#ForeverHealing DMSI 2.4

[maxx55]

I thought yesterday would be my last post in this journal, but I just feel like expressing this somewhere and I won't make my next DMSI journal until it's out.

Also, I appreciate that Shannon is thorough enough to catch his mistakes before it even reaches the customer. That's awesome and I'd much rather the mistake be caught before the product is released. So thanks Shannon.

Today I just felt really frustrated and irritated. I'm really getting annoyed seeing these girls with fantastic tits and glorious asses and beautiful faces and fit bodies...it's all getting to me and it's straight up getting frustrating.

A few years ago, I use to think to myself that I should move somewhere where I could thrive. Somewhere where I'm fully recognized and appreciated, especially relating to girls. This literally was a real plan for me. That I'd find my own paradise city to live in and I'd have my selection of girls to fuck and plenty of cool dudes to hang out with.

It's just so frustrating for me to look at where I am and be totally okay with it. Time is passing and it's finite.

I'm getting annoyed that my dick is responding to hot girls I pass by and I have to start counting in my head to calm it back down.

And all of this is on top of my busy workload which I'm going to continue working on as soon as I finish this post. It's difficult to deal with this, especially without bustin' nuts to porn. It's irritating as fuck...

And I'm dying to run the 3.0.1A hybrid when it releases but I wonder if my mind will be so busy that I can't complete my work...I don't know, but I'll see.

I'm ready for a change.

[maxx55]

Words just can't express how frustrated I am at myself. Today was our last dance class and I really just wanted the day to be over already. After class, that girl I've mentioned before left the room right before I made my way towards the door. I wasn't going to talk to her. On the way to the door leading outside, she just comments about the weather out loud "Oh frick, it's starting to rain" or something along those lines. This was obvious the whole time during the class as there's a window where you can clearly see outside and the clouds have been dark all day. I commented and we talked for a little bit but when I crossed the road I started to head to the closest bathroom as usual to change into regular clothes. She was going in a different direction. She smiled and said bye and waved. I just said to have a nice break and she said the same. It was only afterwards that I regretted not pushing the interaction further. I really beat myself up over it. At the same time, it may have just ended up being a huge waste of time for me. I don't know and that fucking irritates me. It'd be so much easier if girls just straight up told you "I'd like to suck/fuck you" instead of all this other bullshit. I'm just so frustrated and angry.

I started having violent thoughts again. It just feels like I'm falling and I just want it to stop. I thought to myself for a second "Oh maybe the universe has my back and I'll run into her again." Fat chance. Then I realized "Wait, the universe has never ever had my back when it came to girls".

This all goes back to those people in my major that I had an incident (or at least what I thought as an incident) with. I saw one of them going to class and a group of people even interrupted our class for something and the person was there too. That's a big reason I just find it hard to make friends with people in my major, let alone have anything sexual with the girls in the major.

Right now I'm just sick of where I am. I hate it and I feel like beating something to a pulp. I am just so fuckin tired of dealing with the same, the SAME OLD SHIT! Seriously.

I don't really know what to do. I don't want to have the same experience when I go to the rest of my final classes. I'm just so sick of this. I'm sick of all of it. I'm just at the point where I feel like giving up, it's that bad and frustrating. This semester has been the shittiest one since my first, WTF!

I'm at a loss here. I haven't felt like this in a while. 2.4 is really fucking with me even though I stopped running it. When 3.0.1 is released, I will start running it asap, I can't keep feeling like this. This is fucking up my reality.

[RTBoss]

Yeah, man, V2.4 had NO mask for negative side effects like E2. It could get naaaasty. Thank goodness V3.0.1 has the mask.

Hang in there, tomorrow should be the day!

[maxx55]

Confession time

Well I watched some twerking vids on YT last night before sleep and busted a nut. Got a great sleep though.

Then tonight I busted a couple of nuts watching porn.

As I said before it's hard. The problem is this. I go about my day trying to mind my own business and get all the stupid work done that has to be done. And then see some hot girls or girls with great assets. I uncontrollably start having sexual thoughts. And I tend to get semi's throughout the day. By the time I come home I'm so sexually frustrated that it may even be hard for me to focus on completing work. Through willpower, I power through this shit for so long and if I don't release then I get the physical urge in my body to release/fuck that sticks with me all day, no break, can't focus. Then I bust a nut to porn and regain some level of mental control. Lately though, it seems like the day after bustin' a nut or two to porn I still get semis when I see an attractive girl. So it seems like bustin' a nut isn't solving the entire situation anymore.

