07-19-2021, 05:51 PM
Day 63, T-Minus 118 days until end,
I've nudged up against a couple of more core issues.
I believe that due to fear, I'm hanging on to resentment against people that I believe who've wronged me.
I'm hanging on due to the fear that letting go would mean that I'm no longer able to tally a score and hold it against those bad bad people.
Often times, the "wrong" I've felt was a result of people making decisions independent on me being a real presence in their life.
I've held a lot of crushes on women growing up, and it was never reciprocated; as I become more successful, my inner thoughts resist treating women, especially attractive women, with automatic kindness. The inner monologue is: "They never gave a fuck about how I felt, so why the fuck should I return the favor now that the tables have turned?" If that makes sense.
These feelings have flared up recently and I believe will intensity before they heal.
I've nudged up against a couple of more core issues.
I believe that due to fear, I'm hanging on to resentment against people that I believe who've wronged me.
I'm hanging on due to the fear that letting go would mean that I'm no longer able to tally a score and hold it against those bad bad people.
Often times, the "wrong" I've felt was a result of people making decisions independent on me being a real presence in their life.
I've held a lot of crushes on women growing up, and it was never reciprocated; as I become more successful, my inner thoughts resist treating women, especially attractive women, with automatic kindness. The inner monologue is: "They never gave a fuck about how I felt, so why the fuck should I return the favor now that the tables have turned?" If that makes sense.
These feelings have flared up recently and I believe will intensity before they heal.
UMS v2 Journal (current) || Overcoming Fear 5.75G Journal
