I think I’ve got a more accurate estimation of my level of consciousness. What was throwing me off was the nondual experiences that made me think I was higher than I was. I’m pretty sure I’m at the least solidly at level 8 (or turquoise as it is called in spiral dynamics). But I think my peak is in 9 going into 10 (the model I’m talking about is Ken Wilber’s “Integral Theory”).
A good analogy for the place I’m at is this: There’s a comic book. Level 10 is the book the story exists upon, the “being” of the story itself. The main character is aware he’s a character in a book, and he tries to step outside the book. The problem is that you can’t escape the book from the perspective of the character. You have to realize that you are not the character, you are the pages the character exists upon. But you can’t just know this, you have to be embody it in real time by resting in pure awareness.
So I’m aware that I’m not the thoughts and I’m trying to become aware as the underlying awareness, but it’s hard to rest in that awareness and not get swept up in various traps. The infuriating thing is that I’m aware of the traps as they happen, but it’s not enough to know what’s happening, you have to “wake up”. I do think I experience level 10, but only at my best, and not that high in it. I can feel some level of mitigation of negative experiences, but it’s not like I’ve seen level 10 described, where you have a large degree of freedom from suffering.
The weird thing is that I don’t feel like I live in level 10 that much, and sometimes it feels like I’m about to enter into level 11 (nonduality), but perhaps that is something going on with the subs or I’m mistaken about something. Or I just don’t fully understand how I’m changing.
Edit: something I’d like to add is that my inner monologue is almost completely gone. There’s still layers of concepts and a faint inner voice that comes and goes, but I don’t fully identify with. The subs have significantly reduced the mental chatter in my brain. Turns out trauma is the source of a lot of cancerous thought.
ION, things are going alright with OGSF2. I’m noticing solid progress. There’s some flair ups of negativity, but I’m getting through it. I’m kinda noticing how much I was fucked up. I still have so far to go. I wonder if I only really got started once I began using 5.11G and everything up until then was a warmup. The good thing is that I’m committed and I’m at the point where I know I can get through the inner work, I just gotta put in the time. I can see why I wouldn’t get results I would want with subs. A lot of the blockages were invisible to me, but now I see a lot more.
I’m becoming more and more aware of the kind of man I want to become. I’m also becoming increasingly aware of an aspect of masculinity that was more invisible to me earlier in my journey. That benevolent expansive giving energy. It’s not weak like I might’ve thought early in my journey. On the contrary it’s coming from a place of strength.
I usually finish what I start, but I’ll probably make an exception and swap to AM7 when it comes out. I didn’t expect 6G to literally come out like 2 weeks after I started lol. For now I’ll keep going and get some more progress under my belt. I should get at least a month or two before AM7 comes out. Unless I’m wrong again lol.
A good analogy for the place I’m at is this: There’s a comic book. Level 10 is the book the story exists upon, the “being” of the story itself. The main character is aware he’s a character in a book, and he tries to step outside the book. The problem is that you can’t escape the book from the perspective of the character. You have to realize that you are not the character, you are the pages the character exists upon. But you can’t just know this, you have to be embody it in real time by resting in pure awareness.
So I’m aware that I’m not the thoughts and I’m trying to become aware as the underlying awareness, but it’s hard to rest in that awareness and not get swept up in various traps. The infuriating thing is that I’m aware of the traps as they happen, but it’s not enough to know what’s happening, you have to “wake up”. I do think I experience level 10, but only at my best, and not that high in it. I can feel some level of mitigation of negative experiences, but it’s not like I’ve seen level 10 described, where you have a large degree of freedom from suffering.
The weird thing is that I don’t feel like I live in level 10 that much, and sometimes it feels like I’m about to enter into level 11 (nonduality), but perhaps that is something going on with the subs or I’m mistaken about something. Or I just don’t fully understand how I’m changing.
Edit: something I’d like to add is that my inner monologue is almost completely gone. There’s still layers of concepts and a faint inner voice that comes and goes, but I don’t fully identify with. The subs have significantly reduced the mental chatter in my brain. Turns out trauma is the source of a lot of cancerous thought.
ION, things are going alright with OGSF2. I’m noticing solid progress. There’s some flair ups of negativity, but I’m getting through it. I’m kinda noticing how much I was fucked up. I still have so far to go. I wonder if I only really got started once I began using 5.11G and everything up until then was a warmup. The good thing is that I’m committed and I’m at the point where I know I can get through the inner work, I just gotta put in the time. I can see why I wouldn’t get results I would want with subs. A lot of the blockages were invisible to me, but now I see a lot more.
I’m becoming more and more aware of the kind of man I want to become. I’m also becoming increasingly aware of an aspect of masculinity that was more invisible to me earlier in my journey. That benevolent expansive giving energy. It’s not weak like I might’ve thought early in my journey. On the contrary it’s coming from a place of strength.
I usually finish what I start, but I’ll probably make an exception and swap to AM7 when it comes out. I didn’t expect 6G to literally come out like 2 weeks after I started lol. For now I’ll keep going and get some more progress under my belt. I should get at least a month or two before AM7 comes out. Unless I’m wrong again lol.
