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Title: Fear No More - Overcoming Fear 5.75G Journal
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#1
Hello, there. Here we go again. To be honest, I haven't been too excited about the subliminal leading up to its release, rather dreadful if anything. I didn't want to start listening to it when I got it, but I did eventually. All 6 loops. I do plan to stick to the subliminal for the recommended 8 months unless UMS 2 tempts me away.  I can notice a stark difference from the previous version. It pumped me up, lead me to do things I wouldn't do otherwise (yes, yes, within the safety limits), but I did always hit a wall with it. Imagine a jackhammer pounding away at an invisible wall of fear. But this is different, so far. It's much more grounded, for one. I am not pumped up, banging my fist in the wall to conquer my fears. Which, believe me, is exactly the approach I prefer now. The more outright and visible my response is, the greater the resistance follows. 

Having said that, I can feel its energy. In my hands, face, feet... going all tingly. And unfortunately, I've had a sleepless night. But then, I do have trouble with sleep after the pandemic and I am assured my sleep pattern will fall into place itself soon enough. I do believe the sub might have to do contribute to no sleep, but it's too soon to tell anything. And if it is the case, then why. 

@Shannon - I should listen to the sub, as usual, today, right? Considering I haven't had a night's sleep to process it, or however it works. 

As far as the results are concerned, not expecting instant results. But I am going to take care of a little thing I have been avoiding for the past few weeks after typing this post out. Well, been avoiding a couple more things, but let's start with the easy one Smile
 
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#2
(06-20-2020, 10:11 PM)Breeze Wrote: Hello, there. Here we go again. To be honest, I haven't been too excited about the subliminal leading up to its release, rather dreadful if anything. I didn't want to start listening to it when I got it, but I did eventually. All 6 loops. I do plan to stick to the subliminal for the recommended 8 months unless UMS 2 tempts me away.  I can notice a stark difference from the previous version. It pumped me up, lead me to do things I wouldn't do otherwise (yes, yes, within the safety limits), but I did always hit a wall with it. Imagine a jackhammer pounding away at an invisible wall of fear. But this is different, so far. It's much more grounded, for one. I am not pumped up, banging my fist in the wall to conquer my fears. Which, believe me, is exactly the approach I prefer now. The more outright and visible my response is, the greater the resistance follows. 

Having said that, I can feel its energy. In my hands, face, feet... going all tingly. And unfortunately, I've had a sleepless night. But then, I do have trouble with sleep after the pandemic and I am assured my sleep pattern will fall into place itself soon enough. I do believe the sub might have to do contribute to no sleep, but it's too soon to tell anything. And if it is the case, then why. 

@Shannon - I should listen to the sub, as usual, today, right? Considering I haven't had a night's sleep to process it, or however it works. 

As far as the results are concerned, not expecting instant results. But I am going to take care of a little thing I have been avoiding for the past few weeks after typing this post out. Well, been avoiding a couple more things, but let's start with the easy one Smile

You don't necessarily need sleep to process it.  Sleep is for the conscious mind to rest.  Your subconscious never sleeps.

Just follow the instructions.
Subliminal Audio Specialist & Administrator

The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
 
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#3
That was my guess as well, but confirmations are better than guesses Smile

This subliminal is smooth. I feel incredibly calm and centered. And the thing I've been avoiding? Done. No effort involved. It started out subtle and still is in many ways, but I can feel it building up like an avalanche. This is an exaggerated way to put it, but it is almost as if I am realizing myself for the first time. Here I am, this is me. I feel new to myself, that's one way to put it. But then, feelings are fleeting and we shall see how it goes over the next few months.

I did get some sleep, btw. And I am looking forward to a long, restful sleep later as well. Nothing to worry about there. I do have a lot of thoughts I'd like to share, but I'd like to hold them back and give them some time to nurture and see where they lead to.
 
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#4
What is it? Day 4, yup. It's going well so far. More than well. I was dreading going to a dentist for weeks, but I made the appointment, went through with it and it was quite a pleasant, anxiety free experience. When I laid down on the dental upholstery, I felt like I am on a vacation at a sunny beach rather than getting my teeth examined. I've been relaxed and calm ever since I pressed play the first loop on the first day. I don't know how the original DRS feels, but I feel fantastic on it so far. All shielded and safe, plus anxiety free about the future. An ideal combination.

Interestingly I am not dreaming since I started the sub, and if I am, I am not remembering any of my dreams. My mind's been blissfully blank in sleep.

It doesn't have anti shame programming but I find myself doing little things I'd usually feel shameful about. That's another good sign.

As Shannon mentioned in his journal, let's see how it works over the next few months before getting our hopes up. But it's a promising start. Quite promising.
 
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#5
Today marks Day 2 of SARB. The start of it. I do miss not running the sub, but I am intrigued to see what it does over the break. I am not aware enough to describe the essence of fear, but it often feels like a wall, and what I want lies beyond it. And I could feel it for a few moments spread throughout the day yesterday. Now, want is not necessarily my goals, but rather doing little things I'd not even think about or dread doing if it was for fear. For instance, having a difficult conversation. Or reaching out to someone. Or applying for new jobs. At the root of it, there is blissful detachment with all I've done since I started the sub. As usual, I could imagine the rejection, the shame, and the sheer awkwardness of it. But I can't attach myself to the result, and without fear or the possibility of no fear, I can't base my self worth on things that might go wrong. In a way, it's a state with no 'ego', and that leaves me with a brand new discovery of who I am. Not to get all spiritual, but Zen is one word to describe it indeed. 

I honestly don't know what I want, except what everybody else does. Healthy relationships, money, sex, etc etc. And there is a logical, foolproof way to get there with persistent effort. Beyond that, I did always had a hard time wrapping my head around it, and grand ideas rather seemed forced. But being fearless to go after what pops up your life is more important than trying to force it to happen. I'd rather stick to the basics and see which way the wind blows next. Let's just be.
 
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#6
Not much to update. I had fears re-surface on the last day of SARB, but that was good. I could discern the effects of OF clearly after I started running it again. Now it's time for SARB again, and I am quite looking forward to it, even though I don't really want to stop running the sub.

I took up web dev, and I've been relentlessly working through HTML/CSS for the starters. It isn't all a fearless experience, I had headaches the first day, and procrastination issues as well. But things are smoothing along very well and I've found my rhythm. Now I put the pedal to the metal with a clear goal in sight. I do tend to sleep a couple of hours extra now, but I don't mind that.

I did think of applying for a new job (lost my job due to COVID-19), but I do believe my time is much better spent on learning a new skill at the moment. I slacked for a couple of months after losing my job, and that was learned helplessness based on fear. Earlier, I did think what if I am not going for a job because of fear? But that's one thing that is way, way down. I don't spend much time thinking about what-ifs and whatnots anymore. I genuinely believe (after weighing the pros and cons) that I am better off doing what I am doing now. No further need to battle it out in my head.

I've been extremely relaxed since the very first day, and there hasn't been a change to that. In a nutshell, all good, can't ask for more really.
 
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