My healing journey - E2, Cold showers, Root chakra meditation

[Greenduck]

Overall good mood. Went to a piano concert last night and I could really enjoy the music and the whole setting.

I can really feel the tension around my head now. It's like the muscles on the outside of the head, especially on the sides of the head that are tense. It doesn't hurt, it's just very tense and I'm working my way though the tension. I'm getting some indications of that my thinking is improved, as new ideas have popped up and some creative thinking thinking which have been limited for a while. Thinking has been limited, as finding yourself in a small box, where to much make you bash I to the walls, but the box is growing as the tension is released. Still some difficulties with falling asleep. As with regulation of emotions.

Overall my circulation have become decent, but still some areas which easily get very cold (arms and shoulders, and top of my feet), also feeling tense in calves when standing up, and also a bit tense in thighs. Will be interesting to see what benefits I will get from the wim-hof method. Circulation to head is also probably not optimal, as i don't feel "in touch" with it as i do with e.g. my torso at this moment. Had some release tonight in my underarms which stretched toward my little-finger on both right and left side, felt like a strong inside the arm was stretched out.

[Greenduck]

Some info for myself to compare to in the future (which I guess most of the post probably are at this moment).

- During my morning wim-hof breathing session I could sense how i have tensions in my arms that are dissolving. Also could feel that the energy is drawn upwards to the back of the head, like there is some kind of blockage there. Something that I can feel but not reach, physically and energetically.

- During the morning shower I can really feel how my circulation all over the body is low. Cold water feels extremely cold and I need long warm water afterwards to help myself to warm up again. Again, When relaxed, I can feel this tension in the back of the head.

- Still some sensitivity to harsh sounds like plates and forks bumping together.

- Emotional stability around 3/10, before it would be around 7-8/10

- Going to some kind of healer tomorrow to see what can be done regarfing the tension in the head. It feels like "my energy/spirit/feeling/whatever" is cut or because of the tension, also explaining the overall heightenedsensitivity . I figure a healing session maybe could assist in dissolving the tensions.

- Have looked into using akupunkture to get get rid of my pollenallergies. Would be awesome if it'd work.

- Another reference point to compare is that the loud way my dad eats and chews make me feel irritated. Shouldn't be that big of a disturbance as it is for me right now.

[Greenduck]

Things are turning more positive, yesterday I went out for the first time in a long time and hanged out with some friends and had the energy to stay with them for a couple of hours, which is a great improvement!

I also made some improvement in releasing the tension in my neck, and my thinking has become somewhat more clearer. Bit, by bit I am moving towards being healthy and working as normal again.

I also started to do Tai Chi a couple of day ago, which so far feels great and really work in relaxing and using the whole body.

[Greenduck]

I have been trying to heal in the wrong place for a while. I divide my healing into the seven chakras as I find it easy to relate and anaylze from.

Crown: was very tense, feeling lost. Now much better. Have helped going to a healer to relax.thos part.

Third eye: semi-blocked. Have limited cognitive abilities such as problem solving, planning, etc.

Throat:blocked/real voice . Seldom seen with my real voice and say what I want. May be connected to blockage in sacral chakra.

Heart: overactive/hurt due to very high and long exposure to stress. Healing bit by bit, using running and had some effects with wim Hof breathing.

Solar plexus: was damaged/inactive. Activated through wim Hof

Sacral: semi-blocked. Relationships have been suffering because of that I have has problems relating to anyone emotionally. Opening with conscious effort. Wim hof have helped.

Root: have been closed. Now semi-open I think. Working with tai chi has had effects.

Looking forward to sacral activity with more creativity and being able to have emotional healthy connections to others again.

Over and out

[Greenduck]

Feel good in my body, pretty relaxed. Tai Chi starts to become a nice thing to do.

Still tense in my head and working with releasing that tension. I can feel how the physical tension is connected to the stress-levels the mind experience, which is a obvious relationship, but still an interesting conclusion that I have not been able to understand.

Went for a acupuncture session today for allergy relief (summer is coming up), in which I got really relaxed and almost fell asleep during the session which was nice :d.

[Greenduck]

A negative person in my life is making me feel like shit. Not like being aweful and telling bad things, but it's just some really negative energy that I take up being around this person. It is awful, as I care for the person, and know that she is a good person inside, but I just feel like shit and become an asshole around her. She is just so damn negative and have a victim mindset, talking badly about other people and really crave attention. I have tried as best as I can to create a relationship with her, but she just project awful negative energy towards me when done (probably subconsciously) and she would flip if I would ever mention something like that (empirically tested)

In my normal state, I can handle this. I can start a discussion with her on some subject, as she has a gift in discussing different topics and are intelligent, or when feeling good I can even share some of my energy with her (bad idea probably as it may be this that have started the habit that I am a "energy source"). But now, I just don't have the energy or mental "capacity" to do it.

