Self Esteem 5.5 Journal

[Trespassing]

Hi. I have tried other self help with not much luck and have arrived here after some Googling. I have lurked some too. I have known that I suffer from low self esteem at times so here I am and this is my journal. Thank you for the support.

Initial Thoughts of First few days
--
Not super sure what to expect. But I do feel maybe more calm in my thoughts. Playing Ultrasonic track while sleeping the flac one. I feel a bit more grounded too. Hard to describe. Also after the first day I felt more bitter and angry towards those who had screwed me over in the past. I have been walked on a lot in my days. Maybe some more respect for myself. I have cut ties with a handful of 'friends' shortly before and during these few days. Assholes, they did not truly respect me.


Day 18
This is still hard to describe. I think ive been more aware of how I used to act and how silly I was, letting people walk on me like a doormat, and being generally a 'nice guy' with girls even though Ive had pretty decent skill in that department as well. Hope this makes sense, I can be a bit of an asshole and known to be good with girls but also a nice guy sometimes soi I have lots of room, to become well rounded. So yes, Ive been more aware of my past and maybe who I am.

I use reddit. I have recently found my way to r/justneckbeardthings and r/niceguys. For those of you who are not reddit savvy, take a look here
http://reddit.com/r/niceguys
http://reddit.com/r/justneckbeardthings

I have been reading those 2 subreddits for the past week or so. They are full of 'nice guys' and wow it is so cringy. I definitely see how I have acted similar to some of that in the past. I see now some of my friends have been low-key neckbeards with their anime and role-playing. Yeah Ive always been a nerd but I always felt I had to like what they like and now I really just see how stupid it all is. Reading the subreddits is reinforcing how not to act to me. Hey also I understand not everyone who reads anime is a neckbeard. Its just not my thing so to each his own.

It is hard to gather my thoughts. My girlfriend has been telling me lately that I have been more humble. Her words, not mine. Thanks

[Trespassing]

Day 19
I have been thinking about this more now. I think this journal is a good idea. So, it seems to me that my focus has been anchored on my past. I mean that as I go about my day I filter things like how to act and how not to act based on how I've been treated in the past. I think how I view people has changed too. There seems to be a new filter in place before I speak and that filter helps me decide the person's intentions. I feel that filter is becoming more natural and more in the background as the days go by. For example when I started Self Esteem I had many AHA! moments. Now it seems more natural but is still very much progressing.

About conversations. They are more... Let's see. They flow differently. More natural I think, and yes more relaxed. I feel more comfortable and not trying to get as much to get validation. I see I have wanted validation in the past and am doing this less. Thanks

[Trespassing]

Day 20
I say these things as cumulative thoughts over the course of 20 days.

I definitely feel more confident. This confidence is very natural and down to earth and not cocky at all. I feel more playful and wanting to joke and enjoy myself.

I'm feeling much more comfortable doing my own thing instead of catering to other people's needs. I don't feel bad anymore for asserting myself. The way I assert myself is more natural. I used to bottle things in and let them explode so you could say I used to be more passive aggressive.

Social settings are different to me now. I mean that I can see more clearly what is going on and how different people are... partly because I'm also now seeing more of people's motives and why they act the way they do. I feel less taxed by the thought of needing to make everybody happy and instead I am me.

I have to say I don't usually say like this in a forum. It is new to journal but I like it and you guys seem cool. Thanks

[Trespassing]

Gaining the ability to see through problems more clearly.

Less anxious lately by far. More secure about myself.

Humor has changed. I can joke without adding that awkward chuckle afterwards.

[Trespassing]

I switched to hybrid subliminal trickling stream last night to give it a try. It gave me very impactful dreams and greatly helped me figure out some interpersonal things for example in the dream I was confident and had no problems steering a conversation back on track and gently interrupting people to do so. "listen, so..." "ok lol that's not that we're talking about, let me finish..." "hey hang on..." when I usually just let people talk and interrupt me.

[Trespassing]

1 month

Definitely much easier to talk to people. I am getting out more and doing networking with people. Coworkers have asked me to get beer after work and have never before done this. I have posted on Reddit seeing to meet up with similar minded people and got 3 responses and met up with 1 so far. I feel much less anxious and fearful for stupid reasons now and I just feel normal.

[Trespassing]

I read on some psych websites that too much Self Esteem can be a bad thing. "Bad Thing" is an opinion, yes, but has peaked my interest enough to read a bit about it to keep myself in check.

"[Talking about high self esteem] Along with increased narcissism are also increased levels of loneliness and depression. This makes sense: mature relationships require mutuality, where neither partner is more important than the other. There can be no reciprocal relationship when one partner is self-centered. Egoism pushes others away, thereby leading to loneliness. And being disconnected from others in a meaningful way is a road to depression."

