My healing journey - E2, Cold showers, Root chakra meditation

[Greenduck]

I'm opening up myself again, I feel there is more and more of and "me", an vessel for action, someone to be while doing stuff, meeting people. Before it has just been a hole, emptiness, fear and helplessness. Finally.

I'm still living with my parents, and I like my dad. He is awesome. Not in any particular way, he is just normal and caring. My mom on the other hand, total bitch. I'm more able to reflect on her behavior, and can see how critical she is towards EVERYTHING (not kidding here), craving for attention and just wait for a misstake to happen from me, something to citicize. Just out of pure emotional survival, I don't direct questions to her, as she just tries to define me from what I do. Hard to describe but maybe someone can relate. She is not accepting that I am a own person, she must always try to define me in some kind of way. It's draining, infuriating. I hate her for doing it. I hate being around her. She want people to behave in a specific way, and as my dad and I don't give a fuck about that kind of will (who should?) which has clearly no boundaries, she always is upset. Her "Locus of control" is totally on the outside. If she ever will be able to feel normal, she need to get her shit together and not try to blame everything on the ouside. I really hate these kind of people.

Just needed to vent a bit.

[AlphaScorpio]

http://31.media.tumblr.com/9c01095f701ba...o1_400.gif dude sounds like your mum is toxic af, try and get out

[Greenduck]

http://31.media.tumblr.com/9c01095f701ba...o1_400.gif dude sounds like your mum is toxic af, try and get out

Haha great gif. She is. No doubt. But I am still stuck at home because of being burned-out and not able to work, but I hope to be able to start to work in around 2 months, have had great progress with how I feel. As soon as I feel I can take care of myself, I'm earning some money and need to get on with my own life.

I was reading some DMSI testimonials...really interesting, maybe I'll run it some day... I just have one thing, that I don't want to change who I am to much, I have lost myself during my depression and just got myself back, and don't want to loose myself again, but feel "normal" for a while. Maybe the "core" feeling of who you are doesn't change, just your behavior... Still some fear around that, maybe someone can expand on this for me

I feel more connected to things around me as I become more connected to myself. To people, ha a great evening out yesterday, and even though I didn't socialize so much, I could feel conected to the environment around me and some people, which I have really missed. I think this is going to improve even more as I heal.

I have always had a easy time connecting with people so I miss that, it's pretty easy to get girls when you are yourself, and you get quality time from it. Being myself, has not been an opition for a really long time, but that is coming back more and more...

[Zane]

Somehow DMSI 3.2 is working on my Depression and Anxiety. I had MDD for past 7 years and only got worse and the only sub that is working from day one is DMSI 3.2.

I suggest u get DMSI 3.2 and man up. Also, u will still be u. U will just know how to deal with shit better. So don't worry.

[Greenduck]

Somehow DMSI 3.2 is working on my Depression and Anxiety. I had MDD for past 7 years and only got worse and the only sub that is working from day one is DMSI 3.2.

I suggest u get DMSI 3.2 and man up. Also, u will still be u. U will just know how to deal with shit better. So don't worry.

Nice! What kind of depressive feelings is it working on, so I can put it into perspective?

Yeah thanks for the advise, but trying to man up was actually what took me into this shithole, not listening to myself. So right now I am getting back to myself and my sense of what I should and shouldn't do, and I am working on getting more into that. I am not sure about what subliminal I want to use, but I have a lot of repressed emotions that I need to bring to the surface. We'll see. Right now i am making good progress with my daily routine.

Yesterday was a pretty good day, I was sitting in the sun with a cup of tea and I was feeling good. Just good. That was a long damn time ago I could feel that way, even just for 15 minutes. I also went to a yoga workout in the evening and as we were working on stability, I felt huge amount of anger coming up. It made me realize more about my blockage and stored energy in my root region (legs and bottom pelvis) so I have incorporated some poses directed towards that in my daily exercise. I guess this is what keeping me from feeling stable in my everyday life.

I have also had some advancements of opening up my solar plexus region, as I have been feeling a lot of guilt for a long time, and this is the contradiction to feeling empowered. I have been feeling "small", low confididence, and trying to avoid attention when being in groups of people somwhat. Not feeling in charge of my life, but rather as a victim. But that is changing, I am getting more in the drivers seat, and having more energy. I am maybe not so afraid of doing "wrong" as I have been, more inclined towards taking risks, even if it is just a small thing. I am not so upset when I don't get what I want, but can keep my emotions more under control.

I am also more aware of how people act around me and able to dodge their way of trying to manipulate their surroundings. My mom for example, have a habit of complaining a lot about things, being a victim and wanting people to feel sorry for her. If they don't, she guilt-trips them, as I have been done. I somewhat care more about other people, and in this case it's just detrimental.

