~Stand tall and shake the heavens~

[Shannon]

Alpha definitely puts you in a no-bull**** zone. I am really pleased with how much I have changed in that regard from using it. I think you'll find yourself saying the same thing when you have finished it. Just remember, this is only the 4th day of 180. You have a long way to go, and a lot of change to experience. I'm glad you took my advice to read Alexander's book. It really helps explain things to your conscious mind.

[enoch]

10th Day of AM2011

It has been, and still is a roller coaster with my emotions. It's almost happening everyday. Everyday I wake up, I feel so down with jealousy and regret that I feel paranoid. My mind keeps thinking whether I should forget this girl or just slow down. If I choose to forget her and focus only on myself for now, my mind becomes concrete about it. I feel confident and see myself six months from now when I finish Alpha Male sub, I see a better self than what I am. But then a few hours later I realize I still want her and I try to brush off all this jealousy and neediness so I can be with her. Neediness has toned down, but it is still there. I can sense when I'm being needy but I submit to it.

I feel very tired everyday. But that can be attributed to my lack of sleep I think, I usually rest from midnight til 6am.

I'm starting to think about whether I'm on the right track with this sub or not, or if I'm doing the right thing and the right decision. One thing is clear though, I will complete this journey no matter what!

[Shannon]

10th Day of AM2011

It has been, and still is a roller coaster with my emotions. It's almost happening everyday. Everyday I wake up, I feel so down with jealousy and regret that I feel paranoid. My mind keeps thinking whether I should forget this girl or just slow down. If I choose to forget her and focus only on myself for now, my mind becomes concrete about it. I feel confident and see myself six months from now when I finish Alpha Male sub, I see a better self than what I am. But then a few hours later I realize I still want her and I try to brush off all this jealousy and neediness so I can be with her. Neediness has toned down, but it is still there. I can sense when I'm being needy but I submit to it.

I feel very tired everyday. But that can be attributed to my lack of sleep I think, I usually rest from midnight til 6am.

I'm starting to think about whether I'm on the right track with this sub or not, or if I'm doing the right thing and the right decision. One thing is clear though, I will complete this journey no matter what!

You're going to need more sleep with this program. It's using a LOT of energy. Also need more exposure than 6 hours for best results.

Understand that questioning whether or not you're on the right track is resistance, and resistance is your subconscious mind's way of trying to get you to stay where you are. It's called homeostasis, the natural desire of your system (body and mind) to maintain an equilibrium that it believes will keep you safe and healthy. In other words, the currently existing subconscious "program" is trying to prevent itself from being overwritten, and one common way that the subconscious will do this is to cause you (consciously) to question yourself, doubt yourself, want to stop, etc. That only means it's working, and that you need to keep going.

So yes, do finish the entire set. There's a lot more to accomplish.

[enoch]

@ZoRoEnriQue: thanks, I will try my best to shift focus to myself.

@Shannon: thanks for the reassurance, now I know what my subconscious is up to!

11th Day of AM2011 with Aura of Sexiness

Slept a little bit earlier but my sleep ended at 5am. I tried to get more but I ended up thinking with my eyes closed then I get stuck in it like a quagmire. The more I resist it the more I sink. I feel like its a routine waking up in the morning thinking about this girl and feeling down, but not as intense like yesterday.

I remember watching 'The Secret', about visualization to attract what you want to manifest. Whenever I feel an intense feeling of jealousy, I get thoughts about the girl seeing or having sex with somebody. It feels so horrible and the memory it leaves is almost vivid like it already happened. I think visualization is useful for my self improvement, but it also destroys me. I wonder Shannon, is there a sub to get me out of my head? Maybe I could use Disconnect From Negativity Within or Positive Thinking & Positive Attitude sub with AM2011 to shift my thinking.

Aura of Sexiness is doing great, women are noticing my presence more. Some of them start to wave at me at my workplace whenever I pass by them. Almost every women I have eye contact with smiles. My eye contact needs calibrating though I think. I was pissed at my brother the other day, then I looked at him. He said "don't look at me like that, it's creepy". I looked away and left. A couple of hours later I was driving and he's on the passenger seat. We were talking then he said something to tease me, I suddenly remembered why I was pissed then I looked at him with a straight face. He said the way I look at him is like James Bond. I asked him, ' charismatic? ' he said no, like I was going to break his neck and he was scared. I like this eye contact business, it feels like I'm passing or communicating my energy (or my state of thinking) through the other person's eyes. I'm not sure how to do it right, but when I do mirror affirmations, I feel my left eye is more dominant than my right. I remember Cory Skky about mirror affirmations with the right eye. Is there a difference?

