Leonidas AM Journey

[Leonidas]

These are two basic reasons I started using Alpha Male:-

1. Gain Respect and Stop being treated and feeling like a doormat.
2. Be more Social, the person people love to be with. Being straight, I want be the center of attraction at will.

I have noticed that the person who is more Alpha is the one who talks more and is usually the center of attraction. Who usually play games with people and love to tease them. I don't want be that person but I want be like that person, I hope you are understanding what I am trying to say here.

Here's my experiences - Week 1

DAY 2 - THE ALPHA MALE

Yesterday, day 1, after like half an hour of listening I slightly felt more MANLY. Suggestions all revolving around my head when I was asleep - in my own voice - the only one I can remember is the last one, i.e. I am an/the Alpha Male.

I started setting boundaries as to which behavior I accept and which not - done with a friend today, and I think I'll do it with other people as well when I go out, day after tomorrow, let's see what happens, it's just my assumption.

Becoming a person who do not take spoken words lightly, do what he says and expect others to do what they say, and when he/they say he/they'll do it. Again, all of this I am taking lightly at this moment, and not backing it up completely, because, maybe it's just a transition or a phase, I mean it's been only 2 days, too early to conclude something.

And, less jealousy, being actually appreciative of the people who are successful in general term/who are living life larger than oneself and trying to learn or take something of value out of them.

This was my thought process for the day.

DAY 4 - ANGRY

Foolish people doing foolish things, why? Is it any good to be the sheep? Follow? And not think for yourself and then they expect you to do the same things and judge you upon that, fuck off, I don't want any of it.

The problem is not treating a person with open heart, open arms and with sunshine, rather I want to be alone and DO without wasting my energy, but am I able to do that? Am I honest with myself? Am I disciplined rather than pleasure seeking? Am I being a Man?

Day 6 - HARD

Negatives
Feeling depressed, wanting to run away, mocked, unworthy, 'no one likes me', needy, hesitant, lack of confidence, anxiety, 'I care what people say' and what not. when I was walking down an empty street I literally imagined people pointing people at me and mocking me.

Positives
Want to exercise and learn to dance, more focus on my physical appearance, and little bit more motivated and disciplined to set up goals and follow them.

DAY 7 - IT'S GETTING WORSE

Feeling like a complete loser, worthy of nothing, all my confidence I gained from month use of ASC is completely gone. I don't want to talk to anybody, people are treating me even badly now like I do not even exist, may be it's because I am not wanting to talk. Feeling more like a doormat. Feeling like crying.

Does it hit that hard the first time?
Am I expecting what I should not expect from the sub?
Or
Am I setting the right goals for the sub?

I hope things get better.

Peace Out.

[Ace]

It hits hard the first time. Different people experience different things. Many of the suppressed negative emotions start to come up when you use it.
Don't expect anything from the sub. "Play it and forget about it" might be good for you. Your expectations towards the sub might create unwanted resistance.

[Leonidas]

It's difficult to not to expect anything, but I am trying.

Anyways, I do intend to post so early but I had to due the complete shift in my feelings in just a day from depressed and down to happy and standing tall for myself.

DAY 8 - EASY & FREEFLOWING

I didn't expect such a quick shift in my feelings, as the day went by I keep getting feeling better and better, only until afternoon I was ecstatic. I expressed my negative emotions through dance like a madman, I danced for like 1 hour. Getting angry with the people who try to alpha on me, looks like I am gonna lose some friends and make some enemies. Feeling very uncomfortable around people who criticize/talk about other people, wanting to throw them away. Not feeling like staying around for the sake of being social or having fun and feeling comfortable within my own skin.

Yesterday I had a dream where I was about to die and wanted to break as many glasses as I can as my last wish, I died at the end of the dream, after the dream was over I got pretty emotional.

Does it have anything to do with the subliminal?

[jonathan4all]

It's difficult to not to expect anything, but I am trying.

Anyways, I do intend to post so early but I had to due the complete shift in my feelings in just a day from depressed and down to happy and standing tall for myself.

DAY 8 - EASY & FREEFLOWING

I didn't expect such a quick shift in my feelings, as the day went by I keep getting feeling better and better, only until afternoon I was ecstatic. I expressed my negative emotions through dance like a madman, I danced for like 1 hour. Getting angry with the people who try to alpha on me, looks like I am gonna lose some friends and make some enemies. Feeling very uncomfortable around people who criticize/talk about other people, wanting to throw them away. Not feeling like staying around for the sake of being social or having fun and feeling comfortable within my own skin.

Yesterday I had a dream where I was about to die and wanted to break as many glasses as I can as my last wish, I died at the end of the dream, after the dream was over I got pretty emotional.

Does it have anything to do with the subliminal?

First few stages specially first stage is pretty depressing for few people as I have been reading others AM journals. So it is kinda normal.. but in the end you will be fine tuned. Trust me one of my freinds has gone through the phases exactly you are describing bro.
In the end your hardship will pay you off. Keep faith and rock on mate.

[SargeMaximus]

It's true. Just accept all the pain and suffering and eventually you'll realize it's not going to kill you so you might as well keep living. Good luck!

[AlphaScorpio]

It's weird, now that I look back on the earlier stages I was glad that alot of shit got brought up cause I feel stronger because of it. It's weird cause I actually look forward to starting AM again with AM6 cause you have so many strong emotions in the early stages, powerful stuff.

