Trip.1e Bag It - Wrapping Up with my Aura Jimmy Hat - DMSI V3.1

[Snoop]

She's hot, sexy, and like Shannon says "energy trumps physical beauty." I don't know what it is, but she has the X-factor. Something inside me wants that REALLY bad. The other part of me knows that can NEVER happen. It's the "unstoppable force meets an immovable object," conundrum.

I think that the fact that you can't have her is probably what makes her so attractive.

[RTBoss]

She's hot, sexy, and like Shannon says "energy trumps physical beauty." I don't know what it is, but she has the X-factor. Something inside me wants that REALLY bad. The other part of me knows that can NEVER happen. It's the "unstoppable force meets an immovable object," conundrum.

I think that the fact that you can't have her is probably what makes her so attractive.

Yeah - I'm sure getting it, having it, two weeks later I'd be like, "Meh."

[SargeMaximus]

I've hit elders extremely hard. I'm worried I might cause them to stroke out.

As for your latest post, it sounds encouraging. Can I take it to mean you are entertaining the idea of getting some tail "on the side"?

This is me, laid out like a book (bear w/ me) :

On the outside, when you first meet me, I come across as stoic, friendly, professional, but not very open. I'll ask about you, but give little away about me. You'd come away thinking, "Man, I really like him!" but you'd leave with a proper handshake, not a hug.

As comfort increases, and friendship grows, there's lots of humor and fun along the way. I still won't share very much (unless you're one of the rare highly-compatible people with me), but you'll feel comfortable and likely share something. I'm encouraging, your biggest cheerleader, and if you do end up sharing problems, I can be very empathetic.

Meanwhile, inside, I'm pretty happy in-the-moment in the company of others, but alone, I tend to become brooding - always analyzing my thoughts and feelings. Alone, watching emotional movies, I cry easily. I like feeling, it makes me feel more alive. If I'm watching with friends or family, you likely won't see a tear, or I'll hide it. I'm light and dark. I feel the highest optimistic highs, and the lowest, darkest lows. Everything about me is intense, which you won't see unless you live with me. I can't hide it that long at home, but I try (by distracting my mind with internet/television/books) - I feel intensely 24/7.

There have been some who have got to see my nasty side. I have boundaries - cross them, and the look I give alone would make some people take a dump right there. They are so surprised and shocked by what they see, they are 9/10 times no longer in my life after that. My wife, family, and best friends have been exceptions. I intuitively know where your deepest insecurities lie, and I can push your hot-button and ruin your world in a second flat. I can also, on-the-other-hand, be completely ego-less when I know I'm wrong, apologize selflessly, and be the most forgiving person (if you ask, or are apologetic, anyway).

I have mental fantasies and thoughts that don't match my outside world, or accurately represent the person I come across as. I come across (usually) as safe, friendly, a "good guy," but independent, opinionated, and self-sustaining (IOW, I don't *need* anyone or anything, and absolutely have zero tolerance for strings & manipulation). Meanwhile, while appearing to be the "good guy," my thoughts will veer toward morally-questionable fantasies (sexually, anyway). I used to totally have the White Knight "High Morals" mentality, but all it ever did was hurt me, reveal how beta I was, and it left me with a bad taste in my mouth about how wrong I was about a great many things. Even so, I've never - never - crossed any boundaries (when it comes to cheating, anyway). In the past, I've hidden things I've deemed safe and positive for myself, but knowing others "wouldn't understand" I kept whatever that was from them. I don't think of this as "lying," instead I think of it in the same way as if it would be weird for anyone to go up to a complete stranger and offer very personal information and saying that's "being honest."

To give an example, my wife has no idea that I used different types of smokeless tobacco products throughout our entire relationship. I had quit smoking cigarettes years before we met, and I was open and honest about having smoked and even about experiment with LSD and Shrooms (for "mind expansion/creativity-enhancement). She was fine with all that. It was only recently that she caught me using Snus, which she thought was a "new" thing. In reality, this has been a start/stop thing for a long time (usually I'm NOT doing it, I'd use nicotine for a month, then quit for 8 months type-of-thing). Her jaw would be on the floor if she knew I'd been using any sort of nicotine product that long (10+ years, and 8+ w/out getting caught by her?). Hell, this is the first time any of YOU are finding out (but then again, you don't live with me, lol). She also never had an idea of the extent to which I'd drink when she left for work (which, I'm happy to say, doesn't happen much - if at all - anymore). Like many who drink too much, I'd drink to mask the negative feelings - a band-aid at best. DMSI, while at times has pushed me to drink more, has largely helped me overcome that bad habit. I felt these were personal issues, personal choices, and it was my business alone. I'm not sure where I would define the boundary of what's my business and when it's the business of others - but it's usually when other people are affected. Otherwise, I prefer not to burden people with my *****.