Something's got to give because this is re-FUCKIN-diculous! It wasn't until E2 that I started getting semis throughout the day. And now on DMSI it's annoying and not helpful!

I know I need to get off porn...but come on DMSI...just manifest a hot girl for me to fuck anytime I want and I'll be off it. I'm going to think of a new strategy to avoid PMO. In the past, the only thing that really seemed to naturally work where I felt no motivation to watch porn was female interaction. That's it, so far.

[bits]

You're being too hard on yourself

I think the whole noporn/nofap thing is overhyped, yea if you're a true addict and spend 3 hours a day watching porn it can help but 99% of men load up a site, skip through maybe 5 minutes of actual content, bust, and then go about their day.

Last time i checked on the nofap movement it seemed some were just fapping without porn, remembering moments or certain girls and then fapping to memories vs. actual porn.

[Dutchman610]

I've had this same experience with higher than normal sex drive since DMSI. I used to not fap but it's kind of hard with the changes going on. But, I always like to think there has to be a possitive at the end of the tunnel. Let's say for example once I get a girl, we'll be able to go all night due to my practice of doing it myself.

It's just a thought, I look foward to your journal on 3.0.1. I wish you the best of luck brother.

[maxx55]

Thanks for the support guys.

I just wanted to end this journal with some good news since today was much better than the rest of the week.

Well, long story short, I ended up actually meeting a new girl. And yes, she's attractive. I've seen her around and wanted to talk to her but never did. We ended up exchanging numbers, and yes that's all I had time for. Details below.

I got on one shuttle and I saw her sitting on the bus stop waiting for the next one. I made an excuse to the driver that I had to get off. I walked back around and the next one was there waiting and she had gotten on it. Oddly enough, this driver usually doesn't wait at the stop. I know because I've seen him quickly pull off time and time again soon after coming to the stop. Anyway today, he waited. I got on and sat diagonally across from the girl. My heart rate sped up (this has only happened recently since starting DMSI when I think about approaching a new girl). After hesitating, I decided to just do it, especially since no one else was on the bus.

I asked her about the art she had next to her. She told me it wasn't hers and that she just bought it. We soon got into a conversation about art and I mentioned I appreciate the arts in general because of my major. She soon asked me for my name. I got up and moved to be about directly across from her, shook her hand, and she introduced herself. In my experience if a girl asks for your name, that's the hookpoint. It's her first semester in college, she asked me how long I've been there and I told her 4 yrs. She works with films. And I ended up saying that if she wanted to work on a film with me or anything, I'd be down and offered to exchange numbers, she said sure. I told her to put her number in my phone and I'd text her my name, maybe she didn't catch all that, but after she put her number in my phone, she handed me her phone to put my number in directly. So either she didn't want to wait for me to text her or she just misheard. By this point I noticed that she seemed like she was at least a bit nervous. Nervous but comfortable at the same time. She asked me questions and continued the conversation, but sometimes it seemed like she was at a loss of words after answering one of my questions. Anyway, she said that she was glad to meet me when she got off at her stop. Afterwards, I thought that maybe I could have made more specific plans. But I'm rusty so I'm not upset at myself.

Immediately after she gets off the bus, one of the girls who had gotten on the bus during our convo starts talking to me asking me about my major. We talked about the film industry a lot and it was just an enjoyable convo. We got off at the same stop but went separate directions and said it was nice to meet me and I told her the same. I wasn't attracted to her so I didn't go further.

After this, I thought "Hmm...yesterday I said the universe didn't have my back when it came to girls...maybe it wanted to show me differently." I think the universe may have helped with all the variables lining up for us to have an actual conversation.

Just to be clear, the results I experienced with that girl were not out of the ordinary for me, pre-subs. BUT the co-incidence of us even being able to have a conversation was morth mentioning.

[SargeMaximus]

See? Who needs nofap?

[FREAK4LIFE]

Thanks for the support guys.

I just wanted to end this journal with some good news since today was much better than the rest of the week.

Well, long story short, I ended up actually meeting a new girl. And yes, she's attractive. I've seen her around and wanted to talk to her but never did. We ended up exchanging numbers, and yes that's all I had time for. Details below.

I got on one shuttle and I saw her sitting on the bus stop waiting for the next one. I made an excuse to the driver that I had to get off. I walked back around and the next one was there waiting and she had gotten on it. Oddly enough, this driver usually doesn't wait at the stop. I know because I've seen him quickly pull off time and time again soon after coming to the stop. Anyway today, he waited. I got on and sat diagonally across from the girl. My heart rate sped up (this has only happened recently since starting DMSI when I think about approaching a new girl). After hesitating, I decided to just do it, especially since no one else was on the bus.

