EP UMS Journal pt. 2

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I am on a 7 day bloom, 7 day carpetbomb routine. I have been running UMS for a while now.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Schedule messed up.

Had to bloom for a bit. Carpetbombing again for several days then blooming until it's all back on track.

I felt like progress was in such a state where I could not report anything until today.

I am making use of my rage towards a more productive form of going about things. I no longer view my anger as something that needs to be gotten rid of. Just harnessed, utilized and unleashed until it is exhausted. Within the right timing of course. Must be the part of the program that has you sublimating and healing anger.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Something is wrong...

I have been having an easy time doing the NoFap thing for the most part. I ended up deciding to jack off anyway tonight and even though I ejaculated, I derived NO PLEASURE from it whatsoever. Most mechanical orgasm I think I have ever experienced. I am worried that I may have done something during my hobbies to harm my energy body, but I wouldn't know how to diagnose it to be sure. All's I know is, it's like NoFap is easy because of a lowered sex drive. Wonder why?

[Zubrowka]

What you are describing is a school-book example of "the flatline". When you stop masturbating and watching porn, your brain need time to reset itself and find it's way back to create a sex drive on a natural way - i.e. not by being stimulated by porn. So for a while there, you will find yourself in a place where your brain isn't getting the stimuli it was once used to, and it at the same time don't have healed enough to provide a sex drive that is created from within. So - don't worry about things you are worried about regarding your sex drive, they are most likely, if not certainly, caused by your brain needing some time to heal - which can take everything from 3-18 months to achieve, depending on how long time you have conditioned your brain to be hooked on porn. Just have faith, and know that you don't have anything to worry about.

https://manvsfap.com/nofap-flatline/

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Thanks Zubrowka. That was really helpful amd very relieving tp hear! It'll probably take 18 months LOL thanks again.

[Zubrowka]

Thanks Zubrowka. That was really helpful amd very relieving tp hear! It'll probably take 18 months LOL thanks again.

No worries man. Time is on your side. 

I went 12 months without any relapse, then totally messed up for some weeks. Try not to fail, but if you would fail, don't beat yourself up to much, realize that you are doing an effort to improve yourself and you should be proud over that whatever happens. And then just get back up on the horse.

[Kol]

Yes, sounds like flatline. Also UMS might be in effect, to channel the energy into attainment of UMS goals. I remember Shannon writing something along those lines ( and from my own experience running UMS )

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Thanks man. I don't care for going on insanely long streaks like that anyway. Originally, my intention was just to do it like once every 3 days. If I go longer than that cool. I definitely find myself masurbating notably less though, which is good. Glad my brain's healing itself. Thanks Zubrowka.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Yes, sounds like flatline. Also UMS might be in effect, to channel the energy into attainment of UMS goals. I remember Shannon writing something along those lines ( and from my own experience  running UMS )

Oh yeah! I remember that. Thanks for reminding me. 

I should also note that I have recently masurbated and experienced real pleasure while masturbating, but not to porn. Instead, I find success with use of my imagination. I have foynd recently that one key facet to anger is unworkability. One feels a situation is unworkable and gets angry as a last ditch effort to kind of blow the walls open. This rarely makes thibgs better. The solution is to enter INTO the unworkability with a sense of strategy rather than anger, having faith there is a way to get what you want. The anger dissipates because it no longer serves a purpose as it cannot save you from tge unworkability you mive towards, nor needs to. One feels empowered because now one can use anger as a weathervain for thr truth of what one actually desires and then find a way to get it, knowing it can be done. After accepting this, I have found a useful method for manifestation called manifestation journaling/scripting. I actually think I remember Shannon saying something about that once. Anyway, making progress I feel. Although my routine for listening to UMS has been thrown off. 

I shall learn more about journaling/scripting dor LoA and report results as they come. 

Thank you guys fornyour support.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I have decided to get Overcoming Fear. It's exactlt what I need right now. Until then, I intend to find a way to get as far out of my comfort zone as possible to face fear head on, as my teacher advises. I have also decided to simply focus on getting my daily life in order to cultivate the discipline necessary to do so.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

After having to do a reset, this is day 1 of carpetbombing.

I am noticing how fear affects everything around me. And within me. I really want to heal my fear, but I do not know how. I cannot yet afford Overcoming Fear, but I AM working on getting a job to get up the money. If none of my current applications pull through, I may have to spend 30+ hours a week doing online audio transcriptions for $12 per hour.

Otherwise, here is my best solution: go out and cold approach beautiful women. The idea would be to face my fear of rejection. Whether ir not I get their number or rejected is beside the point. If anything, getting rejected may actually HELP to process my fear by realizing it. If I get their number, SCORE LOL!

If this does not work, my next solution is more drastic: jump out of a fucking plane. I was told last night by an ex-coworker friend of mine that jumping out of a plane cured his fear of heights. I dunno if it will help me to process my fear enough to make the transformation I wanted to make though. If it works as hoped, the fear should turn into a mixture of excitement, sexual arousal and sense of adventure as the unconscious becomes conscious. Otherwise, it is not extreme enough, in which case I don't know what to do.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Carpetbomb reset day 1. Dealing with the issue of moving on from past grievances and refocusing my attention on goals for myself. Asserting myself. Putting myself first. Focusing on who I should be focusing on: me.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

A lot has happened in terms of personal perspecrive change and discovery. I really ought to share some of the things I have learned, but there's so much to write down, I don't feel like it.

Still, I should probably share some of it.

@Shannon I have learned some things about fear. For one thing, it seems a big part of the perpetual fear regeneration and investment stems from us getting attached to our emotions thoughts and experiences, because doing so gives us a sense of validation, stemming from a need to retain a stable sense of identity, even though it is a false one. So long as we remain attached to these things, we are enslaved to the bondage of self reflection. I think if we can program to be willing to stop taking ourselves so seriously and investing in our "identity" and investing in these experiences and thinking they define us, we can do more to dismantle fear's grip.

What do you think about this?

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Carpetbombing shall restart tonight.

Much of my progress lately cannot really be talked about here, but has been really interesting!

I am finally really getting after it though and have gone through a very powerful healing experience lately.

I've finally started getting off my ass and "getting after it" as Jocko Willink might put it. Although I have been slacking as well, I am vacillating between slacking off/procrastinating and getting after it.

I am also looking into online money making strategies. Currently, Latium is looking rather promising. There is a possibility that I can make like $500 a month using Google Translate to do translation jobs on sites like Latium and Upwork.

Also looking at other job opportunities, but not as interested in those. Online money strategies are more interesting to me right now. Seems like there is more promise in those and more time and money and freedom and less bullshit I don't wanna do.