So overall I am feeling better, more positive torwards things, more in control of myself, but still very tired in my body, have some problems with having a healthy relationship with my mom (I still don't like interacting with her as I can't fully shield against her toxic energy). I want to be more proactive in my life, feel more energized, feel more safe and grounded, more stable, more loving, more myself (so universe, you hear that??!)

Have a nice weekend!

[Greenduck]

The more you want from the environment, the less you will get. The more you want to give, the more you will get back.

[Greenduck]

I'm really starting to feel better, not just in short periods, but in a more general sense. I can start to relax, lay down and read a book, think, feel, just be. Everyday is getting better, and I feel improvements in my mood and thinking patterns towards a more positive outlook everyday.

I have been doing root-chakra meditation for 5 days now and it feels just like the right thing to do. I don't know if it's because of that, but tonight i had my first wet dream in about 10 years, haha! Was really confused waking up - like WTF did just happen? The dream was awesome and I remember it - win!

[PDjunkie]

Hey mate, happy to see you're feeling much better and healing from the emotional distress.

From a pure neurochemical point of view alone, avoiding or eliminating most things which imbalance dopamine sensitivity is a HUGE help in becoming a more authentically happy, holistic human being.

Things like porn, masturbation/ejaculation, video games, social media, TV, processed and sugary foods, and drugs. Especially drugs and porn though.

Over my self development journey starting in my late teens (now 22) slowly and gradually changing my habits to eliminate these things have turned me into a completely new person. Combine them with things you are already doing, such as the meditation and subliminals, and you're ready to rock the world!

Looking forward to seeing more updates

[Greenduck]

Hey mate, happy to see you're feeling much better and healing from the emotional distress.

From a pure neurochemical point of view alone, avoiding or eliminating most things which imbalance dopamine sensitivity is a HUGE help in becoming a more authentically happy, holistic human being.

Things like porn, masturbation/ejaculation, video games, social media, TV, processed and sugary foods, and drugs. Especially drugs and porn though.

Over my self development journey starting in my late teens (now 22) slowly and gradually changing my habits to eliminate these things have turned me into a completely new person. Combine them with things you are already doing, such as the meditation and subliminals, and you're ready to rock the world!

Looking forward to seeing more updates

Hi there!

I'm totally with you on that one. I have been smoke free for around 1,5 year, porn free for around the same amount of time. Both those things are just shitty for yourself.

I drink sometimes in social settings, but maybe just once every second week. I like to party Video games not so much, not so much social media either. Just to check in what people do, not in a compulsive manner. Things like these are alright, but I think that when we do them compulsory, its deteriorating for ourselves. I got a bit of a sweet tooth and I like baking so I'm still stuck with that one But not to much, I can see it as a "treat" and something to look forward to eat and really enjoy, as a hot bath - i (usually) don't just cram it into my mouth.

Thanks for stopping by and thanks for your words of encouragement

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I feel more balanced and grounded. Beforehand I was very much black or white on habits, things i did and opinions. Now I have a more steady flow in my life, I follow my routines but I am not a slave under them. I balance things more as I go. I see the fun perspective of life again, where everything doesn't have to be so damn serious.

I really like the root chakra meditation I am doing every evening, and I feel how I need to work some more with that to become grounded and "normal" if you may (not spaced out as I have felt) and more like a human being. For you who haven't worked with chakras - the root chakra is about our feeling of security and safety. Our ability to feel secure in our own skin, whatever happens on the outside. When we get traumatized or worry for to long time, the root chakra can get blocked, and we loose our sense of safety.

This is what happened to me after having a bad "trip" on weed, where I totally lost contact with reality and my body, and got so damn scared that I have a hard time to put it into words. I also got some kind of derealization and lost contact with what was real and wasn't, and I somewhat suspect I got a psychosis. As I work with the root chakra I can feel a bit uneasy and feel fear, but I feel as i work with it, towards a more safe way of being, and become safe in my own skin again - so that feels good

[Greenduck]

I'm getting more and more back to myself again. Being able to be present in the present, and not dragged down into worry and the stories of my mind. I still have some tension around my head and some difficulties thinking and some headaches, and my sleep is not optimal, but I am as I said getting back myself and feeling more composed overall.

Still some fear about doing things, like fear in general, I think it's because I am still a bit ungrounded and not feeling fully safe right now, but my root chakra meditation will take care of that.

I feel more in a mode of being able to control things again, like have my own destiny on my own hands, and not just being helpless - this is a really great improvement. I feel OK when being alone again, actually being able to enjoy it again. I'm seeing the road ahead, I am not just stuck with my current situation.

