US/LM v 3

[ResJudicata]

Day 26

Finally got over my procrastination and put in 2 job apps I'm hoping will get some type of positive response (the jobs look like more of what I'm actually looking for). Otherwise it seems like it should be a normal day but I've been feeling some weird dread most of the day. Like an existential horror that something bad is going to happen but I can't place why.

I also have an interview for a job that seems to keep running into issues with me going through the application process. Maybe it's just delaying it to make my other possible jobs more likely because I'm not entirely excited by it but I need to find work.

[Hatman]

Day 26

Finally got over my procrastination and put in 2 job apps I'm hoping will get some type of positive response (the jobs look like more of what I'm actually looking for). Otherwise it seems like it should be a normal day but I've been feeling some weird dread most of the day. Like an existential horror that something bad is going to happen but I can't place why.

I also have an interview for a job that seems to keep running into issues with me going through the application process. Maybe it's just delaying it to make my other possible jobs more likely because I'm not entirely excited by it but I need to find work.

I like the way you think! Some seemingly bad things may happen to open up opportunities for much better things. Certainly happened to me. Hopefully that proves true for you!

[ResJudicata]

Day 29

About to head out of town tomorrow for a 7 day cruise. I'm hoping to have some fun and, if I'm lucky, some fun , if you know what I mean. I'll write something when I get back in if I noticed anything specific happening. I'm also hoping to come back and hear something from a few of the places I've applied for. There are 2 jobs I have my particular eye on but I'm not sure if they'll get back to me.

Also, that other job ran into another snag and the informal interview was delayed until sometime after I come back. The more I learn about the job, the less excited I am and that may be what's causing it to be delayed a lot. I don't think I'll be happy working there but I have no idea if I'll hear back from anywhere else by the time I slowly keep working through their process.

On a side note, I have felt some generalized anxiety over the past couple of days without really any source. Bugs me a bit. May just be remnants of the earlier accident or just a general sense of dread. Oh well, time to relax, recharge, and come back.

Of note for Shannon: During the time I'm gone from day 31-38, I will be listening to the mp3 version on my phone rather than the flac on my PC like I have been doing. I will try to keep with listening to the hybrid because I seem to be getting results with it but I've had trouble with headaches when using prior hybrid mp3s on my phone.

[Shannon]

Day 26

Finally got over my procrastination and put in 2 job apps I'm hoping will get some type of positive response (the jobs look like more of what I'm actually looking for). Otherwise it seems like it should be a normal day but I've been feeling some weird dread most of the day. Like an existential horror that something bad is going to happen but I can't place why.

I also have an interview for a job that seems to keep running into issues with me going through the application process. Maybe it's just delaying it to make my other possible jobs more likely because I'm not entirely excited by it but I need to find work.

I like the way you think! Some seemingly bad things may happen to open up opportunities for much better things. Certainly happened to me. Hopefully that proves true for you!

I have noted this several times, myself.

[ncbeareatingman]

I can also say in MY expereinces recently... in relationships be it family freind or foe so to speak,if its not good for me, or is an 'off' connection,a time waster,ect,all of the abouve. they dont stay in my life long. a house cleaning of sorts. my creativity has come forth more as well... as IM much more me and the space to be so...as well as being more solution oriented, successful step by step. the synchronicties are very cool,on a regular,daily now.

[ResJudicata]

Note: going to edit this after I post with correct days, this is just a copy paste of notes I took during my cruise. I think all of them were written on the day in question but sometimes I would add more later on that day/night. With that the notes from my cruise starting with Sunday which was the first full day at sea (we got on the boat Saturday)

Day 32 Sunday
First full day on ship. Lots of bad luck. Really bad service at breakfast, missed the lunch buffet because we went to a couple of uninteresting events that had raffles, won nothing. Parents’ room originally had a door that wouldn’t lock, then when it was “fixed” it no longer accepted their keycards.

My aunt, who was sharing my room, was going to drive me crazy.

Later that night I started to suffer from a bit of depression. Questioning my courage and wondering if I’m a better person compared to the last time I took this cruise. My funk was broken by one of the weirder coincidences. I had found a quiet spot to relax and saw a miniature golf ball (ship has 24 hour mini-golf course). I noted it but then I went up to the mini golf course to try and figure out where people get the clubs and had gone around such that I was at the end of the course where I found an abandoned putter. I thought of the ball I had found and decided to play a round of the 9 holes. I also found where the putters and balls came from. The game helped break the mental loop I was going through. Still slightly depressed afterward but much better.

Day 33 Monday
First shore leave and it was hot and humid. Didn’t find anything of interest and all the walking through the humid heat did not help. Didn’t get as much sleep the previous night as I would have liked due to room mate making noise in the morning.

Not much else for the day, no roommate for dinner.

Day 34 Tuesday
Luckily gained access to WiFi for a little while to catch up on some news. Otherwise, dealing with the roommate and getting enough sleep is getting worse and worse. My normal sleep time is very late, we had a time change today as well as having to get up early. I couldn’t nap in the afternoon because of roommate.

