07-18-2021, 10:47 AM
I'm writing so I don't push this away--avoid it--deny it--or bury it.
I'm feeling scared now. I want to not be responsible with this--as I've done so often. I'm just coming closer to breaking down and allowing it to come out. I have this physical feeling/belief that "I'll be alone".
I am so used to believing I'm weak, even manipulating others for compassion or attention. I'm stretched between falling into victim beliefs...or being responsible.
I know I'll make it. I'm trying to break my normal patterns when possible. I also listened to 3 loops today since fears were rising and raging.
I procrastinated sending this for the last 5 minutes.
I'm feeling scared now. I want to not be responsible with this--as I've done so often. I'm just coming closer to breaking down and allowing it to come out. I have this physical feeling/belief that "I'll be alone".
I am so used to believing I'm weak, even manipulating others for compassion or attention. I'm stretched between falling into victim beliefs...or being responsible.
I know I'll make it. I'm trying to break my normal patterns when possible. I also listened to 3 loops today since fears were rising and raging.
I procrastinated sending this for the last 5 minutes.
I want to be FREE!
