LTU: Moving forward

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Okay, so what you're saying is that I need to relax and shift my focus away from fear, loss, and pain and instead focus on what I DO want? That makes sense. Although I struggle to do that. I don't really know how to shift my focus in a way that produces results. But I recognize that results happen over time. So I guess I just need to think positive and tell myself "I got this. I'll have everything I want. I just need to heal myself" That's what I try to tell myself anyway. Self healing is really the name of the game lately. I'm listening to E2 until I can afford LTU5. Do you have any advice for how to shift one's focus to the things one wants? Is it just a visualization thing? Or do I have to actively be trying to get the things I want? I feel like I'm not ready to "put myself out there" just yet. Lately, I'm focusing on finding work, meditation, and self healing. Do I need to start putting myself out there or is it just enough to tell myself I'll get what I want in time and focus on self healing?

[Shannon]

I'm answering this in my thread, since we are derailing Mat's. Sorry, Mat.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Yeah, sorry Mat.

[mat422]

No worries, it's cool.

[mat422]

Been kind of frustrated with music and basically guessing at getting things. I can play chords a bit and melodies, but I find myself clicking in the notes a lot and it's very uninspiring. But I grabbed an udemy course that looked perfect for my situation. It teaches basic composition using a piano keyboard which is exactly what I've been lacking. Once I get this stuff down I feel like my production output will skyrocket. I'm embracing more and more that I have good musical ideas and no longer doubting myself. But I need to sharpen up my skills so I can easily get that stuff out.

Also looking into changing up my workflow. Getting more hands on and tactile. I've realized if I can't "play" my music in I can't feel it as well. Started a list so I don't get overwhelmed, but this is definitely an improvement. Prior to this I had a lot of trouble really buckling down and making these necessary changes to improve my music.

[mat422]

I'm tipping back and forth though on some stuff. I find myself needing to release emotional stuff, but at the same time I'm paranoid of getting sucked into it and hyper focusing on it like I have in the past. So I push forward, but there's also a part of me that wants to explore these feelings.

Today in particular I felt overwhelmingly bad. Despite that I made some music and remained positive. But I could feel myself resisting what was being brought up. Reading that Joseph murphy book has made me more aware of the negativity that can influence the subconscious, so I'm trying not to entertain those thoughts. But it's a case of that don't think of a pink elephant thing.

When a lot of self help/loa stuff recommends positive thinking, but they don't inform you about the clearing. Where ignoring the things brought up is just as bad as actively focusing on them too much. Still trying to figure this balance out.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I'm tipping back and forth though on some stuff. I find myself needing to release emotional stuff, but at the same time I'm paranoid of getting sucked into it and hyper focusing on it like I have in the past. So I push forward, but there's also a part of me that wants to explore these feelings.

Today in particular I felt overwhelmingly bad. Despite that I made some music and remained positive. But I could feel myself resisting what was being brought up. Reading that Joseph murphy book has made me more aware of the negativity that can influence the subconscious, so I'm trying not to entertain those thoughts. But it's a case of that don't think of a pink elephant thing.

When a lot of self help/loa stuff recommends positive thinking, but they don't inform you about the clearing. Where ignoring the things brought up is just as bad as actively focusing on them too much. Still trying to figure this balance out.

I think you have to let those negative emotions hit you, so you can process them and clear them. At least that's how it is with my fear, although I sometimes have a hard time of doing that.

[mat422]

Yeah you're right. I just realized it's one more layer of fear that prevents me from going deeper into addressing the deeper stuff that needs attention. Whatever happens will pass, I just need to remind myself of that and keep digging.

[findingme]

Why are you afraid of being sucked into your emotions and being hyper-focused on them?

[mat422]

Why are you afraid of being sucked into your emotions and being hyper-focused on them?

That's been a huge mistake I've made in my past. I lost a lot of years of my life being consumed by stuff like that. I'm just always afraid of slipping back down into that hole.

[mat422]

Had a migraine yesterday and nonstop anxiety all day. I was trying to get it under control at work but stuff kept going wrong and it was like a cattle prod to my nervous system. I'm so burned out at this job, constantly getting harassed for stuff that's outside of my control. And the business is too cheap to see the value in investing in the infrastructure to make things run more smoothly. Felt like I was going to break down at work today. And then when I got home the migraine centered in on a point right behind my eye that was intense stabbing pain. Had to just go to bed early and I still feel the effects of it today.

I feel like I should be able to control my reactions to all this stuff, but I still struggle. I think it's because nobody really understands computers where I work, so when something goes wrong it's immediately assumed I know how to fix it or I should know how just because it happens inside the computer.

But anyway, I just wish I could roll with this stuff more and I could go to my job and not feel like it drains my energy. I've been getting better, I've stopped worrying about proving my worth at this company. But I feel as if it's a bad fit for me in general.

[Shannon]

Sometimes, it just be like that my friend.

[mat422]

That's a lesson I need to learn. That I can't control everything and I should stop beating myself up for not always being in control of said things.

[Shannon]

That's a lesson I need to learn. That I can't control everything and I should stop beating myself up for not always being in control of said things.

Wisdom.