Smoking sub-take 3-HST-take 1

[Patti]

patti.

i was wondering why dont you just smoke normally without mental resistance and just see what happens, like dont try to force yourself to quit, dont even think about it, when you feel like smoking do it and when you dont just dont? im not sure if that would work with the program but sounds alot easier to me this way.

P.s i agree, and therefore now i carefully wish for AM 5g =)

Biakoia, I sort of did just that even though it doesn’t seem like it. The program was pushing me to quit, but looking back I might have been a little over-zealous to stop when I did. It was a really strong push that I had been battling in my head with. Smoking was starting to not taste good, make me slightly nauseous and overall just not feel good about doing it.

I kinda seized the moment that I felt my urge to quit was stronger than my urge to smoke and went with it at that time. I simply ran out and didn’t buy anymore. Even though it appears that was a conscious decision on my part, maybe it wasn’t. And this is what’s happening with me, I’m not sure it would be like this for anyone else.

I’m going through a whole new (for me because nicotine had dulled most) gamut of emotions, feelings and sensations, that feel foreign and uncomfortable because I’m not used to them. The program is working as far as I can tell, the difficulty is in dealing with all these new to me emotions etc. I don’t know whether this is how the program is designed to work, or my subconscious is being resistant and this tidal wave is how it’s coming through or it very possibly could just be that this is normal (hate that word) and I’ll have to learn to deal with it.

The one thing I can tell ya, is that there’s only been 2 times that I have really seriously thought about smoking again. It feels like there’s an invisible wall up that knows I smoked and may know that if I did smoke, it would calm some of these feelings down but it’s over there and I don’t really need it but it’s there. Almost telling me not to panic. When I was younger, my neighbor quit but always carried one in his shirt pocket just in case he needed it. He never did but just knowing it was there helped him. It’s basically the same thing.

I hate to vent on here but it’s one of the only places people will understand because everyone here is using a sub. And if Shannon does ever feel the need to upgrade he may find info here to help the next person so they may not have to go through what I am.

I really appreciate your questions and comments because they help me to think more about productive reasons of why I’m doing this, so keep em’ coming lol.