05-06-2017, 05:59 AM
I've not written in a month, as I've been using the ultrasonic version. And just for kicks, I tried the trickling stream version.
Below are my results. I was writing this morning:
Wow... I haven't felt this in decades. I'm feeling/remembering days in community college, mid-90's. I was a grown up, but noone knew what I thought. I had no close friends by choice, as the safety of school--meaning no big responsibilities--was why I liked it. Responsibility (getting a REAL job, and relationships) was seen as..........feelings of pain and failure.....so I did not want that......school had numerous possibilities, I'd ride it as long as I could, as life was not laid out for me in any way. I just liked/enjoyed/clung to the daily distractions of playing the "I'm responsible" game, meaning doing homework and turning in assignments. I could do that, I had to to stay in classes, so I did. But........I was terrified thinking of playing like an adult, people knowing me, me knowing me, me feeling anything at all, so the "game" was way more attractive than real life. Lonely as hell, but SAFE. And always fearing the future.
I'm remembering, seeing, and feeling lots, even while listening now. Since I was "safe" back then, I enjoyed school........
So.......trickling stream from now on since I only listen at home. I asked in the FAQ section, and someone said I must be resistant by default, as some do not take well being "told what to do". Ummmmm.....absolutely. I resist people who try to convince me I "should" do something, linking it with a fear of being shamed or punished. ABSOLUTELY. One guy in my life presently believes he's "helping" me with this message. I actually skipped a 12 step meeting yesterday since I've not told him directly lately (I have in months past). He's still trying his fear and punishment agenda.
So, yes, I've been resistant to being told what to do. What's the person's motives? Why is "control" their need? F*** them!
Below are my results. I was writing this morning:
Wow... I haven't felt this in decades. I'm feeling/remembering days in community college, mid-90's. I was a grown up, but noone knew what I thought. I had no close friends by choice, as the safety of school--meaning no big responsibilities--was why I liked it. Responsibility (getting a REAL job, and relationships) was seen as..........feelings of pain and failure.....so I did not want that......school had numerous possibilities, I'd ride it as long as I could, as life was not laid out for me in any way. I just liked/enjoyed/clung to the daily distractions of playing the "I'm responsible" game, meaning doing homework and turning in assignments. I could do that, I had to to stay in classes, so I did. But........I was terrified thinking of playing like an adult, people knowing me, me knowing me, me feeling anything at all, so the "game" was way more attractive than real life. Lonely as hell, but SAFE. And always fearing the future.
I'm remembering, seeing, and feeling lots, even while listening now. Since I was "safe" back then, I enjoyed school........
So.......trickling stream from now on since I only listen at home. I asked in the FAQ section, and someone said I must be resistant by default, as some do not take well being "told what to do". Ummmmm.....absolutely. I resist people who try to convince me I "should" do something, linking it with a fear of being shamed or punished. ABSOLUTELY. One guy in my life presently believes he's "helping" me with this message. I actually skipped a 12 step meeting yesterday since I've not told him directly lately (I have in months past). He's still trying his fear and punishment agenda.
So, yes, I've been resistant to being told what to do. What's the person's motives? Why is "control" their need? F*** them!
I want to be FREE!