Another example is using anabolic steroids. I had researched the "safest" cycles, supplements to keep blood pressure/liver values normal, and proper post-cycle therapy to ensure quick recovery of my HPTA (Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Testicular Axis - must have worked, as I have fathered two children effortlessly). I was tired of dieting to lose my love handles and ending up looking too skinny, back-and-forth getting fat, getting skinny, and used being "safe" and looking good for "my job," as an excuse to use them. In the meantime, I enjoyed every bit of attention I received at the pool. But, my close friends and NO family members know. This community and the pheromone community are the only people I've shared that with. In fact, only my wife and the online community knows I've ever used pheromones, and only my wife, a few select friends, and my immediate family knows I use subs. None of them know I'm using DMSI, specifically.

So, where is all this going? There is a face I wear, and then there is the deepest, truest, most honest "me." No one knows "me," but "me." I've never found a person like me who'd I'd trust with "me." No one who'd understand, no one who'd "get it." This leaves me feeling very alone at times. I'd prefer to hide this "me" and not deal with the fallout and/or judgement of "trying to get people to understand."

If I could have tail "on-the-side," and zero consequences, then yes - I'd go for it. That's the honest answer. It'd be "for me," and not "against her." I love my wife. Sex just isn't her thing, and I've long ago forgiven her for that. It's not personal, it's just the way she's built. But, I know there'd be consequences. I'd get caught somehow, and I don't want to hurt my wife or my children. I couldn't do anything to negatively affect our lives with permanence. So, I run DMSI, because it entertains my fantasies while having the potential to heal whatever dark fantasies I've been carrying around for a LONG time. I honestly want to RID myself of these desires, and all the dark shit that plagues me. That's why I've run E2, and like I just said, why I'm running DMSI.

Is there a part of me that wants all my fantasies offered to me on a silver platter? Yes. Will I ACTUALLY do anything with it? No, very, very unlikely because I have people I love DEEPLY that I don't want to affect negatively, and I don't think I can hide those activities (to keep them SAFE from my "dark side") and I feel I can't be honest b/c - like I said before - I feel like there's no one on the planet who'd understand and be OK with "the real me." So I'll just deal with this on my own, in the best way I can.

Specifically regarding my SIL, to clear up why I keep talking about her - well, she's my wife's sister. Most people would agree that it would be totally ***** up to have sex or even entertain sexual thoughts like that - that is a kind of heart ache and destruction that could touch and destroy a LOT of people's lives. Even so, she has dominated my thoughts a lot over the years. It is what it is. When I first met her (9 years ago) I thought to myself, "Well, I'm definitely dating the better looking of the two!" My wife - then girlfriend - often accused me at the beginning of our relationship that I liked her sister better than her. That was weird, because I truly didn't, and I told her as much. But, as the years went by, she got hotter, cuter, and I honestly had more in common with her. Age and logistics kept a relationship with her out of the realm of possibility, not to mention - I LOVE my wife. Like my wife, my SIL is a strong, extremely intelligent, independent woman. She's hot, sexy, and like Shannon says "energy trumps physical beauty." I don't know what it is, but she has the X-factor. Something inside me wants that REALLY bad. The other part of me knows that can NEVER happen. It's the "unstoppable force meets an immovable object," conundrum. I HOPE it happens while equally not WANTING it to happen. I want to be rid of it. I always think, "Why couldn't I have a fat, stupid SIL that I have nothing in common with!?" But instead, I wish both of them would be open to not only being sisters, but sister-wives!

There's always been an intimacy barrier between us - rarely hug when greeting or parting. I put on my "act professional/appropriate" facade, and she has her own wall up. It drives me crazy, because the "real" me needs her to be comfortable with me enough to come over and lay her head on my shoulder and share her deepest, darkest secrets and intimacies. When I really like someone, I need to feel connected to them. Instead, I know she's only close (like that) with her mom and her husband (though I found out from my MIL that she actually had tried to get me into their wedding as her "bridal assistant [lol]" because she felt she was closer to me than anyone other than her sister - that made me feel pretty good, but she's never said as much to me personally. Her husband nixed that idea, he wasn't having it).

The husband thing drives me nuts, b/c he married up, and she married him because...he's funny sometimes? He does whatever she wants, like a little bitch? He's a nice beta-boy. He's less than good-looking, is inferior genetic stock, can't read or write well (I'm pretty sure he doesn't understand half the vocabulary I use) - he's somewhat "intelligent" in other ways...like building things with tools (which, to me, is akin to a child being good at coloring in a coloring book on the intellectual level - that's why it doesn't interest me at all)...and man, I'm just ranting now (not to mention being an intellectual snob, but hey, that's how I feel about him)! I hate that she chose him. I like him (ironically), and think he's a genuinely kind person, and I wouldn't NOT want him for my brother-in-law - but damn, it also tears me up that she's with him. I definitely see cracks there in their relationship (my MIL thinks they're a match made in heaven *puke*), and perhaps that's why she (my SIL, mind you) is always negging him around me, and giving me IOIs. It's like we both secretly feel the same way, but internally, both of us feel it never will - nor ever should - happen. So, UP go the walls to keep it from actually happening.