My martial arts class is doing good and I love it but I'm lacking self confidence. Sensei always comments on my shyness, and he would say 'believe in yourself' whenever I do the moves. We have an open sparring by the end of the class. Its free for all but one pair at a time in front & center of the room. I want to play but something is holding me back. I never ask anyone to spar, I just wait for anybody to come up at me and ask. Some are pretty girls that ask me to spar which is good! . Sensei notices this and told me "...don't let anyone push you. don't wait for anybody to ask you. just do it." I have difficulty controlling my body, thus executing proper technique fails. I'm afraid I'd hurt somebody with my clumsiness (even though the class' motto is if you get hit, it's your fault) which makes me an awkward partner, me thinking constantly (I really want to get out of my head and be in the moment) and my confidence level.

Can't wait for Alpha Male 2011 to flush all my subconscious garbage away. I want to enjoy my Martial Arts class more, enjoy and be satisfied with myself.

[Shannon]

DO use disconnect From Negativity Within.

DON'T use AOS until you're healed emotionally. You're just teasing and torturing yourself and perpetuating your misery.

[enoch]

21st Day of Alpha Male 2011 Stage 1

I'm beginning to get outside my comfort zone easier. A voice in my head used to say negative things that try to keep me in my comfort zone like you'll embarrass yourself, you have no appropriate clothes etc, but now It's like there's another one that pushes me out to change and go for what I want. Since starting AM2011, I've been going out when asked, I usually turn down most of them prior.

When around new people, I am so timid and shy before that I don't even try to join the conversation. Its like I listen and put the conversation in my head and join in it. I mean I'm still shy and hesitant but I do give out my opinion and curiosity about the subject now. I think about what they are thinking about me less and less since the start of this sub. If I do think about I distract myself and listen to the conversation again. I find confidence in little things like now I'm able to intervene or ask a sparring partner in my martial arts class, still shy and thinking too much but am slowlyy going for it.

I get agitated and furious when I don't get respected, but not in a violent way. I will sometimes confront them or just do something to calm me down.

It's weird that rarely, I want to burst out in tears. When I do and am alone, I just give in. It comes out of the blue, I'm happy one sec. then I want to weep after.

Neediness has gone down. When I notice it, I try to control myself and succeed.

Halfway in this stage, I had a major loss of motivation. I was reading John Alexander's book up till the affirmations and dressing part where I got bored and stopped reading. I didn't want to go to work either. I still listen to the sub and now my motivation is slowly coming back up. I think I can attribute that to reading other people's journal here it reminds me of what I want to achieve, where I want to go, thanks guys.

I read that Sex Magnet 2.0 features that Shannon posted on Ryan's journal, I drooled. I can't wait to try that!

Also, I dropped Aura of Sexiness since the post above. Thanks Shannon, It actually helped because rather than distract myself with these women giving me eye contact, instead I've dealth with my feelings for this girl. I spent a lot of time thinking about me and her. I look and think of her everyday but I'm starting to see that this girl isn't for me. The more I go out, the more I think that this girl is not what I want. It's just letting go of her that is hard. Whenver I think about it my mind goes to WHAT IFs. What if this works out and so on..

I've yet to use Disconnect From Negativity Within sub, I will purchase it this week and start my new year journey with it. I'm feeling good things will happpen in my life in 2012.

[ronatello]

Sounds like AM 2011 is bringing up a lot of deep rooted thoughts and feelings. It will do that and I'm experiencing the same thing (I'm a week and a day in stage 2).
One thing that will really help you a lot is.. change your story!
Write out what is holding you back currently and write the positive opposite. And tell that to yourself as you do your mirror affirmations. Looking in the left eye connects to your right brain / emotional side while looking into your right eye connects to your left-brain / logical side. Do both.
Also, let go of that attachment to that girl... STOP pursuing!
AM2011 will pull up a lot of deeply embedded feelings that may make you feel uncomfortable / frustrated / angry, and so on. Just allow the feelings to be there and let them go.

[enoch]

32nd Day of Alpha Male 2011 Stage 1

Last day of stage 1. I'm trying to remember everything that happened during this stage. First two weeks I noticed people taking advantage of me, and confronted them about it. Before I would just let this go and sometimes be mad at myself for taking no action. But the confrontations ended after week two, I still sense people walking all over me especially this girl I was infatuated with which made me really frustrated and angry with myself after my realization. Up till now, I'm still angry about why I let this happen to myself and it still stings when I think or see her but I figured this has to stop and follow you guys' advice to stop pursuing her.