Plus side: Went in the forests for a walk today and I could really be present in nature.

[CatMan]

Hello Greenduck.

I can relate to having an "energy vampire" around you. For me, it is also a woman. She's beautiful, great brains, has real potential, but is a constant negative nancy buzzkill. Major victim mentality. It ends up canceling out all the good in her, to the point I just don't want any contact when she's acting that way. She's massively undervalued herself and her life is a shadow of what it could be as a result of all that mental toxicity.

No reason or interest to try to save people anymore, especially from themselves. You are your own person with your own life and issues, you aren't their psychiatrist, same conclusion I finally came to. Good insight.

[Greenduck]

Hello Greenduck.

I can relate to having an "energy vampire" around you. For me, it is also a woman. She's beautiful, great brains, has real potential, but is a constant negative nancy buzzkill. Major victim mentality. It ends up canceling out all the good in her, to the point I just don't want any contact when she's acting that way. She's massively undervalued herself and her life is a shadow of what it could be as a result of all that mental toxicity.

No reason or interest to try to save people anymore, especially from themselves. You are your own person with your own life and issues, you aren't their psychiatrist, same conclusion I finally came to. Good insight.

Hello CatMan,

Hope for her that she find the desire to improve. All the resources are out there, available for everyone.

Status update

Emotionally: Better, more able to relax, better sleep
Mentally: Small improvements, but still tense, both thought-wise as well as physically in my head. My mind feels like it's in "overdrive" mode, due tp lack of energy. I feel some kind of blockage.
Physical energy: Still low, not much physical energy, feeling tired
Other notes: Wim-hof have been great, using it for around 2 months to this date.

[Greenduck]

A while ago I started using AM 6.0 program and ran into some problems. I am trying to figure out what caused the problems for me, and why not other people have experienced the problems. I'll try to do some discussion of it in this post. All comments/thoughts on the subject are of interest.

Background:
I started doing AM really because I wanted to have a girl "secure" because of me obsessing over her (clearly I wasn't in a good place to start with). At the time I was deep into spirituality, meditation and smoking weed, no bad words to that, but at the time this wasn't what I needed.

The reason for the behavior, I latter have understood, was seeking comfort from emotional pain which I wasn't able to meet at the moment. With all facts on hand, I should have taken professional help to deal with it, at the moment I was in no state to take that on by myself.

Anyhow, I went with the AM even though everything in me told me to stop. Really, everything. I though of it as resistance, and just shut it out. Note here that I was clearly damaged, and shouldn't have done any subliminal program at all at the moment, but just rest and be around my family and friends.

But I pushed on, in some kind of delirious state that "soon the resistance will let go and I will become an true Alpha Male and everything will be fine". Hell no, things became worse. I lost track of time, went into some kind of place where my mind was in total panic for very long periods of time. I started to shut down, my body didn't as normal anymore. I lost contact with my emotions, I was a walking train wreckage, confused and drained of all energy. The whole period stretched for about 1,5 years, which is a very long time in this kind of state.

Today
It have been a long way back to "normal", just getting back in shape after such self-torture that I put myself through. I am amazed by my own effort to get back to where I am today, especially as I for a while totally lost sense of "self", literally. In spiritual terms I had a full-chakra-shut-off. I was closer to not being alive than being alive.

Chakras have been a way for me to understand what happened, and how to get back to normal. One of the chakras is called "crown" chakra which is providing energy to the mind and overall nervous system in the body. Today, in my work with bringing myself back to health, the crown is one of the chakras currently targeted.

The closing of the crown chakra was horrible for me at the moment, as the mind was the only this I "had", emotionals, physical strenght, everything else was shut down. When the crown shut down, I truly lost my mind for a while and never thought I would be the same again.

Reading online I found a "cause" for crown-chakra blockage being:

CAUSES
You'll have experienced or will be experiencing some of the following; Withheld information, education that suppressed curiosity, forced religiosity, invalidation of one's beliefs, blind obedience (no right to question or think for oneself), misinformation, lies and spiritual abuse.

Which is what I believed I put myself through by blasting the subliminal at the rate I did, forcing myself to listen as it was "the only way out".

I lost contact with my own wisdom, and blindly started to trusting another belief system which made my whole individual run havoc.

