06-20-2021, 04:17 AM
(This post was last modified: 06-20-2021, 04:50 AM by Kol.
Edit Reason: Spelling and additional text
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29/180+ 20/6/21
Ran 3 loops overnight, trickling stream.
Am yawning all day. This morning I also had moments of rage coming up, over past situations and how I handled them. Fear was clearly involved in those situations, the "let it slide" coming back to haunt my ass, bordering flashbacks. I really have no chill still. Im reactionary and thats fine. External things be pissing me off. Stupidity and simpleton people foh.
Anyway, exhaustion is hitting me.
I decided to hit the gym this morning, just to release + it will improve my physique. Pretty anti-social,like, internally isolating and an overal sense of closed -offness.
Now as im writing this, im noticing im starting to feel way better
funny how that works.
After the gym, I had to get something. It was pretty crowded. Awesome. Just no fear, simply neutral.
I notice im starting to be slightly above authority figures. There is security at the store front i was like, whatever, with a vip vibe to it, an air of importance, being that guy. I had glimpses of this on DMSI, where the security guard told me to tone it down and act not so important. This time the guy was "whatever, go in" I was like "ok cool lol"
There was this girl, I think she was max 5"3/5"4, she was short, typical impression of a chanel girl/gucci/prada girl. Tight dress, hair done, skin reveal, strap reveal. She stood right in front of me with her back towards me while waiting in line. She kept re-adjusting her straps, fiddling and twirling her hair. This peaked my interest simply gaining awareness. She was having issues with payment when we were in the store. I was simply noticing her going through the process.
Formerly, beauty like this would generate tension in me, now it was simply not there. Neutral, completely unaffected. More of an suprised "hah" kinda mood. Due to this, it clicked in my head as her payment card gave issues, that women use their sexuality to get freebees.
The whole subconscious belief thats been taught by society, that they are innocent little angels, even tho I knew it was bs all along, is gone. Byebye intimidation factor, fear or whatever it is. This shift changed me. Seeing through the matrix, having all kind of things fall into place. Women use sex to get what they want. I heard the stories of people working at places, but seeing her card jamming, made it all more clear lol. They are also not what they pretent to be. Representative, social strategies.
So,I payed for my stuff and drove home. While I was driving, it was shown to me that there is just one block, like a solid cube in the middle of the road. This block is the final thing standing in the way of getting and having EVERYTHING I want. Awesome. OF is awesome.
Im also in the process of moving to a new place. Current place is just one station so to say. Im literally like what the fuck. Losing interest quick and having a real estate mindset. Maybe I can do something with this lol. OF is removing the brakes that had me denying myself an awesome lifestyle way to long. How limiting.
Im also way more involved in promotion.
Im also cutting out people do their excuses mindset. I really cant have those people in my life. Way to many excuses and being funny about it while they are living shitty cope lives.
Im way more investment oriented, like its chess. Also, fear reduction around money + increase in assertiveness and work drive. Feels pretty animalistic/ alpha. Powerfull strong energy. Im planning more ahead and actually SEEING more ahead, like looking through a window. Gives me a sense of strong groundedness and stability.
Today is a good day.
Ran 3 loops overnight, trickling stream.
Am yawning all day. This morning I also had moments of rage coming up, over past situations and how I handled them. Fear was clearly involved in those situations, the "let it slide" coming back to haunt my ass, bordering flashbacks. I really have no chill still. Im reactionary and thats fine. External things be pissing me off. Stupidity and simpleton people foh.
Anyway, exhaustion is hitting me.
I decided to hit the gym this morning, just to release + it will improve my physique. Pretty anti-social,like, internally isolating and an overal sense of closed -offness.
Now as im writing this, im noticing im starting to feel way better
funny how that works. After the gym, I had to get something. It was pretty crowded. Awesome. Just no fear, simply neutral.
I notice im starting to be slightly above authority figures. There is security at the store front i was like, whatever, with a vip vibe to it, an air of importance, being that guy. I had glimpses of this on DMSI, where the security guard told me to tone it down and act not so important. This time the guy was "whatever, go in" I was like "ok cool lol"
There was this girl, I think she was max 5"3/5"4, she was short, typical impression of a chanel girl/gucci/prada girl. Tight dress, hair done, skin reveal, strap reveal. She stood right in front of me with her back towards me while waiting in line. She kept re-adjusting her straps, fiddling and twirling her hair. This peaked my interest simply gaining awareness. She was having issues with payment when we were in the store. I was simply noticing her going through the process.
Formerly, beauty like this would generate tension in me, now it was simply not there. Neutral, completely unaffected. More of an suprised "hah" kinda mood. Due to this, it clicked in my head as her payment card gave issues, that women use their sexuality to get freebees.
The whole subconscious belief thats been taught by society, that they are innocent little angels, even tho I knew it was bs all along, is gone. Byebye intimidation factor, fear or whatever it is. This shift changed me. Seeing through the matrix, having all kind of things fall into place. Women use sex to get what they want. I heard the stories of people working at places, but seeing her card jamming, made it all more clear lol. They are also not what they pretent to be. Representative, social strategies.
So,I payed for my stuff and drove home. While I was driving, it was shown to me that there is just one block, like a solid cube in the middle of the road. This block is the final thing standing in the way of getting and having EVERYTHING I want. Awesome. OF is awesome.
Im also in the process of moving to a new place. Current place is just one station so to say. Im literally like what the fuck. Losing interest quick and having a real estate mindset. Maybe I can do something with this lol. OF is removing the brakes that had me denying myself an awesome lifestyle way to long. How limiting.
Im also way more involved in promotion.
Im also cutting out people do their excuses mindset. I really cant have those people in my life. Way to many excuses and being funny about it while they are living shitty cope lives.
Im way more investment oriented, like its chess. Also, fear reduction around money + increase in assertiveness and work drive. Feels pretty animalistic/ alpha. Powerfull strong energy. Im planning more ahead and actually SEEING more ahead, like looking through a window. Gives me a sense of strong groundedness and stability.
Today is a good day.
