Maverick - Emergence

[ncbeareatingman]

"Nobody Cages Me!" - Jimi Hendrix

Been reading several of your recent post with/on Maverick .
Interesting journey Mr. Maverick NOMAD.... its interesting too, that your 'handle", your title would be NOMAD , Then eventually you wind up using Maverick !

A Nomad, one who is freer, in my view. More power to ya, Man!!

[NOMAD]

"Nobody Cages Me!" - Jimi Hendrix     

Been reading several of your recent post with/on Maverick .
Interesting journey Mr. Maverick  NOMAD.... its interesting too, that your 'handle", your  title would be NOMAD , Then eventually you wind up using Maverick ! 

  A Nomad, one who is freer, in my view.  More power to ya, Man!!

Nomad is a Marvel comics character that also did a 'soft' appearance in the MCU. He's Steve Rogers (aka Captain America) who'd been burned and became jaded. He became his own man. No loyalties except to himself. I resonated with that version of the character in a lot of ways. Hence, my username.

To date, there's only been one person on the forum that recognized the NOMAD name as well as my avatar image.

[NOMAD]

Day 157

Maverick has become more obvious in its effects lately. I tend to associate mental imagery with concepts, so here goes: it's similar to being on an airplane in descent. There's a phase where the plane is decreasing in altitude, but you can't see anything because of the layer of clouds. The first 5 months has been similar to entering into the cloud layer. I feel like I'm emerging from the other side where I have a high-level view of the landscape.

Some more notables that i've become aware of:

1) My taste in women is narrowing. I've had multiple instances where I've seen women that I've been extremely attracted to in the past, and now I wonder why.
2) I'm really aloof to a lot of circumstances. But some circumstances trigger a deeper level of passion, anger, intrigue in me.
3) I've become more interested in fitness, but it's geared more toward functional fitness & mobility.\ than vanity.
4) I consume less caffeine
5) i consume less alcohol
6) I've come to really enjoy meditation where i anchor myself deep within my body. The longer I meditate, the longer I want to remain in that state.
7) I'm becoming increasingly bold. I've been told that I'm bold prior to using Maverick. In some ways I agree with that. But Maverick is taking that above and beyond.

There are probably more things to list than I can think of right now. But I'm getting the sense that Maverick has led me through a filtering phase. I've been in the cloud layer. Now that the noise/haze/cloud is beginning to clear, I'm beginning to experience the things that are important to me. Instead of going through the motions with a bunch of nonsense, I think I'm readying myself to live the life I want to live.

[dragonslayer]

"Nobody Cages Me!" - Jimi Hendrix     

Been reading several of your recent post with/on Maverick .
Interesting journey Mr. Maverick  NOMAD.... its interesting too, that your 'handle", your  title would be NOMAD , Then eventually you wind up using Maverick ! 

  A Nomad, one who is freer, in my view.  More power to ya, Man!!

Nomad is a Marvel comics character that also did a 'soft' appearance in the MCU. He's Steve Rogers (aka Captain America) who'd been burned and became jaded. He became his own man. No loyalties except to himself. I resonated with that version of the character in a lot of ways. Hence, my username.

To date, there's only been one person on the forum that recognized the NOMAD name as well as my avatar image.

Which movie was Cap as Nomad in the MCU?

Civil War?

I googled it but the only images that show of Steve Rogers as Nomad in the MCU was when he was in Wakanda re: Infinity War.

This is bugging me ? 

Ok so Cap as Nomad, I think, was when he was in Wakanda because he had that full-on beard like your avatar.

[NOMAD]

Nomad is a Marvel comics character that also did a 'soft' appearance in the MCU. He's Steve Rogers (aka Captain America) who'd been burned and became jaded. He became his own man. No loyalties except to himself. I resonated with that version of the character in a lot of ways. Hence, my username.

To date, there's only been one person on the forum that recognized the NOMAD name as well as my avatar image.

Which movie was Cap as Nomad in the MCU?

Civil War?

I googled it but the only images that show of Steve Rogers as Nomad in the MCU was when he was in Wakanda re: Infinity War.

This is bugging me ? 

Ok so Cap as Nomad, I think, was when he was in Wakanda because he had that full-on beard like your avatar.