[Greenduck]

I have suspected (for a long time) that my mother have a narcissistic perosnality disorder and now I am sure, after watching this video about how to deal with narcissists:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqhA75fga8c&app=desktop

He explain that a narcissist feeds on your emotional response, and this is exactly the case. When you don't give my mom an emotional response she get all crazy. But as in the video the guy recommend you to "tone down" your interaction and become "boring" and after a while the narcissist will understand that they can't get what they need from you. Their sense of self is based on your emotional response, and it's NOT your responsibility to satisfy this need as it's highly unhealthy for you. As I have been burned out this have done the situation even worse and started to rip out my sense of confidence and my own sense of self.

But I can manage to be a "grey rock" right now, so the situation is becoming better. I'm getting my sense of self back and don't care so much about her toxic emotions anymore. If she is angry? I'm still cool. I have my own harbour inside of myself where her ship will never get access. F*ck her, and her need to get my reaction, f*ck her upset emotions, f*ck her drama - really just F*CK HER!!!!!!!! (that felt good) I'm going to feel good without feeling any guilt!!!

EDIT:
I also realize that she put herself into the victim-role so you be "nice" to her and then she uses this niceness against you and just feed on it. So I have stopped with that. Previously I did it either because of guilt, or because of fear of what would happen if I wasn't "nice". I'm not, not nice now, just not overly nice and "taking care of her emotion-nice" now, as I have realized that her emotional state is not my responsibility. Or I have started to do this, but it's a start.

[Determined]

Lol, I remember you having these same issues several months back. Don't you think it's time you got over all of this?

I learned a nifty little trick via hypnosis called "compartmentalisation". Before I'd be just like you, allowing people into my mind but now I can just exile any and all unwanted attention or behaviour. It's done wonders for my boundary setting.

[Greenduck]

Lol, I remember you having these same issues several months back. Don't you think it's time you got over all of this?

I learned a nifty little trick via hypnosis called "compartmentalisation". Before I'd be just like you, allowing people into my mind but now I can just exile any and all unwanted attention or behaviour. It's done wonders for my boundary setting.

Trust me, it haven't been an issue about attitude. If I just could have "get over it" I would have. It's the same thing as telling a depressed person to "get over it"/"pull yourself out of it". It takes more than just putting your mind into it, or (sorry) "nifty tricks". I understand that kind of basis for argumenting, but if you haven't experienced a state which you can't consciously "pull yourself out of", it's maybe hard to relate to it.

The problem have been in my body, as the problem with depression is. And my stress have been around my heart, showing symptoms comparable to PTSD. Finally, I have reached a new threshold in the way I feel, I'm starting to be able to breathe again fully. I can smell the smell of flowers when sitting in the garden, hearing the birds chirping - stuff that I have even forgotten existed or happened. I'm starting to get close to peaceful inside and coming over my PTSD!

I'm also reaching improvements through the TRE-exercises combined with the root-chakra meditation as I am getting more grounded. I feel in "contact" with life again, with nature and things around me - not fully, but clear improvement. More in contact with my body as well, and hence also the present moment.

[Determined]

Lol, I remember you having these same issues several months back. Don't you think it's time you got over all of this?

I learned a nifty little trick via hypnosis called "compartmentalisation". Before I'd be just like you, allowing people into my mind but now I can just exile any and all unwanted attention or behaviour. It's done wonders for my boundary setting.

Trust me, it haven't been an issue about attitude. If I just could have "get over it" I would have. It's the same thing as telling a depressed person to "get over it"/"pull yourself out of it". It takes more than just putting your mind into it, or (sorry) "nifty tricks". I understand that kind of basis for argumenting, but if you haven't experienced a state which you can't consciously "pull yourself out of", it's maybe hard to relate to it.

The problem have been in my body, as the problem with depression is. And my stress have been around my heart, showing symptoms comparable to PTSD. Finally, I have reached a new threshold in the way I feel, I'm starting to be able to breathe again fully. I can smell the smell of flowers when sitting in the garden, hearing the birds chirping - stuff that I have even forgotten existed or happened. I'm starting to get close to peaceful inside and coming over my PTSD!

I'm also reaching improvements through the TRE-exercises combined with the root-chakra meditation as I am getting more grounded. I feel in "contact" with life again, with nature and things around me - not fully, but clear improvement. More in contact with my body as well, and hence also the present moment.

You mistake my intent. I'm giving you a call to action.

Having come out the other end of PTSD and similar boundary issues I know what it's like to be trapped in a hopeless state.

I was just offering a solution. If you think about, not everyone is fucked up. The difference between a healthy mind and what you're going through is in my opinion the ability to "compartmentalise".

I've found it helpful. It also gives credence to the notion that depressed people can just "get over it" because a healthy person would simply compartmentalise what the depressed person would agonise over.