What is it all about?

[Adri]

Hey guys, quick question here.

So as some of you may know I'm currently doing EPRHA. And as far as I can tell, nothing really changing on the emotional level... but today I started to notice a shift in my thinking about relationships. Nothing big, just questions and new thoughts rushing through my mind. I am now starting to create standards for my future commited relationships. I only want to go out with a guy with certain mindsets, characteristics, etc. I will not go out with a guy who isn't right for me anymore. I've now learned that when you first go out with someone, you only see the surface level of that person. And as the relationship continues, generally what happens for me is that the difference between me and the other guy becomes very apparent. That doesn't generally is a problem, we're all different. But some things are really a big problem for me (scarcity mindset, not consciously designing his life, ...). So I've kind of decided I wouldn't go out with a guy who is not like I would want him to be. I now have high standards.

Which makes my want to run Attract your Perfect Boyfriend even stronger. If he's perfect, he'll have all those characteristics.

But I'm also becoming curious about Sex Magnet. Some weeks ago, I thought Sex Magnet was just to have "just for sex" relationships with other guys. But more and more my perspective is opening. I'm now starting to understand that Sex Magnet is not just to have quick sex without any emotion attached. You can have emotions for the persons you have sex with. But without necessarily going out with those persons.

What I would want is some clarification about what that means, being a Sex Magnet and what typical Sex Magnet relationships look like. That way I hope my perspective on having sex with people will open up.

Thanks
-Adri

[Shannon]

Sex Magnet is focused on achieving sex, as quickly and easily as possible. Any relationship that results - and that's not very likely - will be focused on, in and through sex. The whole focus of it is... sex.

[Adri]

OK thanks Shannon, I think I will focus on having a commited relationship then. It's like having two polarities inside me: one of them wants to have sex with multiple handsome guys, but another one is pulling me in the direction of a commited relationship. Don't know what to do...

[JackOfHearts]

You can't have both in the same I think, me too I'm drawn in 2 direction. But for now I prefer not to commit to a long term relationship. I prefer to gain a bit of experience before doing the big jump for a long term.

[Adri]

maniac360, thanks for your reply, good to see that I'm not the only one pulled in 2 directions. For me, I am thinking that I lack sexual experience (only had 1 sexual partner) but if I commit long term, well that doesn't mean that the long term relationship will not be great. That's why I can't decide. I would like to get more experience, and at the same time have a long term partner, someone who I could cuddle with, have more intimate things going, etc.

I was thinking that maybe an open relationship would do the trick...

[JackOfHearts]

Yes that would be "perfect". There is no Man magnet so you can't really have both with sub. Maybe be attractive to handsome man would help or Attract your perfect friend with benefits. I'm not really into the attraction sub. I would rather improve myself than just waiting for a "miracle" to happen.

[Adri]

So the only reason why you want to do Sex Magnet is to keep it natural ? Otherwise would you go with AYP or not ?

[JackOfHearts]

The only reason is that I prefer to work on myself so the other stuff are less appealing. I don't consider AYP as self improvement so I don't want it. Unless I have meet my current goal which probably won't be possible until 2 years or more (good well paid job or my own company and being completely secure socially with a lot of friends I like).

So basically I don't want to wait 4 month or more while doing no self improvement.

I don't consider it as "not natural" just less appealing. A perfect girl would be too distracting for my work, I don't want it for now. I only offer short term relationship to girls if they appear, my work is more important than a perfect relationship.

I don't want to invest too much in a relationship for now.

[Adri]

That's fair, I understand your point of view. It's a very respectable one. I think that, and after thinking a lot about it, I'm going to go through self dev first before anything. I still need to think about it but today some things resurfaced of me being very beta with guys who wanted to have sex with me with no strings attached. I don't want to be that way forever and a long term relationship would not enable me to run SM unless my partner is OK with it. But I do think that if I am in a long term relationship, I'll want to have only sex with my partner.
So yes, short term "pain" (having to wait for cuddles etc.), but for long term pleasure. And I do think that if I go through that process of self dev, if I run AYPBoyfriend, he will be of a higher quality because of my higher development.