04-19-2023, 01:17 AM
Cycle 9 Day On 3:
Welp I'm now 2 month's and 1 week into the Exp:
I noticed that my negatives last less time than they used too, Sure I can still get irritated and dissapointed and stuff but it now only last an hour or so instead of a whole day.
I also went to the cinema on my own for the first time ever, Meaning I'm slowly starting to get more self reliant, instead of being depented on invitation from others,
I become more aware of when I'm full when eating but sadly I'm still forcing myself to eat everything, meaning that I'm still not over this fear:
"It sounds to me like the underlying issue is fear in your case. Having your father tell you to eat everything you have would instill a fear of lack of food if you don't eat everything, and telling you to hurry would make it worse by implying that you'll starve if you don't eat it all NOW." Shannon,
However I do begin to start asking question's like: why am I doing this?
I'm full I dont enjoy it anymore so why do I keep going?
Even more so when I already gained, 1,6kg from eastern and my time at cinema (it was the same week afterall)
Am I scared of being critisized by my mother? Yes I know she would be sad that I bought all that food that make me over weight?, Whats the point of being scared of it? It's going to happen because I force myself to eat it all, So I will gain weight anyway.
Is it because she keeps talking about the fact we need to save money? Even then it would be pointless because we already bought the food, So would it really be a waste for throw it away? instead of just forcing myself to keep eating it?
But forcing myself to keep eating even if I'm full will only cause me to gain more weight, So mayby it would be better just to throw it away..
Anyway, I'm serious to see what the rest of the 2 months - 7 days will bring me.
Welp I'm now 2 month's and 1 week into the Exp:
I noticed that my negatives last less time than they used too, Sure I can still get irritated and dissapointed and stuff but it now only last an hour or so instead of a whole day.
I also went to the cinema on my own for the first time ever, Meaning I'm slowly starting to get more self reliant, instead of being depented on invitation from others,
I become more aware of when I'm full when eating but sadly I'm still forcing myself to eat everything, meaning that I'm still not over this fear:
"It sounds to me like the underlying issue is fear in your case. Having your father tell you to eat everything you have would instill a fear of lack of food if you don't eat everything, and telling you to hurry would make it worse by implying that you'll starve if you don't eat it all NOW." Shannon,
However I do begin to start asking question's like: why am I doing this?
I'm full I dont enjoy it anymore so why do I keep going?
Even more so when I already gained, 1,6kg from eastern and my time at cinema (it was the same week afterall)
Am I scared of being critisized by my mother? Yes I know she would be sad that I bought all that food that make me over weight?, Whats the point of being scared of it? It's going to happen because I force myself to eat it all, So I will gain weight anyway.
Is it because she keeps talking about the fact we need to save money? Even then it would be pointless because we already bought the food, So would it really be a waste for throw it away? instead of just forcing myself to keep eating it?
But forcing myself to keep eating even if I'm full will only cause me to gain more weight, So mayby it would be better just to throw it away..
Anyway, I'm serious to see what the rest of the 2 months - 7 days will bring me.