Infinity War

[NOMAD]

Day 170

After reading Duke's latest post, there a few places I can say that my Maverick experience aligns with his. For the rest, I really haven't gotten that far yet.

1) "rethinking what I wanted" - I'm taking this one slowly. I'm taking the baby steps of getting to know me through gaining a better understanding of my mind/emotion.
2) "deal with yourself, your body, your mortality, it tunes you so closely to yourself" - Statement #1 has recently expanded into 'understanding' my physical body through meditation and exercise.
3) "Your tolerance for bullshit becomes nil, you cut through all the fat and get straight to the heart of everything. Maverick in a way almost makes you someone that the vast majority of people end up fearing." - Over the past 2 weeks, this has become increasingly evident. There's a lot to unpack from this statement and I don't want to go into a lot of detail. But, I've witnessed this myself.


Lately, I've been really enjoying my workout routine. This is b/c I'm sleeping better, I've managed to get rid of my lower back pain, I'm doing a routine that's conducive to mobility, and I flat out love having a pump in my arm/chest/shoulders so intense that I feel like Conan (the Barbarian...not O'Brien).

I also feel like I'm expanding internally. I've mentioned dissolving cages several times. Now, it feels like I'm expanding faster than the current cage can dissolve. Imagine Bruce Banner trapped inside a cage designed for his scrawny body. Then imagine he begins a gradual growth into the Hulk. He isn't busting out of the cage. he's being mashed into the bars with increasing pressure. Eventually, he'll bust out. I mean, damn, he's becoming the Hulk. But the until those bars bend and eventually break, the growth process is uncomfortable. That's where I am now.

[NOMAD]

Day 175

The days of relaxation I experienced during the first few months of Maverick seem to be gone. I have zero tolerance for bullshit, or rather, bullshit that gets in my way (I don't give a damn about the rest). I feel like my mental and emotional resources are gathered into one place and focused into what I give my attention to. I'm finding that impediments to that trigger a deep, seething aggression in me. And I'm finding that I'm not very polite when this occurs. With Maverick, hiding behind a facade rarely crosses my mind.

[NOMAD]

Day 180

There's an intensity that's emerging in my character. I've described it as aggression,  which is partly true. But it's more than that. Even when the aggression takes a back seat, the intensity remains.  There's an underlying power that's ready to be unleashed at any moment. 

One theory that i formed a while back about Maverick is that the whole cage dissolving phenomenon serves to integrate the various parts of the psyche. And as the internal "war" ceases it allows mental, emotional,  and energetic resources to function as a cohesive unit.  I believe this is what I'm currently experiencing.

[NOMAD]

Day 193

Just when I begin to think I understand Maverick, it becomes an enigma again. That's been the theme recently. For the first ~5months, I was really relaxed and detached from practically everything. During month 6, that all changed. I've become more intense, aggressive, and anxious.

I sense that there are multiple things causing this.

One is that I'm growing in a manner that appears to be in different directions. On one hand, I want (need) more down time. On the other, I feel driven to push myself. I'm at war with myself. I believe that these opposing directions will somehow reconcile themselves, but for now, I've got to consciously force myself to rest. The need for rest came to a head this week.

Another thing is that I believe Maverick is still in the process of dissolving the fluff around me. That's leaving me more and more exposed. At first, Maverick did a great job of hiding any discomfort associated with this process. Now, it appears that I'm really getting down to the meat. The tender spots are being uncovered. Today, during a work activity, I was trembling. It was coming from some place deep within my body. It was barely noticeable, but it was happening. It was uncontrollable. I was reading words on the screen and I struggled to process them. I was scared of an activity I've done for 20+ years and barely requires any effort. It made zero sense. What got me through it was putting everything I had into deep breath, concentration, and methodical action. I couldn't trust myself because I had already messed up something very VERY simple by acting along what I thought were my normal thought patterns. I knew my subconscious was scared and was going to thwart my success if it could.

The last thing is that I believe I need a break. I didn't take the recommended down time after the 3rd month. The reason is that I was executing well and I didn't want to break my stride. In hindsight, I wonder if this has caused an issue that I've been struggling with for as far back as I can remember in my Maverick run...my reduction in wit. In any case, I think it's time to give myself a 2-4 week break. Duke is taking a break every 3 months, and it seems to be working well for him. Hopefully the bloom time will allow my brain to catch up and prepare me for the next 3 months.

