09-06-2018, 05:47 PM
I've been wanting to share tonight for I have had some positive awarenesses today.
I did have a great day. No major "wow!" moments, just numerous awarenesses that life is good for me right now. I'll share some E2 connections which showed up today.
First off, self validation is becoming evident. I've noticed both an uncomfortableness with my norm of expecting men to validate me, plus the awareness that......I don't always need or want this. Today, I worked with a man whose company I enjoy, yet I've noticed his uncomfortableness with being a full time validator for me when I want it. I've noticed the option to act immature, pout silently, or form bitterness, but no, no, no. Doing any of that always made me more unhappy.
We took a 15 minute break in the afternoon, and we both headed opposite ways. I needed some quiet, I took it, and after 10 minutes, I found him, knowing now I wished him to lift my spirits. I said his name once, but he didn't respond, and I chose to see it as him needing some solitude. So, I walked away after 20 seconds or so. (That's when the 3 negative options listed above showed up). But drama wasn't desired, so I let it go. Nothing bad came of that, and our day continued with comfortable discussion without expectations on my part. It felt good doing something new and good for me.
The second thing I'm still processing, for it's still changing me. It revolves around positive thinking and a positive attitude. I noticed I chose to be thankful and enjoyed this today.
Where it came to the surface was when I called my mom since she requested it when I got off work. Within 10 seconds of me calling, I shared I had a great day today. In a rather depressed tone, she asked me why I had a great day. I said simply that many small things happened which made it a great day.
Her reaction was that it was nothing like the previous 4 conversations she'd had with me. I quickly and clearly sidelined her negative obsession with "I'm not in yesterday. I had a great day today!" And I said this positively!
What hit me clearly here was: she's living in the PAST.
If I've struggled with anything on E2, it's the realization that I have been hanging onto my past...........every... single... day. I'm not proud of it, and THAT is the main reason I've resisted growing on E2. My past was my stinky blanket I've held on to. I used to share it regularly.....but I notice people don't want to live in my past. And I shared mostly gloom and pain.
So, maybe E2 is tearing up this old gloom-filled preoccupation I've had. Using it for attention is very unsatisfying. It did happen. I just don't want to live there. It's starting to really smell!
This is why I've had such a good day today
I did have a great day. No major "wow!" moments, just numerous awarenesses that life is good for me right now. I'll share some E2 connections which showed up today.
First off, self validation is becoming evident. I've noticed both an uncomfortableness with my norm of expecting men to validate me, plus the awareness that......I don't always need or want this. Today, I worked with a man whose company I enjoy, yet I've noticed his uncomfortableness with being a full time validator for me when I want it. I've noticed the option to act immature, pout silently, or form bitterness, but no, no, no. Doing any of that always made me more unhappy.
We took a 15 minute break in the afternoon, and we both headed opposite ways. I needed some quiet, I took it, and after 10 minutes, I found him, knowing now I wished him to lift my spirits. I said his name once, but he didn't respond, and I chose to see it as him needing some solitude. So, I walked away after 20 seconds or so. (That's when the 3 negative options listed above showed up). But drama wasn't desired, so I let it go. Nothing bad came of that, and our day continued with comfortable discussion without expectations on my part. It felt good doing something new and good for me.
The second thing I'm still processing, for it's still changing me. It revolves around positive thinking and a positive attitude. I noticed I chose to be thankful and enjoyed this today.
Where it came to the surface was when I called my mom since she requested it when I got off work. Within 10 seconds of me calling, I shared I had a great day today. In a rather depressed tone, she asked me why I had a great day. I said simply that many small things happened which made it a great day.
Her reaction was that it was nothing like the previous 4 conversations she'd had with me. I quickly and clearly sidelined her negative obsession with "I'm not in yesterday. I had a great day today!" And I said this positively!
What hit me clearly here was: she's living in the PAST.
If I've struggled with anything on E2, it's the realization that I have been hanging onto my past...........every... single... day. I'm not proud of it, and THAT is the main reason I've resisted growing on E2. My past was my stinky blanket I've held on to. I used to share it regularly.....but I notice people don't want to live in my past. And I shared mostly gloom and pain.
So, maybe E2 is tearing up this old gloom-filled preoccupation I've had. Using it for attention is very unsatisfying. It did happen. I just don't want to live there. It's starting to really smell!
This is why I've had such a good day today
I want to be FREE!