@ronatello - thanks for the tip! I'm not sure how to do that but here goes nothing..

what's holding me back right now I think is that my mind is clouded by the illusion that myself and this girl can become something, my brain is having a hard time letting go of that notion. It is slowly being worked on, if there is anything to make this go quicker!

Regarding dreams, so far I don't remember any significant dreams like other people had during these stage. I'm a little worried whether AM2011 is working or not because what I read is that it manifests in your dreams. But I kept dreaming of sex, usually occurs after I had a "deep sleep", I wake up around 4-6am then sleep again that's when these sexual dreams occur. It might just be me, I hadn't been watching porn since the start of AoS (2 months ago! wow, this is coming from a guy with a hard drive full of it) and I had the constant urge to spank the monkey, but my will not to do the deed prevails.

[Shannon]

Firstly, don't worry about what you read in other people's journals. Their experiences will not necessarily match yours. Secondly, dreams are not always something that manifests as a result of Alpha Male. I didn't have any notable dreams using it. And third, dreams of sex after refusing to masturbate for 2 months is, in a word... normal.

Don't worry if it's working. Just keep going.

[Cortez]

2 months? Damn, you've got the discipline of a monk!

[Ryan]

2 months? Damn, you've got the discipline of a monk!

-Presses fake like button-

[enoch]

lmao, sadly 2 months is all I could handle. I'm going crazy having sexual thoughts all the time, it had to be released. I don't like the after effect of it with feeling guilty sometimes, wonder why it happens often but I think it must have something to do with all that crap fed to my subconscious growing up (e.g. doing it is bad, you get bad luck after doing it [which i'm starting to think is true, happens almost everytime and lasts for a few days], also I read somewhere in the vast ocean of the internet that it diminishes your energy unless you have a partner of the opposite sex.. hmm).

====================================================

I wonder if I have said "No" upfront to a girl that asked me a favor earlier (whom I'm interested with) is a better choice than my excuse "I'm busy but I will Try" (not actual words, it was lamer). Because right now I feel bad that I let her down and kept her hope up. I feel I'm to blame her plans ruined. If I had said no, or something like "no, I'm busy" I would have made it clear and rid myself of guilt.

Looking back I felt that I was trying to please her and ended up beating myself for it.

Read some horoscope stuff today. I discovered that Libras tend to be gullible and sensitive but what bothered me is the indecisive trait. That hit the nail in the head. I tend to overthink things. Especially when dealing with a decision. I think of possible scenarios for all choices I can make. It might be great for stuff like financial decision and such but what/where/when to eat, watch a movie and small stuff needn't be hard and bringing up headaches from dilemmas.

There is this very cute girl working in the same building the I work at. We pass by each other from time to time but doesn't seem to notice me. Today I saw her having a smoke by the building's entrance from a block away. I was looking at her all the way until the front door. She was moving away, I didn't notice it much but now that I'm thinking back at it she must've move away to not blow smoke at me or something. Anyway I was surprised that before I reached for the door I was still looking at her with no expression on my face then she suddenly smiled and waved at me. Really odd. I gave her a really short smile but I didn't stop. Deep inside though I felt a little bit of euphoria.

2nd Day of Alpha Male 2011 Stage 2

[Cortez]

I don't believe all that stuff about masturbation. If anything I feel much better when I do it. When I do hold it in for a while, I have crazy sexual energy and it seems like I just put it off in waves and women react strongly to it, but it also makes ME more crazy, and clouds my thoughts with every attractive woman I see. Every 2 or 3 days is enough for me.

[Shannon]

Masturbation is a healthy thing if you have a steady sex drive and no other release for it. The orgone (sexual energy) gets released with it. If you don't regularly release your orgone, it can do some interesting things, and is not exactly pleasant. But it is empowering, and with practice, you can focus that specific energy into other things to help "power" them (and use up/release/express the orgone without orgasm). Not releasing it isn't natural, or healthy, which is why we have wet dreams sometimes. Guilt/shame/fear/self loathing associated with masturbation are all negative things intended to control you, usually in order to give someone else your personal power. Let go of them. There's no "bad luck after masturbating" - that's the result, if you think you see it, of subconscious programming akin to the reverse of Luck magnet which is based on fear.

If you find yourself having your life interrupted by sex and masturbation, then you may have a problem. But a normal, healthy man is going to have a regular increase in orgone, and he will need to regularly release it. Mastubation is completely normal.