And on a more grounded note: I was stressed as hell and an emotional wreck at the time. As I understand AM can be pretty stressful, and at the time I was 1) emotionally unstable and stressed as is and 2) didn't think straight.

[kalmah0804]

This last post resonated A LOT with me. Since starting subs I have gone through SO MUCH emotional turmoil. I keep on thinking that it's all just resistance, and that *eventually*, if I keep on pushing through, it will all just miraculously dissolve and I will be executing all of the life-affirming programs I've run over the years at 100%.

Would you say that E2 has helped ground you and brought you back in touch with yourself? I feel like since subs have started I truly don't know who or what I am anymore... I just feel so lost, like my identity is far weaker than it ever has been before.

[Greenduck]

This last post resonated A LOT with me. Since starting subs I have gone through SO MUCH emotional turmoil. I keep on thinking that it's all just resistance, and that *eventually*, if I keep on pushing through, it will all just miraculously dissolve and I will be executing all of the life-affirming programs I've run over the years at 100%.

Would you say that E2 has helped ground you and brought you back in touch with yourself? I feel like since subs have started I truly don't know who or what I am anymore... I just feel so lost, like my identity is far weaker than it ever has been before.

Hello Kalmah,

I understand what you say, and I can see how my previous post resonate with what you are experiencing. You are always you in your heart. No subliminal, trauma of anything can take that away. You have just drifted off and lost contact. You need to come "back to normal". That's it. Notice how I phrase it as "come back" and not "arrive".

In my case (and maybe your too), what caused me to drift off was that I was using subliminals like a life-raft, and not as a tool as they are intended to be. This took quiet a while for me to understand, but what was most important was to admit that the situation had gotten out of hand, and that I needed some other approach to solve my situation.

My decision was to take a break from subliminals as they had gotten way to much of my mental attention. By the way I was using them, the energy in my body was mostly in my head, making me go around thinking, rather than "being".

My mind needed a break to wind down, and I needed to focus on other parts of my body. I have worked with a breathing exercise called "wim-hof" (you can find a thread about it in the chatter-box-section) which have helped me to release and open up my abdomen and chest area, now using it 2 months, and now breathing naturally deeply and feel relaxed in my body.

And I have come back a lot towards "back to normal" and feeling OK emotionally and starting to recognize myself again. Much thanks to wim-hof and focusing on healing my heart. And I can tell you I have been in a place so far off, I never believe anything could come back to normal, but it sure can.

Your mind is in overdrive and is trying to find a solution to itself, making you loose contact with the "you" that always is there.

Take care!

//Greenduck

[Greenduck]

If someone us blaming you and continue to do so (for how they feel, that something isn't working, etc) and you:

1) Don't act as an ashole
2) Have your own problems that need to be addressed and have explained this openly

You shouldn't not be putting this blame on yourself. It may be rooted in the other persons own problems.

[Greenduck]

After going to my 2nd acupuncture session, and starting to do root-chakra meditation, I have been able to release tension I have felt on top of my head. My mind feels more open again and I'm more present in my body. Much of the problems I have felt, have been due to the tensions I held in what I believe is my crown chakra. But to be able to release it, I had to work with my lower chakras (which I find pretty non-intuitive), which I got from reading a blog on chakra work.

Working with chakras really resonate with me, and I realize that many of the issues are rooted in my lower chakras. I have for example not been able to trust my relationships and felt uncertainness in belonging, and much of my behavior have been guided to get around this feeling, rather than addressing the uncertain feeling in itself. Feels nice to know that this is not "who I am" but rather an imbalance that I can worked with.

I have ordered a book on chakras to educate myself further on the subject called Eastern body, western mind by Anodea Judith, who have been credited on her writings on chakras and psychology. The book is combining eastern philosophies on chakas with western Jungian pshchology. I always believe that your understanding on a subject can be more profound if you combine two or more ways to look at it, why I am looking forward on this reading on a subject that already have gotten my interest.

The book:
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5763...stern_Mind

In EASTERN BODY, WESTERN MIND, chakra authority Anodea Judith brought a fresh approach to the yoga-based Eastern chakra system, adapting it to the Western framework of Jungian psychology, somatic therapy, childhood developmental theory, and metaphysics

[Greenduck]

A quote which spoke to me:

If you are finding tough times in you growing with trust, stability or security; then probably you are searching for something in the branches which appears to be in the root. All you need to do is, concentrate the energy that is present in the root chakra, try out the acts which help you open the root chakra or the Muladhara and experience the change in you, your presence and stability of being grounded by the roots

Source: https://www.epainassist.com/chakra/how-t...-muladhara