E5

[User_000]

I started using E5 due to my low self esteem issues and the consequences, the most that happened were dreams about stuff related to people, some insights for improving my emotional health and becoming more emotionally stable, now the problem is that I'm experiencing one of OF's symptom again (nasal congestion and pressure in my nose), I even considered to download OF again but the server didn't want me to do it, the download speed was almost 0 but guess what, any other program was just fine, that's just one of the physical effects of my emotional problems, there are others such as my PC not working that well when I feel disgusted or my cables not working or things going wrong or even when driving, I even started thinking there is something off about all this. Now I don't know if I should keep trying to download OF or continue with E5 or try with ASR again.

[User_000]

just a few moments after the first post I became an asshole (not that I wasn't for the last couple pf days) or rather I started to feel my hatred towards life and most important, myself, then I just try to feel it, comprehend why I feel this way, why I hate everything, this might not be the whole answer but it is something, it all comes down to the same problem, rejected by everyone since I was a kid and since that happened I wanted to be accepted so I became just as those people who were unable to accept me or rather accept that shadow of themselves which led myself to reject myself just as those people did, always doing what I was told, always trying to get their good side, to the point of believing the same as those motherfuckers, rejecting myself, doing what I was told even if didn't want to, to the point of believing that shit was more important than me, even now I'm angry, I'm very angry right now as I write this for those assholes and for being unable to break free from that, I can understand a little better the causes of my depression, I was feeling frustrated, no matter what I did it never changed a damn thing, those idiots were never happy, I was never happy and even if I did what I want I just felt guilt and shame as if I was doing something wrong, but now I'm done with that shit, they can go to hell (with "they" I refer to the part of myself that internalized those people), now I can start to loving myself for the first time in my life.

[User_000]

Something weird happened at night after waking up and took off the earphones for whatever reason only to put them on later, after some time I thought the volume was too low but then I grab the phone and holy shit, the loops already ended, then I took off the earphones and I still listened the trickling stream sound in my left ear until I made others sounds and became normal, after that my mind got an emotional crisis and my thoughts were a mess so goodbye to the rest of my sleep.

[ReconGunner]

E5 goes deep. Hang in there and ride it out.

[User_000]

I'm grateful it is not as bad as when I used OF, but now for the first time in ages I have stomach pain (only the pain), my routine is fucked up for a few days now, well, at least I learn that my nose symptom is just my body telling me I'm not doing so good at the current situation.