(06-02-2019, 09:40 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote:(06-02-2019, 09:13 AM)Shannon Wrote: The only thing that will give you a snowball's chance in hell of getting her back is becoming what she is willing to be friends with.
The becoming method can be used to "get her back" otherwise, but unless you change what you are vs what she needs, you will end up like I did with one of my ex's. I brought her into my life by using that method, and after 3 years our relationship ended. Then a year later I used it to "get her back". That did happen, but the same exact reason it failed the first time killed it the second time, because the reason we broke up was not changed. In that case, it was because she refused to grow up and take personal responsibility for herself, her choices, her actions and their consequences, and I refused to be her "daddy" to take care of her while she laid around watching South Park and eating microwave macaroni.
Unless the cause of the issue is resolved, the becoming method cannot do anything to keep the goal alive once it is achieved. So your real goal is to achieve the self growth you need to do that, and I'm willing to bet that once you do, like Darth Xedonias, you won't care about "getting her back" because you won't be basing your self esteem and self validation on what anyone else thinks.
Ironically, that is when she is most likely to be willing to be your friend again.
You refuse to give up because you can't handle the alternative right now, which is a fear that without her validation and approval, you have no value.
By the way, E3 was extracted from LTU5, and it is the same thing as what's in LTU5 except it does not make any provision for physical healing. It is also tuned to be more gentle, but that's not because it would be better with more power; on the contrary, it's because the level of power it has is what is best for achieving it's specific goals.
If you think E3 has been helpful for you after 3 months of use, then you can decide whether or not to get yourself a copy of LTU5. But for now, just use E3 according to the instructions and let the program do it's thing.
You're right. I fear I have no value without her validation. Thanks for putting it so succinctly. I have no contact with her anymore. And she lives far from where I am. If I do change, she won't be around to notice. I think I'll just have to accept that it's over. But like you said, I fear that without her validation and approval I have no value. Hopefully the FRM will help with that. Anyway thanks for taking time to respond to these posts. I know you've got more pressing concerns.
I was in the same position as you before. Stuck in relationship that I was to afraid of ending because without her I would be "nothing" and went on living with a person that wasn't good for me just because I wouldn't face what I had to face. And the situation is, that because you haven't developed your self-esteem, it IS really nothing without that person. That is a fact. But the only way to develop it, is to face it and work from where it is. I like to thing about self-esteem as a balloon surrounded by ice. You are blowing up the balloon and it's meeting the edges of ice outside it, it hurts, it's scary, it's unexplored territory. But as you blow it up every day and do it again and again you are becoming more used to the feeling of uncertainty and growth, and with enough time you will break the ice-structure and your balloon will expand. And you will meet a new ice structure that you keep working on. But if you continue to shy away from how you feel, you will be stuck in the same place.
Pain is temporary, even if it don't feel like that. People have developed self-esteem without subliminals, but we now have a amazing tool to learn ourselves to outgrow our insecurities and problems with self worth and self esteem, thanks to Shannons deliberate work over decades.
