*Jake's Overcoming Fear 5.75.1G Journal*

[Jake2015]

Update

Since my last update of Monday 19 October - Day 6 of Cycle 3, I havent listened to the sub.

I have spent most of my nights in talks with the girl or with friends about the girl and that phone is what I would use to play the sub and then I would end up having less than 6hours sleep.

However I pulled my emergency phone which is an old samsung s7 from the cupboard and ive now put the sub on there and will use that. it is an old phone so definately not stereo at all but its the best I can do in the circumstances.

During these 9 days however I have to share some other progresses....

1) I have not had any sugar, coca cola zero or any caffeine tea for 3weeks (24days to be exact). - I only drink water and herbal teas so my water intake is better than zero as it was before lol

2) My sleep has been fixed amazing! due to the long nights on the phone etc its corrected itself to now where I sleep around 1am and wake at 8-9am. The waking up was the crucial factor.

3) I have been eating clean now for the past week and a half. My weight has reduced by 2pounds approximately and im spending a lot of time chopping and cooking lol

4) I started the gym. Yes its covid but my friend said to me either stay overweight and have that issue which is more severe than covid or do something about it. That was enough plus potentially meeting this girl was a motivator for me too. I started the gym on Monday of this week and so far have had 2 sessions out of a weekly 3. I have a personal trainer who sees me in every session and makes sure that im doing it all correct and at my best.

I dont know how much results I will see in 3months or 6months and then in 9months and 12 but im focused on making sure I look good in clothes than I do now.

So these are my things to share so far.

Regarding the sub, as I have missed 9 days im unsure what the protocol is but I think ill have to restart my timer as such and start from day 1 cycle 1 again.

I did also bring out my a2+ audioengine speakers from the cupboard but then realised that I have a set instructions from shannon to play from a phone at volume 13/15 so ill leave the external speakers.

i do chat on my phone using earbuds that go into my ears. I do not know if playing on my old phone means the Ultrasonic cant reach into my ears but if I need to be on a call with my friends who have helped me through this turmoil or the girl then its just a gamble ill have to take.

I dont sadly have any time in the day to listen to the sub for 6hours straight and it seems my nights are taken up either by the girl or by friends abroad such as usa.

So yeah thank you.

addendum:
I should add that fear in itself isnt touched as yet it seems. I had fear of losing the girl, the neediness the beta male behaviour and the fear of losing her are all fear related. I also got in touch with a dating coach in the USA and thanks to him now realise that attraction of a female to a male is all about how the male handles her shit tests and whatever she throws at him. Being able to handle her crap by being solid as a man shows strength and that is the confidence and attractiveness women like and that was like a penny dropping for me, an epiphany of sorts.

I also still have the major fear that I came to ILM to which is the fear of opening my notes and studying hence my procrastination. I am just sharing all this as i want to really give OF the full 8months chance to help me so fingers crossed!

[Jake2015]

Friday 30 October - Day 1 of Cycle 1 - started using my S7 Edge old phone (non stereo) - using Pulsar music app, playlist of 6 tracks and on 13/15 volume.

Saturday 31 October - Day 2 of Cycle 1

Sunday 1 November - Day 3 of Cycle 1

So 4weeks since I had any sugar, coca cola zero or any caffeinated tea. This isnt the sub but for me its a great milestone.

Head is stressed and mashed due to the girl, yes were still in touch and theres always some drama that affects me but this isnt sub related as such but maybe the sub will deal with some fears that are contributing to all this.

other than that everything is the same.

extra info:
I think its become clear to me that im just not able to handle stresses in a relationship. It messes me up for the day or days and I dont know how the hell to rise above such stress.

[Zane]

I just want you to stick to this sub for atleast 8 months or 9.

It will reveal about about you and you will have to learn how to handle it.. By accepting it first.

[Jake2015]

I just want you to stick to this sub for atleast 8 months or 9.

It will reveal about about you and you will have to learn how to handle it.. By accepting it first.

thank you Zane. I dont have any excuse now to stop since the 2nd device im using is available to me to use. 

Appreciate it, im hoping I can get through this.

