Day 12
2 loops, listening now
No Shannon, I actually began replying last night since I'd passed it by, but I stopped. I was angry.
Your statement that lying wasn't safe was accurate. As an adult, if one deceives people, other deceptive people spot it and seek some sort of connection or relationship since they're on the same page. Like attracts like.
I got angry replying last night since you replied with adult thinking and logic, and my post was written from a childhood survival mindset, the one I still use today. To a child, being safe is an absolute priority. It overrides any sound decision of any kind, and the imagined conversation was the little me speaking, which is why I shared it. I heard that part of me and wanted to celebrate, for he told me something I needed to know.
Also, I've been coping with and surviving life using it my entire life. It's the primary reality I have, which doesn't work well or make any kind of sense to someone not using it themselves. I'm aware of it too--which is probably why I use social facades so much. You're not the only one who's either said or thought "Duh! Why doesn't he do/think THAT?!" I've made some major (obviously poor) choices in life, and better options were right in front of me. Fear makes the worst decisions for me in my adult life.
Something I will share is what I experienced on LTU5. It has FRM 4.5, and LTU is aimed at improving your whole life--it covers everything unlike most other subs. I remember 2 or more months in using LTU5, and ..... I found myself realizing...I was making things much, much HARDER than needed. I began seeing and acknowledging it at work. I had been habitually and fearfully making more difficult choices, and ..... I think I'm seeing it now, as I write. Fear, being fear, must survive, but being afraid, it "must be hard". It's very short-sited. No other choices (even GOOD choices) in that moment without awakening more fears. "NO! We stop with this choice made so we're SAFE!"
I'm feeling afraid now. I tend to write MORE when I'm afraid, which isn't needed. I'm listening to OF3 now, but I'm also baring my soul. The little scared me was talking to the girl in my imagination last night. Addressing the roots of its fear makes more sense, so thank you for producing OF3.
I began crying just a moment ago. OF3 is making changes in me.
2 loops, listening now
No Shannon, I actually began replying last night since I'd passed it by, but I stopped. I was angry.
Your statement that lying wasn't safe was accurate. As an adult, if one deceives people, other deceptive people spot it and seek some sort of connection or relationship since they're on the same page. Like attracts like.
I got angry replying last night since you replied with adult thinking and logic, and my post was written from a childhood survival mindset, the one I still use today. To a child, being safe is an absolute priority. It overrides any sound decision of any kind, and the imagined conversation was the little me speaking, which is why I shared it. I heard that part of me and wanted to celebrate, for he told me something I needed to know.
Also, I've been coping with and surviving life using it my entire life. It's the primary reality I have, which doesn't work well or make any kind of sense to someone not using it themselves. I'm aware of it too--which is probably why I use social facades so much. You're not the only one who's either said or thought "Duh! Why doesn't he do/think THAT?!" I've made some major (obviously poor) choices in life, and better options were right in front of me. Fear makes the worst decisions for me in my adult life.
Something I will share is what I experienced on LTU5. It has FRM 4.5, and LTU is aimed at improving your whole life--it covers everything unlike most other subs. I remember 2 or more months in using LTU5, and ..... I found myself realizing...I was making things much, much HARDER than needed. I began seeing and acknowledging it at work. I had been habitually and fearfully making more difficult choices, and ..... I think I'm seeing it now, as I write. Fear, being fear, must survive, but being afraid, it "must be hard". It's very short-sited. No other choices (even GOOD choices) in that moment without awakening more fears. "NO! We stop with this choice made so we're SAFE!"
I'm feeling afraid now. I tend to write MORE when I'm afraid, which isn't needed. I'm listening to OF3 now, but I'm also baring my soul. The little scared me was talking to the girl in my imagination last night. Addressing the roots of its fear makes more sense, so thank you for producing OF3.
I began crying just a moment ago. OF3 is making changes in me.
I want to be FREE!