Among other excerpts. I assume this program is well rounded but I have to ask, what else is going on in the SE script to balance out ego and high levels of self esteem, if anything? Shannon or others, can you comment on this? There is not much information on the SE sales page. Thanks

[RisingSon]

It's a mystery... moke:
Since most of it draws upon Shannon's wisdom and life experiences that cannot be easily condensed... Ego-balancing is already a script that has been developed. I've given Shannon tips like implementing the 6 Heart Virtues into 6G which he would be a fool not to use, as balancing certain emotional states lead to a powerful resonance of heart-centered authenticity that will keep the self in check.

Yeah, a lot of people have over-vaunted self-esteem, which is my main gripe with modern women who are out of control.

[changer]

I read on some psych websites that too much Self Esteem can be a bad thing.

...

Along with increased narcissism...

...
Shannon or others, can you comment on this?

Shannon has already answered your question here:
http://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-Men-s-...#pid186931

Edit: Since you also ask others for their opinions, I absolutly agree with Shannon. There is not "too much" of self esteem. Its the opposite: the more you value yourself, the more you can value others. Its the same as with self-love. You can't really love others until you fully love yourself. Else your love will always have strings attached, unwritten rules in an imgaginary contract that goes "I love you as long as you do or behave xyz". In that regard there are also a lot of people who confuse real (healthy) self-love with narcissm. 2 totally different things.

[Trespassing]

Thanks RisingSon and Changer.

Pasting this quote from Shannon to refer back to.

Narcissism isn't a result of self esteem, no matter how much of it you have. It's a result of too much false ego, too much focus on oneself and a state of confusion/delusion about what is and is not real concerning one's personal value as compared to the value of others.

False ego is based in insecurity and fear. Focus on oneself to a high degree is usually based in feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. Narcissism, then, is a state of delusion based in feelings of inferiority and insecurity as to one's actual value, which is used to hide the self from those facts as well as hide them from others.

Self esteem is not about those things. With self esteem, narcissism would dissolve because self esteem kills the feelings of insecurity and inferiority and replaces them with something positive and genuine instead. Without that sense of inferiority and the insecurity it generates and is based in, there is no need to focus on the self to the exclusion of others, nor constantly reassure the self of how wonderful it is, neither delude the self into believing that it is better than everyone else around.

[Shannon]

I read on some psych websites that too much Self Esteem can be a bad thing. "Bad Thing" is an opinion, yes, but has peaked my interest enough to read a bit about it to keep myself in check.

"[Talking about high self esteem] Along with increased narcissism are also increased levels of loneliness and depression. This makes sense: mature relationships require mutuality, where neither partner is more important than the other. There can be no reciprocal relationship when one partner is self-centered. Egoism pushes others away, thereby leading to loneliness. And being disconnected from others in a meaningful way is a road to depression."

Among other excerpts. I assume this program is well rounded but I have to ask, what else is going on in the SE script to balance out ego and high levels of self esteem, if anything? Shannon or others, can you comment on this? There is not much information on the SE sales page. Thanks

This has been answered adequately by others, so I'll leave it at that. Posting this to let you know I was paying attention.

[Have at ye]

Thanks RisingSon and Changer.

Pasting this quote from Shannon to refer back to.

Narcissism isn't a result of self esteem, no matter how much of it you have. It's a result of too much false ego, too much focus on oneself and a state of confusion/delusion about what is and is not real concerning one's personal value as compared to the value of others.

False ego is based in insecurity and fear. Focus on oneself to a high degree is usually based in feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. Narcissism, then, is a state of delusion based in feelings of inferiority and insecurity as to one's actual value, which is used to hide the self from those facts as well as hide them from others.

Self esteem is not about those things. With self esteem, narcissism would dissolve because self esteem kills the feelings of insecurity and inferiority and replaces them with something positive and genuine instead. Without that sense of inferiority and the insecurity it generates and is based in, there is no need to focus on the self to the exclusion of others, nor constantly reassure the self of how wonderful it is, neither delude the self into believing that it is better than everyone else around.

This is very much true. I have a lot of experience dealing with narcissistic personalities (mostly due to working in an environment that has a much higher than the population average percentage of narcissistic people drawn to it), and - yup - it mostly stems from insecurity, and insecurity stems from a lack of true self-esteem. They live in a constant state of neurotic validation-seeking.

In reality, deep down inside, narcissists are extremely unhappy people.

And when the false ego bubble bursts, they become resentful and unpleasant. In result, they can become extremely toxic people (what I like to call "closeted narcissists", lol. Having been burned by reality vs. false ego, they often withdraw from overt narcissistic behavior and express it in different ways, the obvious tells being constantly putting other people down and giving unsolicited advice, usually harmful).