Magnus' journal

[Magnus]

Agree with you there Shannon.

How do i know i can trust someone who would act like that. I learnt that from my ex who left her husband for me.should have saw the red flag there but hey i learnt the hard way.

Anyway been feeling a bit down the last couple of days. I think this is partly due to resistance and partly due to thw fact i saw the girl from a few months ago and feel i am cheating myself as im not attracted to her.

I think i do this partly to full an emotional hole at times and partly because i know i wont have to be intimate with her as im still so scared of being intimate after my last relationship

[Magnus]

So finished up stage 5 last night. Also on day 20 of extreme self esteem.

Its hard to say what stage 5 did but I know there was a lot of resistance. At times I felt helpless and at times I felt ok. At other times I felt down. Felt a lot like stages 1 and 2 at times minus the stress of just breaking up from my ex

Sum up of some of what I think it did.

* Feel a bit more ok being my own man doing my own thing and being on my own
* Motivation was a bit up and down
* Social anxiety decreased a bit near the end
* Women staring decreased a bit near the end
* Started to feel bad about dropping my standards

Can't say I've noticed alot from extreme self esteem yet but its early days and I suspect a lot of what it is doing is subtle and inner work

Also my boss said something interesting the other day. He mentioned how when I was motivated I could achieve anything. He said I have so much potential inside but I barely ever use it. This was also reiterated by my mens group who said I have much more talent than I give myself credit for or realize. Would be good to be able to tap into this all the time but I know its my fears that hold me back.

Anyway on to stage 6 tonight and I've heard this is where it all comes together and for a lot of people is their favorite stage so looking forward to it. At the end of it though I'm going to have to make a decision on what to run next. Its not going to be easy but I'm going to have to re-evaluate my goals

[Magnus]

So after all the self doubt abd doubt of the program in stage 5 im two days into stage 6 and starting to feel pretty good within myself. I have been waking up feeling really tired but also pretty good. Im hoping stage 6 continues to build on this the only downside so far is a bit of a lack of motivation but i hqve a feeling that will pick up soon.

Im starting to look back and see why each stage was necessary. Lets just say i have a feeling stage 6 is going to be pretty good

[Ryan]

Jimbo, if you're all about the women you should do what I'm doing, it's a really fun combo... AM -> SM -> WM.

Btw, what was your strategy for the weight loss?

Congrats on loosing the weight and getting to the end of AM. You may not remember all the changes you went through but they are there, and they are only going to improve from this moment on

Ryan

[Magnus]

Cheers ryan

I was all about the women at the start im not so much now. Im pretty sure ill do SM next anyway.

Sticking to a diet of real food as much as possible and being at the gym 5 days a week was pretty much what i did to lose the weight. Ive got about 20 pound left to go to get down to a six pack but i may have to change up my strategy for that to happen.

Stage 6 has been good so far. Im less affected by things that happen. I.e. I got a message from my ex this morning and for the first time didnt have any anxiety around it. One thing that bothered me a little was i got told by my fqmily i was less caring now. Its weird though i actually have started to see myself as more caring because im more honest. Apart from that stage 6 has left me with an inner peace type of feeling.

[Shannon]

That is exactly what AM is supposed to leave you with. Freedom. Congratulations. Not everyone has what it takes to get through all six stages of that program. You'll find that each time through it, you enjoy the effects more and more, because each time through, they'll go deeper and deeper, and the results will be better and better. I can't wait to start on 5.0.

[Spiral]

I hear ya Shannon. Hopefully after running Remove negativity within after alpha this go around when I do alpha 5.0 it will be much more enjoyable going through the "boot camp" stages.

[Magnus]

I must admit I had alot ofdoubts in the program going through itbut i can now see it all coming togethe.

Im only 6 days into stage 6 so it will be interesting to see how much this builds. Im just hoping SM isnt quite as rough

[Ryan]

For me, SM was rougher But that was good, otherwise I wouldn't have improved lol.

Ryan

[RainbowAbyss]

I found SM rougher as well..but only really stages 1 and 4...but oh boy is it worth it by the end!
Not just for the woman per say.. I actually found its made me more independent/interdependent and
'alpha' then the Alpha set. That could just be the layers building though.
There must be a bunch of further 'alpha' training in the set..and I find the sexual energy the set builds can act like an inspiration towards all of life...a sexual transmutation if focused and harnessed properly that helps towards really any goal.
Sounds like you've made awesome changes in Alpha..they can really sneak up on you but towards the end it seems one starts to notice them more and more how profoundly they have changed..

[Magnus]

Cheers guys,

I think with some of the resiliency build during the alpha set it might not be quite as bad. I had it rough most of the way through stage 1-5 in alpha. At the same time I'm glad I went there. It quite possibly saved my life and my job and if stage 6 keeps building this inner peace as it has been I will be even happier.

I must say what I got out of it was a lot different to what I expected. In a lot of ways its just made me a lot stronger within myself. I for the first time ever can say no to girls that I know don't meet my standards or are trying to manipulate me. The hold that my ex had on me over the last 3 years has almost completely dissipated in the last week although it has been building that way for a while.

Its strange though now I actually don't care to much about women and like the fact the SM tends to push towards making one more independent/interdependent as well as enhancing inspiration towards all of life.

[Magnus]

Just to put a bit of a spin on how I was feeling.

The last few days I have been angry at the world. At my place in it, being treated with disrespect by my parents everything. Almost the opposite of what I was feeling a few days ago.

My mum blew me up this morning because I hadn't managed to fix something I had been working on yesterday. I felt a huge amount of anger towards her but managed to say in an assertive way if you want me to look at it you will need to stop yelling and ask nicely. I wish I could let go of things afterwards though. I've come to realize my mums a very dominating person may explain some of my previous partners that I've been with.

[Magnus]

So ive hit what i think is some resistance with the self esteem sub. Im 32 days in now.

Ive got what i like to call modes which show up. Im currently in the im so messed up how do i fix myself mode. My least favourite of the lot. I have been searching around trying to find different ways to fix myswlf the last few days because i feel like im inherantly broken and that there is something wrong with me.

Shannon or anyone else is this likely to be resistance?

[Shannon]

So ive hit what i think is some resistance with the self esteem sub. Im 32 days in now.

Ive got what i like to call modes which show up. Im currently in the im so messed up how do i fix myself mode. My least favourite of the lot. I have been searching around trying to find different ways to fix myswlf the last few days because i feel like im inherantly broken and that there is something wrong with me.

Shannon or anyone else is this likely to be resistance?

Very likely. Accepting yourself as defective or broken is a good way to fight increasing your self esteem and sense of self worth.