About the only other good thing happening is I’ve been catching up on my reading of good ol’ fashioned books since I don’t have access to all the electronic books I normally read online. Did not have time or good enough quality WiFi to see if there was any news on job applications.

Day 35 Wednesday

Not much to say other than a good excursion tasting tequila at the factories. No luck on finding a good pocket watch. I’ll just need to look for a shop in the US for my late graduation gift. Alright food, some goods sights but no ability to nap after we got back due to roommate taking a nap.

Also, my hemorrhoids have been acting up. After I’m done testing 3/6 months of US/LM, I may want to try another run of MHS. Hopefully along with some of the other steps I’m taking, it’ll relieve or remove the hemorrhoids while also helping my wrists/arms which have been having some problems off and on for a while now.

Also, normally I do my hour in the morning but have been doing it later in the day due to going out early and not having the hour/forgetting I need the hour until later on but have kept doing my loop. Hopefully, this won’t affect anything.

Dinner wasn’t that great tonight which is the first it’s really happened on this trip. Also, we apparently lucked out as it didn’t rain until around the time the ship was leaving, long after we were done on shore (our driver had told us it was expected to rain that day).

Ran into a guy on the elevator that was uncannily aggressive when we got off at the same floor. Apparently he said I had been staring at him. I don’t remember looking at him more than a couple of instances and taking note of the headphones in his ears, mainly because another person who got off earlier also had headphones and I was wearing mine at the time as well. Luckily it didn’t escalate as I was more baffled than anything (I originally thought maybe I had drifted off in thought in his direction but I thought I mostly looked forward other than when I checked who was getting off at any of the floors we stopped at so I wasn’t in the way as I was standing near the door at the front). Just a weird encounter but did stop my general meandering I’d been doing of the ship.

As I was heading to bed, the electronic table for Texas Hold’em actually had a few people. It’s a game I enjoy on occasion and one of the many careers I once considered but realized I didn’t have proper disposition for. Thankfully, I was able to observe and calculate the rake the machine was taking. It was the realization the rake was higher than a lot of live casinos with actual dealers that made me write off any idea of playing that game. Even if you win, in the long run you lose badly. Especially since there aren’t enough players to keep everyone at a decent level of chips and my skill is better at a much larger table than a couple of people.

Day 36 Thursday

A good day for reading and eating but at night I feel a bit down. I’m writing this as I’m about to go out to the nightclub on the ship or maybe a walk of the top decks to clear my head. I feel drained of energy and a great weight on me that I don’t remember when last I was on this cruise 5 or 6 years ago. Maybe my depression and anxiety are worse than I originally thought. I know I’ve previously been one whose mind tends towards melancholy but I feel less free than I’ve previously been. Where is the vigor and fun I felt years ago from just going to the club and dancing, regardless of how I look. Maybe the bad luck with both work and trying to develop any kind of love life has gotten to me. The psychological factor of feeling like a failure for living with my parents without a real job. Of dealing with a certain degree of imposter syndrome as I don’t feel I really know enough to be an effective lawyer. The ship rocks with the soothing sounds of the sea, I think I’ll walk the high decks to try to meditate to a certain degree. Hopefully I can free myself from these thoughts as I’ve done before with a good laugh and pleasant conversation.

The wandering of the ship felt good but when I went into the club I started to feel exhausted. I sat and enjoyed the energy of the club but feeling bone tired won out. I also began thinking about law and finding work as well. I don’t trust myself but I may just have to risk it all for my own practice. Hopefully I can find the energy tomorrow. Or I’ll force myself to have the energy. Now, I’m going to sleep and it’s not even that late.

Subnote: stumbled onto a singles mixer by reading the planner for tomorrow closer than I normally do, that’s tomorrow night right before dinner. Kind of lucky I noticed it but let’s hope it turns into something fun later that night.

Day 37 Friday

Today was really a bust. Listened on time to my usual for the loop but that’s about it for happenings. Did mostly reading but didn’t run into any interesting people or conversations when I went out. Dinner was ok but filled with a couple of disappointments about a few of the dishes. My plan to go to the club for fun? Total bust. The club was dead. Only good things were a good drink I tried and I got some more time for reading before I went to sleep. Also, hemorrhoids were acting up in a bad way before sleep.

Day 40, which is today the day I'm posting this.
Not sure what to say so far that I've gotten back. I need to reschedule that interview that keeps running into issues, I got a decline to continue with me from the DA's office and haven't heard anything other than a request for information, which I received before I left, from the civil job I was interested in. I figure I'll check for other jobs tomorrow and start working on a lot of things I've been putting off. I need to finish my continuing education and get the credits I need for the specialized education.