[Jake2015]

Monday 2 November - Day 4 of Cycle 1

Day complete.

The girl said shes not sure shes feeling the same way about me as she did before :/
She wants a break she said and I told her to me a break means the end so if she wants a break ill disappear and not return and she said no I am not ending it I just want a break to clear my head.

Anyone else understand this?

[AriGold]

When a girl has feelings for a person then it is mostly about the idea of that girl and the way he makes her feel.
So when she does no longer feel the same means either that she had a different idea of "you" or you, by acting desperate, made her feel uncomfortable.

Your response "a break means the end" confirms her interpretation that you are putting too much importance on her, acting desperate and chasing her too much.

So in other words: get a life in which a woman is not the center of your world but a nice addition to your world.

Overcoming Fear could lead you towards that goal, to me it was AM that brought my center to myself. I am responsible for my life, my self love, my self respect and the good things in my life. Playing the victim gives you maybe a bit of empathy but not your dream life. Don't be a casualty in your life, be the hero, the main actor.

[Mr_steevee]

Yeah sounds like you wanted it too much .. sorry man but I feel you .. I always had problems with this (plus the fear of being left alone) and it got muuuuuch better with OF over the time. I remember situations in the past where I have been the total drama queen and in my mind there was only that woman and I couldn’t think about anything else. For me it was definitely fear related. The good thing is that even when I thought there might be no more perfect woman and she’s the only one suddenly there appeared a new girl in my life which made me forgot the old one (even without OF!)
So I am sure that will be the case for you as well and when OF is working you will be free from neediness
Just keep on going man and I wish you all the best!

[Rusty]

Aslong as you were not a couple- and it is important.
then its ok to give her space even weeks and then try slowly to reattract her.

but if you were official(gf and bf) and she said she doesnt feel that way anymore, most likely(98%) she either found someone else who attract her more or she believes she can do better(grass is greener is well kbown among women).
in that case, you should Never ever get her back.
block her or ignore her or just fuck her and then block her.
because guess what, one day in the future she will feel unsure again when she is your wife, and then it may destroy your family.

[fab10]

Aslong as you were not a couple- and it is important.
then its ok to give her space even weeks and then try slowly to reattract her.

but if you were official(gf and bf) and she said she doesnt feel that way anymore, most likely(98%) she either found someone else who attract her more or she believes she can do better(grass is greener is well kbown among women).
in that case, you should Never ever get her back.
block her or ignore her or just fuck her and then block her.
because guess what, one day in the future she will feel unsure again when she is your wife, and then it may destroy your family.

I agree and I’ll go one step further- I think it applies even if they are not a couple. Even more so in fact, if there is no enthusiasm at the beginning of the dating process, I don’t see how it can ever get any better. 

Let her go bro, you deserve better. OF will help you a lot.

[Jake2015]

Tuesday 3 November - Day 5 of Cycle 1

Thank you ALL of you above that replied. I dont want to reply to each and every single one of you individually as the thread will get overrun but I really appreciate the words and support.

What has confused me and I really hope 1 of you can explain to me is her words where she said clearly to me "its a break, i am not ending this im just asking for a break from everything".

Yes I did say that if she wants a break well to me a break is no different to ending things as that is how I have always seen it. Yes we arent officially a couple, not officially bf/gf yet we always got on and talked about the future be it marriage or how it would be when we are together as a couple etc. Yes I did most of that however she was enjoying it too when the flow we had was there. The fact that its been disrupted is due to her ex being on the scene (which she told me she is only talking and messaging him for 5mins here or there - shes on the phone to me alot more and for alot longer) but also a guy that claimed to be her friend but clearly wants more and tried to fuck with my head and thus what I have with this girl so in essence allowing other people enter what we have has disrupted our flow for sure.

The point im trying to make is that I was shocked when she said she wanted a break but I was ready to simply let go and walk and never look back. (I had always told her in the past that im not ever going to be her friend, i dont have that desire to be her friend when I have such feelings for her and so I will walk away and yes disappear and yes then there will be no contact from me ever.)

She then said im not ending it i just need a break from everything and I think its all these external factors that may have overwhelmed her perhaps.

