Overcoming Fear v.3 - 5.75.7G - Ampers&d's Journal

[Shannon]

Shannon would say that if you find yourself stagnating, you have to change your listening setup somehow. Stagnation will either mean you just aren't noticing any of the things going on, or you have acclimated and need to change something. Format, volume, loops, volume, etc.

[Ampersnd]

Day 93, T-Minus 88 days until end, 3rd Day ON,

Adapted by increasing loops to 6 per night. Might do 4 days on, 2 days off to recover after the next set of loops.

[Ampersnd]

Day 99, T-Minus 82 days until end, 3rd Day ON,

I'm noticing a change of pace. I feel like some of the underlying stuff has settled.
Reverting to quiet action taking without much trepidation.

However, I'm noticing some of the ways my inner coward shows up, even if my physiology doesn't register anything.
Let's see how this sub plays out.

[Ampersnd]

Day 100, T-Minus 81 days until end, 4th Day ON,

Getting much more eye contact at the gym today; very intense session.
This new store/subscription system seems exciting; I wasn't looking forward to paying $700-800 for UMS 2.0.
I also wanted to recommend subs to a friend, and the price increases would make it less accessible to someone who is skeptical that they work.

[Ampersnd]

Shannon would say that if you find yourself stagnating, you have to change your listening setup somehow.  Stagnation will either mean you just aren't noticing any of the things going on, or you have acclimated and need to change something.  Format, volume, loops, volume, etc.

Thanks Shannon.

[Ampersnd]

Day 104, T-Minus 77 days until end, 3rd Day ON,

Another 3-day weekend complete. Working on two final coding algorithms to complete the 15 that I had set out to complete.

I need to fully get my head back in the game and dedicate myself to learning projects.

[Ampersnd]

Day 108, T-Minus 73 days until end, 2nd Day ON,

I'm nearing the 2/3rds mark of the program.
A lot of the things that I remember expressing fear about are gone; now my decisions are based on willpower and willingness to do things.

Need to reinforce the programming up until the 6th month mark.

[Ampersnd]

Day 113, T-Minus 68 days until end, 1st Day ON,

Just wrapped up a 4-day weekend.

[Ampersnd]

Day 116, T-Minus 65 days until end, 4th Day ON,

Feeling a desire to not be seen or looked at by others. I'm deferring to others in a shy or coy way.
Definitely feelings of insecurity and of retreat.

[Ampersnd]

Day 120, T-Minus 61 days until end, 3rd Day ON,

Four months in. Doing more confident things, but my body keeps telling me to do low-confidence things as a counter-balance; look away, or put my head down after doing a bit more audacious.

Strange things.

[Ampersnd]

Been having the desire to buy a bunch of things; they are things relevant to my skills and my growth, but they are a bit flashy. New guitar, new cardio training program, new decor for my home office.

My hair dresser gave me a contact for a CEO who owns (and is selling) a multi-multi-million dollar mining company, and who is gave to have his brain picked. I'll have to call and try to reach him directly, but she told me to use her name when doing so.

[Ampersnd]

I'm actually becoming very excited for the direction of my life. Things just feel like they're going to improve over the coming months.

[Ampersnd]

Day 123, T-Minus 58 days until end, 1st Day ON,

Might be buying a new guitar tomorrow. Played it today and was very impressed.
Just didn't have my usual picks and amp, and hadn't warmed up, so I was making a lot of mistakes... but damn it felt good.

I've realized that it will truly take the full 6 months to gain the full benefits from this program.
There's still an internal battle going on, beneath my consciousness.
I throw out lots of conflicting body language; I go from confident-looking to not a few times a day.

[Ampersnd]

Day 124, T-Minus 57 days until end, 2nd Day ON,

Some of this internal conflict fucked off today; was simply expressing myself, without much consternation.