Masterchief's Alpha Male Journal

[Shannon]

I am 5 days from starting stage 2 of the alpha set. So far I have noticed the following changes:

My finance director at work is touching me more (she is female), since I started Stage one. I thought nothing of it, but there is cute Lebanese woman who also works in our office on a part time basis. She has starting touching my shoulder as well. Things like borrowing paper clips from my desk when she sits on a different cluster of desks. Asking to use my stapler, when there is one nearer to her.

I have noticed attraction signals before, but there is more touching going on since the subs started. I thought stage 1 had nothing to do with the attraction side of the things.

Stage 1 deals with clearing and foundation building, but it also kicks off basic alpha training. If you are properly receptive, you'll sometimes be able to tip the scale to obvious for women who were already somewhat interested.

Another example, today I walked home from work, instead of catching the bus. I was in my own world, as I saw a girl walking toward me, looking strange and playing with her scarf. I was thinking this girl was a little strange, then it hit me she was attracted, as she went past. She had a half smile, nervous look. It's funny how you notice these things, when you get out of your head. Unforunately my mind was a 100 miles away.

Attraction is a natural side effect of the body language and attitude of the alpha training. You are giving good examples of how that is experienced, and nicely quick too.

Physiologically I feel as if I am walking with a straighter back. The foggy feeling is more on/off. Some days I am more tired than others.

Mentally, I still have bursts of anger that I keep under control. There are slight feelings of depression at times, which I hardly had for a while but have started mid-way stage 1. They seem to be going now, but they were a conern as I hardly get depressed.

Depression can be the result of repressed anger. If there's something you are angry with, but for whatever reason you don't feel you can allow yourself to express it, or you don't know how, it can become depression. Not saying that's what's happening with you, but it's food for thought.

At work I have doubts creeping in my mind as well. Sometimes I wonder whether my office collegues are weeweed of at me or not. I crack some jokes, and know everything is OK, but feelings of doubt come in. Especially if I am competent at my job or not.

Doubts are the fear response as you are being pushed forward into the leadership position. They will pass as you integrate the sub's effects and learn how to deal with them.

I did try the Procrastination sub, before the alpha. I am expreiencing less strange dreams with the alpha. I have only had one dream, where a fly kept circling my head and wouldn't leave. With the procrastination one, I had many strange dreams like fighting with my dad, zombies attacking a village and schoolchildren and all sorts of other weirdness.

Strange dreams... meh... I got nothing.