So if shes saying to me at the end of our phone call "im having this break but its not me ending it or ending anything" what does it mean?

I said ok what else could I say, she then said "i will be thinking of you" - I remained silent cos again I was confused why say that to me? what does that even mean?

and then she said bye and I said bye.

Now I am not chasing her, im not contacting her and im really really missing her sure and thinking about her but what I would like is for her to miss me to think about me to have me in her mind.

So any of you make sense of this for me?

I am hoping that OF even through my old S7 edge phone does the job for me.
Im hitting the gym even though its covid and cooking food which takes forever but making sure im focused on losing weight which is my goal.

I am also going to try and focus on me more during this "break" anyway.

thanks

[Rusty]

Tuesday 3 November - Day 5 of Cycle 1

Thank you ALL of you above that replied. I dont want to reply to each and every single one of you individually as the thread will get overrun but I really appreciate the words and support.

What has confused me and I really hope 1 of you can explain to me is her words where she said clearly to me "its a break, i am not ending this im just asking for a break from everything".

Yes I did say that if she wants a break well to me a break is no different to ending things as that is how I have always seen it. Yes we arent officially a couple, not officially bf/gf yet we always got on and talked about the future be it marriage or how it would be when we are together as a couple etc. Yes I did most of that however she was enjoying it too when the flow we had was there. The fact that its been disrupted is due to her ex being on the scene (which she told me she is only talking and messaging him for 5mins here or there - shes on the phone to me alot more and for alot longer) but also a guy that claimed to be her friend but clearly wants more and tried to fuck with my head and thus what I have with this girl so in essence allowing other people enter what we have has disrupted our flow for sure.

The point im trying to make is that I was shocked when she said she wanted a break but I was ready to simply let go and walk and never look back. (I had always told her in the past that im not ever going to be her friend, i dont have that desire to be her friend when I have such feelings for her and so I will walk away and yes disappear and yes then there will be no contact from me ever.)

She then said im not ending it i just need a break from everything and I think its all these external factors that may have overwhelmed her perhaps.

So if shes saying to me at the end of our phone call "im having this break but its not me ending it or ending anything" what does it mean?

I said ok what else could I say, she then said "i will be thinking of you" - I remained silent cos again I was confused why say that to me? what does that even mean?

and then she said bye and I said bye.

Now I am not chasing her, im not contacting her and im really really missing her sure and thinking about her but what I would like is for her to miss me to think about me to have me in her mind.

So any of you make sense of this for me?

I am hoping that OF even through my old S7 edge phone does the job for me.
Im hitting the gym even though its covid and cooking food which takes forever but making sure im focused on losing weight which is my goal.

I am also going to try and focus on me more during this "break" anyway.

thanks

Let me translate you womenese:
" i need a break"- there is some other dude thats get me wetter and i wanna see how it goes with him.

"i love you"- you provide me what i need (emotionally,sexually,socially) right now, this might change soon.

[fab10]

I see no commitment and emotional manipulation. Two big red flags.

Even if she comes back to you, chances are she’ll keep looking for a better option, meanwhile you waste more time and allow her to break your heart needlessly.

Do ask for confirmation on S7, either in this thread or in the tech faq thread, somebody must have tried it, it’s a common model.

[tolgaocal80]

I agree with what @Rusty said +1 like from me.

if she say she need a break this means: there is another man %99 of case. Women are like monkeys , they do not leave the current branch without holding another branch.
and I would thank her for not wasting my time and directly saying that she need a break.(means finish this)

[Jake2015]

Thank you guys for your input and support. My heads not been in a good place. Even if its ended I do miss her as a friend too, and I would like to stay in touch and be able to chat to her as we used to but im sure you will all tell me to not do that either.

Tuesday 3 November - Day 5 of Cycle 1
Wednesday 4 November - Day 6 of Cycle 1
Thursday 5 November - Day 7 of cycle 1 (day 1 of break)
Friday 6 November - Day 8 of cycle 1 (day 2 of break)
Saturday 7 November - Day 9 of cycle (Day 3 of break completed)

Cycle 1 completed.