And, that's enough about that. **** me. What a brain dump.

Hope that all makes sense, and clears up my thoughts and motivations - even if people don't agree with it, it's as honest as I can be.

Apologies for the book! Hope it was at least a little interesting to read.

Cool, thanks for the book.

A few things stand out at me and I hope you really delve into this.

First of all, you sound about as normal as a picket fence. Seriously. Everything you described is about as normal as it gets. Unless you're killing people in secret or a member of #pizzagate, you're very ordinary.

Second, your wife not liking sex is a red flag to me. Have you seen Two and a Half men? yeah, sounds like Alan's wife. >>
That's not to say anything. As I realized long ago: we're all just humans, and humans do what humans do.

Thirdly: can you tell me (either here or in pm) how to do steroids safely? I'm seriously gonna do it if there's a way.

Fourth, you can't rid yourself of the dark shit. THAT is the unhealthy mindset. The dark shit is NOT unhealthy, wanting it gone is. Read "Shadow Theory" by Carl J. Jung (wikipedia, google, etc. go wild)

Fifth, like I said about you being normal/ordinary, realize that EVERYONE thinks they have "too dark" a side to be around other people. We all think "shit, no one will understand me because of XYZ" little do they know that there are hundreds, thousands, millions of people just like them. Hiding who they are. I don't have a link but Julien Blanc (I know, I know. Believe me, I don't watch his stuff, and I forget how I came across it, but it was just luck because he told a GREAT story about a secret underground ring of guys who went to a farm on the weekends to get butt f*cked by horses. You still think you're the only one with weird sexual fantasies? Get over yourselfm, your not. Sexual fantasies and desires are the one thing that keeps people under shame and controlled like sheep, but I digress...)

Sixth, your fantasies about your SIL are pretty tame, especially since you have no desire to go through with them. I, on the other hand, am running DMSI so that I CAN live my fantasies, some of which are very similar to your SIL one. My hairdresser is a mom after all... but I digress...

Seventh: in some countries incest is legal, take that as you will.

Eighth, I'm all about breaking down barriers in a way that only the two (or however many people you want) of you can tell. so like my thing where I put that cape on my lap with my hairdresser. NO ONE is gonna know about that except the two of uis. Building these "taboo experiences" is a good thing, I think.

As much as I hate the slut shaming and the sexual repression in society, I also kinda am grateful to it because it makes stuff like that possible.

Ninth, your brother in law sounds like my brother. Total beta, momma's boy who gets girls. Instead of rant against it, however, I try to learn why it works, and incorporate it into my facade (yes, I have facades too, like I said, everyone does).

Anyhow, I appreciate the real-speak and the barring-all, but we both know it wasn't the nitty gritty, and that's ok. I think it's good you get honest with yourself and then move forward. Because then you'll be at peace and can really accomplish something.

In sales, most of the time I'm just battling myself trying to get real. Once i do, I kill it. Same with women, same with life.

I learned a long time ago that life's too short to f*ck around, thinking you have all the time in the world. That hasn't stopped me from f*cking around thinking I have all the time in the world, however. What I'm saying is, I try to live by that.

I once told a guy I worked with that I treat every conversation as if it's the last one I'll have. as if I'll die tomorrow or something. So I dunno, take from it all what you will.

Hopefully you see something of value in this jamble. I just figured one wall of text deserves another, and since it's some stuff I felt i had insight on, I gave it.

[RTBoss]

I've hit elders extremely hard. I'm worried I might cause them to stroke out.

As for your latest post, it sounds encouraging. Can I take it to mean you are entertaining the idea of getting some tail "on the side"?

This is me, laid out like a book (bear w/ me) :

On the outside, when you first meet me, I come across as stoic, friendly, professional, but not very open. I'll ask about you, but give little away about me. You'd come away thinking, "Man, I really like him!" but you'd leave with a proper handshake, not a hug.

As comfort increases, and friendship grows, there's lots of humor and fun along the way. I still won't share very much (unless you're one of the rare highly-compatible people with me), but you'll feel comfortable and likely share something. I'm encouraging, your biggest cheerleader, and if you do end up sharing problems, I can be very empathetic.

