Raykon's Self Esteem 5.5g Journal

[Raykon]

I jumped back on SE.

I noticed my SE dropping off and becoming more needy.

I also thought I fucked up with that chick I like and it sent me into a negative spiral so I figure I need to continue using high self esteem.

Also turns out I was tripping out shes still interested she is still sending me selfies of herself.

SE is more valuable to me right now that ARA. stoked for DMSI 3.2 though I wish I could run ARA and SE same time.

I am using Hybrid now too. For the previous 22 days I used SE 5.5g I had used Masked.

[Zane]

I've trained myself to not cum at all. I even tried to cum and I couldn't. I'm interested to see how this is in sex not just masturbation. I lower sexual tension in my penis with every breath I take now.

Didn't knew SE was capable of this also.

[Raykon]

I've trained myself to not cum at all. I even tried to cum and I couldn't. I'm interested to see how this is in sex not just masturbation. I lower sexual tension in my penis with every breath I take now.

Didn't knew SE was capable of this also.

I don;t think it has to do with SE. it's something ive been working on for years.


3 years ago I couldn't hold ejaculation at all and my penis was overly sensitive from genetics and also training myself to cum quick (living with parents)


but now its the opposite. ive learned how to delay ejaculation long time with breathing techniques.


maybe SE is helping me but I think more so DMSI and just practise in general has helped me the most in this regard. Even ARA probably has helped me in this regard. Since ejaculation prematurely is anxiety based I think??

[Raykon]

Im happy I went back on the SE program..

I just finished texting back and forth for 3 hours without any delay in response time with that chick I like the 10/10. Long paragraphs of text at times from both sides.

HOly shit. i never had such deep conversations with anyone. She told me so much about her self.

We also talked about us in relationship together, her being on birth control or not, her past, my past, what I like and dislike, what she likes and dislikes in a relationship, what she wants out of me in a relationship and what I want out of her.

we even made a promise to eachother to never lie to eachother.


This chick REALLY likes me. Were very honest and communicative with eachother. This was the first time we texted for so long. Something clicked in her mind I guess and she decided she wants me to be her BF.

I didn't think I had much in common with her before but I was just in it for her looks mostly. But now I realize were VERY SIMILAR . and shes extremely conscious and amazing and way smarter and mature then I expected.


EDIT: learn qualification if you want to learn how to become better with women and make them find you as a high value male.

At one point she said "Since were speaking of sexual health, i've gotten all my sti testing done"

and to which I responded "Im turned on for some reason FML" I said something serious after this but that was the first line I wrote when she said that.

[Trespassing]

Not a knock on you, just an observation, you seem like the player type I see you have it in your head that you need to approach girls regularly. Why do you need to do this? True self esteem is being happy with who you are and once you reach that then you'll realize you dont need to always be the man, get all the girls, and base your happiness on your success rate with women. They are just girls. What void is it that you'll filling with these girls?

[SargeMaximus]

Forum amogging is back it seems...

[Raykon]

Not a knock on you, just an observation, you seem like the player type I see you have it in your head that you need to approach girls regularly. Why do you need to do this? True self esteem is being happy with who you are and once you reach that then you'll realize you dont need to always be the man, get all the girls, and base your happiness on your success rate with women. They are just girls. What void is it that you'll filling with these girls?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with going out and approaching women. I'm going for what I want in life. I do this with EVERYTHING. I love WOMEN, so why wouldn't I go find them and meet them and date and bang them.

I don't agree at all with what your saying.

It's not good to base your self esteem on results with women , I agree with that for sure. but I love women. I always have since I was a little kid. It's what makes me happy in life so that's what I want to do with my life. Pursue women. I'm also starting my own business regarding Pick up and dating / life style so not only am I meeting women but I'm potentially creating more income and also CRUSHING my social anxiety and fears I had in the past, I FEARED hot women because I wanted them so bad when I was younger.

[Trespassing]

Amog-ing huh, havent heard that term in ages.

Raykon, thats fine. I'm glad SE is helping you do what you're passionate about.

