad

Sexual Performance - There was not much improvement in the past. The doctor has now changed the medicine and gave some supplements. I have also run a radionics program few times. I somehow feel changed. I know my body feels bit changed, but I do not know better or not, since i did not have sex so far.

E1 182 days: E2 127 days: USLM3 90 days ...
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02-06-2019, 09:59 PM
Post: #29
RE: USLM3 Journal
Day 83

Business goal - I am still stuck in the same situation without any solution. People and mentor I discuss with are telling me something which is not working. The solution which I have gathered from internet and other sources is frowned upon by my mentor and close group.

Training goal - I attended the short overseas training and now back in my home. I subconsciously tried to sabotage it. I applied for my ticket and visa to my travel agent and did not followup. When i asked him, it seemed that I forgot to send one document to him. However, I managed to get the visa on the last day. The trip was overall good and positive to me. The higher management now is aware of me and a personal interaction has taken place. On the last day, when everyone was leaving and giving a short speech / personal views, I just closed down. I had thought of a few sentences I was planning to say but at that moment I got scared and held myself quiet. People were looking at me expecting me to speak. It would have been a perfect meeting but I messed up. I do not know what impression will it give and affect any future event.

Sexual Performance - Nothing to report so far.

Overall I feel that I am gotten more positive. I am still feeling moments of fear and me avoiding / shutting down instead of facing the situation. I now feel more accepting of my chance of success. But at times I feel lack of self worth e.g I got a seat upgrade in the airline and it made me feel very good but at times I also felt that somehow I did not deserve it and did not feel like myself.

E1 182 days: E2 127 days: USLM3 90 days ...
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02-11-2019, 01:34 AM
Post: #30
RE: USLM3 Journal
Day 87

Business goal - I am seeing signs which tell me that the current problem is going to over soon. I will know definitely by Friday and will be moving on to next step. I am feeling bit relaxed but impatient now.

Nothing much to update on the other 2 goals. Today and tomorrow are my rest days. I feel very bored. I am in office and do not want to work. Actually the long wait / stretch till Friday is making me a bit upset. Every time I move forward I get stuck in a problem. Its like make a little progress then get stuck, then make a little progress and then again stuck and the cycle seems to be going on. I yearn to move fast in one go.

I have noticed that I am more relaxed in traffic than previously. If you see my journals for E1 and E2, you will see that I had the road rage in me, but now I seem to be totally disinterested / disengaged from other people and in my own world on the road.

E1 182 days: E2 127 days: USLM3 90 days ...
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Zane
02-11-2019, 09:13 PM
Post: #31
RE: USLM3 Journal
Day 88

Business goal - I got the email last night for approval. Smile and a sigh of relief. Now on to the next step.

E1 182 days: E2 127 days: USLM3 90 days ...
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Zane, Amann
02-13-2019, 10:07 PM
Post: #32
RE: USLM3 Journal
Day 90

I hit the 90 days mark. Overall my expectations were higher from the sub than I have achieved. I am a bit disappointed. On the positive side, things are moving. On thing I have improved is that I have not given up on any goal so far and trying and trying.

Business goal - Unexpected bad news. A day after I got the approval, I got email asking for some more documents which were then rejected and my approval cancelled. Sad
I discussed with my consultant / mentor who advised me a somewhat grey route. Hundreds of people are doing it but there is always a risk. I have now applied for that route, but deep inside I am scared of the consequences. I am investing good sum of amount in my business. One part of me is saying to drop the item and try to find some other thing and other part is pushing me forward.

E1 182 days: E2 127 days: USLM3 90 days ...
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