Meanwhile, inside, I'm pretty happy in-the-moment in the company of others, but alone, I tend to become brooding - always analyzing my thoughts and feelings. Alone, watching emotional movies, I cry easily. I like feeling, it makes me feel more alive. If I'm watching with friends or family, you likely won't see a tear, or I'll hide it. I'm light and dark. I feel the highest optimistic highs, and the lowest, darkest lows. Everything about me is intense, which you won't see unless you live with me. I can't hide it that long at home, but I try (by distracting my mind with internet/television/books) - I feel intensely 24/7.

There have been some who have got to see my nasty side. I have boundaries - cross them, and the look I give alone would make some people take a dump right there. They are so surprised and shocked by what they see, they are 9/10 times no longer in my life after that. My wife, family, and best friends have been exceptions. I intuitively know where your deepest insecurities lie, and I can push your hot-button and ruin your world in a second flat. I can also, on-the-other-hand, be completely ego-less when I know I'm wrong, apologize selflessly, and be the most forgiving person (if you ask, or are apologetic, anyway).

I have mental fantasies and thoughts that don't match my outside world, or accurately represent the person I come across as. I come across (usually) as safe, friendly, a "good guy," but independent, opinionated, and self-sustaining (IOW, I don't *need* anyone or anything, and absolutely have zero tolerance for strings & manipulation). Meanwhile, while appearing to be the "good guy," my thoughts will veer toward morally-questionable fantasies (sexually, anyway). I used to totally have the White Knight "High Morals" mentality, but all it ever did was hurt me, reveal how beta I was, and it left me with a bad taste in my mouth about how wrong I was about a great many things. Even so, I've never - never - crossed any boundaries (when it comes to cheating, anyway). In the past, I've hidden things I've deemed safe and positive for myself, but knowing others "wouldn't understand" I kept whatever that was from them. I don't think of this as "lying," instead I think of it in the same way as if it would be weird for anyone to go up to a complete stranger and offer very personal information and saying that's "being honest."

To give an example, my wife has no idea that I used different types of smokeless tobacco products throughout our entire relationship. I had quit smoking cigarettes years before we met, and I was open and honest about having smoked and even about experiment with LSD and Shrooms (for "mind expansion/creativity-enhancement). She was fine with all that. It was only recently that she caught me using Snus, which she thought was a "new" thing. In reality, this has been a start/stop thing for a long time (usually I'm NOT doing it, I'd use nicotine for a month, then quit for 8 months type-of-thing). Her jaw would be on the floor if she knew I'd been using any sort of nicotine product that long (10+ years, and 8+ w/out getting caught by her?). Hell, this is the first time any of YOU are finding out (but then again, you don't live with me, lol). She also never had an idea of the extent to which I'd drink when she left for work (which, I'm happy to say, doesn't happen much - if at all - anymore). Like many who drink too much, I'd drink to mask the negative feelings - a band-aid at best. DMSI, while at times has pushed me to drink more, has largely helped me overcome that bad habit. I felt these were personal issues, personal choices, and it was my business alone. I'm not sure where I would define the boundary of what's my business and when it's the business of others - but it's usually when other people are affected. Otherwise, I prefer not to burden people with my *****.

Another example is using anabolic steroids. I had researched the "safest" cycles, supplements to keep blood pressure/liver values normal, and proper post-cycle therapy to ensure quick recovery of my HPTA (Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Testicular Axis - must have worked, as I have fathered two children effortlessly). I was tired of dieting to lose my love handles and ending up looking too skinny, back-and-forth getting fat, getting skinny, and used being "safe" and looking good for "my job," as an excuse to use them. In the meantime, I enjoyed every bit of attention I received at the pool. But, my close friends and NO family members know. This community and the pheromone community are the only people I've shared that with. In fact, only my wife and the online community knows I've ever used pheromones, and only my wife, a few select friends, and my immediate family knows I use subs. None of them know I'm using DMSI, specifically.

So, where is all this going? There is a face I wear, and then there is the deepest, truest, most honest "me." No one knows "me," but "me." I've never found a person like me who'd I'd trust with "me." No one who'd understand, no one who'd "get it." This leaves me feeling very alone at times. I'd prefer to hide this "me" and not deal with the fallout and/or judgement of "trying to get people to understand."

If I could have tail "on-the-side," and zero consequences, then yes - I'd go for it. That's the honest answer. It'd be "for me," and not "against her." I love my wife. Sex just isn't her thing, and I've long ago forgiven her for that. It's not personal, it's just the way she's built. But, I know there'd be consequences. I'd get caught somehow, and I don't want to hurt my wife or my children. I couldn't do anything to negatively affect our lives with permanence. So, I run DMSI, because it entertains my fantasies while having the potential to heal whatever dark fantasies I've been carrying around for a LONG time. I honestly want to RID myself of these desires, and all the dark shit that plagues me. That's why I've run E2, and like I just said, why I'm running DMSI.