[Raykon]

Have a date planned for saturday at noon with that chick I like and likes me back.

had the asian waitress today touch my arm and be over apologetic and clearly into me. I was kind of serious/alpha when I was talking to her because she made a mistake on my order over the phone when I came to pick it up she said "I heard you say tuna sashimi" and I said "unfortunately you heard wrong"

but the way I said it was very serious and alpha and I think that's what attracted her. I was nice too at the same time however, like I didn't have them remake it like they wanted too i just said to put some spicy sauce on the side and il dip it in and I told her don't worry about it it's not a big deal.


that chick I like sent me a picture of her cleaveage (her face not in the picture).. never had a women do that to me in my life before until now. She's the first chick that sent me pictures of her self ever in a seductive or flirty way.

she's also the first chick I was able to communicate with so genuinely and naturally over text. I'm looking forward to our date now more then before because I know her allot more now and she knows me a bit too. Instead of going into it pretty blind.

[Raykon]

I told that chick something serious that could have possibly turned her off, she later told me that she appreciated the honesty earlier and that it turned her on to be honest and made her attracted to me.

she has been sending me lots of hearts and she told me she wants me to start messaging her more because it keeps her interested and she likes to talk about her day sometimes.

Our communication in texting came back we were texting very naturally and well. I think this might be my first soon to be GF. But i'm not going to rush into anything. I want to try and play hard to get to point until I can no longer play hard to get and hide my emotions. Until shes begging to be exclusive.

[Frosted]

Forum amogging is back it seems...

It's very prominent on this forum unfortunately. I don't know why.

[Raykon]

Fucked up big time last night by telling the girl that i like and likes me back allot that I was going on a date with another chick, (I told her this because she asked me who i was going for food with) but we had agreed that were not exclusive till we agree on it and we both agree.

however, the way I said it and how inconsiderate I was she got super choked. I was close to losing her but the next day (today) I apoligzed in the morning, got a "ok ty" response, so i waited 10 hours and apoliigized again even more sincerly and heart felt and now were okay finally. Shes sending me selfies again.


Note to self and anyone else here. Don't make stupid decisions in relationships based on ego or jealousy.

EGO / JEALOUSY / immature stuff is what kills the relationship. Always be the bigger person and assume the best never assume the worst.

Always own up when you fuck up. Apologizing is not perceived as weakness if the context is right & you really did fuck up.

[Shannon]

The biggest thing I think guys need to realize about women is that they're people. They have feelings, just like us. They can't be treated like objects, or walking vaginas if you want the healthy ones to stick around. She needs to feel valid, valued, cared about and worthwhile to you. Low value, low self esteem women will accept any treatment, but the good ones require accordingly better treatment if you're going to have a relationship with them. Of course this isn't to say you should be a doormat, but certainly you should treat a relationship partner according to the value they have.

[CatMan]

The biggest thing I think guys need to realize about women is that they're people. They have feelings, just like us. They can't be treated like objects, or walking vaginas if you want the healthy ones to stick around. She needs to feel valid, valued, cared about and worthwhile to you. Low value, low self esteem women will accept any treatment, but the good ones require accordingly better treatment if you're going to have a relationship with them. Of course this isn't to say you should be a doormat, but certainly you should treat a relationship partner according to the value they have.

I frequently have had issues seeing them as "just people", as I don't feel I've been treated like one by them. They've also been so unattainable and "above" me for whatever reason. I admit, it's really hard to view them as "just like me" in such an environment. They seem "out of reach" to me somehow, or even "bad" due to the treatment. I do also often wonder if I even WANT to associate with "people" like that who act like that towards me and think of me in such low ways. It's created a conflict with using such a program with such a goal, due to no positive interactions to draw from I think. This thinking is why I've so often chosen to stick to Version A, as I know I need C&H.

If anything, I've gone too far always to the "doormat" side. Doing "the right thing" decades of feminism drilled into me to do, but never being rewarded or respected for doing so. And then jealously watching the "bad boys" get girls while the girls would whine where the "good guys" are, when the "bad boys" treat them the obvious way they will. All while lining up for the "bad boys", which never made any sense. Watching this dynamic play out so many times, so many girls, for so long, can be very frustrating.

Now I know why they do it thanks to a book I read, and I'm trying to build up my value of self and self esteem etc. hopefully with V3.2's help. To not be the "doormat" anymore and actually get respect from them, something I don't really think I have for some reason. And hopefully, finally, some level of attraction from them and taken seriously at last with value in their eyes, something I don't think I've ever felt before in my entire life, sadly. We'll see, V3.2 should be a step towards that I hope given it's changes.

Sorry Raykon, I thought I'd add some info of thinking which may help C&H or other aspects of programs, including V3.2, or the skeleton script on this topic quoted.