[NOMAD]

Day 193 Pause (Break Day 16)

Taking a break is exactly what I've needed. My wit has returned. I'm happier. I'm more motivated. I have more mental energy. I'll probably take the full 4 weeks that I considered taking, but I'll know more as time goes on.

I've noticed that Maverick can intimidate. I've witnessed this in my boss, in upper management types, subordinates, and outside of work. It's obvious in the uncomfortable body language they display (repeatedly touching/scratching their ear, face, side of the neck, etc.).

Also, there appears to be something magnetic about it. I've mentioned catching my bosses gaze in meetings and being the one he holds eye contact with throughout. I had the same thing happen today, but with a client woman (who happens to be stunningly beautiful) who was stepping through the company's expectations on a certain topic. Her gaze alternated between the senior guy with my company, who sat two chairs down (with another guy in between us), and me. She alternated between the two of us...him because of his status within our company, and me because?...  The first time I met her, she had a hard time holding eye contact with me. This time, she had a hard time looking away. Her eyes kept snapping back to mine. When I first realized what was happening, I had to fight the smile behind my eyes (it was a serious topic).

Last, my libido is almost non-existent. Sex rarely crosses my mind except in passing thoughts or if I force it. I'm just not interested. I can get an erection, masturbate, and have sex. But I have next to zero desire for it day to day. That's odd for me considering that I've been a horn dog for most of my life.

Maverick is still odd to me in a lot of ways. While I feel like I needed this break, and I'm clearly seeing some interesting positive effects, I'm also feeling more vulnerable. Duke's insights have helped me quite a bit, but it's still largely a mystery to me. If someone was to ask me what Maverick does, I'd probably give them the deer in the headlights stare. I really wish the Maverick Q&A write up was a little more open, particularly the part where Shannon states that he want to keep what it does and how it does it a secret. I understand that position on the 'how'. But I think the 'what' could be a little more transparent. I'd also like to know more about the aura.

That's it for now.

[Inconceivablezen]

Day 193 Pause (Break Day 16)

Taking a break is exactly what I've needed. My wit has returned. I'm happier. I'm more motivated. I have more mental energy. I'll probably take the full 4 weeks that I considered taking, but I'll know more as time goes on.

I've noticed that Maverick can intimidate. I've witnessed this in my boss, in upper management types, subordinates, and outside of work. It's obvious in the uncomfortable body language they display (repeatedly touching/scratching their ear, face, side of the neck, etc.).

Also, there appears to be something magnetic about it. I've mentioned catching my bosses gaze in meetings and being the one he holds eye contact with throughout. I had the same thing happen today, but with a client woman (who happens to be stunningly beautiful) who was stepping through the company's expectations on a certain topic. Her gaze alternated between the senior guy with my company, who sat two chairs down (with another guy in between us), and me. She alternated between the two of us...him because of his status within our company, and me because?...  The first time I met her, she had a hard time holding eye contact with me. This time, she had a hard time looking away. Her eyes kept snapping back to mine. When I first realized what was happening, I had to fight the smile behind my eyes (it was a serious topic).

Last, my libido is almost non-existent. Sex rarely crosses my mind except in passing thoughts or if I force it. I'm just not interested. I can get an erection, masturbate, and have sex. But I have next to zero desire for it day to day. That's odd for me considering that I've been a horn dog for most of my life.

Maverick is still odd to me in a lot of ways. While I feel like I needed this break, and I'm clearly seeing some interesting positive effects, I'm also feeling more vulnerable. Duke's insights have helped me quite a bit, but it's still largely a mystery to me. If someone was to ask me what Maverick does, I'd probably give them the deer in the headlights stare. I really wish the Maverick Q&A write up was a little more open, particularly the part where Shannon states that he want to keep what it does and how it does it a secret. I understand that position on the 'how'. But I think the 'what' could be a little more transparent. I'd also like to know more about the aura.

That's it for now.

Yeah, I wonder whether something similar to the commanding aura that was in AM6 is in here. That would be my best guess after 6+ months of use. The run has been amazing for me so far.

