04-19-2019, 05:14 AM
23 nights of E3, 3 loops a night, hybrid, speakers.
I have just been focusing on my life and my goals. It is not easy to pin point what E3 is doing, but I feel like things are going on but I won't see until later on. I see it like creating all the individual thread and later on seeing what the threads have been creating.
On a top surface level, in a basic way things do seem easier for me, in just knowing what I got to do and just cracking on with it. My willpower has strengthened but some days are harder than others and if I do not accomplish what I have set out to do in the day then I feel down really quickly, as I am not doing what is required of me to move in the direction of my goals. If I mess up and don't do nothing in a day and then if I do everything the next day I feel much better and on track again, even though I have missed a day of not achieving what I set out to do. But I just see it as gently forcing myself to build new habits and as long as I get back on track as soon as I can, I am still making progress because it is better than nothing!
I have been using my mind to focus in a way that is more on the wanted aspects of my desires and have noticed that I am consciously, deliberately doing my best to focus my conscious mind in the right way. I have also been visualising daily directed towards my goals and aspects of what I want in life and also playing with intentions on daily basis (when I feel I am focusing on unwanted aspects of my life, I set intentions and focus on what I do want, which makes me focus my mind in a productive way).
I use to meditate quite a bit off and on before but in all honesty I have not done any meditation since starting E3, I have actually not felt the need to. Now and then I do breath work to centre myself because it feels good to get centred and to come back to that neutral place from time to time.
Because I have got better at consciously directing my mind at the wanted aspects of life and everything in it and have built up momentum in that regard, I am finding it easier now to move to the wanted aspects if my mind seems to drift into unwanted territory. I imagine if I keep this up, my external reality will reflect more of where my focus has been (the wanted aspects).
I suppose this is how I do test how E3 is working, because there has been moments (like today for example) where my mind would get triggered by something and it would go to a memory and then the yucky feelings would come up to do with that memory, perception and ultimately belief. So in this example it was to do with a previous girlfriend and something she did, which made me feel a certain way and made me see her, the relationship and myself in a certain way, which meant I believed it meant this, this and this. So in this example it is still there, so I know it has not been cleared but this example today I spent a maximum of 3 seconds focusing on in when it came up and I choose to focus on something else and choose to see that feeling, perception, belief as not the preferred realty and I chose a different one by focusing on something else. Why pay attention to something that is a false reality?
So yes things might be still there and now and then I might be aware of that but I am finding it easier to consciously redirect my mind and not dwell on that 'version' of reality. Because to me that is all it is, just one version of reality out of infinite versions, so I do not choose that reality no more, as that is not the reality I prefer.
One of my goals is to go to University next year and I am doing my best to crack on with and do what I got to do each day to achieve this, some days I am doing better than others but I am making progress, so that is the main thing. I have been on this dating app for about a month and I am actually meeting up with a girl on Monday for a 'coffee', now this is not me doing this, this is my sexual energy doing this, as I know I want to go to University next year and I do not want anything to come in that way of that (based on past experience) but it seems my penis has been secretly chatting with girls behind my back and has set up a date with a girl this Monday, a girl that is looking for a relationship. So I have this situation where my sexual energy wants what it wants and my logical mind has another plan of achieving my goals and going to University, which is a 4 year degree with the 2nd year studying abroad. It is weird because it seems like I am automatically doing this, I keep saying to myself I can do both and if I am in a relationship when I want to go to University, I can just end it. I am doing my best to 'blend' the desires together, so no matter what happens I am going to University next year, but I can still have all the nice stuff that comes with being in a relationship in the mean time.
Anyway, I am just going with the flow and doing what I got to do goal wise and my penis is obviously doing what he wants to do, which seems like a different direction, as it involves women, but my logical mind and my desire for the life that I envision for myself will win in the end, everything depends on it. The only way it could go really, really smooth is if I go to University next year and I meet a girl there in my class and she has the same plan as me. Then it could work because we are going in the same direction in life, which means we can be together and still achieve our goals.
I will go with the flow man. If my penis could hold off until I go to University next year then it would be a lot easier for me to focus and achieve my goals without anything getting in the way.
