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Sister playing manipulation / control games?
06-11-2018, 08:49 PM
Post: #1
Sister playing manipulation / control games?
So my sister is a elder sister; she is successful in her career and I live in HER house like a poor man that cant take care of himself; I dont pay rent or anything, I live for free.....I live with her husband too and my 3 nieces......

I am wondering if my sister is playing control tactics on me; she keeps buying me stuff not out of love or enjoying surprising me with gifts but out of pity like I am too lazy to buy them myself; last couple of days she bought me bed spread and I think pillows and pillow cases........

I personally dont want them; and if I wanted to buy them they would be more custom types.

I don't know if she is buying this stuff for me (she says because she wants to bring good stuff to me) but my voc rehab counselor said she is using control tactics; where she buys things for me means she is trying to control me.

But I dont know if shes buying it or me cuz she thinks I cant afford it or she thinks I have no sense of style and she needs to "take care of me" so she gets things for me (she has even gotten shirts for me too).

I dont feel joy, I feel annoyed that she does that. What should I do?
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06-12-2018, 04:22 AM (This post was last modified: 06-12-2018 05:47 AM by Greenduck.)
Post: #2
RE: Sister playing manipulation / control games?
First of all, lets state the facts:

Your sister let you live in her house for free.
Your sister is buying you stuff.

There is no objective problem in that, you are in a rather good position.

But there could be stuff going on on a deeper level, sure. She could be buying you stuff to reinforce her position as more successfull (I guess there can be some competition-dynamics) going on between siblings. Some people need to make others feel unable to make themselves feel able, but I am not really sure that is the thing here, it's more that she feel good about herself buying stuff to you, and you, already insecure, see those as hurtful to your already "damaged" ego.

My recommendation, is to get yourself to a place where you first don't take such things as a "punch to the gut" but instead learn to appreciate your current situation and maybe also your sister for supporting you. The reason behind her actions is of secondary importance. And in the process of doing so, also take care of your own situation, get a job, your own income, etc.

I would recommend E2. It have helped me tremendously with my situation at home (I have a mom that show some of the tendencies that you describe in your sister). It doesn't affect me anymore, at least not as much as before. Now I decide how I feel about things.

- "No problem can be solved by the same kind of thinking that created it." Albert Einstein
- "Don't cry to quit, cry to keep going" - Will Smith

-> E2 journal
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06-12-2018, 06:33 AM (This post was last modified: 06-13-2018 07:17 AM by Zane.)
Post: #3
RE: Sister playing manipulation / control games?
I think u are taking this a wrong way. It's not ur sister who thinks like that but it is u who is feeling guilty that u cannot return the favor. As if u could do the same. Equivalent Exchange.

Well there is one solution. Improve urself. Develop ur personality and then u can return the favor. I know what it feels like... Becoming a responsible and independent man will change all of that.

She's family after all

INTP-A

Subliminal Testimonials and Reviews
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06-12-2018, 09:45 PM (This post was last modified: 06-12-2018 09:47 PM by Frosted.)
Post: #4
RE: Sister playing manipulation / control games?
It's possible she's trying to control you but then you have to ask who's the one winning in this situation. You're getting free shit and a free place to live (and your sister is providing it willfully) and it's your choice whether to feel bad about it or not(it's never good to feel Guilt Shame or Fear). Just because somebody does something to control you doesn't mean you have to let them make you feel controlled. Manipulation is a mutual agreement. You can't be manipulated if you are aware of it and refuse to be manipulated.

AM6>WM2>AM6>SM3(S4)>AM6>AM6(Current)
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