[NOMAD]

Day 193 Pause (Break Day 16)



Taking a break is exactly what I've needed. My wit has returned. I'm happier. I'm more motivated. I have more mental energy. I'll probably take the full 4 weeks that I considered taking, but I'll know more as time goes on.



I've noticed that Maverick can intimidate. I've witnessed this in my boss, in upper management types, subordinates, and outside of work. It's obvious in the uncomfortable body language they display (repeatedly touching/scratching their ear, face, side of the neck, etc.).



Also, there appears to be something magnetic about it. I've mentioned catching my bosses gaze in meetings and being the one he holds eye contact with throughout. I had the same thing happen today, but with a client woman (who happens to be stunningly beautiful) who was stepping through the company's expectations on a certain topic. Her gaze alternated between the senior guy with my company, who sat two chairs down (with another guy in between us), and me. She alternated between the two of us...him because of his status within our company, and me because?...  The first time I met her, she had a hard time holding eye contact with me. This time, she had a hard time looking away. Her eyes kept snapping back to mine. When I first realized what was happening, I had to fight the smile behind my eyes (it was a serious topic).



Last, my libido is almost non-existent. Sex rarely crosses my mind except in passing thoughts or if I force it. I'm just not interested. I can get an erection, masturbate, and have sex. But I have next to zero desire for it day to day. That's odd for me considering that I've been a horn dog for most of my life.



Maverick is still odd to me in a lot of ways. While I feel like I needed this break, and I'm clearly seeing some interesting positive effects, I'm also feeling more vulnerable. Duke's insights have helped me quite a bit, but it's still largely a mystery to me. If someone was to ask me what Maverick does, I'd probably give them the deer in the headlights stare. I really wish the Maverick Q&A write up was a little more open, particularly the part where Shannon states that he want to keep what it does and how it does it a secret. I understand that position on the 'how'. But I think the 'what' could be a little more transparent. I'd also like to know more about the aura.



That's it for now.

Yeah, I wonder whether something similar to the commanding aura that was in AM6 is in here. That would be my best guess after 6+ months of use. The run has been amazing for me so far.

Could be. A commanding aura combined with an overall relaxed disposition could yield the results I'm talking about. 

At the peak of my Maverick execution (just before the 5 month mark), my overall sense was that I was somehow protected. It was like nothing could harm me in any way. Fear was at an all time low. I maintained that overall sense of protection when the passion fired up. The result was that I functioned like a razor blade...quick, sharp, straight to the heart regardless of potential fallout. The momentary feeling is like that of the ultimate badass. Then it was back to baseline. 

A quick comparison is the cat from the Captain Marvel movie. It's a cute cat. Except that it's not a cat. It's an alien that looks like a cat. And when it's ready to attack, it opens it's mouth and ferociously eats all the combatants in its path. Then it closes its mouth & licks its paws like a cute little cat. But now it's evident that it was never really a cat to begin with. It was something else entirely. For a bystander, that's terrifying, even if they were never in danger.

I used two different analogies...a razor blade and a ferocious beast. Those are contradicting images. One is clean and precise. The other is animalistic and sloppy. On the rare occasions where this has occurred, Maverick has used the animalistic motivation and focused it through the razor blade. That's the best way to describe it. The moments are fleeting, but it's the feeling of unstoppable, invulnerability and focused aggression...seek and destroy.

I said all that to say this: The innermost capability of instantly transitioning from peaceful and stoic, to sharp and sadistic, back to peaceful and stoic could be the core intimidating factor. Even if others haven't witnessed it, it's as if they sense it.

FYI - This is NOT the norm, which is part of why Maverick is so difficult to wrap my head around.

[NOMAD]

Day 193 Pause (Break Day 1)

Over the past few days, I've been having crazy vivid dreams.

I dreamed that my dad and I had a huge fight. Intuitively, I think I was ~17 y/o in the dream. My dad and I were at local gas station eating. When the fight occurred, I stormed away from the table, yelling and threw my food and drink at him. I woke up extremely angry. I believe this represents a revolt against authority.

In one dream, I was in the middle of a scenario straight out of "The Purge". I was hiding in a camper with a group of people in the middle if the city. We were found. Through some slick maneuvering I took out every person that entered the camper. I don't recall being scared.