I have just been focusing on my life and my goals. It is not easy to pin point what E3 is doing, but I feel like things are going on but I won't see until later on. I see it like creating all the individual thread and later on seeing what the threads have been creating.
On a top surface level, in a basic way things do seem easier for me, in just knowing what I got to do and just cracking on with it. My willpower has strengthened but some days are harder than others and if I do not accomplish what I have set out to do in the day then I feel down really quickly, as I am not doing what is required of me to move in the direction of my goals. If I mess up and don't do nothing in a day and then if I do everything the next day I feel much better and on track again, even though I have missed a day of not achieving what I set out to do. But I just see it as gently forcing myself to build new habits and as long as I get back on track as soon as I can, I am still making progress because it is better than nothing!
I have been using my mind to focus in a way that is more on the wanted aspects of my desires and have noticed that I am consciously, deliberately doing my best to focus my conscious mind in the right way. I have also been visualising daily directed towards my goals and aspects of what I want in life and also playing with intentions on daily basis (when I feel I am focusing on unwanted aspects of my life, I set intentions and focus on what I do want, which makes me focus my mind in a productive way).
I use to meditate quite a bit off and on before but in all honesty I have not done any meditation since starting E3, I have actually not felt the need to. Now and then I do breath work to centre myself because it feels good to get centred and to come back to that neutral place from time to time.
Because I have got better at consciously directing my mind at the wanted aspects of life and everything in it and have built up momentum in that regard, I am finding it easier now to move to the wanted aspects if my mind seems to drift into unwanted territory. I imagine if I keep this up, my external reality will reflect more of where my focus has been (the wanted aspects).
I suppose this is how I do test how E3 is working, because there has been moments (like today for example) where my mind would get triggered by something and it would go to a memory and then the yucky feelings would come up to do with that memory, perception and ultimately belief. So in this example it was to do with a previous girlfriend and something she did, which made me feel a certain way and made me see her, the relationship and myself in a certain way, which meant I believed it meant this, this and this. So in this example it is still there, so I know it has not been cleared but this example today I spent a maximum of 3 seconds focusing on in when it came up and I choose to focus on something else and choose to see that feeling, perception, belief as not the preferred realty and I chose a different one by focusing on something else. Why pay attention to something that is a false reality?
So yes things might be still there and now and then I might be aware of that but I am finding it easier to consciously redirect my mind and not dwell on that 'version' of reality. Because to me that is all it is, just one version of reality out of infinite versions, so I do not choose that reality no more, as that is not the reality I prefer.
One of my goals is to go to University next year and I am doing my best to crack on with and do what I got to do each day to achieve this, some days I am doing better than others but I am making progress, so that is the main thing. I have been on this dating app for about a month and I am actually meeting up with a girl on Monday for a 'coffee', now this is not me doing this, this is my sexual energy doing this, as I know I want to go to University next year and I do not want anything to come in that way of that (based on past experience) but it seems my penis has been secretly chatting with girls behind my back and has set up a date with a girl this Monday, a girl that is looking for a relationship. So I have this situation where my sexual energy wants what it wants and my logical mind has another plan of achieving my goals and going to University, which is a 4 year degree with the 2nd year studying abroad. It is weird because it seems like I am automatically doing this, I keep saying to myself I can do both and if I am in a relationship when I want to go to University, I can just end it. I am doing my best to 'blend' the desires together, so no matter what happens I am going to University next year, but I can still have all the nice stuff that comes with being in a relationship in the mean time.
Anyway, I am just going with the flow and doing what I got to do goal wise and my penis is obviously doing what he wants to do, which seems like a different direction, as it involves women, but my logical mind and my desire for the life that I envision for myself will win in the end, everything depends on it. The only way it could go really, really smooth is if I go to University next year and I meet a girl there in my class and she has the same plan as me. Then it could work because we are going in the same direction in life, which means we can be together and still achieve our goals.
I will go with the flow man. If my penis could hold off until I go to University next year then it would be a lot easier for me to focus and achieve my goals without anything getting in the way.