Is there a part of me that wants all my fantasies offered to me on a silver platter? Yes. Will I ACTUALLY do anything with it? No, very, very unlikely because I have people I love DEEPLY that I don't want to affect negatively, and I don't think I can hide those activities (to keep them SAFE from my "dark side") and I feel I can't be honest b/c - like I said before - I feel like there's no one on the planet who'd understand and be OK with "the real me." So I'll just deal with this on my own, in the best way I can.

Specifically regarding my SIL, to clear up why I keep talking about her - well, she's my wife's sister. Most people would agree that it would be totally ***** up to have sex or even entertain sexual thoughts like that - that is a kind of heart ache and destruction that could touch and destroy a LOT of people's lives. Even so, she has dominated my thoughts a lot over the years. It is what it is. When I first met her (9 years ago) I thought to myself, "Well, I'm definitely dating the better looking of the two!" My wife - then girlfriend - often accused me at the beginning of our relationship that I liked her sister better than her. That was weird, because I truly didn't, and I told her as much. But, as the years went by, she got hotter, cuter, and I honestly had more in common with her. Age and logistics kept a relationship with her out of the realm of possibility, not to mention - I LOVE my wife. Like my wife, my SIL is a strong, extremely intelligent, independent woman. She's hot, sexy, and like Shannon says "energy trumps physical beauty." I don't know what it is, but she has the X-factor. Something inside me wants that REALLY bad. The other part of me knows that can NEVER happen. It's the "unstoppable force meets an immovable object," conundrum. I HOPE it happens while equally not WANTING it to happen. I want to be rid of it. I always think, "Why couldn't I have a fat, stupid SIL that I have nothing in common with!?" But instead, I wish both of them would be open to not only being sisters, but sister-wives!

There's always been an intimacy barrier between us - rarely hug when greeting or parting. I put on my "act professional/appropriate" facade, and she has her own wall up. It drives me crazy, because the "real" me needs her to be comfortable with me enough to come over and lay her head on my shoulder and share her deepest, darkest secrets and intimacies. When I really like someone, I need to feel connected to them. Instead, I know she's only close (like that) with her mom and her husband (though I found out from my MIL that she actually had tried to get me into their wedding as her "bridal assistant [lol]" because she felt she was closer to me than anyone other than her sister - that made me feel pretty good, but she's never said as much to me personally. Her husband nixed that idea, he wasn't having it).

The husband thing drives me nuts, b/c he married up, and she married him because...he's funny sometimes? He does whatever she wants, like a little bitch? He's a nice beta-boy. He's less than good-looking, is inferior genetic stock, can't read or write well (I'm pretty sure he doesn't understand half the vocabulary I use) - he's somewhat "intelligent" in other ways...like building things with tools (which, to me, is akin to a child being good at coloring in a coloring book on the intellectual level - that's why it doesn't interest me at all)...and man, I'm just ranting now (not to mention being an intellectual snob, but hey, that's how I feel about him)! I hate that she chose him. I like him (ironically), and think he's a genuinely kind person, and I wouldn't NOT want him for my brother-in-law - but damn, it also tears me up that she's with him. I definitely see cracks there in their relationship (my MIL thinks they're a match made in heaven *puke*), and perhaps that's why she (my SIL, mind you) is always negging him around me, and giving me IOIs. It's like we both secretly feel the same way, but internally, both of us feel it never will - nor ever should - happen. So, UP go the walls to keep it from actually happening.

And, that's enough about that. **** me. What a brain dump.

Hope that all makes sense, and clears up my thoughts and motivations - even if people don't agree with it, it's as honest as I can be.

Apologies for the book! Hope it was at least a little interesting to read.

Cool, thanks for the book.

A few things stand out at me and I hope you really delve into this.

First of all, you sound about as normal as a picket fence. Seriously. Everything you described is about as normal as it gets. Unless you're killing people in secret or a member of #pizzagate, you're very ordinary.

Second, your wife not liking sex is a red flag to me. Have you seen Two and a Half men? yeah, sounds like Alan's wife. >>
That's not to say anything. As I realized long ago: we're all just humans, and humans do what humans do.

Thirdly: can you tell me (either here or in pm) how to do steroids safely? I'm seriously gonna do it if there's a way.

Fourth, you can't rid yourself of the dark shit. THAT is the unhealthy mindset. The dark shit is NOT unhealthy, wanting it gone is. Read "Shadow Theory" by Carl J. Jung (wikipedia, google, etc. go wild)

Fifth, like I said about you being normal/ordinary, realize that EVERYONE thinks they have "too dark" a side to be around other people. We all think "shit, no one will understand me because of XYZ" little do they know that there are hundreds, thousands, millions of people just like them. Hiding who they are. I don't have a link but Julien Blanc (I know, I know. Believe me, I don't watch his stuff, and I forget how I came across it, but it was just luck because he told a GREAT story about a secret underground ring of guys who went to a farm on the weekends to get butt f*cked by horses. You still think you're the only one with weird sexual fantasies? Get over yourselfm, your not. Sexual fantasies and desires are the one thing that keeps people under shame and controlled like sheep, but I digress...)