I dreamed that I was at some high school reunion event and I was hanging out with Jessica Biel, who was the love interest of my dream. Ultimately, I ended up saying something stupid and she didn't want to have anything to do with me afterward. I recognized that given the circumstances, what I said had been inappropriate, but that was never my intent. I didn't want to let her go. But I had to.

An extension of the dream above is that I was really strong. I've never had a dream like this. Usually, I'm extremely weak and slow. I was helping people clean up and was grabbing 5-6ft coolers loaded to the max and throwing one on each shoulder like they were empty paper bags. Most men were having to double up to carry one cooler. There was an instance in the dream, where I pulled some Spiderman shit and was able to climb rafters with ease, jumping huge spans, swinging, etc. An elevator was broken, so my task was to get several of those huge coolers to the top floor where the party was. I did.

Another extension of the above dream is that I returned to the ground floor. When I did, there was this guy, my age, long salt and pepper colored hair, bearded, muscular, and a about the size of the Undertaker (but ripped)...Scary looking fucker. He attacked me. When he realized that I was too quick for him to take down, he tried to run away. I say "tried", because I didn't let him run. I tripped him, grabbed his ankle with one hand, and dragged this big bastard back to where he first attacked me. That big motherfucker in my mind will never bother anyone else again.

I'm not sure what I overcame. But today, I feel incredible. The word "unleashed" comes to mind.

[NOMAD]

Day 198 (21 day break complete 5days ago)

I've completed a 21 day break and begun my loops again. I love Maverick. During my 6th month, I began to question whether or not I had would get any more out of the sub. It turns out that I just needed a break.

This time around, Maverick is stoking my inner maniac. "Maniac" is the word I've used multiple times in my offline journal. This maniac is the antithesis of the calculated, measured intellectual I've attempted to be/portray over the past 10-15 years. The root of this is that I didn't want to possess certain qualities exemplified by my dad, or at least I didn't want to be perceived that way. He's quick-tempered, often irrational, comes across extremely childish at times, and he's the kind of guy you either love or hate (most fall into the latter category). He's also one of the most driven, determined men I've ever met. In the 10-15 years, I've criticized him harshly. But I don't think I've ever given him his due credit. That's a poor reflection if me.

That same quality exists in me, but I've neutered it to a large degree simply because I've associated that quality with other qualities that I despise. That drive and determination are emerging. I hate to use the term "force of nature" because I believe it's been used in vain. But that's the way it feels. Natural. Broad. Unstoppable because the emergence has been so subtle that once it (the emergence) is detected, it's too late. It's like enjoying a day at the beach and not knowing that you're about to be overtaken by a 100ft psunami wall. By the time you see it, it's too late. There's no escape.

In the US/LM write up, Shannon mentions an upward spiral effect. I'm experiencing that in the sense of how I push forward. I can't help myself. In hindsight, I sometimes think, "Oh shit...I can't believe I said/did that." Mainly, I'm speaking in the context of my career since that's where a significant amount of my focus lies. I'm borderline reckless. I really pissed off a VP this week. Fuck him. He's so caught up in his own arrogance that he can't see how he's fucking the company he's personally invested in, all to prove a point to himself...that he's so high and mighty that he can't fail. And when someone with Maverick-sized balls comes along and paves his own path, in a simplified, cheaper manner outside of the universe he's trying to create...he doesn't like that. The funny thing is that this is a guy that I looked up to when I first joined the company. I might even go so far as to say that I was intimidated by him at one point. Now, I see him for what he is...a highly intelligent, but emotionally frail douchebag. BTW, this is one of the guys I've mentioned already who has displayed uncomfortable body language.

In other news...I passed an extremely attractive female in the grocery store earlier. She was exactly my type. Being that she was with her bf or husband, I attempted to be respectful and not be overly obvious in how attractive I thought she was. But while checking out, I turned to place something in my buggy. We locked eyes. Instead of turning away like I might normally do (don't want to come across as a creep, right?), we held each others' gaze until she walked by. Nothing juicy occurred, but I thought that might be noteworthy for anyone reading this. As I type this, I'm reminded of another incident that occurred today in traffic where a woman locked eyes with me as she drove by and smiled. Again, nothing juicy here but I can't remember the last time anything like this has happened. 

I'm tired and haven't proofread any of this, so forgive me for any grammatical/spelling errors.