I asked her about the art she had next to her. She told me it wasn't hers and that she just bought it. We soon got into a conversation about art and I mentioned I appreciate the arts in general because of my major. She soon asked me for my name. I got up and moved to be about directly across from her, shook her hand, and she introduced herself. In my experience if a girl asks for your name, that's the hookpoint. It's her first semester in college, she asked me how long I've been there and I told her 4 yrs. She works with films. And I ended up saying that if she wanted to work on a film with me or anything, I'd be down and offered to exchange numbers, she said sure. I told her to put her number in my phone and I'd text her my name, maybe she didn't catch all that, but after she put her number in my phone, she handed me her phone to put my number in directly. So either she didn't want to wait for me to text her or she just misheard. By this point I noticed that she seemed like she was at least a bit nervous. Nervous but comfortable at the same time. She asked me questions and continued the conversation, but sometimes it seemed like she was at a loss of words after answering one of my questions. Anyway, she said that she was glad to meet me when she got off at her stop. Afterwards, I thought that maybe I could have made more specific plans. But I'm rusty so I'm not upset at myself.

Immediately after she gets off the bus, one of the girls who had gotten on the bus during our convo starts talking to me asking me about my major. We talked about the film industry a lot and it was just an enjoyable convo. We got off at the same stop but went separate directions and said it was nice to meet me and I told her the same. I wasn't attracted to her so I didn't go further.

After this, I thought "Hmm...yesterday I said the universe didn't have my back when it came to girls...maybe it wanted to show me differently." I think the universe may have helped with all the variables lining up for us to have an actual conversation.

Just to be clear, the results I experienced with that girl were not out of the ordinary for me, pre-subs. BUT the co-incidence of us even being able to have a conversation was morth mentioning.

Is it the kind of film where you and her get buck naked and bump uglies?

[maxx55]

Thanks for the support guys.

I just wanted to end this journal with some good news since today was much better than the rest of the week.

Well, long story short, I ended up actually meeting a new girl. And yes, she's attractive. I've seen her around and wanted to talk to her but never did. We ended up exchanging numbers, and yes that's all I had time for. Details below.

I got on one shuttle and I saw her sitting on the bus stop waiting for the next one. I made an excuse to the driver that I had to get off. I walked back around and the next one was there waiting and she had gotten on it. Oddly enough, this driver usually doesn't wait at the stop. I know because I've seen him quickly pull off time and time again soon after coming to the stop. Anyway today, he waited. I got on and sat diagonally across from the girl. My heart rate sped up (this has only happened recently since starting DMSI when I think about approaching a new girl). After hesitating, I decided to just do it, especially since no one else was on the bus.

I asked her about the art she had next to her. She told me it wasn't hers and that she just bought it. We soon got into a conversation about art and I mentioned I appreciate the arts in general because of my major. She soon asked me for my name. I got up and moved to be about directly across from her, shook her hand, and she introduced herself. In my experience if a girl asks for your name, that's the hookpoint. It's her first semester in college, she asked me how long I've been there and I told her 4 yrs. She works with films. And I ended up saying that if she wanted to work on a film with me or anything, I'd be down and offered to exchange numbers, she said sure. I told her to put her number in my phone and I'd text her my name, maybe she didn't catch all that, but after she put her number in my phone, she handed me her phone to put my number in directly. So either she didn't want to wait for me to text her or she just misheard. By this point I noticed that she seemed like she was at least a bit nervous. Nervous but comfortable at the same time. She asked me questions and continued the conversation, but sometimes it seemed like she was at a loss of words after answering one of my questions. Anyway, she said that she was glad to meet me when she got off at her stop. Afterwards, I thought that maybe I could have made more specific plans. But I'm rusty so I'm not upset at myself.

Immediately after she gets off the bus, one of the girls who had gotten on the bus during our convo starts talking to me asking me about my major. We talked about the film industry a lot and it was just an enjoyable convo. We got off at the same stop but went separate directions and said it was nice to meet me and I told her the same. I wasn't attracted to her so I didn't go further.

After this, I thought "Hmm...yesterday I said the universe didn't have my back when it came to girls...maybe it wanted to show me differently." I think the universe may have helped with all the variables lining up for us to have an actual conversation.

Just to be clear, the results I experienced with that girl were not out of the ordinary for me, pre-subs. BUT the co-incidence of us even being able to have a conversation was morth mentioning.

Is it the kind of film where you and her get buck naked and bump uglies?

Who knows, we'll see!