Sixth, your fantasies about your SIL are pretty tame, especially since you have no desire to go through with them. I, on the other hand, am running DMSI so that I CAN live my fantasies, some of which are very similar to your SIL one. My hairdresser is a mom after all... but I digress...

Seventh: in some countries incest is legal, take that as you will.

Eighth, I'm all about breaking down barriers in a way that only the two (or however many people you want) of you can tell. so like my thing where I put that cape on my lap with my hairdresser. NO ONE is gonna know about that except the two of uis. Building these "taboo experiences" is a good thing, I think.

As much as I hate the ***** shaming and the sexual repression in society, I also kinda am grateful to it because it makes stuff like that possible.

Ninth, your brother in law sounds like my brother. Total beta, momma's boy who gets girls. Instead of rant against it, however, I try to learn why it works, and incorporate it into my facade (yes, I have facades too, like I said, everyone does).

Anyhow, I appreciate the real-speak and the barring-all, but we both know it wasn't the nitty gritty, and that's ok. I think it's good you get honest with yourself and then move forward. Because then you'll be at peace and can really accomplish something.

In sales, most of the time I'm just battling myself trying to get real. Once i do, I kill it. Same with women, same with life.

I learned a long time ago that life's too short to f*ck around, thinking you have all the time in the world. That hasn't stopped me from f*cking around thinking I have all the time in the world, however. What I'm saying is, I try to live by that.

I once told a guy I worked with that I treat every conversation as if it's the last one I'll have. as if I'll die tomorrow or something. So I dunno, take from it all what you will.

Hopefully you see something of value in this jamble. I just figured one wall of text deserves another, and since it's some stuff I felt i had insight on, I gave it.

I'm sure we all have a "darkside," but to say I'm as normal as a "picket fence" is laughable. My own wife is the epitome of a good girl. Her "darkest" interests are war movies, romance novels that take place in 15-17th century England/Scotland. She doesn't drink to excess, and has never done drugs. She's never cheated, and as far as I know, even had thoughts. I've never caught her in a lie, nor has she ever hidden anything from me. And that's just one example. Then there's my dad and my brother - the Dual Princes of Morality. Anyway, I could go on w/ example after example.

No, I never watched Two & a Half Men. I didn't like it, for whatever reason.

My wife not making sex a big cornerstone of life may be a red flag, but I'm not leaving her for it. She's been through some shit - kidnapped by a man who was going to rape and kill her, then "rescued" by her boyfriend who then beat her, and force-fucked her whenever he wanted. Then she lost her dad in a hunting accident. Yeah, if she has some trauma in that area, I'll leave her be.

I'm glad you're fucked up, though, Sarge. It definitely makes me feel better - haha. You have to understand, it's not like everyone just goes around airing their dirty laundry. It's the opposite, everybody goes out wearing their "Face." So as far as "getting over myself," it's not like there are a ton of examples of fucked up people out there, unless you count porn stars and the assholes killing people that end up on the evening news. My "best friend" (I've talked about him in my journals before) is a fuck-up, and fucked up, and he does fucked up things. I'm pretty sure I could entrust these things I'm talking about with him, except...OH YEAH, I don't trust him. So really, I guess you could say I'm the Black Sheep of my immediate world. The people I interact with on a regular basis, in person, I'm it.

You say my SIL fantasies are tame, well...maybe that's why a lot of ppl on these forums are into the story. I dunno, it's kinda funny that no one has said, "Man, really? Your sister-in-law? That's just fucked up!"

My brother-in-law doesn't get girls. He got my sister-in-law. Big difference. This guy couldn't get a girl if she was spit-out chewing gum and he was a shoe that stepped on it. Seriously. She was his first everything. First date, first kiss, first lay, and he had to beg her about 10 times to go out with him.

I don't live as if I'm going to die tomorrow. People like that...die tomorrow. I just live my life as I want to, and do the best I can, and try to accept that as being good enough. I'm always trying to be a better version of myself, but sometimes I become a somewhat worse version, to get to the better, for a time.

Thanks for your input, though.

[4Kingdoms]

Fourth, you can't rid yourself of the dark shit. THAT is the unhealthy mindset. The dark shit is NOT unhealthy, wanting it gone is. Read "Shadow Theory" by Carl J. Jung (wikipedia, google, etc. go wild)

I had a huge belly laugh when I read that!! I've always wanted to rob a bank and hopefully get away with it!!