I don't feel like I have enough experience but I feel like I should also look into the costs needed in order to open my own practice. I feel crazy for thinking it since if I don't succeed that's a definite chapter 7 bankruptcy. My assets are small so I wouldn't really lose much but I don't like the idea of that. I also don't feel I know enough in order to take a case from interview, to filing the complaint, to motions, to discovery, to trial, to appeal, to collection of the judgement, to all those other steps I'm not thinking properly of. Plus, I'll need to look into malpractice insurance, how much to charge, legal research services, billing, place for an office, filing taxes, getting a loan and properly negotiating a loan to start the business. All of this kind of scares the hell out of me. It's why I want to join a firm as an associate, they'll already have all the infrastructure and I can gain both a steady income as well as the experience I need to potentially open my own firm if I don't like the culture there.

Hope everyone else had a good week. Also, I forgot to mention, I don't normally like tequila but I did find a couple of flavors during the tour I actually liked. I'll take that as some good luck and I got my father an early Christmas gift, I can enjoy as well.

[ResJudicata]

Day 43
Not much to report. My tabletop gaming Wednesday was interesting but otherwise it’s been a quiet couple of days, although I did get a message from family about a possible job opportunity. Maybe I’ll have better luck applying for the job this year unlike last year.

On a side note, I keep wanting to try 7 loops but I’m not sure if this is my instinct that I need more because I know I’ve been resistant in the past or whether it’s a resistance response to make myself do a less optimal amount of loops. I may try 7 loops starting next Monday unless something or someone says otherwise to kind of jus test it.

[Shannon]

I suggest 7 loops.

[ResJudicata]

I suggest 7 loops.

So it was said, so it shall be done.

Thanks for the response, Shannon.

[ResJudicata]

Day 47
Starting Saturday night (Day 45), I switched to 7 loops of mp3. I have had to switch to mp3 on my iphone due to the fact that the easiest way to keep a consistent time of listening to the loops is to listen at night, right before and while I'm sleeping. I seem to have a lot more head pressure while I'm listening and occasional feelings of head pressure throughout the day (Not a full on headache just pressure). I've been a lot more tired the last couple of days as well. I may need to try and make sure to get more sleep. I'm not sure if it's using more energy but I do feel like I need to eat more. Although I can't tell if that's the program or just that I'm not eating enough which tends to be the case in the morning.

Not sure about effects. I haven't been doing much and haven't heard back but I still need to do another round of applications, which I plan on finishing tonight.

Edit: Just remembered I woke up this morning to a weird dream. I don't remember much other than it ended similarly to how some nightmares do where you have that sudden jolt awake. The only thing I really remember was that it was weird and somehow I ended up being attacked by a giant scorpion (think Fallout, man sized ones) in a house that had essentially teleporting doors (ie: they connected spaces in an impossible manner).

[ResJudicata]

Day 54

I haven’t been doing well the past couple of days. Lots of headaches and not so great sleep. Did have some luck finding a dog to adopt which should help a bit with my bouts of melancholy (Dog will arrive at thouse probably Thursday). As for future plans, I plan on switching to the new version after when I get to the rest days by doing 3 tests then the new version. 6 hours should also be doable and, thankfully, easier than 7. Just wish my body wasn’t having problems and I’d have good luck on the job front.

[DMSIuser78]

Day 54

I haven’t been doing well the past couple of days. Lots of headaches and not so great sleep. Did have some luck finding a dog to adopt which should help a bit with my bouts of melancholy (Dog will arrive at thouse probably Thursday). As for future plans, I plan on switching to the new version after when I get to the rest days by doing 3 tests then the new version. 6 hours should also be doable and, thankfully, easier than 7. Just wish my body wasn’t having problems and I’d have good luck on the job front.

6 loops of the new version is 8 hours.

[ResJudicata]

6 loops of the new version is 8 hours.

Well that makes things more complicated. Guess that's definitely going into the "when I sleep or am going to sleep" time.

[ResJudicata]

Day 59

Mix of good and bad luck. Good luck, wanted to adopt a new dog and while the first place failed to find a good one, we went to lunch at a place that was relatively close to the SPCA where we found a cute German Shepherd. She had a good personality and seemed like she would be the size we want.

The bad luck, we got the dog on Thursday and she doesn’t seem to be doing super well. She is looking super thin, even thinner than when we originally saw her. I can see individual ribs from the different coloration from light on her fur. She also has a bad cough and snot. It’s what I’d imagine a cold or flu for dogs would look like. She seems to be adapting to our place (advantage of no job right now is I can take care of her). More bad luck, I have a sore throat since this morning (a rest day) which apparently was something a fellow housemate had been fighting off (I wasn’t aware of this).

Other good news is I think I found another place that might be won’t applying to but I haven’t been getting requests for interviews.

My current plan is to just fight through this, partly because I don’t have the immune response sub and partly because I don’t want to be switching subs in the middle. Although I will be switching to USLM after a 3 day test period (so day 62 will be its first day). That’s so going to throw off the easy math of 10 day cycles for me figuring out what day I’m writing journals. Otherwise I’ll write something next week possibly. Hopefully I’ll fight off this bug and the dog will get better (plan to see Vet Monday to check her over and if there’s anything we can do to help. Doesn’t seem super serious but a cough suppressant for the dog would probably help her).