When you get to stage 4/5 you'll really appreciate the relief from all the hardcore emotions from earlier stages, or at least that's what I feel like atm on stage 5 looking back.

sounds like I contradicted myself, ah well

[Leonidas]

Thank You Gentlemen for your kind and encouraging words. I appreciate it.

Sarge & Alpha I have been following your journals as well, and you too were one of the reasons that inspired me to start using the set.

[Leonidas]

DAY 10 - ARROGANT JERK

Had a fight with my mother, we two are definitely not gonna speak to each other for a week or two. All I want to do right now is pack my bags, move to the mountains, disconnect from the world, lift heavy-ass weights and meditate. Wishful thinking, anyways..

Stage 1 is meant to be "garbage removal", I am seeing it manifesting in my life, I am focused than ever in getting my shit together. Started lifting, and yeah I haven't eaten junk even once since Day 1.
On the downside, my productivity has gone waaay down, I do not feel like working and going out of the house.
Yeah I am kind of depressed but I am content the way I am.

[Leonidas]

DAY 12 - NOTHING BUT ANGRY, AND MORE ANGRY..

I am not seeing any changes as such, when I used ASC lot more emotions came up, just focused on improving my physical self, also how I feel depends on what I am wearing, I feel more Alpha wearing formals which are perfectly tailored according to me.

I set a context for myself in social situations, people have opinions about me, I have opinions about people and these things are pulling me back from developing myself, whenever I enter that social situation or whenever I am near people who have a negative mental image of me - or a beta male image of me I tend to go back to old patterns, and on the other hand, when I meet new people I do very well, I am very social with new people but very inactive with old ones, so what I want to do is be active with the old ones, which is the biggest challenge I am facing right now.

[Leonidas]

Half Way Through Stage 1 - Summary

INNER CHANGES

My thoughts patterns before starting AM:

I am not able to, I don't know, I don't think so I can, I just can't, maybe there's something wrong with me, I am just like that.

My thoughts patterns now:

I deserve everything, I deserve all, I am sexy, I am an Alpha, How will I handle attraction from people, especially women? How will I be able to manage all that?

Emotionally Stable

Last few days were pretty good, didn't felt slightly sad or depressed or angry, rather free flowing and happy.
Despite being feeling good I don't want to talk to a single person, not my parents, not my peers, not even strangers. Nobody. I feel like 99% of the time people talk BS, and I am like why? STFU and do your own thing.

ASC was emotionally tougher than AM, at least for now.
Except Day 6 & 7 --------> I never had felt so low and unworthy in my life. Seriously.

The best and the worst thing about these subliminals are that you think you were always like this, it's very hard to assess your progress.

OUTER CHANGES

More comfortable talking with people, especially women - big time, less social awkwardness without the desire to be social.
More Respect from people. When I am with my friends and someone approached us for any purpose he/she chooses me/shifts to me and talk to me the most rather than other people near me.
Eye contact has literally gone through the roof. I think it's making some people nervous, may be the ones with low self esteem, may be.

That's it for now. Thank You. (I feel like it)

[Leonidas]

Feeling so very powerful, I never felt such power in my life.

[Leonidas]

NEEEEEED....

Last year I felt a very strong urge to start a business, somehow my parents convinced me not to do so. They are the reasons they gave to me:-

1. You are too young, complete your graduation first.
2. Focus only on your studies, that only matters now
3. No one will listen to you..you are young..

I took that BS and didn't act on my urges.

Now, I think the sub is forcing me to be independent, especially financially, and now the desire is stronger than ever, I am just itching to begin my journey.

I am not worried about fitting in, and being good with women, which I was before starting the sub, all my focus is on myself and how can I be truly independent. I have started gathering the bits and pieces of how to start my journey, let's see how it goes..

[Leonidas]

Stage 1, till now, has manifested so many things in life, 18 days earlier I had a complete different view of reality, how I perceived society, women, friends, family. I am just blown away, I don't know if I am discovering such new and profound things by coincidence or is it AM running in background and attracting all the good stuff my way. Whatever it is, AM is changing my view of reality, especially how I see myself.

My voice sometimes shakes when speaking in public and in front of hot girls, it's like I am just mumbling to myself, what I've found that now my voice is so smooth, it is both commanding and kind at the same time, it is getting much more stable and melodious.

Still not approaching women but there is certainly no anxiety near them, NG really helped here.

I am just feeling that all people are wasting time and are not worthy to talk to me, almost all of them, this must subside if I need to socialize more, thought I am OK with not socializing and at the same I am really excited about the manifestation part of the sub - social circle, I most probably guessing that the social circle I am going to manifest will comprise of people that I have never met till now because right now I am pretty down the social hierarchy or just out of it.

[Fonzy3]

It's weird, now that I look back on the earlier stages I was glad that alot of shit got brought up cause I feel stronger because of it. It's weird cause I actually look forward to starting AM again with AM6 cause you have so many strong emotions in the early stages, powerful stuff.

Yeah that's a great indicator of change and progress.

Leonidas good luck with the rest of your journey, I like good writing and the way you described your experiences was very interesting. Sounds like you are finding you own way. I will be following your updates.

Thanks

Fonzy