Two weeks ago, a guy that works in a different department in the factory I work at... for the same amount of years I have. Robbed the bank across the street from our factory two weeks ago. I didn't know his name, I recognized him when I saw his mugshot on the local tv news.

He was in custody two hours after he got away with $9,000 in cash because the bank teller placed a gps tracking device inside the bag with the money...

[RTBoss]

Alrighty, folks. Here it is, the many screenshots of IOIs I received the other night that I was talking about.

SO HEAD'S UP, CATMAN! I'm only leaving this up for 24 hours, if not LESS!


The pictures are in no particular order, but it's pretty accurate. You can probably figure it out for yourself.

We can discuss here, but I'd appreciate no reposting of the pictures. Thanks.

[LINK REMOVED - TIME'S UP]

If anyone would like to debate whether or not they feel something is an IOI or not, or has more to add, please do. Also, remember that it is the grouping and multitude of IOIs that tell the tale!

PS - I included 2 non-IOI photos for reference.

[ReeZoX]

I'm sure we all have a "darkside," but to say I'm as normal as a "picket fence" is laughable. My own wife is the epitome of a good girl. Her "darkest" interests are war movies, romance novels that take place in 15-17th century England/Scotland. She doesn't drink to excess, and has never done drugs. She's never cheated, and as far as I know, even had thoughts. I've never caught her in a lie, nor has she ever hidden anything from me. And that's just one example. Then there's my dad and my brother - the Dual Princes of Morality. Anyway, I could go on w/ example after example.

The thing is people barely know how "dark" they are. But the more you try and repress these dark sides, or rather shadows of yourself, the more power they have over you, bursting out from time to time.
The moment you get intimate with these shadows and embrace them but don't let them control you, that's when you get results.

While your experiences with your wife may be that way, I am almost certain she has them, and just like you suppress your shadows. She's suppressing those thoughts/feelings.

For a bit of insight into females regarding sexuality and their fantasies, read "My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday. Or if you want the "easy stuff" you can always check out "50 Shades of Grey".

[Shannon]

Energy trumps boredom.

[RTBoss]

For a bit of insight into females regarding sexuality and their fantasies, read "My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday. Or if you want the "easy stuff" you can always check out "50 Shades of Grey".

Haha, yeah - my wife read those books and tried to get me to. I put the first book down at "Oh my."

[ReeZoX]

Haha, yeah - my wife read those books and tried to get me to. I put the first book down at "Oh my."

Hehe, that might've been a hint at that something she's wanting to try out/experience

[SargeMaximus]

I'm sure we all have a "darkside," but to say I'm as normal as a "picket fence" is laughable. My own wife is the epitome of a good girl. Her "darkest" interests are war movies, romance novels that take place in 15-17th century England/Scotland. She doesn't drink to excess, and has never done drugs. She's never cheated, and as far as I know, even had thoughts. I've never caught her in a lie, nor has she ever hidden anything from me. And that's just one example. Then there's my dad and my brother - the Dual Princes of Morality. Anyway, I could go on w/ example after example.

No, I never watched Two & a Half Men. I didn't like it, for whatever reason.

My wife not making sex a big cornerstone of life may be a red flag, but I'm not leaving her for it. She's been through some shit - kidnapped by a man who was going to rape and kill her, then "rescued" by her boyfriend who then beat her, and force-***** her whenever he wanted. Then she lost her dad in a hunting accident. Yeah, if she has some trauma in that area, I'll leave her be.

I'm glad you're ***** up, though, Sarge. It definitely makes me feel better - haha. You have to understand, it's not like everyone just goes around airing their dirty laundry. It's the opposite, everybody goes out wearing their "Face." So as far as "getting over myself," it's not like there are a ton of examples of ***** up people out there, unless you count porn stars and the assholes killing people that end up on the evening news. My "best friend" (I've talked about him in my journals before) is a ****-up, and ***** up, and he does ***** up things. I'm pretty sure I could entrust these things I'm talking about with him, except...OH YEAH, I don't trust him. So really, I guess you could say I'm the Black Sheep of my immediate world. The people I interact with on a regular basis, in person, I'm it.

You say my SIL fantasies are tame, well...maybe that's why a lot of ppl on these forums are into the story. I dunno, it's kinda funny that no one has said, "Man, really? Your sister-in-law? That's just ***** up!"

My brother-in-law doesn't get girls. He got my sister-in-law. Big difference. This guy couldn't get a girl if she was spit-out chewing gum and he was a shoe that stepped on it. Seriously. She was his first everything. First date, first kiss, first lay, and he had to beg her about 10 times to go out with him.

I don't live as if I'm going to die tomorrow. People like that...die tomorrow. I just live my life as I want to, and do the best I can, and try to accept that as being good enough. I'm always trying to be a better version of myself, but sometimes I become a somewhat worse version, to get to the better, for a time.

Thanks for your input, though.

I sense I struck a nerve, which was not my intention. But if you're not f*cked up, you're normal (i.e. "white picket fence") so you're one or the other my friend.

[SargeMaximus]

Fourth, you can't rid yourself of the dark shit. THAT is the unhealthy mindset. The dark shit is NOT unhealthy, wanting it gone is. Read "Shadow Theory" by Carl J. Jung (wikipedia, google, etc. go wild)

I had a huge belly laugh when I read that!! I've always wanted to rob a bank and hopefully get away with it!!

Two weeks ago, a guy that works in a different department in the factory I work at... for the same amount of years I have. Robbed the bank across the street from our factory two weeks ago. I didn't know his name, I recognized him when I saw his mugshot on the local tv news.

He was in custody two hours after he got away with $9,000 in cash because the bank teller placed a gps tracking device inside the bag with the money...

Yeah I've always wanted to rob a bank too. if I was to do it, however, I'd be smart about it. Or just get a high paying job. Seems simpler.

[RTBoss]

Haha, yeah - my wife read those books and tried to get me to. I put the first book down at "Oh my."

Hehe, that might've been a hint at that something she's wanting to try out/experience

Actually, I recently read something ... somewhere ... that showed women are capable of getting their sexual desires completely satisfied by reading material. Not sure how accurate that is, but it makes a lot of sense.

I postulated getting kinky to her. She laughed. Tieing her up freaks her out - probably something to do with the kidnapping. Spanking? No go. I've purchased toys, done all kinds of shit. The kinkiest I've got her to try was when I got out the Hitachi magic wand I bought and said I was going to give her orgasms, one after the other, until she couldn't handle it anymore. I think she stopped me at 3, lol. That was years ago.

Early on in our relationship, when we were having sex a lot, she acted as if she didn't want to - but it seemed playful. It was almost like a rape-fantasy. I couldn't tell then, and I couldn't tell to this day. I asked her about it, and she wouldn't talk about it.

[RTBoss]

I'm sure we all have a "darkside," but to say I'm as normal as a "picket fence" is laughable. My own wife is the epitome of a good girl. Her "darkest" interests are war movies, romance novels that take place in 15-17th century England/Scotland. She doesn't drink to excess, and has never done drugs. She's never cheated, and as far as I know, even had thoughts. I've never caught her in a lie, nor has she ever hidden anything from me. And that's just one example. Then there's my dad and my brother - the Dual Princes of Morality. Anyway, I could go on w/ example after example.

No, I never watched Two & a Half Men. I didn't like it, for whatever reason.

My wife not making sex a big cornerstone of life may be a red flag, but I'm not leaving her for it. She's been through some shit - kidnapped by a man who was going to rape and kill her, then "rescued" by her boyfriend who then beat her, and force-***** her whenever he wanted. Then she lost her dad in a hunting accident. Yeah, if she has some trauma in that area, I'll leave her be.

I'm glad you're ***** up, though, Sarge. It definitely makes me feel better - haha. You have to understand, it's not like everyone just goes around airing their dirty laundry. It's the opposite, everybody goes out wearing their "Face." So as far as "getting over myself," it's not like there are a ton of examples of ***** up people out there, unless you count porn stars and the assholes killing people that end up on the evening news. My "best friend" (I've talked about him in my journals before) is a ****-up, and ***** up, and he does ***** up things. I'm pretty sure I could entrust these things I'm talking about with him, except...OH YEAH, I don't trust him. So really, I guess you could say I'm the Black Sheep of my immediate world. The people I interact with on a regular basis, in person, I'm it.

You say my SIL fantasies are tame, well...maybe that's why a lot of ppl on these forums are into the story. I dunno, it's kinda funny that no one has said, "Man, really? Your sister-in-law? That's just ***** up!"

My brother-in-law doesn't get girls. He got my sister-in-law. Big difference. This guy couldn't get a girl if she was spit-out chewing gum and he was a shoe that stepped on it. Seriously. She was his first everything. First date, first kiss, first lay, and he had to beg her about 10 times to go out with him.

I don't live as if I'm going to die tomorrow. People like that...die tomorrow. I just live my life as I want to, and do the best I can, and try to accept that as being good enough. I'm always trying to be a better version of myself, but sometimes I become a somewhat worse version, to get to the better, for a time.

Thanks for your input, though.

I sense I struck a nerve, which was not my intention. But if you're not f*cked up, you're normal (i.e. "white picket fence") so you're one or the other my friend.

No, you're reading to much into it. Lovely thing about the written word, at times it doesn't convey tone all that well if you aren't careful.

I don't think it's that black and white, though, dude. F*cked up or normal. There's a lot of gray area. More than 50 shades of it.